is it mean to say that i hate my sister!?!?!?

---

Posted by bigsister

---

Just for the record... this is a brides to be website...

Spying on your 25 year old sister is a bit much!

OMG- Did your sister come on this site, register, just to post something in response to your comments???

And I thought you were the one with '' nothing going on ''


PS- Your wedding sounds beautiful...just keep your eyes on the prize!!!

---

Posted by KimAMalone

WOW! That's low... agreed! KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE! You're wedding isn't about keeping everyone else happy and doing what everyone else wants. I'm sure your sister would throw a royal fit if anyone did that to her on her wedding day.

---

Thanks girls! And to be honest, i'm not letting it get to me too much. I have way too much on my plate right now to worry about it.

She's my sister and i love her, but she's going about this all wrong. Instead of calmy talking to me or calling me at home to talk to me, she calls me at work. Then she emails me on friday night and it's more of a defensive email than anything. She didn't ask for my side or my reasons for doing what i did. She just assumed and started the name calling. Then she came on here, created a phony profile and spied on me. That was crossing the boundaries and going a bit overboard IMO.

And there's no reason to say something with 54 days to go, except to be mean and to ruin this for me. If she had came to me months ago, maybe something could be different. But she has known that she wasn't in the wedding for months! Me going to her house a few months ago so she could show me the dresses she bought for the wedding... meant that she knew to me. But all of a sudden now there's a problem? And you know what... there's no rule that says that i have to have anyone in the wedding. Just because i was in hers, does mean that i have to have her in mine.

You guys break my heart to a million pieces.

I miss my sister so much. I would give anything to have her at my wedding.

---

Posted by bigsister

It's the internet, not a locked diary A, and you didn't need to create a persona in order to read the posts. When you put something on the internet it's not spying when someone clicks on the link. I didn't hack into the site for goodness sake, I was actually googling stuff with regard to wedding etiquette--morbid curiosity re what the etiquette is for rules for inclusion in the bridal party. and that's when I came upon the message board and your post.

I called you at work, you said you were too busy to talk and I said I needed for you to call me back because I needed to know why I wasn't in your wedding party because the girls were really upset that I wasn't and were refusing to participate, so if you wanted me to force them to do the right thing, I had to know why you didn't do the right thing by me. You told me you couldn't handle the question right now and hung up. And never called me back. I took that as an answer.

You were in my wedding eight years ago because you were my sister, and for me there wouldn't have ever been a choice--it was a given--I could have put others in your place, but you were my sister and that meant something to me that blood is thicker than water, whether you were younger than me or not. In fact , we included all family members in my wedding in one avenue or another.

You never told me I wasn't in your wedding, and me being the ultimate moron thought it was a no brainer... as you said you were coming to my house for meals, hanging with me for hours after the kids went to bed, showing me house plans, discussing wedding stuff. Why would you have thought I wouldn't think I was in your wedding?

I shouldn't have had to come to you and discuss it like some sort of begging dog, I'm your sister for God's sake.

Just the fact that you chose to omit me from your wedding speaks volumes and I can only assume it was because of the reason why we stopped talking two years ago, because of the lies you told to me and the ones you told my children to tell to me, the ones that could have put them in danger needlessly and when I told you what I needed from you to make things right, you refused, for two years, refusing to see the nieces that you said meant so much to you because you were unwilling to apologize as I saw fit when you had completely and utterly betrayed my trust with my children's safety. Finally, you did, and I never brought it up again, and I thought we had moved forward.

Re my dresses, when you didn't say anything, I figured maybe you were still figuring out who to have, so I carried on. It wouldn' t of been appropriate for me to ask, so I didn't but kept some sort of ridiculous thought in my head that it was just a matter of time.

Then I got a bridal shower card, from the 'bridal party' asking for my attendance at my lil sister's bridal shower and suddenly I realized I was nothing more than a faceless guest at your wedding, basically wanting my kids, but not me.

You have the groom's sister, a niece of the groom, some college buds, a half sis, and some childhood friends. And not me. and BTW, the girls were sick (C with a 103 fever) re your shower, I tried covertly to tell you that the day before.

After the shower, and the reason you didn't hear from me, was because I was trying to remain stoic and thought I could make it to the wedding as the mother of the flower girls. I guess I'm not that good of a person, as you've mentioned repeatedly, because it's torn me to bits knowing I mean so little to you on your most important day.

No there is no rule A, you can have whomever you want. I just never in a million years would have believed you wouldn't have wanted me there to stand beside you. I've done my very best to be an honest, decent and loving sister to you, sometimes telling you what you didn't want to hear, but always believing that I was doing the right thing by you since the day you were born.

And the girls, no matter how much I have tried to tell them two wrongs don't make a right, and that it would still be fun, they would get to dance, wear makeup, etc, they won't budge. As C said 'I can't believe your own sister would do that to you.' Other than tell her repeatedly it's between you and I and has nothing to do with them, they reply 'If you're not in it, I'm not in it.'

This will be your day, and I hope you have a great kicka** wedding. We just won't be there because it's too painful to know you didn't want me there beside you. Selfish, egotistical, self-centered, maybe guilty as charged. But protecting what's left of my heart, there is no other choice for me. And my family is standing by me. I'm sorry.

---

FIrst off.... this is between you and me... not this board. This board was created for brides to be to talk about wedding related issues (whatever that may be) and to be able to talk about them freely. You have since distroyed that for me.

Second... not once did you ask me why. Not once. You never came to me as my sister and asked and i would have explained why. Instead you pitched a fit, call me at work and tell me my nieces aren't going to be the flower girls. Keep in mind, i told you that i couldn't talk at work and you continued on. So what were you trying to accomplish there? You have my cell phone number and my home number, but yet you call me at work? You think that's appropriate? And you don't talk to me like you're my sister... you treat me like a 5 year old and you try to be my mother. I don't need a mother. I have one!

And it kills me that you didn't ask me why. You just like to think the worst of people and the worst of me. Clearly you don't know me at all and clearly you want to alienate the only person in our family who wants to have a relationship with you. And if you think for one second that i am some sort of vindictive person regarding 2 years ago... get over it. Stop living in the past because clearly you are. I'm not. People make mistakes and i have never claimed to be perfect. I know you've said that you try to be perfect, but the rest of us aren't. If you keep holding yourself up on that pedestal... you're going to fall pretty hard one of these days.

You're my sister and believe it or not, i love you. But the fact that you came on here to tell me that you're not coming to the wedding, speaks volumes. Who's being spiteful now?!?! You've already missed my graduation, my bridal shower and now you're going to miss my wedding because of a grudge? Because i don't do things the way you always want and demand? Well good luck finding that person. You are not my mother and we will not always agree on things, but sisters don't miss their sisters wedding because she couldn't wear some bridesmaid dress. I have never been shy about this wedding and what i want. I didn't want this wedding from the get go. I wanted to elope. And since we're not... well i'm going to do and make it the way i feel comfortable with. I won't apologize for that and i shouldn't have to. Last time i checked, this was steve and i's wedding. It's about the two of us. Has everyone forgotten that??? So if you're going to hold a grudge, as you like to do, than just know that you missing my wedding will do severe harm to our relationship. You're hurting the girls and you're hurting me. So by doing all of this... pulling the girls out of the wedding (and yes this was you influencing them), writing me an email telling me how horrible i am, and coming on here (the one place i can go to be anonymous), than you can't play the hurt card anymore. Because a hurt sister shows up to her sisters wedding, no excuses. Family is family and we all make mistakes. You simply just walk away. Do you really want to teach the girls that?

None of my business at all, take this to FM ladies.
Because, aliwnec10, you're right this is a place for helpful advice and anonymous ranting and raving and complaining... you don't want that taken away from you and who knows when somone is going to step in and click that little red triangle !!

And just a piece of advise... not that I know a whole lot about anything... leave the girls out of this... it's between the two of you not your nieces/daughters.
I wish you both the best of luck in trying to patch things up and leave it all in the past.

None of my business, but I just wanted to say that I am so sorry you guys are going through this and I hope you 2 will patch this up. It is the bride's decision who should be in the wedding party and that decision should be respected. There is no rule that any family member must be included and this should be handled in a more mature fashion.

ETA: I am sorry, but the reason I was compelled to write something is that my IL's pulled the same thing on us...they did not get what they wanted so they pulled their kids (FH's brother and sister) out of the wedding, claiming it was 'their decision'. That's a whole lot of conviction for a young kid.

we got the same thing from my IL's....

There children want to know why they aren't the flower girls' in Uncle Richie's wedding...

You cause in 20 yrs the kids want to be able to say I was my Uncle Richie's flower girl...

Don't think so