Is it ok to get engaged after 6 months of dating?

Original post by EJSD2006

Sep 29, 2006 11:13 AM

SIL has been dating this guy for about 6 months now and they are talking about getting married. They are both 30 and have great paying jobs so they are financially set. They are talking about buying a house already and getting a dog. I think it's great cause she hasnt had much luck with guys in the past, they've all been losers who never wanted to get serious. And lets be honest, she's no spring chicken, if she wants to have babies she should start pretty soon.

DH doesnt like the idea at all! he gets all upset, i think he's just being over protective of his big sister as usual. but i keep telling him that he should WANT her to be happy. He sais MIL wont have any part of it and will say its too soon.

What do you guys think? 6 months too soon???

Tiggeruth Posted: Sep 29, 2006 12:47 PM

Re: Is it ok to get engaged after 6 months of dating?

I do not think 6 months is too soon...I know two couples who got engaged like after less than a month and each have been married over 30 years...somethings you just know, ya know?

CaMacho Posted: Sep 29, 2006 12:54 PM

Re: Is it ok to get engaged after 6 months of dating?

Posted by Beanie571

Posted by stephanief

I think that is perfectly fine, especially at her age....congrats to them

'especially at her age'?? Are you kidding me? When did 30 become SO old?

She didn't say she was SO old.

I'm thinking she just meant that at least they aren't 18 and jumping into something when they aren't financially stable, etc.

july06bride Posted: Sep 29, 2006 12:56 PM

Re: Is it ok to get engaged after 6 months of dating?

Posted by CaMacho

Posted by Beanie571

Posted by stephanief

I think that is perfectly fine, especially at her age....congrats to them

'especially at her age'?? Are you kidding me? When did 30 become SO old?

She didn't say she was SO old.

I'm thinking she just meant that at least they aren't 18 and jumping into something when they aren't financially stable, etc.

exactly!

DH and I dated 4 1/2 years when we got engaged
we lived together for 2 years by the time we got married....
Total dating at wedding was 6 years...but I met him at 18 and we were friends....then bf/gf
we were young... but if we met when we were older we probably would not have dated as long

greenfreak Posted: Sep 29, 2006 01:00 PM

Re: Is it ok to get engaged after 6 months of dating?

Engaged after 6 months is one thing. Married after 6 months is another.

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I don't believe people who have been together less than 2 years should marry.

There's too many people who rush into marriage without REALLY knowing someone (good AND bad, after personality/life changes) with divorce being their back-up plan. Divorce should not be a back-up plan!!

I think if people got married later in their 20's, after being together for a few years, that might change. At least I hope so. I know too too many divorced people with kids stuck in the middle.

DandS Posted: Sep 29, 2006 01:02 PM

Re: Is it ok to get engaged after 6 months of dating?

I don't know about the rest of you, but about a month into my relationship with FH I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with him! We have been dating for 7 years, but we would have gotten married within 3 months of our relationship if we could have (financially we were not ready and we were young). I do not think 6 months is too soon to get engaged, and not for nothing, but they are not going to get married a month later probably. So they will probably be dating at least a year before they get married. I can see how some may think it is too soon, but only they know how they feel and if they are ready! Your DH and MIL should be happy that she found someone that makes her so happy (but again, I can understand their concern).

Bridex100 Posted: Sep 29, 2006 01:33 PM

Re: Is it ok to get engaged after 6 months of dating?

Posted by greenfreak

Engaged after 6 months is one thing. Married after 6 months is another.

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I don't believe people who have been together less than 2 years should marry.

There's too many people who rush into marriage without REALLY knowing someone (good AND bad, after personality/life changes) with divorce being their back-up plan. Divorce should not be a back-up plan!!

I think if people got married later in their 20's, after being together for a few years, that might change. At least I hope so. I know too too many divorced people with kids stuck in the middle.

I agree with this somewhat. I was head over heels in love with my ex bf when I was 22. Thank goodness we didn't get married. I would probably be divorced with a child by now if I did.

In the beginning stages of dating, you only see the good. You have to see both the good and bad to truly know what you are getting yourself into.

But I think when you are older, you have better judgment and are usually a better judge of character.

BEANS Posted: Sep 29, 2006 01:38 PM

Re: Is it ok to get engaged after 6 months of dating?

Posted by CaMacho

Posted by Beanie571

Posted by stephanief

I think that is perfectly fine, especially at her age....congrats to them

'especially at her age'?? Are you kidding me? When did 30 become SO old?

She didn't say she was SO old.

I'm thinking she just meant that at least they aren't 18 and jumping into something when they aren't financially stable, etc.

EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lools Posted: Sep 29, 2006 01:59 PM

Re: Is it ok to get engaged after 6 months of dating?

My parents were DUMB, they got married 13 DAYS after they MET!! And they were in their late 20s, you'd think they'd have known better! But sometimes age is just a number and age doesn't necessarily mean maturity.

However, I tend to think when you are super young and haven't had very many life experiences yet it is more dangerous to go into marriage with someone you've only known for a short time. My parents were married 23 years before they got divorced. HOWEVER, my mom believes that it would have worked out if my father didn't have a drinking problem. With that said, my FH's parents have been married 30 years tomorrow and they got married 4 months after they met. They have a BEAUTIFUL relationship and have gone through many illnesses and hardships together. Each of them have strong faith and a deep personal relationships with God which they say is the main reason for their success.

I say when you reach the point in your life where you've achieve a level of maturity that you are comfortable with yourself, you know yourself well and you have stability, then you are best prepared for marriage.

But still, one never knows, and it's only by the grace of God that most marriages work. Marriage is not a magic pill that makes problems go away. Life only gets more trying. I think having someone with whom you communicate well, you believe in, who believes in you; when each person takes responsibility for their actions, is honest and loyal, putting the other first and IMO most importantly believes in God and looks to HIM for help, rather than themselves, you will be secure in your marriage.

PHEW long run on sentence!

LIW ladies, let's change the course of marriage in this country! Divorce rates are waaaay too high! We can do something about that!

October Bliss Posted: Sep 29, 2006 02:17 PM

Re: Is it ok to get engaged after 6 months of dating?

Our timeline is very similar to Cindy's.

Met: November 4, 2004
First Date: January 28, 2005
Proposal: April 1, 2005
Ring: July 26, 2005
Wedding: October 8, 2006

olivia30 Posted: Sep 29, 2006 03:09 PM

Re: Is it ok to get engaged after 6 months of dating?

If he treats her right and is a good guy, I see nothing wrong with it. At the end of the day, all of the people who say 'its too soon' will be saying 'when are you getting married' the next day.

olivia30 Posted: Sep 29, 2006 03:10 PM

Re: Is it ok to get engaged after 6 months of dating?

Posted by Lools

LIW ladies, let's change the course of marriage in this country! Divorce rates are waaaay too high! We can do something about that!

DITTO

SAIL428 Posted: Sep 29, 2006 03:21 PM

Re: Is it ok to get engaged after 6 months of dating?

im completely in love with my FH, i fell in love with him on our first date, i knew from our first date i was going to marry him. just because he proposed less then a month into dating, doesn't mean we won't last. if you know who you want to be with for the rest of your life, you know. we have gotten to know each other more than we got to know each other in the few weeks were together before being engaged. but you always get to know someone more even if you've known them for your whole life. i live with my FH and i'm definitely not sick of him. normally by this time in any of my relationships i would be sick of whoever i was with. thats why i always thought i would never get married..then i met FH. there is nothing wrong with getting engaged early into a relationship. i'm sorry if this sounds kind of mean...im just cranky

TheBigDay Posted: Sep 29, 2006 03:22 PM

Re: Is it ok to get engaged after 6 months of dating?

Look at it this way, we have friends that got MARRIED in vegas after a week... didnt tell their parents then 'dated' a few months and got 'engaged' and got 'married' again!...

and they are the perfect couple... if it is right it is right..

Kara and Todd Posted: Sep 29, 2006 03:33 PM

Re: Is it ok to get engaged after 6 months of dating?

Well, she's 30... which means she's an adult and can make her own decisions... Nothing was said to paint this guy as a monster... so I don't think anyone has a place to try to talk her out of it.

And... she's just talking about getting married. I think many of us were talking about getting married and getting a house for a while before actually getting engaged and getting the house.

Sometimes people just know. Sometimes people jump in prematurely. Sometimes we just have to let people make their own choices.

Some people get divorced who got married too soon - plenty of people get divorced who waited a long to get married... We never know where life will take us. If she is happy and he seems like a good guy, I'd probably stay out of it. Saying something will not change anything and may strain your relationship (or FH's relationship) with her / them...

moonlithaze Posted: Sep 29, 2006 03:48 PM

Re: Is it ok to get engaged after 6 months of dating?

I don't think it's too soon at all. Sometimes you just know you've found the right one!

ssdbk Posted: Sep 29, 2006 03:54 PM

Re: Is it ok to get engaged after 6 months of dating?

I know many people who got engaged after a very short time. One couple got engaged after 6 weeks and they have now been married 11 years. I have some other friends who were together less than a year when they got engaged. However, it's just not my style. I wanted to enjoy and linger in each phase of our dating relationship. To each his/her own!

I think that one of the key things is that both parties agree on the timing. I had someone try to move to fast for me. I really cared for him but I was never comfortable in the situation. It ended in a bad way.

ETA: My approximate timeline with DH:

Met: Summer of 1998 (may have been introduced briefly in 1997)
Started to date: March 2003
Proposal: December 24, 2004
Married: November 12, 2005

Our total time from starting to date to marriage might even be the same as some people who got engaged quickly. So ,like I said, to each his/her own.

EJSD2006 Posted: Sep 29, 2006 05:04 PM

Re: Is it ok to get engaged after 6 months of dating?

I think the problem with MIL is that she got used to 'long dating'. me and DH were together almost 10 years by the time we got married...but we met when we were 17 and 18. if i had met DH when we were 25 or 26 we definitely wouldn't have waited 10 years. IMO, love is love and when you know you know. i just hope DH and MIL understand when she comes home and says shes engaged!!!! i'm expecting it to be any day now...

drpepper318 Posted: Sep 29, 2006 05:14 PM

Re: Is it ok to get engaged after 6 months of dating?

Congrats to them on finding love and happiness!!
Six months can definitely be enough time to 'know'... but really the only people who can make the judgment are the couple themselves!!!

sr081906 Posted: Sep 29, 2006 05:34 PM

Re: Is it ok to get engaged after 6 months of dating?

Posted by greenfreak

Engaged after 6 months is one thing. Married after 6 months is another.

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I don't believe people who have been together less than 2 years should marry.

There's too many people who rush into marriage without REALLY knowing someone (good AND bad, after personality/life changes) with divorce being their back-up plan. Divorce should not be a back-up plan!!

I think if people got married later in their 20's, after being together for a few years, that might change. At least I hope so. I know too too many divorced people with kids stuck in the middle.

I have to disagree with this. DH and I were both married before so NO we did not want to rush into another bad relationship. We got married just a little bit after the 1 year mark of our first date. We DID know after a couple of months or so that we were heading in the right direction. We both had the same goals, so we pretty much made it clear from the beginning what we were looking for. We knew after about 4 months that we were heading to marriage. He proposed after 7 months and married 6 months after our engagement. He is everything I would have hope for a husband.