Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

Original post by BellaEyes

May 24, 2006 03:12 PM

Isn't customary thoughts kinda old school now? What's wrong with a bride choosing who SHE wants as her bridesmaids? Why would you feel you HAVE to pick his sisters to be in the bridal party? Someone told me its customary and I am not so sure I agree with this.

I would want to pick my BM's if their my friends, sisters. People that I am close with not sisters of his that I am not even close with! Well one more than the other but still I am not expecting him to choose any of my uncles as any part of his groomsmen! I am saying this because I have no siblings and even if I did I don't think it's my place to tell him who he chooses as his groomsman.

This just rubs me the wrong way.

anglbyme Posted: May 24, 2006 06:29 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

My FH has a sister and I chose not to have her in my BP. I am having her son as the RB and daughter as a Jr. but my FH is having one of my brothers. (out of 2) It is up to you.

bethnsul2000 Posted: May 24, 2006 06:37 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

My future FH sisters are both in the bridal party. Actually, one is my MOH. However, I really like both the girls. They are so sweet and my FH is close with them and really wanted them in the bridal party (which I all ready was doing). If I didn't like them though, don't really think they would be in the bridal party. My brother is one of the grooms man, and I have only 1 sibling, so I told my FH it was a must. If they didn't get along or I didn't get along with my brother, I don't know that I would make my FH have my brother as a groomsman.

That really stinks when there is problems with siblings.

My FH's also has a brother who HATES me, so he is not invited to the wedding at all. Every family has drama.

EJSD2006 Posted: May 24, 2006 07:01 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

Posted by CLMon7906

honestly, i had never heard of such practice UNTIL i was engaged to FH. i would never insist that he have my brother (if i had one) as his groomsman. it's wacky to me.

i agree, i don't consider it a MUST that his sister(s) be in your BP or your brothers in his. however, i was not close to FH's sister when we got engaged (and that's was after almost 8 years of dating!) but i wanted to get to know her better since she was going to be in my life permanently. so i asked her to be one of my BM's and since then we have become VERY close! she talks to me more than to FH now! so in the end, i'm glad i asked her to my BM but it's definitely not mandatory!

debbiedee77 Posted: May 24, 2006 07:09 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

You don't have to. I didn't. I'm not close to my husband's sister. Actually, I had my husbands brother's wife as one of my bridesmaids but not his sister. I'm very close to her. I hardly talk to his sister because of distance.

kittythestray Posted: May 24, 2006 07:15 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

I have his sister's doing readings. I'm just not close to them.

debsey75 Posted: May 24, 2006 07:54 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

Yes, from what I hear it is 'expected'. However, I knew all along who I was and was not having in my BP so I said from the beginning, you pick the GM you want and I will pick the BM I want. We ended up with 6 men and 5 girls. Of course FMIL said, it would be nice if FSIL was asked and then it would be even. I listened to the words come out of her mouth and that was it. I never even commented.
We are now 5 months away and we still have the 5 girls I want and the 6 men is wants.
Remember, it is YOUR day, do what makes you happy.

LaurenluvsTJ Posted: May 24, 2006 09:10 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

I didn't. I barely know her - she lives in Buffalo, and when we got engaged I think I had met her once. Her daughter is our FG though, and she is doing a reading so she is still part of the wedding, because she IS FH's sister.

larryswife2be Posted: May 24, 2006 09:25 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

My FH has two sisters and since we have been together for 12 years!!! I considered it necessary to include them in my BP.

AlwaysSnow Posted: May 24, 2006 11:16 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

Posted by Soon2BeMrs2006

Posted by Love4Eva

maybe im old-fashioned - but i think it is customary - and respectful of you to do it for your FH - if it was a cousin - FINE - but a brother or sister - i believe would have to be in the BP

I agree

me too, I would not have been happy if DH didn't ask my brother to be in our wedding party.

tracy2246 Posted: May 25, 2006 09:04 AM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

my sil is my MOH but she is the best-my FSIL on the other hand was in the BP and then we edged her out and she has been nothing but a nightmare since. Everyday it changes -she can't decide if she is comming to the wedding or not...whatever. I say it depends on the relationshiip you have with the person.

ewickens Posted: May 25, 2006 09:09 AM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

It's not customary - just a nice thought is all. I am NOT having my one SIL in the wedding b/c she and I can't stand one another, but my other brother's wife is my MOH.

Think of it this way - as was explained to me - on your wedding day - you will be stressed, relaxed, anxious, etc - you NEED to surround yourself with those people you love and know how to make you laugh and smile and calm you down when things seem too hard to handle, etc! NOT with people who you just asked to please someone else!!

tbtmickey Posted: May 25, 2006 09:16 AM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

I chose all three of my sister-in-law's as bridesmaids, but we're really close, I see them as sisters. But my one sister in law (soon to be) said that for her wedding she did it to kind of get close to her future sister in law, made her MOH, and wishes she didn't as they barely talk anymore. But I think it's totally up to the bride!

BellaEyes Posted: May 25, 2006 09:17 AM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

Posted by ewickens

It's not customary - just a nice thought is all. I am NOT having my one SIL in the wedding b/c she and I can't stand one another, but my other brother's wife is my MOH.

Think of it this way - as was explained to me - on your wedding day - you will be stressed, relaxed, anxious, etc - you NEED to surround yourself with those people you love and know how to make you laugh and smile and calm you down when things seem too hard to handle, etc! NOT with people who you just asked to please someone else!!

OMG you hit the nail right on the head.. as they say.. I did ask his sisters to please my FH. If I did not feel so pressured into asking them months ago I would have had just one person. I did not want a whole big bridal party but he did I guess because he has 5 siblings. Too late now, the damage is done. They have already been asked so it's not like I can change anything now, except to deal with it. It's bugging me b/c I am kinda resenting FH for this. I will get over it. It's just that like you said I will need people who I know that can laugh and make me smile and calm me down and one of them, I just don't feel is going to help matters. She is very whiney and very immature for her age. Anyway, thanks for the advice girls.

ali120206 Posted: May 25, 2006 09:22 AM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

You can do anything you both want BP wise. But, remember it's FH's bridal party too and these girls will be your family.

My cousin is 15 and is in my wedding party and my cousin's wedding party next May and she's loving it! All of my other BPs are OOT so she's gone with me to pick out dresses, to my hair trial and everything. So even though these girls are younger, they might be more excited and more available than some of your older BMs.

CaCRmr Posted: May 25, 2006 09:24 AM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

My Dh has 3 'grown' sisters... in their 40's. I have a wonderful relationship with them but they knew they weren't going to be in my BP. Especially because I wanted a small bridal party, I only had my sister and my cousin.

kathrynlinton Posted: May 25, 2006 09:57 AM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

I don't think you HAVE to, and if you really don't like them then don't have them.

After some experiences I have had with bridal parties, I chose to only have family members in my BP (our BP. we had ONE non family member). My sister was my MOH and my DH's sisters were my BM's and Jr. BM. The way I see it is that family is family and you are stuck with them ( )

But I don't think anyone would be considered a bad bride if they did not put their FH's sisters in their wedding parties.

R&J0806 Posted: May 25, 2006 09:58 AM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

i don't know about being customary, i just thought its a nice gesture.

utwo16 Posted: May 25, 2006 10:02 AM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

You should do whatever you want to do. But if it is important to your FH, then you could consider doing it for him. My FH is having my 2 brothers in his wedding party because it is really important to me and because I am very close to them.

pigs222seal Posted: May 25, 2006 10:46 AM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

Posted by Love4Eva

maybe im old-fashioned - but i think it is customary - and respectful of you to do it for your FH - if it was a cousin - FINE - but a brother or sister - i believe would have to be in the BP

I feel the same way..JMO. I have two brothers and at there part of the wedding party. FH has no sisters, but whether I like them or not, I would have them in the wedding party as well. I guess, its a respect thing.

Also, FH and his older brother barely see eye to eye, but FH has his brother as his Best Man.....you just have to do whats right sometimes.