Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

Original post by BellaEyes

May 24, 2006 03:12 PM

Isn't customary thoughts kinda old school now? What's wrong with a bride choosing who SHE wants as her bridesmaids? Why would you feel you HAVE to pick his sisters to be in the bridal party? Someone told me its customary and I am not so sure I agree with this.

I would want to pick my BM's if their my friends, sisters. People that I am close with not sisters of his that I am not even close with! Well one more than the other but still I am not expecting him to choose any of my uncles as any part of his groomsmen! I am saying this because I have no siblings and even if I did I don't think it's my place to tell him who he chooses as his groomsman.

This just rubs me the wrong way.

waterspout4 Posted: May 25, 2006 11:10 AM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

I was in one brother's wedding because I was close to his wife. My other brother moved away and met his wife in another state. I met her once, so I wasn't in their wedding. It all depends on the circumstances.

franksgirl323 Posted: May 25, 2006 11:25 AM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

In my case, I am very close with my brother and really wanted him as part of the wedding. FH agreed (a bit reluctantly)...and then i agreed (as a compromise) to put his 2 sisters in. He really didnt force the issue...but I felt it the fair trade off.

mskittynj Posted: May 25, 2006 11:33 AM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

Posted by BellaEyes

Isn't customary thoughts kinda old school now? What's wrong with a bride choosing who SHE wants as her bridesmaids? Why would you feel you HAVE to pick his sisters to be in the bridal party? Someone told me its customary and I am not so sure I agree with this.

I would want to pick my BM's if their my friends, sisters. People that I am close with not sisters of his that I am not even close with! Well one more than the other but still I am not expecting him to choose any of my uncles as any part of his groomsmen! I am saying this because I have no siblings and even if I did I don't think it's my place to tell him who he chooses as his groomsman.

This just rubs me the wrong way.

Well I have to say I agree with you. I think brides should choose whoever they want to, not ask someone because they feel they have an obligation to them. BUT
(of course theres always a but) People tend to get offended if they are FH's siblings and are not in the Bridal party. I can understand that. After all If I had a brother I think I would probably feel nice if he as asked (But in no way would I be offended if he wasn't) My FH has 2 sisters which I get along with on and off, one more than the other. I asked one to be in it even though in the bottom of my heart I diddn't want to. I did it out of respect for him. He is very close with his sisters and because I love him I wanted to make them feel welcome. PLUS, I have to live with their presence as long as we're married, I would be awkwards if I didn't ask them. I ended up asking the other one as well because we patched some things up that were bothering me.
Bottom line, It's your day do what you want. But be aware that your actions have repercussions and you might make you 'In law' life uncomfortable if you choose not to include them in your wedding.
IT STINKS! But that's the way it is!
XOXOXO
Kitty

diamondgrlie Posted: May 25, 2006 11:38 AM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

I felt obligated. I think to avoid any possible bad feelings from FH before the marriage begins its best to (in some cases) 'bite the bullet' and ask them to be a BM.

Mandyin2007 Posted: May 26, 2006 10:34 AM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

My FH and his sister are a year apart and grew up very close. I took a long time to think about what place I wanted her to have in my wedding party and I chose to have her and my older sister serve as Maid and Matron of Honor because my FH and her relationship is just as strong as mine and my sisters. It is a little unconventional, but it has been the best decission I have made so far. She is very hands on and gives great advice.

You need to do what to feel comfortable with. However you also need to compromise with your husband and see what he feels is best.

MrsH1156 Posted: May 26, 2006 10:37 AM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

I think it's more out of courtesy than custom. My FSIL is one of my BM's but that is just because we've become very close to one another. I think a bride should be able to choose whomever she wants.

LBride Posted: May 26, 2006 02:03 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

If your finace is close to her than I think it's the right thing to do to include them in the bridal party for him. My FH asked my brother because I'm very close to him and want him up there with me, I picked FH's sister as well. Whether you're close to them now or not, they'll be family soon and part of your life forever.

SweetCin704 Posted: May 26, 2006 02:17 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

FH is an only child but he was extremely close w/ his 3 girl cousins growing up, seeing e/o ALL the time. This is my 2nd marriage & I felt I didn't want the same girls as my first time around. I included ALL 3 of his cousins (& he chose their hubbies) but now seeing how busy they are w/ their families & such & FH had some issues w/ the hubbies, we probably would have chosen friends if we did it all again.

jellybean1420 Posted: May 26, 2006 03:30 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

I think it is definetely your decision and it is also based on your relationship with them. However, if you decide not to ask them, they may feel hurt and so may FH's parents. If his parent think 'old school' they may just expect for them to be in the bridal party.

Also, although you are not close with them now, having them in your bridal party may given you a chance to bond with them and grow a relationship. Just a thought!

bridget&jimmy Posted: May 26, 2006 03:51 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

Posted by SweetCin704

FH is an only child but he was extremely close w/ his 3 girl cousins growing up, seeing e/o ALL the time. This is my 2nd marriage & I felt I didn't want the same girls as my first time around. I included ALL 3 of his cousins (& he chose their hubbies) but now seeing how busy they are w/ their families & such & FH had some issues w/ the hubbies, we probably would have chosen friends if we did it all again.

My situation is similiar DH has 4 girl cousins that he was very close to like sisters, and I decided to have them because it meant a lot to my FH, and he was in 3 of the cousins wedding the 4th is getting married next year.