Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

Original post by BellaEyes

May 24, 2006 03:12 PM

Isn't customary thoughts kinda old school now? What's wrong with a bride choosing who SHE wants as her bridesmaids? Why would you feel you HAVE to pick his sisters to be in the bridal party? Someone told me its customary and I am not so sure I agree with this.

I would want to pick my BM's if their my friends, sisters. People that I am close with not sisters of his that I am not even close with! Well one more than the other but still I am not expecting him to choose any of my uncles as any part of his groomsmen! I am saying this because I have no siblings and even if I did I don't think it's my place to tell him who he chooses as his groomsman.

This just rubs me the wrong way.

neener1211 Posted: May 24, 2006 03:41 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

My FH's sister is not in the bridal party, but my sister is my maid of honor, and my brother is a groomsman. It just depends on who you are close to. You don't have to do it in any certain way.

Katie&Chris2006 Posted: May 24, 2006 03:49 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

It's not customary, but a nice gesture. Of course I don't have any FSIL's so maybe it's a bit easier for me to give an opinion! FH's best friend (a female) is in my BP, however. (It helps that I absolutely LOVE her!)

Your day, your way!

BellaEyes Posted: May 24, 2006 03:50 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

Well... it's too late they were already asked months ago but it still bothers me as to how I felt pressured into asking them just to make my FH happy and because it was the 'nice' thing to do.
All in all, if I had it my way..I just would have had my MOH and that's it.. but could not do that anyway b/c Fh has 3 brothers that he would want to pick as his groomsman and has done so.

Oh well, I just wanted to get your views on the 'Customary' thing. Thanks!

EGreene79 Posted: May 24, 2006 03:55 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

I think it depends on the relationship. My FH and I are sort of treating the bridal party as one - not HIS GMs and MY BMs. I am very close to my brothers, so I'd be a little upset if they weren't involved in the wedding. FH was probably going to ask anyway, but I would have insisted. As far as his sister, we're friendly, and I wouldn't have felt right not asking her.

Tatum&Steve Posted: May 24, 2006 04:01 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

Posted by melissa&carmine

I didn't think so before I got engaged. I have no relationship with FSIL but FH will not hear of not asking her to be in the BP...I have been putting off asking her for months

I am in the EXACT SITUATION!!! HELP! lol He has 2 sisters, I have 5 friends I want in BP, and he has no idea who he wants in HIS, which will probably be only a few, which means my friends get cut!??! PLUS they both live out of state! What a pain that will be!!! AND I don't really think they wan to be wearing strapless dresses at 43 & 46...at least I know one of them will not be happy! UGH WHAT DO I DO!!! PLEASE HELP!!!

I was so excited when I saw this TOPIC, I was hoping it would give me a solid answer! lol

MissingTheBGene Posted: May 24, 2006 04:19 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

Posted by Soon2BeMrs2006

Posted by Love4Eva

maybe im old-fashioned - but i think it is customary - and respectful of you to do it for your FH - if it was a cousin - FINE - but a brother or sister - i believe would have to be in the BP

I agree

I agree as well, especially if it was important to my FH.

October Bliss Posted: May 24, 2006 04:19 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

My BP consists of my sister as MOH, and two friends. One I have known for 28 years, the other for 15 years (neither of whom live in NY any longer, but we have still maintained the friendship, and thank goodness the wedding hasn't done any harm to it). FH has two sisters - one is a grandmother already. I couldn't very well ask one without the other, and frankly didn't really want to ask either. Not one member of either family suggested I should. I have two brothers. One is walking me down the aisle, (and I'm sure his wife of 25+ years is bent I didn't ask her to be in my BP) but it would never occur to me to ask FH to put the other in his BP.

IMO, it's a nice gesture, but NOT by any means a requirement.

kateretak2 Posted: May 24, 2006 04:21 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

I ended up with a larger wedding party than I had originally envisioned because of this (8 BMs & GMs!) but I thought it was the right thing to do, especially since my brother not being in his seemed wrong to me. It's more like 'our bridal party' than 'my Bridesmaids'. But everyone has their own situation.

June12007bride Posted: May 24, 2006 04:23 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

I 'm not really sure if it's customary but I'm having FH's sisters in mine. We are not as close as I would like to be but I think it's a really nice touch in terms of bringing 2 families together. My brother will also be in the BP and FH and him aren't close either.

June12007bride Posted: May 24, 2006 04:25 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

Posted by Tsalice

Posted by melissa&carmine

I didn't think so before I got engaged. I have no relationship with FSIL but FH will not hear of not asking her to be in the BP...I have been putting off asking her for months

I am in the EXACT SITUATION!!! HELP! lol He has 2 sisters, I have 5 friends I want in BP, and he has no idea who he wants in HIS, which will probably be only a few, which means my friends get cut!??! PLUS they both live out of state! What a pain that will be!!! AND I don't really think they wan to be wearing strapless dresses at 43 & 46...at least I know one of them will not be happy! UGH WHAT DO I DO!!! PLEASE HELP!!!

I was so excited when I saw this TOPIC, I was hoping it would give me a solid answer! lol

Maybe you'll get lucky and they will decline.

SPITSBRIDE Posted: May 24, 2006 04:31 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

I am very comfortable with my SIL, aside from feeling comfortable with her I decided to choose her as a BM out of respect for my DH being she wasn't in any of his siblings weddings and he would be the last to get married.

You can do whatever you'd like, I wouldn't say it's 'customary' but is mainly based on the bride/groom's personal preference.

sarahradio5 Posted: May 24, 2006 04:32 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

I did... and my brothers are in his BP.

ccraz Posted: May 24, 2006 04:34 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

I too, was so excited to see this post..I am in the exact situation with FH's sister, and this has been haunting me since we got engaged..I have felt that I was the only one not doing the 'nice/right' thing
This decision was a joint one..my FH insisted that he wanted a small BP, and that was exactly what we did! His 2 brothers are his BM, and my 4 very close GF's are mine I think that it shouldn't be a popularity contest about how big your BP is.
Also, it is 'our' day and WE should make the decision on who we want etc., without the the entre world getting involved..it really is no one's business..
I can't tell you how many looks I've gotten when people have asked me who my girls were, and they heard the answer..'Doesn't he have a sister?' or 'What about his sister?' So, what about her???
What really matters most is to choose people who mean the most, and that you are close to To each is own..
Thanks for listening girls

DanNette Posted: May 24, 2006 04:38 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

I think it is respectful to do this. Fh is including my only brother and I am including his only sister. We are both close with our siblings. It depends on your relationship, it is your day....have it your way!

iBCraZ131 Posted: May 24, 2006 04:40 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

I think that it was a customary thing to have each others brothers and/or sisters in the bridal party. However, I think that thinking has kind of gone to the wayside. I had this same problem. I am the oldest of three and I have two younger brothers (21 and 15) FH is not close with either one of them and we decided not to have them in the bridal party. However when I mentioned that to my dad, he was pretty mad that we weren't because he felt that it was traditional to have family in each other's bridal parties. Do whatever will make YOU happiest on your day. Don't worry about old traditions or other people's thoughts on what you should be doing.

Beth1210 Posted: May 24, 2006 04:46 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

in an italian family I would say yes- it's customary

my Sister was my MOH- and I will be hers
my brother was a groomsman- he didn't go to the bachlor party
my sister BF was an usher

I even had my brothers now finace in my bridal party- and I am glad I did- it was a great way to get to know her better-

me and my sister are bridesmaids in my brothers upcoming wedding

and if my DH had a sister she would have been a BM too- I would have been upset if he didn't have my brother- that's not a great way to start blending the 2 families together IMO

ayadali Posted: May 24, 2006 04:56 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

I did and I wish I hadn't since my FSIL has not been helpful at all. She picked expensive places for the bridal shower and then expected my MOH to foot the bill. She got upset when my MOH asked her to contribute $100 toward the bridal shower (even though she was proposing ideas that cost over $1000). Even though I wanted a tea length BM dress, she kept picking out long dresses and TRIED THEM ALL ON to make me feel guilty. Now she is MIA from all the planning, oh except to say that she was really excited when I added a new BM last minute b/c now there is someone else to split the cost of everything. Mind you, I have not asked my BMs to spend a dime on anything other the BM dresses which I paid for upfront and have not been reimbursed for yet.

SOOOOO I say F tradition and do what you want. It will save a lot of aggravation.

i102bcute Posted: May 24, 2006 05:20 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

My FH has 2 sisters are not my bridesmaids but I would like them to do the readings.

weddingbunny Posted: May 24, 2006 06:12 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

I don't know about 'customary,' but I don't think you should have to.

People forget what the bridal party is really about - they think it's about looking pretty in front of the crowd on the wedding day - but that's not it at all. The bridal party is about being there for the bride when she needs you, being her support and her strength when she doubts herself, yanking on the laces on her corset dress and making sure they're tight enough, and all kinds of things in between. Therefore, the bridal party should be people the bride can count on, people she wants by her side on that day.

So, I think if you have no relationship with your fiance's sisters, it's stupid to have to include them in your bridal party, and it's honestly a headache and an expense for them.

I remember getting so mad at one of my roommates (who I thankfully no longer live with) when she started complaining about how her brother's girlfriend (not even his fiance yet!) had said to somebody who was overheard by somebody who told my roomate's sister who told her (yeah, so, basically, a random ridiculous comment) that she didn't want to have my roomate and her sister as bridesmaids - then my roomate went on and on about how much she hates this girl and blah blah blah - and all I could think was, if you hate her so much, why would you want to be her bridesmaid?
People need to remember that being a bridesmaid is WORK, and it's work you do out of love for the bride - so if you don't have a good relationship with the bride, don't be a bridesmaid!

also, just to add - I think that if somebody wants their sibling in their wedding that badly, and their fiance has no relationship with that sibling, then they should just have the sibling in their own wedding party. My brother will be in my bridal party - he's MY brother, and therefore it makes sense to me to have him stand up on my side. He and my fiance get along, but they don't know each other all that well, so that just wouldn't make sense to have him be a groomsman.

NY031978 Posted: May 24, 2006 06:20 PM

Re: Is it really customary to choose your FH sisters as your Bridemaids?

i dont care what it is...its how i wanted it! lol
hes having my 2 bros...and he may even have my bro in law

but i also am having his sister and sis in law on my side!

i felt bad pickin 1 and leavin another out..so i decided to just have them all. didnt want more than 5 ppl max but we have 7! oh well..ill deal!!