Is it rude when people . . .

Original post by 12-3Princess

Sep 10, 2005 08:35 AM

skip the ceremony and only attend the reception? I'm of course only talking about when the two are in different places, e.g., like when the ceremony is at a Church or Temple and the reception is elsewhere.

thanks!

jilmadison Posted: Sep 10, 2005 01:04 PM

Re: Is it rude when people . . .

YES! I think that is very rude. When you get an invitation to a wedding the ceremony is what you get invited to. The reception is just the celebration AFTER the event

Goldi1021 Posted: Sep 10, 2005 01:15 PM

Re: Is it rude when people . . .

Posted by prinses777

I think it kind of depends...

If the wedding is on a Friday... I think it is OK, it is really hard for people to take off or leave super early to go to a wedding... Especially when you have 5 in the same yr... All around the same time (Like I did this summer)

I still did take off and go... But I know it was hard for a lot of other people.

As for Sat and Sun weddings... I think people should def attend out of respect.

I agree with this. My brother got married on a Friday evening in May and his guests who ran from work were walking down the aisle with him - NOT COOL.

I wouldn't lump Temple weddings in the same category as church weddings though as the first post says. MOST Temples have a catering facility and the cocktail hour immediately follows the ceremony at the same location.

Unless you are working, if you can't be on time for a wedding that starts on a Saturday night at 7 pm when you get an invitation 8-10 weeks prior then you would have to question whether or not you really want to be there in the first place. My invitation calls for 7pm knowing full well people are late ALL THE TIME. The ceremony isn't scheduled until 7:30. Small snacks (not cocktail hour stuff) will be served for those who are actually on time. The maitre'd is under strict instructions that as soon as the doors close in the sanctuary at 7:30, NOBODY is to walk through the doors. I want to walk down the aisle by myself, not with someone who can't manage time properly.

mclane Posted: Sep 10, 2005 02:02 PM

Re: Is it rude when people . . .

I don't think its rude.

I think that its completely unrealistic to have a wedding at 2 or 3 pm and a reception CH hour to start at 7pm and expect your guests to go to both. It just isn't fair, especially to your OOT guests. Where are they supposed to go for the time gap in between?

That's one of the reasons I didn't book with a few of the places I looked at. They just wouldn't budge on the 7pm start time, and my church time is 2:30pm. You can't expect people with little kids to do that. The kids are going to get ansty if they're coming, and if they aren't, you have to figure that they would have to make accommodations for those kids from at least 2pm to 11pm at night. Some people don't have family to help, and babysitters cost about 10 bucks and hour these days.

I went to a wedding where the church time was at 3 and the CH was at 7. The brides parents had a hospitality party in between for everyone. It was very nice of them. . . but everyone showed up to the reception hall drunk, because it was just cocktails and no food.

The other thing is that we're at the mercy of these reception halls. You know why they don't budge on the 7pm start time? Because they do afternoon weddings- not so that you can take your pictures. A good photographer doesn't need all of that extra time.

As much as the wedding is a day for us and our FH, you have to be considerate.

Nadia Posted: Sep 10, 2005 03:55 PM

Re: Is it rude when people . . .

Posted by ChristineAE

I don't think it's rude at all...but then again, I do sometimes skip the ceremony and go straight to the reception.

For a few reasons:
- if the reception and ceremony are hours apart and in different locations
- I'm not that close to the couple

same here

fabsfiance Posted: Sep 10, 2005 06:12 PM

Re: Is it rude when people . . .

It's funny that you brought this up. I was having an argument with a friend of mine about this the other day. I think it is EXTREMELY RUDE to only attend the party.The ceremony, where we say our vows is the most important part of the wedding. If that isn't important enough to my guests I would rather them not show up at all. If it is an extreme situation then I would deal with it. Otherwise I would consider it a slap in the face for someone to only show up for the party.

Jen2999 Posted: Sep 10, 2005 07:31 PM

Re: Is it rude when people . . .

I dunno.. I think it is ok. In any case the people are coming to celebrate with you. Unfortunately not everyone is into the religious aspect of it.

PegaLega Posted: Sep 10, 2005 08:00 PM

Re: Is it rude when people . . .

Thats a tough one...I am having my ceremony at 4 and my reception doesnt start until 630...so I would hope that everyone would be at the ceremony but it is a friday and I am sure that people arent going to be able to get off of work to make it. At the same time...it is my wedding ceremony and the whole point is to celebrate our marriage...so it can go either way.
If people dont go to your ceremony just b/c I think its a whole other thing

Boop2704 Posted: Sep 10, 2005 09:03 PM

Re: Is it rude when people . . .

I was actually shocked at my wedding when they opened the doors for me to walk down the isle. I could not believe how many people came to the church. I felt so lucky. I have never seen, in all the weddings I have been to, a lot of people show up to the church!!

BriBri529 Posted: Sep 10, 2005 09:04 PM

Re: Is it rude when people . . .

I don't necessarily feel it is rude . . .

Junebride06 Posted: Sep 10, 2005 09:13 PM

Re: Is it rude when people . . .

I think it's rude if you make a point of not going just because you don't want to....
BUT
Sometimes, as others have said, it really can't be helped! For example, a fairly good friend of mine had her ceremony in Port Jefferson at 4:00 and her reception at East Wind at 7:00. I don't live anywhere near either!!! So I would have had to take an hour drive to the ceremony, drive home an hour, then take another hour drive to the reception. My point is, as much as I would have liked to go, it really wasn't possible.

cutie@chateau briand Posted: Sep 10, 2005 09:20 PM

Re: Is it rude when people . . .

I totally think thats wrong when people do that.

candb Posted: Sep 10, 2005 09:36 PM

Re: Is it rude when people . . .

I think it is rude. What's ruder though is showing up to the church in jean shorts and a t-shirt and then in a gown or tux for the reception. Although here in NY we make a big thing about the reception, it still is the ceremony that is important!

BKtoLI Posted: Sep 10, 2005 09:57 PM

Re: Is it rude when people . . .

Posted by Goldi1021

I agree with this. My brother got married on a Friday evening in May and his guests who ran from work were walking down the aisle with him - NOT COOL.

This very much reminds me of my cousin's (MOH) wedding. I was her MOH, so I was walking down the aisle alone before her.

Well right before I walked down, her grandparents showed up and walked down the aisle to get to their seats. As I was walking down the aisle, they were STILL in the aisle maneuvering to their seats. I had to actually walk around them to get by!! The photographer had a heck of a time trying to get that shot!! Everyone was laughing, but I found it to be pretty rude.

They could have easily been a few seconds later and interrupted my cousin's walk down the aisle!!!

marymoon Posted: Sep 11, 2005 12:52 AM

Re: Is it rude when people . . .

I think it is totally 100% rude and wrong. The ceremony is the important part. WHy go and celebrate something you didn't feel was important enough to attend?

October Bliss Posted: Sep 11, 2005 01:02 AM

Re: Is it rude when people . . .

It depends on your point of view. A wedding is the joining of two people as one. The time when that happens is the ceremony. The reception is just the party afterwards. However, not every person views it that way. If you personally view it that way, then yes, to skip the ceremony and only attend the party is rude. If you however view it as one affair split into parts that each in their own way celebrate the union between two people, then no, I guess it isn't rude.

For me personally, I am having the ceremony at the reception site so that the guests attend the ceremony. (our invite time is 1/2 hour before the ceremony is actually taking place). As far as FH and I are concerned, the single most important part of the day is the ceremony and the vows - everything else ranks waaaaaay below.

steflily Posted: Sep 11, 2005 09:29 AM

Re: Is it rude when people . . .

Posted by blushingbride2006

i think so!
why go to a wedding reception and not the ceremony!!!

Ditto!
The ceremony is the important part. The reception is just the party afterwards to celebrate the ceremony.

Although I understand that there are reasons that would prevent people from attending the ceremony. FH's friends from work are on the 7-3 shift in Riverhead. Our ceremony is in Williston Park at 3:15pm. We do not expect them to attend. We do want them to party with us afterwards.