Is it wrong to want to be the center of attention at your wedding?

No, you are not wrong.

But, based on my own wedding, as well as everyone I know, you will ALWAYS have SOMEONE who tries to upstage you.

Stand firm, and say, 'I am sorry, but we are unable to have babies at the wedding. Unfortunately, exceptions cannot be made.'

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Posted by nov04LIbride

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Posted by oct.2004bride

I don't think you are wrong for thinking this way...Are there other kids coming to the wedding? If so, i don't think you can say anything. If not, then i would be upfront like you said, that you prefer no children at the wedding

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Her two other kids are 10 and 13. We were going to let them come before we found out she would have a baby too because they would be driving 8 hours. The youngest person attending not including her kids is a 17 year old cousin.

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hmmmm that is tough. If you are having the other kids i think you really can't say anything about the baby. I would keep it as nobody under 16 policy, if you don't want the baby to come

Or....you can tell a little fib. And say that a few friends wanted to bring their newbies so you told them no (since you didn't want babies at your wedding), and that it would be wrong if you told them no and she had her newborn there.
I dunno, just a suggestion

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Posted by oct.2004bride

Or....you can tell a little fib. And say that a few friends wanted to bring their newbies so you told them no (since you didn't want babies at your wedding), and that it would be wrong if you told them no and she had her newborn there.
I dunno, just a suggestion

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Hmm not a bad idea!!! Thanks! I have never talked to her other than the twice I saw her in person, so I don't know if this is something I could email her to say? I don't want to start any bad blood with the family if she gets upset with me....

I think the only baby here is you(JMO)

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Posted by allure

I think the only baby here is you(JMO)

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Really? So I should just let her bring it and forget about it? I do want to hear if I am being unreasonable. I am paying for the whole thing myself, and it is a small wedding (100 guests) so I figured I should be able to decide, but I realize it isn't just a day about us anymore, as so many people are throwing in their opinions about everything at this point...

I do feel I am being grown up towards the wedding--I saved and paid for everything myself--I just wanted it to be a grown-up event, without children...I worked in event planning before so I guess I am just a little anal about all the details...

I just feel that a baby will probably sleep the entire time. You have to decide how badly you & Fh want them there.

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Posted by allure

I think the only baby here is you(JMO)

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I disagree. If it was my wedding, I would be also upset about the potential attention stealing baby.

How can an innocent baby take from a grown woman's wedding day
I think you need to think about what your Wedding Day is really about
It's sounds like pure shallowness to me

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Posted by allure

How can an innocent baby take from a grown woman's wedding day
I think you need to think about what your Wedding Day is really about
It's sounds like pure shallowness to me

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I agree!!

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Posted by allure

How can an innocent baby take from a grown woman's wedding day
I think you need to think about what your Wedding Day is really about
It's sounds like pure shallowness to me

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I don't know--I think everyone would definitely put in their time oohhing and ahhing over the newborn--I know I would feel I had to, even as the bride...

As for what the wedding day is really about--I thought the wedding day should be about me and my husband, and sharing in the celebration of our union. A baby party to introduce the newborn to the family should be another time and place, IMO...It's not the baby itself--because if my brother took time during my wedding day to propose to his girlfriend, I would feel the same way--someone else using the occasion as a reason other than what we are there to celebrate.

All I want is my 5 hours that I spent tens of thousands of dollars on, and innumerable hours planning...With as few other distractions as possible. 5 hours of my life to decide who I want there. Is that shallow? Because I have spent every day of the past 26 years of my life catering to other people, and spending entirely too much time taking into consideration other people's feelings and how I can best accomodate everyone else.

If for 5 hours I want it to be about me and my FH, and the two of us alone, I don't feel like that is too much to ask.

I'm having a formal wedding with an 8 piece band, and never wanted children there to begin with because of potential for crying, etc. The attention-sharing part just occured to me as the possibility of them attending may become reality. I guess it was just assumed without consulting me that the baby would be invited, which is a big part of the reason I am upset. I made my feelings known, but I suppose it may be too little too late.

Everyone has their own feelings about things and right, wrong or indifferent those feelings are valid.
I personally don't want babies at my wedding either. I don't think they'll take the spotlight off of me or anything, but I didn't want to deal with the potential for crying. Not to mention, I'm having a formal night time affair and I don't think it's appropriate for babies to be at evening weddings. JMO

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Posted by nferrandi

Everyone has their own feelings about things and right, wrong or indifferent those feelings are valid.
I personally don't want babies at my wedding either. I don't think they'll take the spotlight off of me or anything, but I didn't want to deal with the potential for crying. Not to mention, I'm having a formal night time affair and I don't think it's appropriate for babies to be at evening weddings. JMO

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I agree.

Also, I don't think you are being shallow or selfish. You put an enormous amount of time, money and energy to plan your special day.

I don't understand why she can't get a babysitter. My MOH has 3 kids and the baby is 8 months now, but I remember when the baby was 3 months old and she had to go to a function (I think it may have been a wedding), she got a babysitter. That night out with her husband was actually a really nice break for her too.

I know she is traveling to the wedding, but does your FI's family have a trusted friend who is not going to the wedding, maybe they can ask to babysit.

I also think she is going to your wedding with a different intention.

A different intention like what

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Posted by peabody

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Posted by nferrandi

Everyone has their own feelings about things and right, wrong or indifferent those feelings are valid.
I personally don't want babies at my wedding either. I don't think they'll take the spotlight off of me or anything, but I didn't want to deal with the potential for crying. Not to mention, I'm having a formal night time affair and I don't think it's appropriate for babies to be at evening weddings. JMO

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I agree.

Also, I don't think you are being shallow or selfish. You put an enormous amount of time, money and energy to plan your special day.

I don't understand why she can't get a babysitter. My MOH has 3 kids and the baby is 8 months now, but I remember when the baby was 3 months old and she had to go to a function (I think it may have been a wedding), she got a babysitter. That night out with her husband was actually a really nice break for her too.

I know she is traveling to the wedding, but does your FI's family have a trusted friend who is not going to the wedding, maybe they can ask to babysit.

I also think she is going to your wedding with a different intentation.

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Thank you--I did mention the babysitter, but I don't know if there is anyone they would trust who won't be attending the wedding. All the family members will be there. If the whole situation regarding this person was explained, it would then be obvious why this will certainly become the center of attention...

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Posted by allure

A different intention like what

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It's a very complex and personal situation, which peabody is aware of and that is what she meant by intention (it's too personal to post about, but peabody is my off-line friend too :) ) . I can't really go into more details, but suffice it to say it isn't your average situation with a relative bringing a baby.