Thank You for all the help. Things are going in the right direction. will be on here to get ideas during our long enagement :)
bournebride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this a rebound or real love? Help...IM new
I don't know if what I say might help but, I know a lot of friends that were in long time relationships and when they broke it off, they were engaged to another person within a year. I think people sometimes stay in the wrong relationship so long, that when it is over, it is over because they know they have wasted all those years in the wrong relationship. If you feel the feeling and feel it from him, you have to go with your heart and follow the love. Live every day like it is your last and go for it all. (I know it's corny, but its love!!!)
daniebc16
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this a rebound or real love? Help...IM new
I was dating my ex for almost 5 years and met my fiance at work....long story short, I broke up with my ex and started dating brian...we got engaged 1 1/2 later. I have NO regrets! Love is love. However, if you are unsure, I suggest waiting at least a year or two before you get marriedl GOOD LUCK
longislandlove
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this a rebound or real love? Help...IM new
longislandlove
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this a rebound or real love? Help...IM new
I keep thinking this:
what if you broke up with your fiance, for about five months, and he met someone else, you still thought you would work it out, then you find out he is engaged on july 30th, you set your wedding date for aug 5th, how would you feel, would you try to get him back or just let him go and be happy. I just love him so much already and I think he really loves me, but she loves him too still.
Shell84
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this a rebound or real love? Help...IM new
If you are having doubts maybe you should put planning a wedding for later, it's only been seven weeks. enjoy dating him for now.
you can start talking about wedding when you're sure about the relationship.
afrodyt2000
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this a rebound or real love? Help...IM new
I think 7 weeks is too soon to tell. Not saying you can't really be in love at that point but I would not marry him just yet. If I were you I would plan for a long engagement maybe 2 or more years just to be sure that it is over. If they were together for that long those feelings just don't disappear. I feel that if somehow she said she wanted to be with him again, he would really have a choice on his hands and you don't want that. There should be no contest between his fiancee and anyone else.
citycrab705
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this a rebound or real love? Help...IM new
if you feel this is real i would continue to be with him, but why rush into marriage, marriage is a very serious step, i would just date him for a while if you have so many doubts, which it sounds like you do, if you want to remain engaged i would make it a long engagement and spend time really getting to know one another
stephanielyse
Posted:
Member since
.
xcalystax
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this a rebound or real love? Help...IM new
I agree with the other girls. Be engaged for awhile and see how your feelings for one another develop. The beginning of a relationship is always a rush of emotions, but marriage is for the long haul, so make sure you are positive that that is what you want.
EJSD2006
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this a rebound or real love? Help...IM new
ok, being a girl who dated her husband for 10 years before we got married, it would be really hard for me to get over him. i know this is probably not what you want to hear right now, but it would definitely take me more than a few months to get over him.
so here's my advice, if you 2 are really in love and it feels right, then stay engaged. BUT...dont rush into the wedding planning. spend more time together, see how things play out without rushing into things. have a long engagement. enjoy the planning process. and if its meant to be, then God bless you both. but if its not, then at least you didnt invest a lot of money on a wedding that didnt happen.
i hope things work out for you guys... PS - that is my HONEST advice that i would give to my own little sister.
longislandlove
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this a rebound or real love? Help...IM new
mbm750
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this a rebound or real love? Help...IM new
DH and I didn't really know each other (though we had some common friends) and had our first date on 9/26/03. By the beginning of November that year, I knew we were in love and would get married. January 14, 2005, we got engaged and now we're married. So, I believe it can happen very quickly - I can't honestly say 7 weeks is not enough time because I knew in less than that. I also agree with one of the above posters that sometimes people in long relationships were not in love for an awful lot of that time but were comfortable and probably scared and so they stayed together for far too long even though their relationship wasn't going to go anywhere. I also know some people who think they could be happily married with various individuals, past-ex's, etc. But to me, every time I hear them talk, it sounds like settling and not at all like they're in love. And certainly those people who stuck it out for 10 years just because weren't in love for all 10 of those years - if you were, you'd still be together and your relationship would've moved forward. That being said, it sounds like you're reallly worried so if it were me and I had all these fears and doubts, I think I'd just make sure to have a long engagement so that if my fears panned out then I could just give back a ring and lose some deposits, instead of heading to divorce court (I don't mean for that to sound so cold, but I realize it sounds harsh). But that's just me. Good luck!
cherryj24
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this a rebound or real love? Help...IM new
It;s impossible for us to tell if this is a rebound. Either way, I think a seven week courtship and 9 month engagement is just not a good idea. I am sorry, but I feel compelled to say it. I dated 4 different people for over 2 years each. It was almost like at the 2 year mark, I knew...With them I knew it was wrong but I think everyone is different and all but less than a year of being together to get married is a little risky. Enjoy one another, don't rush anything. It's over so fast and then that's it, it's over. Enjoy the time anticipating your big day and exchanging your vows. There is no need to rush. Good luck, time will tell.
longislandlove
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this a rebound or real love? Help...IM new
Thank you all so much, you are really helping me. Thank you. I will be up late checking all responses :)
ejm1219
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this a rebound or real love? Help...IM new
I didn't read this entire post but my parents got engaged 3 weeks after dating from a blind date. This year will be 30 years they will be married! They have an awesome marriage and I love their 'story'!
MrsR72806
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this a rebound or real love? Help...IM new
This is a touchy situation...i do believe that you can fall in love with someone in a matter of days, weeks...but dating for 7 weeks and then getting engaged is a little fast for me...especially since i dated my DH for 6 years and we just got married last week. IMO i would have a long engagement...really get to know each other...
also i'm not too sure i would like to whole 'i still go on lunch dates with my ex-fiance' deal at all! I mean i know she is the ex for a reason and you want to trust him...but that is espeically hard to do since you only know him a few months. I would not rush into any wedding planning...try to enjoy being with each other and getting to know each others personalities, habits good and bad...etc...wedding planning is stressful...and on such a new relationship it might be really hard.
I wish you nothing but good luck and we are always here to help!!!
Deedlebug126
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this a rebound or real love? Help...IM new
FH and I were both just getting out of relationships when we met. We moved in together 3 weeks after dating. I would say, most people I know and he knows, thought we were insane and stupid. The truth is, I have done my fair share of dating, and when I met FH, there was something VERY right about us right from the start, that lacked in all my previous relationships. We have been together 4 years now, and have never spent a night apart since moving in together. You have to trust how you feel above everything and everyone else. Only you and FH will know what is right for YOU and FH
jtgarsik
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this a rebound or real love? Help...IM new
Posted by Shell84
If you are having doubts maybe you should put planning a wedding for later, it's only been seven weeks. enjoy dating him for now.
you can start talking about wedding when you're sure about the relationship.
I agree....definetly take your time with this. First off, there should not be a SINGLE question in your head about this....and if there is...something is wrong. Even if you'd like to stay engaged, set the date for somewhere far down the road so you have time. You need to take everything into account being that you're going to be spending the rest of your life with this person. And believe me...with time, you are going to learn A LOT about this person that you you may not know now...you may love it, you may not. I just wouldnt rush into anything...and with time, you might find it to REALLY be true love & know for sure, or you may not....but you definetly dont want to have to wonder about anything that has to do with the rest of your entire life. Good Luck with everything!
sandelion23
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this a rebound or real love? Help...IM new
Posted by longislandlove
what advice would you give your sister in my situation?
if you were my sister, i'd ask you two questions:
did he propose w/ his ex's ring? and is he planning the same wedding?
otherwise, the only thing you can do is give it time. love needs time and trust needs time.
