Is this normal??? Sorry it's long!

I know at least one person will know who I am, but here goes...

In November, my then boyfriend had to go away on business. I knew he had to leave early and he half woke me up that morning. I fell back to sleep and woke up a little later, worried that I didn't get to say good-bye!

I got out of bed to grab my cell and saw a dim light from the second bedroom. The door was cracked open only about 3 inches. I said 'baby' and opened the door. He slammed the keyboard drawer closed and frantically began clicking at the screen. I didn't have my contacts in, but thought it was p**n.

I didn't freak out and I let him go away on his trip. A friend told me how to check the history, so when I got home from work that day I needed to find out.

The history bar was filled with web sites for p**n. I nearly collapsed. I never in a million years thought my man would be into that. Until that moment, everything was great, or so I thought. First off, I can't completey say it's all his fault, I was so stressed at work we weren't intimate for over a month.

Anyways...I felt so bertayred that he was sneaking out of bed at night to look at this trash, I left him and went back to my parents. When he came home from his trip, I wasn't there.

We talked it through over the phone and he said it's normal for guys to do that, plus we hadn't ---- in over a month. He said he didn't want me to think that all he wanted me for was ---- and that he didn't want to upset me and he would wait till I was in the mood again. So I forgave him and went back.

About two months later, he asked me to marry him. But, ever since that day, I have never trusted him the same. I am even worried about him cheating, but I have to say that he doesn't drink and he's not out at clubs. He's always home with me if we're not travelling. I felt that I hit a wall...here's this man that I love and I was living with him and then realized I didn't know him as well as I thought I did. I feel like I'm paranoid all of the time now by checking his cell and his e-mail...we've gotten into many fights about that...but he maintains he has not looked at it since.

I've made an effort to keep up the intimacy and to try to let the past rest, but it keeps coming up. We're going to pick out wedding locations soon and to speak with the priest.

Please help me here......is it normal for guys to do the p**n thing. Should I be concerned or should I trust that he's telling me truth? I'm always worried 5 years from now I'll find myself in a Lifetime movie like being married to a s*x addict. I thought about trying to watch that stuff with him...if that would help but I just can't see past how this situation changed how I look at him. He doesn't want to do therapy...can I look past this?