It looks like it might be over*UPDATE*

She needs to realize that she can't rule him. Has he tried talking to her alone or is she too far gone to comprehend anything?

I know this is probably a far cry, but have you ever tried to have a heart to heart with her?

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Posted by SugaBeans

i agree with you. and i think its good that you make him know you mean what you say. Sometimes you just cant hold in how you feel especially after being mistreated like you were. I probably would have done the same thing. the thing i want to know is did FH stand up for you at all? I think thats important.

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he doesnt even get the chance to stand up for me, she says what she wants to say and then hangs up and refuses to answer the phone like a junior high girl fighting with her boyfriend.
it's sick.

but yes.... he tries

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Posted by ChristineAaron08

She needs to realize that she can't rule him. Has he tried talking to her alone or is she too far gone to comprehend anything?

I know this is probably a far cry, but have you ever tried to have a heart to heart with her?

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she's too far gone to even bother talking to anymore
i called her today to try to talk nicely and it turned into a war

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Posted by bemyyoko

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Posted by ChristineAaron08

She needs to realize that she can't rule him. Has he tried talking to her alone or is she too far gone to comprehend anything?

I know this is probably a far cry, but have you ever tried to have a heart to heart with her?

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she's too far gone to even bother talking to anymore
i called her today to try to talk nicely and it turned into a war

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before you have a heart to heart with her you need to have one with yourself. see if there is a way for you to deal with this. because your happiness comes first. you have to have the next heart to heart with FH tell him what you have decided and go from there. if you think there is room to work things out with her or just come to terms with the fact that you 2 will just never get along. maybe FH should t alk to her for you before you have a chat with her so she`s prepared for whats to come. just a thought

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Posted by SugaBeans

unfortunatley, she will always be around. you really have to decide if you want to keep putting yourself through this. has it always been bad?

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according to FH she's always been this bad but she got worse after his stepfather passed away.
it has gotten much worse since FH and I got engaged and moved out on our own.

this is such an unfortunate situation for you, but its good that you realize that this a permanent situation. When you marry FH you marry the family.
she will always be in the picture and will make ur life a living hell.

Definately let everyone cool down, maybe if she realizes that you are serious about calling it off, she will back off and cool it.
(like in Monster in Law) when Charlie tells Viola that its off and that triggers something in Viola to stop and realize what she is doing to her sons happiness.

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Posted by bemyyoko

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Posted by ChristineAaron08

She needs to realize that she can't rule him. Has he tried talking to her alone or is she too far gone to comprehend anything?

I know this is probably a far cry, but have you ever tried to have a heart to heart with her?

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she's too far gone to even bother talking to anymore
i called her today to try to talk nicely and it turned into a war

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maybe after everything cools down. She needs to get it through her head that you two are gonna be together (if thats what you choose) and she can't beat you and will have to join you. (meaning you and FH)

eeeek....Kerri....this is terrible...I'm sooooo sorry! What a bunch of sh*t...Why do some people have to suck???

Thank god these girls are good at giving advice, cause I suck at it...I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry...I'm sure it will all work out in the end and maybe getting this mess out of the way now will pave a much brighter path for your future together...oh...yeah...and your FMIL sounds like a real b*tch...do you want me to go kick her a$$????

I'm so sorry you're going through this!! I don't think I can say anything that anyone else hasn't, but here are some hugs!!

I would never tell anyone to call off the wedding or stay with someone if it wasnt the right thing.. but i think what you are taking steps in the right direction, people dont want to realize that when you enter into a marriage your spouses family comes along with it (because they are FAMILY!). If you can't figure out what ROLE EACH OTHERS FAMILY is going to take in your lives now, you will be sorry later.

You need to make sure that each of you are clear on what each othesr parents roles are... and to make sure that decisions are made bw the 2 of you and not by 3rd parties.

I think you and FH should have serious discussion about roles of family members /mainly parents in your relationship.

I also think that it is beneficial for the 2 of you to NOT be living with his mother (even though i think you mentioned a while ago that FH owns part of the house!) Maybe not in all cases but in this case it seems very UNHEALTHY for you 2 to be there

GL and I truly hope that you both can work through this ( i will say some prayers that his mother suddenly decides to move of Mars )

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Posted by jgl

I would never tell anyone to call off the wedding or stay with someone if it wasnt the right thing.. but i think what you are taking steps in the right direction, people dont want to realize that when you enter into a marriage your spouses family comes along with it (because they are FAMILY!). If you can't figure out what ROLE EACH OTHERS FAMILY is going to take in your lives now, you will be sorry later.

You need to make sure that each of you are clear on what each othesr parents roles are... and to make sure that decisions are made bw the 2 of you and not by 3rd parties.

I think you and FH should have serious discussion about roles of family members /mainly parents in your relationship.

I also think that it is beneficial for the 2 of you to NOT be living with his mother (even though i think you mentioned a while ago that FH owns part of the house!) Maybe not in all cases but in this case it seems very UNHEALTHY for you 2 to be there

GL and I truly hope that you both can work through this ( i will say some prayers that his mother suddenly decides to move of Mars )

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first off i want to say i am soooooo sorry this has happened to you...you do not deserve to be treated like that and you shouldnt put up with it...and niether should fh

but i do have to agree here...you should def set it straight as to what part each side of your family plays in your life. i mean it seems like your family is great and supportive...but def need to figure out what role fh's family plays....

fh and i had to speak about this- his parents are very nagging...and very very nosey they have to get into everything and since we will be lviing in their apt above their house for a year after we get married i told fh there had to be rules haha

but i am sorry again


good luck, take some deep breathes and think this all over and def with fh

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Posted by jgl

I would never tell anyone to call off the wedding or stay with someone if it wasnt the right thing.. but i think what you are taking steps in the right direction, people dont want to realize that when you enter into a marriage your spouses family comes along with it (because they are FAMILY!). If you can't figure out what ROLE EACH OTHERS FAMILY is going to take in your lives now, you will be sorry later.

You need to make sure that each of you are clear on what each othesr parents roles are... and to make sure that decisions are made bw the 2 of you and not by 3rd parties.

I think you and FH should have serious discussion about roles of family members /mainly parents in your relationship.

I also think that it is beneficial for the 2 of you to NOT be living with his mother (even though i think you mentioned a while ago that FH owns part of the house!) Maybe not in all cases but in this case it seems very UNHEALTHY for you 2 to be there

GL and I truly hope that you both can work through this ( i will say some prayers that his mother suddenly decides to move of Mars )

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My FH is part owner of the house but we do not live there. we moved out back in march b/c it got too stressfull and crazy living there. his grandfather gave us an apartment in a building he owns.

FH actually just spoke to his grandfather, and his grandfather is actually taking our side iwth this. it might not last really, but at least we know we're safe as far as living here goes. he is not going to kick me or us out. after hearing the basics of what FMIL said to me about my family he was very angry with her and understood my reaction to her.

Things are looking up, but only because i took the advice of the ladies on this board.

you have all been soooo supportive.
you are totally right, i took a break earlier to sit down and talk to FH about this... and we discussed his mother as well as my parents.
he said he loves my parents b/c they are so nice to him and his mom isnt. my parents treat him like one of their own and it's a great feeling for both of us.
my parents are super supportive of us, they are paying for basically the whole reception and vendors (FH is paying for the church)

We are going to try and discuss a way for FMIL to be involved in his life without being involved in our relationship.

I love his mother, i really do. But the woman needs counseling and untill she agrees to get help i cannot be around her. She is a trigger for problems of my own.

thanks again so much ladies.

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Posted by bemyyoko


I love his mother, i really do. But the woman needs counseling and untill she agrees to get help i cannot be around her. She is a trigger for problems of my own.

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hehe. FH says the same thing. Give my mother 3 valium and take her to see a psyc.

To you girl!! And stay strong!!

omg kerri i cant belive you have to go through all of this!!! ok heres what i got out of the whole thing: u love fh, and fh loves u and hes trying to stick up for u so he obviously is on your side with this...i know u dont want him to choose sides bc its his family and the only one he knows but once u are married u are the most important person in his life...his mom will be second to u and thats what she is so jealous of...fh needs to have a serious conversation with her (if she hangs up the phone have him write a letter, send an email, anthing to get her to really listen) and explain that she is ruining both yours and his happiness bc of what shes doing...that he loves her and wants to be there for her as well but she is causing your relationship to crumble, and if she does that he will be very unhappy for a long time and will not be able to speak to her bc of what she has done...his mom needs to realize and recognize what shes doing...and even if she doesnt like u..if he makes her realize how unhappy her own son will be bc of her its gotta make her understand what shes doing is not right

i dont think u should end things with fh but things def need to be resolved before u get married...his mom needs to understand what shes doing and that is soo wrong

im glad that fhs grandfather is on your side, cause that might really help..maybe he'll get her to understand if anything and at least u can stay where u are...however, i think the 2 of u need to get out asap...if fh owns part of the house (im not sure what that means exactly) but can he sell it? that way he can make enough to maybe move out...my mom is nuts and anytime she helped me/did something for me i never heard the end of it...we do not get along unless she doesnt have something to hold over my head...when his mom realizes that u dont need her anymore it should improve...so as soon as u can in anyway please move out, and sell the car...cause then she has nothing to use against u...i hope everyhting works out for the best and if u need anyone to talk im here for u!!!

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Posted by bemyyoko

EDIT:
FH and I have not broken up. We live together and niether of us has left the apartment.
I am not wearing my ring right now because I want him to know i mean business and i'm not just throwing a hissy fit.

We had a loooong talk about his mother. He also had a long talk with his grandfather about her.

I am 99% sure that things will be okay. It's not going to be easy. And it won't be a quick fix.

But i love this man, and i do not want to lose him. I lost him for a year a while back...and it was the worst year of my life.

I honestly believe he is my soulmate. We are going to try our damndest to make it through the next few days. We are not going to call off the wedding or anything like that. No hot headed decisions. We're going to talk openly about our feelings. We're gonna see where we can go from here.

Hopefully the answer will be down the aisle.

Thank you so much for all of your support and advice. I have saved quite a few of the comments and the FM's to a file on my desktop to read when i'm feeling down or when i need a hug..

i would have been lost tonight if it werent for you. Thank you sooo much.

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thats what we are here for!!! BTW, how did dress shopping go? Im not sure if you posted or not but I remember you were going. If you did post, i probably responded but its so hard to keep track!

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Posted by SugaBeans

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Posted by bemyyoko

EDIT:
FH and I have not broken up. We live together and niether of us has left the apartment.
I am not wearing my ring right now because I want him to know i mean business and i'm not just throwing a hissy fit.

We had a loooong talk about his mother. He also had a long talk with his grandfather about her.

I am 99% sure that things will be okay. It's not going to be easy. And it won't be a quick fix.

But i love this man, and i do not want to lose him. I lost him for a year a while back...and it was the worst year of my life.

I honestly believe he is my soulmate. We are going to try our damndest to make it through the next few days. We are not going to call off the wedding or anything like that. No hot headed decisions. We're going to talk openly about our feelings. We're gonna see where we can go from here.

Hopefully the answer will be down the aisle.

Thank you so much for all of your support and advice. I have saved quite a few of the comments and the FM's to a file on my desktop to read when i'm feeling down or when i need a hug..

i would have been lost tonight if it werent for you. Thank you sooo much.

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thats what we are here for!!! BTW, how did dress shopping go? Im not sure if you posted or not but I remember you were going. If you did post, i probably responded but its so hard to keep track!

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dress shopping ******. i left in tears. mom and all the other people with me finally had that 'WOW' moment i was hoping for... unfortunately it was with a dress i hated.
oh well... we'll see what happens with Will and I this week, perhaps i'll start the hunt again later in the week