Joke
I dont or wouldnt normally do this, but its just too funny not to share..
> I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the
> glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every
> envelope that needs sealing.
>
> Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same
> reason.
>
> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
> Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
>
> I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
> the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
> participating in their special e-mail program.
>
> I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
> out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
>
> I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
> mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
>
> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
> water buffalo on a hot day.
>
> Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
> forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
> minutes.
>
> Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
> remove toilet stains.
>
> I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the
> car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping
> gas.
>
> I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these
> products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.
>
> I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
>
> And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the
> microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me
> for life.
>
> I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
> pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
>
> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
> perfume sample and rob me.
>
> I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually
> Al Qaeda in disguise.
>
> I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
> American troops or the Salvation Army.
>
> I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
> number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica,
> Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
>
> I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive
> my free replacement pair from Nike.
>
> I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
> their recipe.
>
> Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big
> brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant
> death when it bites my butt.
>
> Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I
> can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.
>
> And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped
> in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex
> molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.Oh, and don't forget
> this one either!
>
> I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas
> companies!
>
> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
> 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at
> 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your
> back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because
> it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
> ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician... Have a
> wonderful day....
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
> New Study
>
> A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has
> discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity
> read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
>
> Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late
> I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the
> glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every
> envelope that needs sealing.
>
> Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same
> reason.
>
> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
> Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
>
> I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
> the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
> participating in their special e-mail program.
>
> I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
> out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
>
> I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
> mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
>
> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
> water buffalo on a hot day.
>
> Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
> forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
> minutes.
>
> Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
> remove toilet stains.
>
> I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the
> car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping
> gas.
>
> I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these
> products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.
>
> I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
>
> And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the
> microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me
> for life.
>
> I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
> pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
>
> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
> perfume sample and rob me.
>
> I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually
> Al Qaeda in disguise.
>
> I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
> American troops or the Salvation Army.
>
> I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
> number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica,
> Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
>
> I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive
> my free replacement pair from Nike.
>
> I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
> their recipe.
>
> Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big
> brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant
> death when it bites my butt.
>
> Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I
> can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.
>
> And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped
> in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex
> molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.Oh, and don't forget
> this one either!
>
> I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas
> companies!
>
> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
> 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at
> 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your
> back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because
> it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
> ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician... Have a
> wonderful day....
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
> New Study
>
> A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has
> discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity
> read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
>
> Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late
