i feel bad even writing this because i feel i don't have a right too. while fmil has been very generous about some things she's just downright stubborn about others!
so she offered to pay for the RD, so of course she wants us to plan it for somewhere in the area of the church which is no where by her. she told ray she'd be willing to pay 15/pp for about 20 people.
1st off, there is no such thing, 2nd off we're inviting 34!!! and that is bridal party and their guests and close family only (oot family)
fine, so we go around looking at different places, of course nothing is under 25 without beer wine and soda. ray tells her this and she says we don't need beer and wine, and the guests for the bridal party don't need to be invited, and neither does the family....so WHO MAY I ASK WOULD BE GOING TO THIS 'DINNER'???????
to make matters worse, she tells him for HER rehearsal, they all went out and had ice cream!!!!!!!!
i don't have a problem with her not offering to pay, i have more of a problem of her being half assed about it. so now we're going to cancel our farewell brunch ( ) because we're going to pay the remainder of this RD.
p.s. i know i sound like a selfish brat because a rd isn't even necessary, but i feel like the entire bridal party is coming from out on the island out to queens, and the ringbearer is from canada and i feel like we should have some sort of special dinner. i'm just really upset right now--UGH!
ssbride05
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Re: Just a tad PO'd (VENT! LONG SORRY)
I am sorry to hear your upset... it seems like maybe his mom really doesn;t know what it;s like to plan a RD now a days.. and she probably doesn;t think it's such a big deal.. maybe you can explain to her your reasons.. maybe she wil understand better!!! (iam not sure if you guys tried that aklready)??
I know it's soo hard when your planning a wedding, so many people have different view points about what is important.. maybe you or FH can really explain to her how important this dinner is for you and your party!
Try not to let it ruin your planning..... you deserve to have a great wedding and all the fun stuff that leads up to it
Good luck, I hope this all works out!
Jen
ETA- by the way you are entitled to your feelings.. :)
1005bride
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Re: Just a tad PO'd (VENT! LONG SORRY)
SFP0214
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Re: Just a tad PO'd (VENT! LONG SORRY)
Oh, I am sorry you are going through this. Does she live on LI. Does she have any idea about how much things cost? What area do you need the restraunt to be in. Maybe we can help? Does it have to be right near the church. Mine is no where near the church bc FFIL wants it at a restruant his friend owns in Huntington...church is in Seaford.
traceyd
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Re: Just a tad PO'd (VENT! LONG SORRY)
I'm sorry to hear that she isn't being reasonable about the situation but I just wanted to make sure you realize you aren't being selfish or a brat or anything-I think would be rude not to invite the bridal party guests and I'm sorry you had to cancel your brunch
alexlynn7
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Re: Just a tad PO'd (VENT! LONG SORRY)
how about something more casual than a sit-down dinner? maybe hors-d'oeuvres and cocktails? i still don't think $15 a person will cut it, but it might make it cheaper for you...
LadyPrincess
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Re: Just a tad PO'd (VENT! LONG SORRY)
sorry for the mess AZ i think Alex7 has a point -why not try to go a bit cheaper that wont break the bank for you?? JMHO
JPC1125
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Re: Just a tad PO'd (VENT! LONG SORRY)
Awww AZ...That sucks!
I seriously dont think our parents get that prices have gone up considerably and also that etiquette has changed since their heyday!!!!
It makes me so angry cause its like they KNOW how much it costs but if you tell them its more that what they think, they tell you youre crazy for paying that much!!!
Its a vicious circle I tell ya!
maybe instead of trading your brunch you wanted, use that $ for RD but a month after your wedding, have a brunch with most of your bp and go over pics together, Like a mini-reunion or something????
Cause by then youll have some $ from gifts to spend
just an idea
lolita4life
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Re: Just a tad PO'd (VENT! LONG SORRY)
Aww Az What does she want? To take everyone to McDonalds?! Even there a large combo comes out to like $8 after everything. How does she plan on $15 pp?? I dont think youre sounding selfish.... b/c she offered. But why would she offer and then make rules about it? Can she cook?! Maybe she can cook for everyone??? Just an idea. I think since you have so many oot'ers you should definatly have a RD. i dont know what you could say to her though..... of course you need beer/wine! I'm sorry to hear all this. Thats so upsetting. I hope it works itself out though. You have some time.
Dooodles
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Re: Just a tad PO'd (VENT! LONG SORRY)
Azad, I don't think you are the slightest bit out of line here. How about you & Ray make up the difference in money from the amount she offered to pay? Otherwise, yes scratch her idea of offering and do it yourself. I do love the thought of having the brunch after the wedding to get everyone over again!
Sweetpea130000
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Re: Just a tad PO'd (VENT! LONG SORRY)
Sorry to hear about that Azad
marc_rai
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Re: Just a tad PO'd (VENT! LONG SORRY)
I'm having a BBQ for my rhearsal dinner. You're getting married in late May, could this be an option for you?
brooklynbridezilla
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Re: Just a tad PO'd (VENT! LONG SORRY)
Aw, Azad. Like the other girls said, you could pay the difference. Or maybe you could make the RD really casual, just heros and soda, and save your $$$ for the farewell brunch?
marc_rai
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Re: Just a tad PO'd (VENT! LONG SORRY)
Posted by lolita4life
Aww Az What does she want? To take everyone to McDonalds?! Even there a large combo comes out to like $8 after everything. QUOTE]
SO TRUE. And that's without dessert!
QueensBride
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Re: Just a tad PO'd (VENT! LONG SORRY)
Azad,
I would feel the same way.
See I am a stubborn person. I would say, and seriously I would, that if she wants to pay for something as a nice jesture then she should go into it knowing that she cannot put a pricetag on things. If she wants to pay for a rehearsal dinner then she should pay for whatever the total amount of whatever you and Ray pick as the place. If not then don't pay for it at all. I would have told her nevermind that she could put her money towards something else, she obviously has a set amount for what she is paying. I wouldn't let her ruin your farewell lunch for anything. I would still do it.
azoodie
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Re: Just a tad PO'd (VENT! LONG SORRY)
Posted by brooklynbridezilla
Aw, Azad. Like the other girls said, you could pay the difference. Or maybe you could make the RD really casual, just heros and soda, and save your $$$ for the farewell brunch?
thanks guys, you ladies really are the best and jess, you're hillarious!!
so that would be an idea, to have heroes and such, i totally wouldn't mind at all doing it at someone's house...HOWEVER...she lives an hour from the rehearsal site. it's going to be at 6pm on a friday, so we were planning for an 8pm dinner. i would never ask everyone to drive out an hour for heroes. my house is out of the question because we're having so many people here, it's going to be way to chaotic, plus it's a lot for my mom and she's already throwing me my bridal shower.
i just don't understand how someone can offer something and limit it. we weren't going to even have one until she said she was going to pay for it. and now we have to pay the difference? i just find it unfair. especially since my parents are going above and beyond what they should be with this wedding.
they also always ask me, what's rays mom doing for this, or what's rays mom doing for that. and it puts me in a rough spot. because they know she's 'paying' for the dinner, and now when they find out she's paying for less than half they're going to be upset because of all they're doing for us. it's not like my parents have loads of money.
anyways, i'll get over it. but i just don't want ray to thank them for 'hosting' the dinner when they're paying for less than half of it when he makes a speech...what the heck is he supposed to say?
thanks for listening girls...
Blu-ize
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Re: Just a tad PO'd (VENT! LONG SORRY)
My MIL offered to pay for flowers...she offered $1000. I couldn't do flowers for under $2000. So I said nothing and got the flowers I wanted and gave her the credit. Sometimes it's easier to just say thank you and leave it at that.
and...you are entitled to be annoyed by it, but pick and choose your battles. Good luck.
KimberlyBride
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Re: Just a tad PO'd (VENT! LONG SORRY)
You are not being selfish at all. If she offered she should have not put a limit on it. But older people don't understand what it costs these days to pay for wedding related things. It will work out
May05Bride
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Re: Just a tad PO'd (VENT! LONG SORRY)
Sorry date twin this is happening to you!
Is it possible for you guys to pay the difference? That way, her money would help, but, you can make your own decisions, and make it your way.
May05Bride
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Re: Just a tad PO'd (VENT! LONG SORRY)
Posted by azoodie
Posted by brooklynbridezilla
Aw, Azad. Like the other girls said, you could pay the difference. Or maybe you could make the RD really casual, just heros and soda, and save your $$$ for the farewell brunch?
thanks guys, you ladies really are the best and jess, you're hillarious!!
so that would be an idea, to have heroes and such, i totally wouldn't mind at all doing it at someone's house...HOWEVER...she lives an hour from the rehearsal site. it's going to be at 6pm on a friday, so we were planning for an 8pm dinner. i would never ask everyone to drive out an hour for heroes. my house is out of the question because we're having so many people here, it's going to be way to chaotic, plus it's a lot for my mom and she's already throwing me my bridal shower.
i just don't understand how someone can offer something and limit it. we weren't going to even have one until she said she was going to pay for it. and now we have to pay the difference? i just find it unfair. especially since my parents are going above and beyond what they should be with this wedding.
they also always ask me, what's rays mom doing for this, or what's rays mom doing for that. and it puts me in a rough spot. because they know she's 'paying' for the dinner, and now when they find out she's paying for less than half they're going to be upset because of all they're doing for us. it's not like my parents have loads of money.
anyways, i'll get over it. but i just don't want ray to thank them for 'hosting' the dinner when they're paying for less than half of it when he makes a speech...what the heck is he supposed to say?
thanks for listening girls...
I totally understand what you mean interms of your parents. My parents are helping a little with $$$ for the wedding, and are really upset that FI's parents are not helping.
I know it sucks, but my parents came to terms with it. They are helping as much as they can, for me, to have a beautiful wedding. FI's family will also help as much as they can. And if not.. oh well, I will still have a wonderful wedding!
