I am so confused.... Do I really want 2 get married at 23? Do I love him? Am i just being tested because my ex came back into my life asking to be wit me. And telling me all the things i want to hear? Just need a little pick me up.... Just to know I love my FH
OY
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Re: Just somethings on my mind....
wow that is deep. i would say... rethink your options and everything else... if you need to second think something, esp. marriage. i say, dont do it unless u're absolutely sure! JMHO
LaurenJosh
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Re: Just somethings on my mind....
Oh no... maybe you're having cold feet? It's normal to be a little nervous about getting married but if you are having serious doubts then maybe you really need to think about. Its better to realize how you feel before the wedding then after. Just make sure you're not giving up a good thing just because your ex came back. Good luck.
JenBill61210
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Re: Just somethings on my mind....
Posted by LaurenJosh
Oh no... maybe you're having cold feet? It's normal to be a little nervous about getting married but if you are having serious doubts then maybe you really need to think about. Its better to realize how you feel before the wedding then after. Just make sure you're not giving up a good thing just because your ex came back. Good luck.
I agree... another option is that you can always push the wedding back a year and have more time to really think.. you may just be overwhelmed right now w/ all the planning. i wish you the best of luck!
LiBride23
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Re: Just somethings on my mind....
I know i love him. My FH. It is just we have been through alot. And he always thinks I am out cheating or something when i am not... but like you said I just need to sit and think.. I guess because everything is just coming and hitting like a ton brick
LiBride23
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Re: Just somethings on my mind....
I think it is that then money *****... and He always has it we neva work as a team... idk... I do love him and i know my FH is the right one for me... My ex is just a test of my faith and love for my Fh
allegracristina
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Re: Just somethings on my mind....
Posted by LiBride23
I know i love him. My FH. It is just we have been through alot. And he always thinks I am out cheating or something when i am not... but like you said I just need to sit and think.. I guess because everything is just coming and hitting like a ton brick
Not to be a downer, but no FH should make you feel like you're 'out cheating' unless you've given him reason to think this....That's pretty messed up. I think you should slow things down, and do a lot of thinking.
LiBride23
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Re: Just somethings on my mind....
i have cheated when we where 16. But it was a very difficult situation. it was just a long time ago..
krislee316
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Re: Just somethings on my mind....
Posted by LiBride23
i have cheated when we where 16. But it was a very difficult situation. it was just a long time ago..
I he hasnt forgiven or forgotten about that by now he will hold that over your head forever...I would def rethink any questions you may have before going forth with the marraige. Also having the ex back in your life will def cause you to have doubts. Good luck
lori7570
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Re: Just somethings on my mind....
You have to make sure you are with someone that supports you and that you want to support. FH and I have been through a lot...but it's been worth it. Figure out if your core principals are compatible, money, careers, children etc...if they are clicking than you need to put the brakes on and figure out what you are willing to compromise about and what is a deal breaker
Alexandra17
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Re: Just somethings on my mind....
Posted by lori7570
You have to make sure you are with someone that supports you and that you want to support. FH and I have been through a lot...but it's been worth it. Figure out if your core principals are compatible, money, careers, children etc...if they are clicking than you need to put the brakes on and figure out what you are willing to compromise about and what is a deal breaker
I agree totally..I think doubt is normal, talking about it helps beause this is the long haul
Caramelatta
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Re: Just somethings on my mind....
Posted by LaurenJosh
Oh no... maybe you're having cold feet? It's normal to be a little nervous about getting married but if you are having serious doubts then maybe you really need to think about. Its better to realize how you feel before the wedding then after. Just make sure you're not giving up a good thing just because your ex came back. Good luck.
I agree.....i was feeling down for a long time and i just let everything go the planning thinking about the wedding....and i feel sooo much better...give your self a break think about everything....if you are feeling stuck or really dont want to be in the relationship i suggest you think about your options.....but make sure you do it because you want to...GODD LUCK and HTH
MC127
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Re: Just somethings on my mind....
My advice is taken from the movie...why did I get married.?...
I agree with everyone else's post but will also suggest that you write down all the bad in your relationship with your FH and with your ex-boyfriend and then write down all the good things in your relationship with your FH and for your ex. When it comes to your good/bad with your FH, I suggest you talk to him about it as it will only help your relationship grow.
Hopefully this helps you make a firm decision as to why you broke up with your ex and do not need him back and reasons why you fell in love with your FH and plan to marry him in September.
If all else fails, try pushing back the wedding as other LIW brides suggested.
BTW, I recommend everyone watch this movie!!!!!
AngeeM
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Re: Just somethings on my mind....
I agree with the other girls that you could push the wedding back. But I also think that you should really think about what you are about to. Getting married is easy to get into and hard to get out of. If at the end of the day you know that your FH is the one for you, then you have nothing to worry about. You've made a big decision to get married and maybe you just have cold feet about making a major life decision, but if he's the one, you will be okay.
bubberflys
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Re: Just somethings on my mind....
I would say take a break...Not necesarily from you FH.. but stop thinking of the wedding for a little while (even if for only a weekend) and assess what it is that you want. No one can truly say it's just cold feet, or it'll change or, everything is fine except for you!
I personally say that if he thinks you are cheating on him b/c of something you did when you were 16 (7yrs ago) then you should work on trusting each other before you get married. If you decide to marry him, you will be with him for the rest of your life presumably, and you will only face tougher times ahead. When you guys are 50 is he still not going to trust you based on something else you may wind up doing when your 25?
I had an engagement ring on my hand when I left my ex. I had a hard time leaving him thinking that 'this is what a relationship is supposed to be like' and making excuses in my head for things that weren't 100% right between us. But once I sat down and truly thought it over, I decided I needed a 'break' from him and during that break I learned he wasn't who I wanted to be with. Now here I am with my current FH and loving every minute of it. What I learned from my new relationship that barely existed in my past one is that when things go bad we should both be able to work it out, trust each other in every way possible, be open, and forgive and forget when things turn astray!
Again, I'm not saying you should go on a 'break' just sit down and seriously thing things through.. if you can't figure it out, I agree with those who said to pushing the wedding back.
hope everything works out for the best!
lauraandrob2009
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Re: Just somethings on my mind....
I do think 23 is so young...but not knowing you and your situation, I don't mean to sound like I'm judging that. I just think our early and mid 20s should be about finding out things about ourself and living life to the fullest before settling down....there's plenty of time to do that so if you have any doubts, it doesn't hurt to postpone things and stay dating for awhile....I waited til after 30 to get married and am very happy I did. I've changed so much since I was 23. Good luck with whatever you decide.
KPetekie
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Re: Just somethings on my mind....
A couple of things: I would really evaluate your situation. Only you know how you really feel but I know that no one could make me double think marrying Fh. I don't have any exes, at all, so that could be part of it... That I haven't had the same experiences as you, but in general, I don't think someone 'telling you what you want to hear' would be an issue unless you aren't normally getting what you actually want. So my advice is to slow down and think about it. Also, I don't want to sound like I think I'm so much older than you, cause I'm not, but I know that when I was only a few years younger than I am now, I wouldn't have been ready. I will be 25 when we get married and I am 2 months away from turning 25. We got engaged at 24 and I was completely ready for it. For years (we've been together 9), I only wanted to be a live-in couple and didn't think marriage was necessary, but when I watched my best friend get married, I started to see marriage differently. I've wanted to get married since 23 but I don't know if I would have felt as ready then. I know its only been one year, almost two, but in that time frame, I've gotten my first real job and purchased my own home with Fh. I feel like I've matured a lot in a short period of time. So no, I'm not much older than you, but I wouldn't have been ready at 23 to be a wife... I would need to feel that my life was more settled before that. My answers are based on my individual life experiences. There is no way I can know your life experiences and how serious you were when you posted, but I do think that feeling should be red flag to you. HTH, I'm sure you will make the right decision for you.
GonnaBeeMrsG
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Re: Just somethings on my mind....
First off I want to say great job for coming out and saying something! Some ppl would never fess up to this esp on here of fear of what people might say or think. But that is what we are here for! Ok so I agree with everyone when it comes to slowing things down.
I dont want to sound mean or harsh BUT you dont want to be someone who gets a divorce do you? Not for nothing but when ppl accuse other people we all know what that means.
Just becareful and remember do NOT get married for the wedding or because he wants you to be offically all his esp with this little test going on. Get married because you can't live without eachother and can't imagine life with out him.
Listen dont think either being treated in a not so great way is ok or exceptable because its not everyone deserves to be treated with 110% ESP your FH!!
stargazerlily
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Re: Just somethings on my mind....
Being confused is the step right before clarity. I would take your time and think about it, postpone if you need to, and talk to someone that does not know either of you. That can help you do some basic 'relationship math' and figure out what adds up and what does not. Don't make any decisions when you feel confused...including getting married. Figure it out.
endlesslove116
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Re: Just somethings on my mind....
i honestly think that cold feet months before the wedding is normal. i have gone thru my ups and downs with fh and horrible terrible times and i am not saying we still dont go thru our bad times cause even just recently we went thru a rough rollarcoaste in our relationship, but if you truly care and love each other than you can get passed those bad times and make it work. that is what true love is, and if you guys cant get passed those bad times than that is something to think about. everytime me and fh go thru bad times and i mean BAD ones too, we have had some bad ones that we were close to leaving each other more than once (we have been together for 9 years) and everytime this happens we get passed it and work it out and that is how i know i truly love him and he loves me and we are meant to be because if we worent than it would be easier for me just to walk away and leave and never try to work anything out.. but back to the cold feet, i wont deny it - i think its normal! we all at some point in our wedding planning get worried and nervous and start to freak out over marriage. even as much as you are sure of marrying your fh and you love him with all your heart you still feel nervous. marriage isnt a joke, its very serious and takes a lot of work! make sure this is what you want cause better to leave now than if you are married, you know that! i wish you the best of luck with this and remember follow your heart cause that is the one thing that usually never lies to you! :) do what your heart tells you.. dont be afraid to do anything, this is your life and you have to make sure you are happy and this is what you really want! :)
PS: dont let your ex get in the way and ruin something that could be perfect for you. being confused about marrying your fh and not sure if your ready is one thing, but if you are feeling this way because of an ex coming back to you - dont do that.. they all usually do this and it happens to become just a phase and a game for both of you.. this might just be a phase just cause of your ex coming back and if it is hopefully you will get over it soon! let us know what happens.. sorry for the long post, hehe!! xoxo
