Just somethings on my mind....

Original post by LiBride23

Feb 04, 2009 04:36 PM

I am so confused.... Do I really want 2 get married at 23? Do I love him? Am i just being tested because my ex came back into my life asking to be wit me. And telling me all the things i want to hear? Just need a little pick me up.... Just to know I love my FH

Butterfly123 Posted: Feb 04, 2009 09:56 PM

Re: Just somethings on my mind....

I think you should postpone until you feel 100 percent sure. A marriage is not going to fix any problems youre having. Good luck

wundmoretime Posted: Feb 05, 2009 12:16 AM

Re: Just somethings on my mind....

IMO, Don't do it if you are not really ready. If you have feelings for your ex, they might interfere with your future hapiness leaving you with doubt and curiosity. It is not fair to do that to you or FH. I married at 22 the first time and looking back, I think I was too young and I changed. What I accepted then, I couldn't accept in my 30s and I left him. I was very unhappy for a long time. It could be cold feet but make sure it is what you want. If you settle, it is hard to get out if you change your mind after marriage. Kids complicate it even more. It can get messy and even more expensive than a marriage, if you can believe that. My ex was an abuser though and didn't really care for me or my feelings so things could be very different for you if FH truly loves and respects you. You can work through this but don't rush into it because you set a date.

KimiDanny1010 Posted: Feb 05, 2009 01:30 AM

Re: Just somethings on my mind....

here's what i can tell you...

i will be 23 when i get married also .. but i do not have any doubts about marrying my fh...

i can also tell you that your marriage and your love will be tested for the rest of your life... problems always arise... your love and trust has to be strong enough to withstand anything...

italgal Posted: Feb 05, 2009 09:12 AM

Re: Just somethings on my mind....

Put everything off for a year. It will cost you nothing $$$ to push it ahead a year.You need to have total trust going into this. You need to know you can trust yourself ( now that you EX is comming around) & your FH needs to trust you. A marrage is two people acting as one. EVERYTHING is
50/50. You are only 23 you have plenty of time to get married.

Kimbalina Posted: Feb 05, 2009 09:25 AM

Re: Just somethings on my mind....

Posted by LiBride23

I know i love him. My FH. It is just we have been through alot. And he always thinks I am out cheating or something when i am not... but like you said I just need to sit and think.. I guess because everything is just coming and hitting like a ton brick

Marriage is about love and respect. Sounds like you love him, but you need to respect each other, not have him always assuming you're cheating. You might want to take a day or two and weigh your options. Think about the commitment and if BOTH of you are ready. Pushing it back is not an awful option if there are things you are unsure of.

Have this conversation with him. I know it will be hard, but you are better off in the long run. It will stregthen your communication skills and let you know where each other stands.

Good Luck!

MrsJuneB2B Posted: Feb 05, 2009 11:06 AM

Re: Just somethings on my mind....

i think that you have some pretty serious questions. i would definitely take a break from the wedding planning and have a serious talk with FH. if he's thinking you are cheating and you're not, then that's a pretty serious foundational-crack that needs to be fixed before you get married, otherwise i fear that might haunt you forever. IMO, a wedding is just one day, a marriage happens over time and i think begins before you even get 'married'. it doesn't change anything in terms of your trust, love and self. 23 gives you time to wait a year, regroup and work on your relationship because a wedding isn't going to fix your worries and you deserve to be happy.

LiBride23 Posted: Feb 05, 2009 11:38 AM

Re: Just somethings on my mind....

Ok.. How I feel about him... I love him. We have our ups and downs. and we always get passed it. My ex is no good for me.. He put his hands on me ore then a few times. Thats why we broke up. It is just my ex has kids and they miss me so much. And i think thats y he is just telling me wat i want to hear.
My Fh and I are a year apart no kids we have plans for a family. Like my Fh and i are a match mate. and I know that. I just need to get away from my ex all together even his children no matter how much it hurts. I just needs the ladies advice and opinions.
What made me think about this was my ex and I spoke on the phone and said That I am not inlove with my FH, I am inlove with the idea of marriage.. and I have been thinking about that alot.

LiBride23 Posted: Feb 05, 2009 11:48 AM

Re: Just somethings on my mind....

ur right.. To be honest I can't live without him (FH) He is my one and only... Like thinking of him and I breaking up i want 2 cry and it hurts. You know when ppl say things like they can feel the one they love. I know when he is thinkin about me and when he is bothered wit something. we always call or text on another at the same time. he knows everything about me and as do i wit him.

little j Posted: Feb 05, 2009 11:51 AM

Re: Just somethings on my mind....

if you feel like you are in anyway 'settling' i think you need to really sit and slow things down. you should want to get married because you cannot picture your life without FH and you want to share the rest of your life with him, forever.

LaurenJosh Posted: Feb 05, 2009 11:54 AM

Re: Just somethings on my mind....

If your ex put is hands on you then why are you talking to him? I think you should stop all communication with him. He is obviously trying to confuse you. Once he's out of the picture, you'll probably be able to assess your situation with FH better.

LiBride23 Posted: Feb 05, 2009 11:56 AM

Re: Just somethings on my mind....

Like for last night we got into an argument. I do not going anywhere by myself if i do not have 2. I hate to go into stores. I feel everyone is watching me. it is stupid i know. so yesterday i was on LI weddings and the girls from here are going to sandcastle for a bridal show. so i want to go. it's going to be brides to be there. so i told him. and he was like where r u really going. like i do not even think about cheating on him. but i know he would not be interested in going so why would i even waste my time to ask. so i was like what eva because in my heart i know. so i went to sleep at like 7pm. and when we woke up for work this morning we were fine. But we r together all the time. I do not go anywhere. n he doesn't either. so it is like he needs to spend time wit his friends and so do i.

Sorry to complain girls.. It is just so frustrating. Thank you for giving me advice.

LiBride23 Posted: Feb 05, 2009 11:59 AM

Re: Just somethings on my mind....

Posted by LaurenJosh

If your ex put is hands on you then why are you talking to him? I think you should stop all communication with him. He is obviously trying to confuse you. Once he's out of the picture, you'll probably be able to assess your situation with FH better.

Thats true we were fine before he started back again. I am going to tell him 2 day that he has to stop. because I love my Fh.

Brat23 Posted: Feb 05, 2009 12:21 PM

Re: Just somethings on my mind....

Oh boy this is a situation alright! JMO but too little too late for the EX! He had his chance it came it went. Men are like children they only want what they cant have.

Here you have a man who loves you and clearly wants to marry you.

Don't let the sneakly old EX trick you!

If you are not ready to get married don't but do not let the EX be a deciding factor

GL hope it all works out

LiBride23 Posted: Feb 05, 2009 12:35 PM

Re: Just somethings on my mind....

Thank u.. It will work wit me and FH. You know y... Because they have Charcol Grey Tuxs for our groomsmen.. lol.... It is good now... My FH called me and said he loves and misses me and he is on his way home early to be with me. I still get butterflies when i see him

jtgarsik Posted: Feb 05, 2009 02:01 PM

Re: Just somethings on my mind....

i just read through this whole thread - and i'm sorry u're having the feelings that u're having...HOWEVER u need to think long & hard and dig down real deep... if u'd like, the hubster & i took an awesome AWESOME pre-marital course. It really helps a lot with issues like this let alone everything else in the book. it's for 12weeks...but it's only once a week and honestly it was the best thing we ever did. it's a classroom type setting - so u make friends, have fun...it's not like a one on one thing that makes things weird or 'counceling'-ish. It just helps u uncover a lot...and by the end most couples either realized they were really in this for the long haul, or decided to walk. I reccomend it to every engaged couple we know! throw me some FM if u'd like the info. Good luck with ur situation!

jtgarsik Posted: Feb 05, 2009 02:08 PM

Re: Just somethings on my mind....

btw - i really think u should TALK to your fh about everything u're saying here....communication is a biggie - especially with marraige - and from what u're saying, it almost seems like u guys will argue & then push it under the rug - which is not a good thing! that's probably why u guys are having so many trust & questioning issues. Tell him the thing about spending some time with friends...that is SO important! also - STOP ur commications with ur ex. besides him obviously being no good for u, it's not right and not fair. get his number out of ur phone and stop returning his calls if he's the one pursueing.

and about the whole 'in love with love' vs. 'in love with marraige'...thats something you & ONLY you need to figure out. that's why i reccomended that class i mentioned above...

LiBride23 Posted: Feb 05, 2009 02:12 PM

Re: Just somethings on my mind....

Posted by jtgarsik

btw - i really think u should TALK to your fh about everything u're saying here....communication is a biggie - especially with marraige - and from what u're saying, it almost seems like u guys will argue & then push it under the rug - which is not a good thing! that's probably why u guys are having so many trust & questioning issues. Tell him the thing about spending some time with friends...that is SO important! also - STOP ur commications with ur ex. besides him obviously being no good for u, it's not right and not fair. get his number out of ur phone and stop returning his calls if he's the one pursueing.

and about the whole 'in love with love' vs. 'in love with marraige'...thats something you & ONLY you need to figure out. that's why i reccomended that class i mentioned above...

Thank u.... I am so serious.

MitziandAndrew Posted: Feb 05, 2009 02:13 PM

Re: Just somethings on my mind....

I do have to say you have a lot of courage to express your feelings like this.

Like the other girls have said... this won't be the last time you will be tested. And you should never put yourself in a situation where you will be, that will avoid a lot of problems. Is it possible for you not to communicate with your ex at all??? then see how you feel...

Deeglasser Posted: Feb 05, 2009 05:37 PM

Re: Just somethings on my mind....

Posted by lauraandrob2009

I do think 23 is so young...but not knowing you and your situation, I don't mean to sound like I'm judging that. I just think our early and mid 20s should be about finding out things about ourself and living life to the fullest before settling down....there's plenty of time to do that so if you have any doubts, it doesn't hurt to postpone things and stay dating for awhile....I waited til after 30 to get married and am very happy I did. I've changed so much since I was 23. Good luck with whatever you decide.

i agree with everything... i just remember myself at 23... i was having the time of my life... traveling, dating, living with friends, etc etc... i know girls who have gotten married at your age and ended in divorce because they realized they were too young and didnt want to miss out on their 20s. i am in my 30s also and i have changed also... but now i can look back and say that i have done it all and now i am ready to enter another part of my life...