kids at wedding question

ok so originally our plan was to have only the flower girl and bearer as the only kids our wedding. also one of the fh's younger cousins who's 11, and thats it. we figured it would be fine since all these are first cousins. then fmil calls me today and says u know my nieces in FL really want to come to the wedding, but would have to bring their kids, would that be ok? (2 kids total, they're 1 and 3) so i'm totally not excpeting her to say this and i'm like we'll its not really fair to the other people with kids if we do that. i'm like what about ur nephew in PA who has a young son (3), then hes going to want to bring his kid. shes like no they (nieces in FL) would be the only ones, i promise. so i'm like ok fine its only 2 more kids they can come but thats it, no more kids. so after i hang up the phone with her, i like f*ck what did i just do??? then i'm like u know what f it its my wedding if people have a problem with it they need to get over it. then i'm like wait thats not fair to my cousins who have little ones, one of them lives in FL. then i'm like you know what it is fine, my cousins won't care they have people in NY they can leave their kid with and the people in FL don't know anyone in NY and the kids are too small to leave in FL with other realatives. then i'm like no its not. so i'm going back and forth and my head trying to figure out if i made the right deicision.
what do u guys think? is it ok just to have those 4 kids at the wedding and not let anyone else bring their kids???
i would call FMIL and talk to her about it some more tonight, but she had eye surgery and can't see at the moment and is in a lot of pain.

so i chose to invite just 4 kids - mind you they are older and i am really close with them -- and chose not to invite anyone else's kids. it was right for me - because it is my wedding and i am paying for it

well my bitchy family went ballistic! one aunt rsvp's NO as a protest and then in the end everyone ganged up on her and she came to the wedding and made a mean comment to me - ON MY WEDDING DAY!

HOWEVER if i had to do it over again I would do it the same. I feel bad for my mom who got a lot of crap for it but it was MY decision on who to invite (or not invite) and no one else's. I knew that some would disagree but MOST parents enjoyed the night away. And the kids that I invited know me very well - the other kids probably dont even know my name.... that was a deciding factor too

Do what YOU want and just be prepared to deal with consequences - its YOUR wedding

Good luck!

I'm sort of in the same predicament...
I only have 1 little cousin on my side while my FH has TONS and I mean TONS. We're doing an age cap, which btw REALLY *****, but we have no choice. Under 18- no invite. You have to have them all or none. Being that your FMIL already told you about the FL kids, just leave it be. People are going to get pissed off no matter what. BUT in the end, its your day and your decision. What does the FH say about this? I feel for you, I really do. Kids shouldn't be at a wedding anyway, but that's my opinion.

i'm glad to hear u say u'd do it over again the same way given the chance. thats the way i feel, these are fh's first cousin's kids. and its 2 kids, not like 10. so i keep thinking its easier to let those 2 come then to say no to those 2 and have fh's cousins not come to the wedding. i don't know why i keep second guessing myself. i dare someone to say something to me on my wedding day, they will see me go bridezilla, like no one has ever seen.
thanks for ur input. :

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Posted by jenafee

I'm sort of in the same predicament...
I only have 1 little cousin on my side while my FH has TONS and I mean TONS. We're doing an age cap, which btw REALLY *****, but we have no choice. Under 18- no invite. You have to have them all or none. Being that your FMIL already told you about the FL kids, just leave it be. People are going to get pissed off no matter what. BUT in the end, its your day and your decision. What does the FH say about this? I feel for you, I really do. Kids shouldn't be at a wedding anyway, but that's my opinion.

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FH is fine with them being there. he thinks its easier to let them come, then not. thats what i think i'm going to do, just leave it be. and if someone does question me i'll just say they had a special situation and thats all u need to know.

Well put good luck to you!!

We had the same thing and I really wanted no kids(other than niece-FG). I felt like that was my choice and I stood my ground and was glad I did.
It was not easy at times we caught a lot of heat from both sides, But I really felt that if people loved us and wanted to share in our day, than they would respect my wishes and get a babysitter or don't come. I know it sounds harsh, thats life!!!!

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Posted by Valor06

This is a great question. I too wonder what is the proper thing to do or age cap. I have heard that it's either yes to all kids or no. That people will wonder why their kids aren't invited. But is that fair when these problems arise? My FMIL did the same thing to my FH's sister in law when she got married with 2nd cousins in Florida and now admits that it was a bad decision. If anything just let her know when she feels better NO MORE KIDS!!

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we're going to NY this weekend so when we see her i'll be sure to mention it again, that thats it on the kids. thanks!!

your predicament is the exact reason why we are having NO kids at the wedding at all. (we may have to cut the FG cause my brother claims we MUST invite his other kid, and stepson)

it's a domino effect, if you say yes to one--then it's like you have to say yes to everybody. there are just too many small kids in my family to do it.

do what you and FH think is right--if you want only 2 kids or no kids or 20 kids...it's YOUR decision!