Hi Guys - I'm new to the board (well posting anyway) I have been reading all the great advice you've been giving and I was wondering if you could help me with a problem I'm having w/my fi... I want an elegant adult reception and he's insistant on having the kids in his family at the wedding. He says that it's putting the parents of these children in a predicament and they won't come. Meanwhile they don't reprimand these kids (all under 4) and they run around like crazy. For ex. 2 mths ago we went to an engagement party for one of his cousins and during the spotlight dance the kids were running circles around them, etc. and the parents did nothing about it - they think it's cute. What do I do?
MarcellaBella
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Re: Kids @ weddings
I'm having no children at the reception.. after all the pictures are taken and introductions are made, all the children will be driven back to the hotel escorted by the nanny who'll be watching them..
CathieH
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Re: Kids @ weddings
I gotta say, I enjoy kids at weddings. Me and my FI are having all of the kids there. They really are not bad though, like you said you had kids running circles around the couple while they were dancing. I would KILL them if they did that. The kids in our families range from age 1 - 17. We are more into having a 'fun' wedding, cuz we both love kids, rather than having jsut the adults. But if the kids in you and your FI's family are seriously that uncontrollable, i would leave them home. although, i can see what he means by the parents being put in a bind, which is another reason, we are having kids. cuz all the babysitters, who are family members will be there too:)
ddunne23
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Re: Kids @ weddings
I am in your same situation. I come from the a world where weddings=NO KIDS. FH is from Indiana and weddings are much more informal events where everyone and their mother is invited and the cost is like $5 a head and they are usually held in a church gym or something. Between his sisters there are 4 neices and nephews age 6,5,4,3.. Two are in the wedding and I am actually ok with them coming to the wedding since they are traveling from Indiana and it would be pretty rude to insist on no kids at the wedding. BUt, my concern is that they laugh and egg the kids on for stupid stuff they do....they think it is cute. I think they need to be controlled a litte....but they all say, 'they are just kids!'. Like, his sister for instance said, 'I can't control them if they start singing during mass...they like to do that.' And I'm thinking, 'you sure as heck can control them!'. So I am just a little weary about them acting up and not being disciplined. But I'm sure they will be fine. Just one more thing to worry about.
SeptemberBride03
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Re: Kids @ weddings
I'm having kids also. But I can see why you wouldn't want the children in your fi's family there. Try to have an open conversation about it with him and if he can't see your side then maybe consider allowing them to be there on the condition that before invites go out he talks to their parents and explains that you both love the children and want them there, but there are certain moments (spotlight dances and cake cutting for instance) that you really want to be perfect and would they mind keeping a close eye on them during those times. I'd also buy coloring books and crayons and give them to the kids right before one of those 'moments' so its new and exciting and they'll direct their attention there instead of on you. If they realize that your contemplating inviting them and these are the conditions, they should understand - it is your day.
minerva
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Re: Kids @ weddings
I think if you are having an elegant wedding...shildren should be limited
We are only having 5 under 13...nieces, nephews and first cousins
JN2004
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Re: Kids @ weddings
No children!! They don't enjoy being there any way, they have no idea what is going on. Their parents can get a babysittier!!
Licia
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Re: Kids @ weddings
We discussed this issue and we don't want kids there either. Our immediate family will have thie children invited but extended no way. We figured it out...financially it would cost us another $1,000 for these kids to be there and they won't even eat. I have seen children at weddings and the parents let them run aound...I can just picture it...one of these kids falling into my cake or bumping into a waiter... And the good thing is that I also have my family's support on this so there is no argument there
Ronnie&Theresa
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Re: Kids @ weddings
I feel if they are not in the bridal party and they are under a specific age I do not want them there. I was at a wedding last weekend.. The ring boy was out of control. Screaming and running around the church. I wont even go into the dance floor nightmares.. I DONT WANT IT!!!!!
curly2003
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Re: Kids @ weddings
I agree 100% with cathie. I have posted about this before and it is what I am most adamant about. I WILL DEFINITELY have kids at my wedding. My FI and I both come from large families and wouldn't even DREAM of not inviting kids. They are such a big part of our lives and make ANY occasion more memorable and special. Think of when you have kids........ I can't wait to have mine. You'd be surprised at how kids act at functions like these. They can be better behaved than drunk Uncle Joe
P.S in total we have 19 kids invited between the ages of 1-14.
CatchI22
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Re: Kids @ weddings
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MichelleW
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Re: Kids @ weddings
MY DH has 10 neices and nephews and they were all invited to the wedding. Initially I was a bit worried becuase 2 of them are he$$ raisers and their parents are quite lax. Luckily it worked out okay
nrvbrd
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Re: Kids @ weddings
Melbride, I am with you.
Others on the board who are having kids have more of an ideal situation where the children's presence will be a blessing, unfortunately that is not the case with you.
I was very adamant with my family and FI about not having children. The only exceptions are my niece and nephew who are in the wedding and one other child from his immediate family. I have a vision of what I want my wedding to be and it does not include a bunch of children running around.
These are my thoughts, either get a babysitter or do not come at all. If you cannot respect my feelings I do not need you to be there.
This may sound harsh to some of you, but that is my opinion.
anne
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Re: Kids @ weddings
We invited kids -- but only my husband's nieces/nephews and my first cousins.... They loved being there and we loved having them!
But, we didn't want to open the flood gates and invite every guest with their kids... Just the 'special ones'...
karen32
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Re: Kids @ weddings
Melbride, I'm with you, too!! I really don't kids at a reception. It's too late for them, they're cranky, and they run around like maniacs. I love kids - but I think there is a time and a place for them, and I don't think a semi-formal reception is the place.
I may sound harsh - but my girlfriend invited her three nephews, and they spent the ENTIRE night running around the dancefloor like little-crazy people. It was so annoying!!! She even gave each of them little goodie bags - coloring books, crayons, etc. It didn't settle them down one bit!!
JMO!!!
Jodi73
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Re: Kids @ weddings
I was in the same situation a few months ago. I did not want kids at the wedding at all, but I lost on this one. My FMIL told me basically that the children would not be a problem at the wedding. I have seen them at other family functions and they ran around like crazy. I already told my FI that I am going to warn the children as well as the parents that if they want their children there, they are to behave and not run around. I suggested having the children at the ceremony and cocktail hour and then go to the bridal suite with a babysitter where there would be games, TVs, VCRs and all sorts of fun stuff, but I lost that one also. I know that all my family members would understand if their children are invited, but my FI thinks his family would be insulted. I am insulted that these parents can not see my point of view. I am having a formal Saturday night affair and see no need for the children. Every banquet manager that I spoke to at the different halls that I looked at said they hardly ever see children. My FI also insisted that 'family friends' children be invited. They are 16 and 18 year old boys. Now can someone tell me what 16 and 18 year old boys want to go to a wedding and sit there. Well thanks for letting me vent some steam. I am still upset that children will be at my wedding.
nrvbrd
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Re: Kids @ weddings
Melbride, I know I posted before but I want to say a few more things.
I usually try not to be too opinionated on this board, but hit on one of the two things that I am adamant about during this wedding planning process:
1. NO KIDS 2. KEEPING THE GUEST LIST DOWN.
I want to say to you please do what you want. People are going to be offended no matter what you do.
mims107
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Re: Kids @ weddings
We were not going have kids because it is a friday night wedding (7-12) and it is late for kids in genereal. But we thought about it and realized that there are only 3 kids under like 12 anyway, the others are all high teens, so 3 kids is not so bad. 2 of them are his neice and nephew (in wedding party anyway) and the other is my baby cousin who is a doll. My cousins range in age from like 14-17 (except the little one) so they are all invited.
I think if there were a ton of little ones we wold have limited it though.
melbride2003
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Re: Kids @ weddings
Thank you all for your opinions on this... for the brides that are having children at your wedding God bless you, but I'm thinking that you probably have normal situations where the kids parents probably reprimand (sp?) them and keep an eye on them. Unfortunately, my fi's family think everything is 'cute'. But, I just got off the phone w/my fi and told him how I feel about it and he thinks I'm crazy and the kids will behave. LOL I laughed @ him because I told him do you really think kids as little as the ones that would be coming would really understand what kinds of behavior is acceptable at a wedding? of course not. And you definitely can't leave it up to the parents. His answer to me was well, that's not our problem how the kids behave. I'm so infuriated!!! I don't want to spend over a year planning my dream wedding only to have it ruined! I'm so upset - I just want to cry!
nrvbrd
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Re: Kids @ weddings
Melbride, plead your case with your FI. My thoughts are that your FI does not want to be bothered with addressing this situation so it is easier for him to just say let's have them there. Unacceptable!!!
Wedding planning is stressful enough and this is the last thing you need.
Your feelings need to be known about this. I am very passionate about this because I feel the exact same way as you.
If you are like most women on this board and are paying for this wedding yourself, all the more reason to get what you want.
