Ladies with divorced parents (and ladies without..)

Does anyone else have an irrational fear of divorce? I feel like my fear has been growing and growing lately. My relationship with FH is amazing, but I'm terrified that something terrible will happen and lead to us getting a divorce.
I know a lot of it has to do with my own parents being divorced. I was so young when it happened that I don't remember them having any issues in their marriage.
I tell FH about my fear, and he just doesn't get it. His parents have been happily married for over 40 years. He tells me I'm the one for him and that I'm being silly, but lately I can't shake this weird fear.
Am I insane or do some of you also feel this way?

Ladies with divorced parents (and ladies without..)

Not insane AT ALL! My grandparents were divorced, my parents are divorced and FH's mother is on her THIRD husband! I get it! I was in fifth grade when I brought my grandfather to school for grandparents day (after having to figure out which one to ask because they wouldn't both go!) and on the questionnaire it asked where they met their wife/husband. My grandfather looked at me and goes 'in a hurricane' I wondered how two people who loved each other enough to marry one another and have three children could hate each other so much! As for my mother, she should have divorced my sperm donor YEARS AGO, I actually wished for it every single birthday since I was 9...But I know in my heart that FH is NOT my sperm donor and anything that we have faced in the last 7 years and that we will face in the future we can get through!!

Re: Ladies with divorced parents (and ladies without..)

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Posted by RoandJoe

Does anyone else have an irrational fear of divorce? I feel like my fear has been growing and growing lately. My relationship with FH is amazing, but I'm terrified that something terrible will happen and lead to us getting a divorce.
I know a lot of it has to do with my own parents being divorced. I was so young when it happened that I don't remember them having any issues in their marriage.
I tell FH about my fear, and he just doesn't get it. His parents have been happily married for over 40 years. He tells me I'm the one for him and that I'm being silly, but lately I can't shake this weird fear.
Am I insane or do some of you also feel this way?

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You have FM

Ladies with divorced parents (and ladies without..)

My parents got divorced and I used to think about it all the time but I have to be honest, since I met FH it hasn't crossed my mind at all. I am so confident in our relationship and have faith that we will get through whatever life throws at us.

Ladies with divorced parents (and ladies without..)

My parents are together, and have been for 32 years, but that doesn't mean I don't think about it. It's completely rational to worry about the unknown, but as long as you don't let it come between you and FH, it's ok to think about it.

My opinion is that people our age who get married aren't always willing to put in the time and work to make their relationships work. At the first sign of unhappiness, they drop the 'D' word.

As long as you're always willing to put in the effort to do whatever it takes to fix things within your relationship that may be broken, you have nothing to worry about. It's always a possibility, but you and FH are the ones who dictate what happens in your relationship.

Don't be upset for thinking this, it's completely rational.

Ladies with divorced parents (and ladies without..)

Fh always tells me he's Irish he'd be miserable for the rest of his life before he got divorced lol. But I don't think it makes you insane to be worried. You just have to trust that your relationship is strong and the two of you are strong enough to keep it together.

Ladies with divorced parents (and ladies without..)

Yeah, I know we have a strong relationship and we aren't going to have the same issues my parents do. I talked to my mom about it tonight and she kind of put it into perspective for me. She even told me SHE knows we wouldn't ever get a divorce. My mom knows me way too well, I always trust her. She thinks I just have this fear because of the terrible experience of my parents divorce
I'm so happy to know I'm not just a pessimist and worrying about crazy things. Thanks ladies

Ladies with divorced parents (and ladies without..)

I think it's perfectly normal to think or feel that way. With 1 out of every 2 (I think?) marriages ending in divorce, I personally think it's something that many people think about. I wouldn't worry about it though!

Ladies with divorced parents (and ladies without..)

It's not an irrational fear, especially if it's something that's present in your life. I think the best thing to do is recognize that getting divorced is a real possibility for 50% of couples today. You are smart and logical to be thinking about it and just because you think about it does not mean it's going to happen.
FH and I actually do talk about divorce and what would happen, how we would handle it, etc and I think it helps us because we are on the complete same page about it.

Ladies with divorced parents (and ladies without..)

I am terrified of it. I'm actually terrified of FH leaving me even before the wedding. He's never given me a reason to ACTUALLY think that... its just the crazy girl side of me. However... with the relationship that FH and I have and how we handle things... we talk about things... including divorce. His parents are (un)happily married for almost 35 years... but I don't want to end up like them either. Like kaw2be since we talk about these things I think it helps since we're on the same page.

Ladies with divorced parents (and ladies without..)

honestly, no one in my family is divorced, on either side. Well actually I have an uncle that was and is remarried for 10 years. BUT FHs parents are. From what I know it was an ugly marriage & and even uglier divorce. This was when he was 12 and they still hate each other. Has it crossed my mind? of course it has. I think its natural. SO many wacky thoughts cross my mind that I dont think will come true but when you sitting around you cant help but wonder all the what ifs that could pop up in your life. I think its totally normal, though I dont see it happening. FH & I have made it through some really tough times, and I feel like if we can make it through anything.

Re: Ladies with divorced parents (and ladies without..)

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Posted by katielynn

I am terrified of it. I'm actually terrified of FH leaving me even before the wedding. He's never given me a reason to ACTUALLY think that... its just the crazy girl side of me. However... with the relationship that FH and I have and how we handle things... we talk about things... including divorce. His parents are (un)happily married for almost 35 years... but I don't want to end up like them either. Like kaw2be since we talk about these things I think it helps since we're on the same page.

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You just said exactly how I feel!! He doesn't make me feel like it will happen--I think it's just from my past relationships and seeing my parents go through it.
Unlike my parents, we are very open with communication.
Thanks again for your help ladies.

Ladies with divorced parents (and ladies without..)

that is really sad to me that 50% of marriages fail :(

Ladies with divorced parents (and ladies without..)

It's a totally normal fear to have. My parents are divorced and it is UGLY. They split up for a year when I was 10, got back together for 10 unnecessary years of nothing but horrible fighting and then split up again for good. It's actually not even official yet, they're technically separated but it still has to go through the courts. I went through over a decade of turmoil, almost 15 years now actually, and there's no end in sight. I can't even have an engagement party bc my dad refuses to be in the same room as my mom.

I never want to put my future kids through the things I've lived through, and I never want to go through the pain both my parents experienced. I think it's really important to talk about it so you're both on the same page. FH and I have talked about it before and it makes me feel better when we communicate our feelings on the issue.

Re: Ladies with divorced parents (and ladies without..)

I don't think it's irrational at all. FH's family has never had a divorce. However, my mom and all of her siblings, my dad and the siblings that have been married, my stepdad and all of his siblings that have been married, and my now-ex-stepmom have all been divorced. My mom is on her third marriage. My dad and stepmom divorced last year (second marriage for each). My stepdad was married once before. My dad's new girlfriend's divorce was finalized the same month that his was. None of those failed marriages ended amicably. After 19 years, my mother still loathes my father. It's terrifying to think that these people once were in love.

THEN I remember that I have to have a different perspective. I know that I am only getting married once. My FH and I agree, take this commitment very seriously, and have discussed what we would do if we were on the rocks.

As much as I feel like I am destined for it based on my family's track record, I like to think my family has taught us what not to do in a marriage. It's worked so far--going on 8 years together!

Ladies with divorced parents (and ladies without..) - Long Island Weddings

My parents have been married unperfectly for almost 38 years. Mom threatened divorce now they just have separate bedrooms but still are married and share everything.. FH parents are divorced and I think he blames his dad for it all.and FH dad is remarried but FH does not know how she stays with him.. Anyway I know for a fact FH would never propose if he had no intentions of til death do us part.. He never ever wanted to get married and made it clear to me when we started dating because I think he was afraid to end up like his dad..

I think the only thing that keeps me sane and not obsessing over whether or not we will end up in divorce is that he is my best freind and if he didnt want us to get married he would have never asked.. We have a very open relationship and I am not afraid to talk to him about anything..Of course it is a common fear but we cannot obsess over it.. let us enjoy our lives with our FH's and hope it never happens to us. Let us hope that we always remember why we are getting married in teh first place and hope we never lose the feeling we have right now of til death do us part :)

Re: Ladies with divorced parents (and ladies without..)

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Posted by Alyssa M

It's a totally normal fear to have. My parents are divorced and it is UGLY. They split up for a year when I was 10, got back together for 10 unnecessary years of nothing but horrible fighting and then split up again for good. It's actually not even official yet, they're technically separated but it still has to go through the courts. I went through over a decade of turmoil, almost 15 years now actually, and there's no end in sight. I can't even have an engagement party bc my dad refuses to be in the same room as my mom.

I never want to put my future kids through the things I've lived through, and I never want to go through the pain both my parents experienced. I think it's really important to talk about it so you're both on the same page. FH and I have talked about it before and it makes me feel better when we communicate our feelings on the issue.

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I have a such a similar situation! it really sucks but I know I could never put my kids through that.

Ladies with divorced parents (and ladies without..) - Long Island Weddings

My parents have been happily married for over 30 years, while FH's parents are divorced. Your fear is not irrational at all, that thought has crossed my mind too. But when I talk to FH about it, he seems so certain that we are going to be happy together and he says he is not worried about that at all. That somehow puts my mind at ease. When FH asked my dad for my hand in marriage (my family is very traditional), my dad gave FH and me one piece of advice: communication and laughter are the key to a healthy relationship.