Re: Let's Talk About Cold Feet - His and Yours

I think the lifelong committment takes some getting used to, but the day to day really isn't much different than your life now (you live together, right?)

Al was never so psyched about marriage - always having a negative view of his friends marriages (which is why it took him so long to propose ) but our relationship changed that view. Now, he's constantly amazed at just how wonderful marriage can be.

I think many people feel nervous beforehand. Neither of us did (Al warned me he may freak out at some point but he never did), but I can tell you a story about his sister...

She was ready to cancel her wedding the night before. She just wasn't sure. She figured she'd wait and she how she felt the next day and since she woke up happy, she went through with it. Its 8 years and 3 kids later and she's still very happy.

Little issues get magnified when you consider you'll have to deal with them forever, but it will all work out

Re: Let's Talk About Cold Feet - His and Yours

Rachel I think what you are feeling is pretty normal. I felt that way too and I had been married once before (for 18 years) so it was even harder. I enjoyed my freedom and not having to answer to anyone (except my teenage son lol). I could order chinese when I wanted or pizza or sit in front of the TV and eat a bowl of cereal for dinner if I felt like it. I could pretty much come and go as I pleased, do what I wanted etc etc. I liked my alone time.


But..... I like so much more having my DH to share my life with. Sure the mundane stuff like cooking and cleaning and laundry still exist. Those things never seem to go away. But you have to remember that marriage is an adventure. It's about sharing new and exciting experiences as much as it is about being comfortable being yourself. There will be times I guarantee it, that you will wonder what you were thinking and why you ever got married. That's okay. We are all individuals who need our own space. You aren't always going to get along. But your love for each other is what keeps it going. All good marriages take work. Commitment, communication and compromise!! Those are the words to remember.

Re: Let's Talk About Cold Feet - His and Yours

Hey Rach - FH and I have hit a rocky patch lately and I it has a lot to do with the fact that the wedding date is fast approaching. He isn’t afraid of marriage at all but is very nervous about being the center of attention on the day. However, lately, I think he has joined me over on the scared s****less side of things. Marriage (relationships in general) are hard work and lately that work has been really trying. From the day we got engaged I was nervous about the wedding and the marriage and I know that is very normal but it is still scary. When we fight it makes it even harder but we know it is only a rough patch that will pass. We are scared of what we don’t know but like everything else we will get through it. As long as you love and respect eachother and laugh a lot you will be fine. FH and I get over so much through laughter. We try not to take ourselves too seriously. I hate the cleaning and cooking myself and that is a big cause of arguments in our house but I try not to blow my top (which I do very easily – lol) and talk to him about it. Men don’t get that the house doesn’t clean itself and explaining that to them makes me crazy. We have the mothers to blame for that – lol. Just remember that you are marrying the guy you love and hopefully all the rest will fall in place.

Re: Let's Talk About Cold Feet - His and Yours

My feet are pretty hot. ( I have 8 mos. lol)
MY FH wanted a small wedding 50 people. We are expecting 130. I still think that is small. He is freaking out about the day. Center of attention. He does not want to sit a the dais. I told him...that we would be walking and talking most of the time and dancing!

Re: Let's Talk About Cold Feet - His and Yours

My FH and I have been living together for over 3 years so it was definitely time. We're both fine now but when we first got engaged a few months ago, FH was a little weird. I asked him if he had cold feet and if he wanted to postpone, etc. and he told me no but that everything was a bit overwhelming. Within weeks of our engagement I was on the phone booking appointments with vendors, etc and his mom kept asking me a MILLION questions every time we saw her. He felt like the wedding was taking over his whole life so I slowed down a bit with the vendors. I'm doing the little things without consulting him for every little thing and he has made a 180 degree turnaround. He is the one excited now and keeps referring to the wedding as 'his wedding'. It's kind of cute. My advice is to take things easy and not to overwhelm him with things all at once. He'll come around and you'll be a lot less stresse too.

GOOD LUCK!

Re: Let's Talk About Cold Feet - His and Yours

No cold feet for us---we just can't wait for the day to be here! We are pretty much 'married' already-been dating for over 6 years, living together 3.

Re: Let's Talk About Cold Feet - His and Yours

Hey Rach! Like I told you last night, Mitch was freaking out all the way up to the RD asking me if we were really going to go through with this and telling me he failed at this before. And yet i had never seen him happier than on our wedding day.

I also freaked out alot about the lifetime of cooking and cleaning and working full-time+. And I still do - even today. But I didn't get to choose who I fell in love with - it just happened and I have to believe it was for a reason and meant to be.

Just as you two are......

Seems to me from reading what everyone else says - we're all pretty normal after all!

Re: Let's Talk About Cold Feet - His and Yours

Thanks for the love and support, guys.

Re: Let's Talk About Cold Feet - His and Yours

hang in there, it gets tough for all of us sometimes and its particularly difficult when you are in the middle of planning the wedding.

there will always be issues that come up, problems, rough patches. you will probably always argue about the same things. but i think thats all part of marriage. its not perfect and its not always happy and wonderful. it gets hard, but you make the commitment to work through those times no matter what. if you are committed to never giving up and always finding a compromise, then you are doing the right thing.

i hate cleaning the house too!! and i will always hate it! and it will never be his chore to do. but my life is better because he is in it. and doing the cleaning/cooking/whatever is such a tiny little part of your entire relationship. do not let it turn into a bigger deal than it is. put everything in perspective. i just had to do that recently because i was getting very frustrated with FH. but talking through things makes everything better.

by the way, we are both very nervous about the actual ceremony. too much attention. but we can't wait til the reception!!