Li girl in Harlem???

Please help, girls ...

A great of mine from childhood lives in the city (Harlem, actually) and I live in western Suffolk. Work and the literal distance between us keeps us apart but I'd still like to get together every once in a while and hang out.

Problem is, IT'S HARLEM! I know that's not the 'PC' thing to say (or write) but I'm kinda scared to go visit her apartment at night. DH and I went last year for a party and it was a really bad neighborhood (tons of homeless, kids fighting in the streets, bars on windows, etc).

I don't want to create a problem with our friendship but also don't want to be fearful when (or if) I visit. Btw, I've been in my house for over a year and she hasn't come to visit me yet.

Edited for spelling

First, let me congratulate you on the bravado you've show in being so politically incorrect. (If the real concern is simply that you have a friend who lives a great distance from you in a bad neighborhood, that's all you had to say.)

All you need to ask yourself is which you are more fearful of; her neighborhood, or jeopardizing your friendship. If you are more fearful of the neighborhood, then tell her how you feel and if she is such a “great” friend, she will understand. You might also want to mention to her that you’ve braved (gasp!) HARLEM to visit her and that she has not been to visit you even once in the 1 year + that you’ve been in your home.

Don’t worry. HARLEM is being re-gentrified even as I type. In another 5 to 10 years, you won’t even know it was (gulp!) HARLEM.

i have a friend in harlem as well 142nd. i was also scared at first, but i went there and itt wasnt bad. she lives with her husband (a thin white English boy) and they have been living there for years. i dont think it is THAT bad and like someone said it is getting better. IMO i think some areas of brooklyn/queens are worse. when i go t o visit her, i always go there in daylite and when i leave i make sure someone walks me to the subway. this is stuff i would do anyway, in any part of the city. there is always police somewhere in that area.

try it once and see, if you feel that unsafe go with someone, dont go alone.

also a good idea that someone said is to meet halfway. the ride in is long. i dont drive in, b/c i drive stick and it is pain to find parking. i take the LIRR from massapequa then the 1 or the 9 up. it takes about 1 1/2 hours total. i like when i go in to see her, we meet at penn station. sometime we go up by her, and sometimes we just go downtown.

it really isnt THAT bad.

ETA (b/c i have seen comments on another board about my post, and people read into things too much): i said thin white english boy, b/c i am stating that all different people live there- it is multicultural and it is a changing area.

i said some areas of brooklyn and queens are worse IMO. every city has its bad neighbourhoods.

---

Posted by Katherine121

First, let me congratulate you on the bravado you've show in being so politically incorrect. (If the real concern is simply that you have a friend who lives a great distance from you in a bad neighborhood, that's all you had to say.)

All you need to ask yourself is which you are more fearful of; her neighborhood, or jeopardizing your friendship. If you are more fearful of the neighborhood, then tell her how you feel and if she is such a “great” friend, she will understand. You might also want to mention to her that you’ve braved (gasp!) HARLEM to visit her and that she has not been to visit you even once in the 1 year + that you’ve been in your home.

Don’t worry. HARLEM is being re-gentrified even as I type. In another 5 to 10 years, you won’t even know it was (gulp!) HARLEM.

---

Absolutely - 'Harlem' is a changing neighborhood - it is actually a lot safer than areas of queens, brooklyn or the bronx. You just have to take the same precautions there as you would in any other neighborhood at night.

Your friend lives there and she's safe - if the friendship is worth it, you can do it.

I do, however, tend to agree with you about the fact that she hasn't been to see you yet. Fair is fair, if you have gone to see her, then she should come to see you as well!

---

Posted by Katherine121

First, let me congratulate you on the bravado you've show in being so politically incorrect. (If the real concern is simply that you have a friend who lives a great distance from you in a bad neighborhood, that's all you had to say.)

All you need to ask yourself is which you are more fearful of; her neighborhood, or jeopardizing your friendship. If you are more fearful of the neighborhood, then tell her how you feel and if she is such a “great” friend, she will understand. You might also want to mention to her that you’ve braved (gasp!) HARLEM to visit her and that she has not been to visit you even once in the 1 year + that you’ve been in your home.

Don’t worry. HARLEM is being re-gentrified even as I type. In another 5 to 10 years, you won’t even know it was (gulp!) HARLEM.

---

Maybe you should (gulp!) chill. The fact that my post mentions Harlems is one factor. The neighborhood happens to be seriously impoverished (yes, I had the 'bravado' to use that word!) and when I went last year, random guys were screaming obsenities at me.

As for being 'gentrified', check your facts ... not re-runs of Sex and the City There are economically depressed neighborhoods and plenty of crime. Just because more ethnicities move to the neighborhood does not mean the 'quality of life' ... good schools, low crime, low unemployment, high real estate values, thriving businesses ... improves.

Being 'political corect' is bullsh*t. I'm expressing an honest concern for young women in the city and you're blowing it off. Think outside the box.

---

Posted by snowflake

Please help, girls ...

A great of mine from childhood lives in the city (Harlem, actually) and I live in western Suffolk. Work and the literal distance between us keeps us apart but I'd still like to get together every once in a while and hang out.

Problem is, IT'S HARLEM! I know that's not the 'PC' thing to say (or write) but I'm kinda scared to go visit her apartment at night. DH and I went last year for a party and it was a really bad neighborhood (tons of homeless, kids fighting in the streets, bars on windows, etc).

I don't want to create a problem with our friendship but also don't want to be fearful when (or if) I visit. Btw, I've been in my house for over a year and she hasn't come to visit me yet.

Edited for spelling

---

Hmmmm.....I agree that if she has not made the effort to visit then you do not need to put yourself out. Harlem is a hike from Suffolk.

Where does your friend live, in a crack house or something You are aware that Harlem is more gentrified than many parts of Long Island, right

You're scared and fearful of being there at night Why I have many friends who live in Harlem and it is completely safe. Some have lived there for at least 15 years while others are more recent (like 5 years or so in Harlem). Many of them love it so much that they are only looking to purchase in Harlem. And for those who own already, they are looking for larger space in Harlem since a few of them are having kids.

As for the homeless (or people that you may have mistaken for being homeless) and the kids fighting in the streets - try walking through Port Authority.

The bars on the windows is normal, it's NYC. There are laws about kids under 10 years old - you have to have bars on the widows. I get a notice about this from our management company every year. If a child falls out of a window the landlord will be liable.

I live in a gated community. Every house and brownstone has bars on the windows on the first floor. I was just in a $2 million home last week in my neighborhood (Brooklyn) and they have bars on the windows and a huge iron gate on the door. As do at least 5 of the homes I have shown lately - all in great areas and all at least $1.7 million each. Bars on the windows are not a sign of crime in NYC but a sign of safety (and that a child under 10 most likely live(d) in that unit).

Depending on where she lives (aside from a crack house block) Harlem is just as safe as any other place in NYC. Bill Clinton's office is in Harlem and there are $500K condos are located all up and down Madison in Harlem. Harlem gets a bad rap in the news but it is just as safe, if not safer than any other part of NYC.

---

Posted by snowflake

---

Posted by Katherine121

First, let me congratulate you on the bravado you've show in being so politically incorrect. (If the real concern is simply that you have a friend who lives a great distance from you in a bad neighborhood, that's all you had to say.)

All you need to ask yourself is which you are more fearful of; her neighborhood, or jeopardizing your friendship. If you are more fearful of the neighborhood, then tell her how you feel and if she is such a “great” friend, she will understand. You might also want to mention to her that you’ve braved (gasp!) HARLEM to visit her and that she has not been to visit you even once in the 1 year + that you’ve been in your home.

Don’t worry. HARLEM is being re-gentrified even as I type. In another 5 to 10 years, you won’t even know it was (gulp!) HARLEM.

---

Maybe you should (gulp!) chill. The fact that my post mentions Harlems is one factor. The neighborhood happens to be seriously impoverished (yes, I had the 'bravado' to use that word!) and when I went last year, random guys were screaming obsenities at me.

As for being 'gentrified', check your facts ... not re-runs of Sex and the City There are economically depressed neighborhoods and plenty of crime. Just because more ethnicities move to the neighborhood does not mean the 'quality of life' ... good schools, low crime, low unemployment, high real estate values, thriving businesses ... improves.

Being 'political corect' is bullsh*t. I'm expressing an honest concern for young women in the city and you're blowing it off. Think outside the box.

---

Do you know anything about Harlem other than what you see on t.v. I think you may be the one focusing on Sex in the City re-runs. I do not recall one episode where they visited Harlem. If there was one, I’d love to see how that played out.

Harlem has great private schools - just like every other area of NYC HCZ Public schools (if that is what you mean) are horrible all over NYC which is why most people try to send their kids to private schools.

Did you know that Harlem is a tourist spot Tours link The Big Red Apple tour bus goes to Harlem and Lenox/126th all day long.

Harlem is world famous, the Boy's Choir of Harlem, Harlem Children's Zone (private school in Harlem and my friends dad is the founder), Rucker Park (famous park - hall of fame basketball players), Sylvia (world famous restaurant) although Amy Ruth's has better food and also Wimps has great cakes, pies and food and Copeland's. There is even a new tea room that was featured on the Food Network.

I do have the facts and can point you to census reports and such if you like. I show apartments in Harlem and many buyers ask for this type of info. NYC Planning Dept Everyone in the world wants to live in NYC and Harlem is still a (212) area code. It’s almost impossible to even find a rental in Harlem.

As for low unemployment, that is nationwide right now not centered around Harlem.

Crime is all over, not centered in Harlem. The woman who was raped and murdered (the Falls bar) happened in Manhattan - in the Bowery!! That area has a seedy reputation but ladies hung out solo at 3 a.m. with girlfriends.

I have been to Harlem tons of times, late night all by myself and taking the train. It's perfectly safe. It's not even called Harlem anymore. It's 'Upper Manhattan' 'Morningside Heights' or '125th Heights' and all the 'fancy' names to go along with the high priced apartments. Harlem is along Central Park West The subway cars were filled with only minorities up to about 86th in 1996 when I moved to NYC. I knew I could get a seat at 86th St if I parked myself in front of a white person. That is not the case anymore. The trains are jammed packed with all ethnicities all the way up to the Bronx.

The next time men yell at you when you are walking in Harlem, try saying hello or ask how they are doing Maybe you looked like a mark when they yelled obscenities at you Random guys try to hit on women all day, every day in NYC. If you speak back (say hello) they keep it moving. I suspect one of them spoke to you like a construction site type conversation, you did not respond and they started with the obscenities They were sizing you up and when you did not act cordial they you got cursed out…..and that is normal in NYC not just something that happens in Harlem.

I am not trying to convince you to visit Harlem at all but when you disparage a neighborhood seemingly without knowing anything about it, such statements make you seem like an elitist. I am not sure you want to convey this to your friend by telling her you are afraid to visit her in Harlem

I went to Columbia which is only a few blocks from Harlem. Honestly, if you want to make some money you should invest in Harlem. That is what so many companies are doing. In fact, many people feel that the prices in Harlem have sky rocketed making it difficult for people to continue to live there.

I would take Harlem any day compared to some places on Long Island (and I grew up in Brookville). Anyway, there is a very easy solution to this problem: meet at a different location.

Just meet your friend at a different location, if you really want to keep the friendship. When she asks why you don't visit her, tell her that LI girls in Harlem is sooo out there.

Harlem is safer than you may think..heck we have gangs in Long island and the cops just keep that on the DL so house prices keep on the rise and we get a false sense of security....Harlem is like anyplace..good areas and bad.

I say tell your friend the truth..you may not have a friend after but at least you'd never have to visit her

I don't care what you call it ... Morningside Heights, Upper Manhattan, whatever. It's a bad area. I'm not walking around any area (whetther NYC, LI, etc.) that's dangerous.

By the way, I'm really surprised by the venom in some of these posts. I post a simple situtation and I belittled for not enjoying the so-called gentrified Harlem area. i always offer thoughtful, sensitive advice. Obviously, some people here cannot

---

Posted by snowflake

I don't care what you call it ... Morningside Heights, Upper Manhattan, whatever. It's a bad area. I'm not walking around any area (whetther NYC, LI, etc.) that's dangerous.

By the way, I'm really surprised by the venom in some of these posts. I post a simple situtation and I belittled for not enjoying the so-called gentrified Harlem area. i always offer thoughtful, sensitive advice. Obviously, some people here cannot

---

You are kidding, right You posted a question peppered with statements about high crime due to seeing bars on the windows, kids fighting in the streets and people you assume were homeless - all near your friend's apartment/house which make you afraid to visit your friend at her home. And now that several ladies familiar with the area provided facts (i.e. bars are required by law, good area for investment, safer than parts of LI ) you think you are being attacked I recall a few of your posts and I have to agree with Christian.

And just because I forgot to mention it before - the world famous Apollo and Strivers Row (immaculate homes) are in Harlem article

---

Posted by akaMrsT

---

Posted by snowflake

---

Posted by Katherine121

First, let me congratulate you on the bravado you've show in being so politically incorrect. (If the real concern is simply that you have a friend who lives a great distance from you in a bad neighborhood, that's all you had to say.)

All you need to ask yourself is which you are more fearful of; her neighborhood, or jeopardizing your friendship. If you are more fearful of the neighborhood, then tell her how you feel and if she is such a “great” friend, she will understand. You might also want to mention to her that you’ve braved (gasp!) HARLEM to visit her and that she has not been to visit you even once in the 1 year + that you’ve been in your home.

Don’t worry. HARLEM is being re-gentrified even as I type. In another 5 to 10 years, you won’t even know it was (gulp!) HARLEM.

---

Maybe you should (gulp!) chill. The fact that my post mentions Harlems is one factor. The neighborhood happens to be seriously impoverished (yes, I had the 'bravado' to use that word!) and when I went last year, random guys were screaming obsenities at me.

As for being 'gentrified', check your facts ... not re-runs of Sex and the City There are economically depressed neighborhoods and plenty of crime. Just because more ethnicities move to the neighborhood does not mean the 'quality of life' ... good schools, low crime, low unemployment, high real estate values, thriving businesses ... improves.

Being 'political corect' is bullsh*t. I'm expressing an honest concern for young women in the city and you're blowing it off. Think outside the box.

---

Do you know anything about Harlem other than what you see on t.v. I think you may be the one focusing on Sex in the City re-runs. I do not recall one episode where they visited Harlem. If there was one, I’d love to see how that played out.

Harlem has great private schools - just like every other area of NYC HCZ Public schools (if that is what you mean) are horrible all over NYC which is why most people try to send their kids to private schools.

Did you know that Harlem is a tourist spot Tours link The Big Red Apple tour bus goes to Harlem and Lenox/126th all day long.

Harlem is world famous, the Boy's Choir of Harlem, Harlem Children's Zone (private school in Harlem and my friends dad is the founder), Rucker Park (famous park - hall of fame basketball players), Sylvia (world famous restaurant) although Amy Ruth's has better food and also Wimps has great cakes, pies and food and Copeland's. There is even a new tea room that was featured on the Food Network.

I do have the facts and can point you to census reports and such if you like. I show apartments in Harlem and many buyers ask for this type of info. NYC Planning Dept Everyone in the world wants to live in NYC and Harlem is still a (212) area code. It’s almost impossible to even find a rental in Harlem.

As for low unemployment, that is nationwide right now not centered around Harlem.

Crime is all over, not centered in Harlem. The woman who was raped and murdered (the Falls bar) happened in Manhattan - in the Bowery!! That area has a seedy reputation but ladies hung out solo at 3 a.m. with girlfriends.

I have been to Harlem tons of times, late night all by myself and taking the train. It's perfectly safe. It's not even called Harlem anymore. It's 'Upper Manhattan' 'Morningside Heights' or '125th Heights' and all the 'fancy' names to go along with the high priced apartments. Harlem is along Central Park West The subway cars were filled with only minorities up to about 86th in 1996 when I moved to NYC. I knew I could get a seat at 86th St if I parked myself in front of a white person. That is not the case anymore. The trains are jammed packed with all ethnicities all the way up to the Bronx.

The next time men yell at you when you are walking in Harlem, try saying hello or ask how they are doing Maybe you looked like a mark when they yelled obscenities at you Random guys try to hit on women all day, every day in NYC. If you speak back (say hello) they keep it moving. I suspect one of them spoke to you like a construction site type conversation, you did not respond and they started with the obscenities They were sizing you up and when you did not act cordial they you got cursed out…..and that is normal in NYC not just something that happens in Harlem.

I am not trying to convince you to visit Harlem at all but when you disparage a neighborhood seemingly without knowing anything about it, such statements make you seem like an elitist. I am not sure you want to convey this to your friend by telling her you are afraid to visit her in Harlem

---

I think some people need to stop being so ignorant and actually do some research.

---

Posted by jantany26



I think some people need to stop being so ignorant and actually do some research.

---

Yeah, she is just looking for someone to cosign but that won't just happen here since most of us have lived in or been to Harlem on many occasions and know that the area is not any more dangerous than other parts of NYC - and this from a woman born and raised in Virginia Beach

It's really simple, if you do not want to hike from Suffolk to Harlem to visit your friend - don't . But you cannot blame it on Harlem being any less safe than other parts of NYC or parts of LI from what I understand.

snowflake, im sorry but you sound completely ignorant. more so with every post.

if you dont want to go to Harlem, then DONT!!!!
its really not that difficult. make a choice.

its obviously not that bad of an area if your friend lives there. Harlem IS being built up into a great neighborhood and i dont know this from reruns of sex and the city. i know becuas ei live in the city and theres alittle thing called the NEWS that shows us so.

as for bars on windows: as its been stated, it may be due to laws. as for kids fighting in the streets: kids fight! and if its ok for children to be in the streets unattended then i think a grown woman should be able to do so as well. and as far as men shouting at you: that happens everywhere. no matter what part of the city i get guys saying stuff to me. its how men are. the only reason why it doesnt happen AS OFTEN (cuz it does happen) on LI is cuz everyone is in cars rather than on the street.

like i said, if youre scared then dont go. or have her meet you at the subway/train station.

there are plenty of bad areas throughout NY. something can happen to you ANYWHERE. i doubt your friend would put you in danger.
also, if youre scared to go at night.... go in the day!

[

I totally agree. Snowflake don't try to defend yourself by calling out the ignorance of others, and give us a lesson on gentrification. Your ignorance is so apparent. I'm not defending Harlem. There are rough areas. There are also nice areas. I wish I had the money to move there. But here's the deal- you made it such a point to say HARLEM, not a rough area, not an impoverished area, not a dangerous area- but HARLEM in CAPS. Then you mention the issues with protecting women but you didn't even mention that in your original post and by the way any apartment that houses a child under ten years of age requires bars on their windows. Men are pigs anywhere( regardless of race, class, or neighborhood) some may be more boisterous than others but they are pigs. You should be careful regardless. But please don't pretend that there aren't any underlying beliefs regarding why you wouldn't venture into her neighborhood. I mean look at the title of your post alone. It implies that there is some type of difference between the two locations. You know what I'm sorry to keep babbling. I just find it hilarious that , considering what you wrote, your screename is snowflake.

Are you serious? This has to be a joke.

This doesn't have to be a political issue, expand your horizons sweetie! As many of the posters have pointed out, Harlem is not only an up and coming area, but is a MAJOR draw for history and is a very interesting part of Manhattan!!

You would go to Times Square, right? Do you remember the late 80s and early 90s when most people wouldn't go there????


If she is your friend and you want to see her, you are a big girl and I am sure you can handle going to Harlem.