living situation ???

Original post by antoinette

Sep 05, 2002 10:50 AM

me and my fi have just found an apartment, we are getting married oct 20th of this year. We both live with our parents now. We are supposed to move in sept 13 th, but my parents (very old fashioned) are forcing me to wait until we are married to move in together. so My fi will stay in the apartment until our wed. I think that this is a bit crazy, but my parents are being so ridiculous about it, has anyone else experieced this problem?

tracyann74 Posted: Sep 05, 2002 12:16 PM

Re: living situation ???

My opinion is if you're old enough to get married, you're old enough not to listen to your parents and do what you want. If they get mad, that's their problem, not yours... I hope this isn't too harsh...

IrishTracy Posted: Sep 05, 2002 12:20 PM

Re: living situation ???

You should just move the stuff that you know your not going to need on a daily basis. Like all your winter clothes & such bring to your place. Bring a few thing every chance you get. It will make the whole process alot more easier on you & everyone involved. It could also be that your parents are just not ready to let you go yet. And to me that wouldn't be a hassle that would make me feel loved. So look at it that way. I'm sure it's not an easy thing for them to do!

Karen62794 Posted: Sep 05, 2002 12:39 PM

Re: living situation ???

We both still live at home. We're planning on getting a place in March/April and our wedding is in July.

I don't think my parents would have a problem with it, but I kind of understand your parents' feelings.

Just talk it over with them. If they hear your feelings, maybe they will reconsider.

Sassy Posted: Sep 05, 2002 12:52 PM

Re: living situation ???

This is a very personal decision.

I live with my FH, much to my father's dismay. If it were up to him, I'd be under his belly all day, being a little innocent princess. But this cannot be.
I've had to put my foot down many times to show I am an adult, but this has not been easy on me or my poor siblings who always get caught in the middle (I'm the baby)

I say all this to make a point. My independence was very important to me, and I did whatever I had to, rocked all the boats, to obtain it. My Dad still hates the idea, but he loves me, and has calmed down, and had not 'disowned' me.
If you want it bad enough, no one should stop you, however your Family peace may be more important to you, and in that case, you should just stay home and keep the peace.

We all have our opinions, none right or wrong, but it's totally up to you to weigh the pros/cons and what it most important to you.

If you rock the boat, be prepared for the consequences. In my case, I was prepared, and I don't regret my decision at all.

Hope this helps.
Liz

dkga1026 Posted: Sep 05, 2002 01:37 PM

Re: living situation ???

i am in the same situation...my fh lives in our future home and i'm not allowed to saty there until we get married!! it's kind of ridiculous, but it's also good because it builds the anticipation

i think if we already lived together and then got married it might not be as exciting??? (jmo)

curly2003 Posted: Sep 05, 2002 01:45 PM

Re: living situation ???

Very PERSONAL decision, but you asked for opinions. My FI and I have been together for almost 7 years and DO NOT live together. He has never stayed over my house and I never at his. We stay til really really late together but sleep in our own homes (This is 100% OUR choice and parents have NO say, we are ADULTS and WE chose it this way). We do go away on vacation together so I do know what I'm getting into. IMO if you have been w/ someone for many years and still don't 'know' him and need to live w/ him to find out more, then that's an issue in itself. We are looking for homes now and if we find one, we will buy it. He will live there ALONE until I move in on my wedding night

Sonicstef Posted: Sep 05, 2002 01:57 PM

Re: living situation ???

This is a tangent I know but I have to say that...

going on vacations or even spending the weekends with your FH is nothing like living together. (Im sure all the live in brides here will agree.)

I don't think living together is a pre-requisite but it definitely gives couples time to iron out the kinks without all of the added pressure of being newly married.

This has been hashed out in other threads but the underlying message is: You never really know someone until you live together. It doesn't mean you can't make a lifelong committment and stick to it even if you haven't lived together but all the brides who will move in after the wedding day do have a few 'surprises' in store for them about how they co-habitate with their FH. Does it mean that your marriage will be any worse or better than anyone else? Of course not! Its just that sharing a home, chores, financial obligations, a toilet, etc.. is not as easy as it sounds no matter how prepared everyone thinks they might be.

shamma Posted: Sep 05, 2002 02:05 PM

Re: living situation ???

Can I get a amen...Stef I could not have said it better myself!!!!

Sassy Posted: Sep 05, 2002 02:45 PM

Re: living situation ???

I must agree w/Stef. For those who think going on vacation together, and spending an occasional night together is the same thing as living together, you do have a big surprise awaiting you.

I feel everyone should do what's best for them, like I said before, there's no right or wrong, but come on ladies, let's not get it twisted.

michele31 Posted: Sep 05, 2002 02:54 PM

Re: living situation ???

Totally agree Stef. It is a personal decision and I can understand the excitment of moving in together after the wedding but most of you who are doing that live at home. Living away from home, and with someone else for the 1st time is a HUGE adjustment. There are a ton of things to get adjusted to in that situation. Vacations are nothing like living with your dear loved one all the time, every day.

charliesgirl Posted: Sep 05, 2002 03:26 PM

Re: living situation ???

I take offense to the last few posts that going on a vacation or spending the night with my FH isn't going to prepare me for marriage. I never thought of it as a way to prepare myself. We all live our lives the way we want.

Jenny5150 Posted: Sep 05, 2002 03:30 PM

Re: living situation ???

charliesgirl,
The girls were just saying that for those that do think a vacation is similar to living together, then they're mistaken. I don't think any of the statements were aimed at you directly.

curly2003 Posted: Sep 05, 2002 03:31 PM

Re: living situation ???

I don't take offense, as a matter of fact i love differences in people, ideas, etc.... It's what makes the world go round.....I gave my opinion and they did as well. I will speak for all who don't live with FI'S...... We in now way think it's EXACTLY like living together and I hope there are differences..why else would we get married. Marriage is just that, a acycle of getting to know one another MORE and on a different level. We are not ignorant to the fact that our lives will change sharing a toilet but we welcome it and look forward to it in anticipation. If marriage was exactly like dating then why would I get married???? Please don't jump on me, i am in now way saying anything offensive. Different people choose to live different ways. I choose not to live w/ him. I look forward to vacations but KNOW it's not the same. I hope it isn't..........

charliesgirl Posted: Sep 05, 2002 03:36 PM

Re: living situation ???

thank you curly2003. I didn't mean to start anything. I just wanted to express my opinion.

Sonicstef Posted: Sep 05, 2002 03:38 PM

Re: living situation ???

Thats all I was saying curly - just be prepared for the differences.

I can say that I WAS NOT prepared for the tremendous difference when we moved in because we spent virtually every moment together for the 2 years before we moved in. I figured 'How different can it be?'. Wow it was different.

PS: I for one wish living together was like going on vacation :D

Sassy Posted: Sep 05, 2002 03:44 PM

Re: living situation ???

Like I said before, there is no wrong or right, and I agree, people should definitely live the way they want or we would live in a very boring world.

No one is aiming comments at anyone's way of living, just trying to give an idea of how living together is quite different, and how much more we learn about each other once we live together, and how much more work it is.
Hopefully, the learning (good things, hopefully lol) doesn't stop and keeps the marraige going strong for a very long time.

curly2003 Posted: Sep 05, 2002 03:48 PM

Re: living situation ???

I agree 100%
I think we all are in for some shocks. Whether it be before or after marriage. Nice to see we can share opinions and remain calm unlike other threads that got ugly
Everybody will experience different things at different times in their lives. It's an individual choice when you choose to have those experiences.

charliesgirl Posted: Sep 05, 2002 04:08 PM

Re: living situation ???

I realize that someone like me who hasn't lived with my boyfriend is in for some shocking moments but I look forward to it. I know we will have to make adjustments but that's what life is all about.

Bluebaby08 Posted: Sep 05, 2002 04:29 PM

Re: living situation ???

I'm glad I'm not the only one with this dilemma. My fh has had an apartment for 3 yrs. I stay there 5/7 of the time. He's been bugging me to move in for 2 yrs, and I keep pushing it off. Partly because my parents don't want me to. I do plan on moving in before the wedding, just to get a feel of being with him 24/7. But it's like we live together anyway, I just don't have anything at his place but a toothbrush and empty drawers.