Re: Living together?.....

If you move in together, do yourself a favor and get a new place for the two of you. I made the mistake of moving into the bachelor pad!

Big mistake!! We were only going to be there for 6 months and he just kept dragging his feet..now we are stuck there until we get married. Just to much to do all at one time. His apt is disgusting!!! His mother is going to stay there during our wedding and I told him he needs to fix the place up (granted he rents the place, but landlord will not do anything to fix the place up). So far he has put new flooring in the bathroom and a new vanity and sink. Still need to do something with the bathtub and wall (which are crumbling).

MOVE TO NEW APARTMENT WHEN YOU MOVE IN TOGETHER!!!! VERY IMPORTANT.

Can you tell that I'm a little **ssed over this!!! Everytime I walk into that apt I get annoyed and it has been 8 months!! And no airconditioning in the summer!!!!

Re: Living together?.....

I am the old fashioned girl here- I did not live with my DH before we got married and we both moved into a new place once we got married... I did this for a couple of reasons.

1) I wanted that new and exciting feeling of being married- a lot of my friends lived with their DHs prior to marriage and they said it was like just a big party, but no different.. I WANTED it to be different. If we were going for the fairy tale... I wanted it all the way.

2) I disagree- I don't think you learn anything more by living with someone that is important to a relationship... I'm sorry, but I don't think the way my DH folds laundry or brushes his teeth or farts in his sleep can make or break a relationship.

3) I read this a while ago and it really touched a nerve with me- Keep in mind- this is JMO and I'm sure I'll get BLASTED for it- but to each their own... I just wanted to present the other side of the coin...

'Habits are hard to break, and couples that live together before marriage get into the habit of following their month-to-month rental agreement. In fact, they often decide to marry, not because they are willing to make a lifetime commitment to each other, but because the arrangement has worked out so well that they can't imagine breaking their lease, so to speak. They say the words of the marital agreement, but they still have the terms of their rental agreement in mind.

Couples who have not lived together before marriage, on the other hand, have not lived under the terms of the month-to-month rental agreement. They begin their relationship assuming that they are in this thing for life, and all their habits usually reflect that commitment. '

Re: Living together?.....

Hey Sass!

Thank you, I have the same thoughts on the subject, you saved me alot of writing!

I'd add just one more thing and that is that we were diligently saving for a house before and during our engagement and that had an impact in our decision not to live together as well. But even after we had the house I did not move in until after the wedding for all those reasons. I didn't have to live with him to know that he spends about an hour in the bathroom getting ready! So unless he was an axe murderer nothing would have been a deal breaker....

Re: Living together?.....

Thanks Kate- I was waiting for the hate mail to roll in! LOl

Re: Living together?.....

Sassy- For awhile I agreed with you. I thought I didn't want to live with FI before we were married because it would take away from the fun and excitement of being married. Like nothing would change. But then I thought about all the stress that could come that first month after we are married. My brothers friend didn't live with his wife before they were married. He tells me all the time he wishes he had. Granted he lived in LI and she lived in SI, so they weren't very close, but he says that first month after they were married he honestly contemplated getting seperated that first month. They hated eachother! They never realized eachothers little quirks (toothpaste cap left off)

I love him to death, and am thrilled to start a life with him. I believe it is the right move for us, but I don't disagree with people who choose to wait.

Re: Living together?.....

We moved in together a couple months before we got engaged. It is even better than I thought it would be....

We did it for a few reasons. First, for financial reasons...we were both paying huge amounts in rent. We also did it because we couldnt take another day of the commute from NY to NJ. Finally, it is nice knowing that we can live together. No surpirses after the wedding!

Re: Living together?.....

I moved into FI's apartment and it really didnt bother me. I added things to make it also mine and gave it touches he didnt have (things on the wall, good smelling stuff, new towels, sheets, stuffed animals, etc...)

He comes home and just shakes his head at me because I am always adding something.

What I love is if I have a bad wedding dream I wake him up and he laughs at me for being so silly and I start laughing and then I fall right back asleep.

I cant wait till the wedding and to be his wife.

Re: Living together?.....

I have been living with my fiance for 6 years and i'm glad we did move in together. But maybe if we didnt he would have proposed earlier. LOL. I definetly suggest it because you get to know each other that much better.

Re: Living together?.....

i lived my dh for 5 years before we got hitched

Re: Living together?.....

I lived w/ my Dh about 6 years before we got married. I do not regret it at all. However, I sometimes think I missed out on some years in my earlier 20's where I could lived w/ roommates/friends or something. But that can be a hassle, too. It's a very personal choice but I would have a hard time marrying someone who I did not live with first. Not that burping, farting or whatever would change my mind about marrying someone - there is just a different level of togetherness that comes with living together for me that I would need to have before entering into a marriage.

Re: Living together?.....

we've lived together for over a year

Re: Living together?.....

we moved in together 2 months before getting engaged - I loved living with him, and I don't regret it at all. And it didn't take away any specialness from our wedding, just eases the stress of adjusting to living together afterwards.

We spent every night together anyway, and it was just silly to continue paying two rents and dealing with roommates.

People say the first year is the hardest - maybe thats true if you don't live together (because of the adjustment) but our first year was the BEST (and its still getting better!)

As for Sassy's quote - I've seen the studies that say couples that live together first are more likely to separate. But that pertains to couples who enter into marriage for the wrong reasons - as she said, because its convenient. They get married because they're living together rather than living together because you're getting married.

Couples that move in together with the intention of spending their lives together, do not suffer the same consequences.

Re: Living together?.....

We moved in together about a year ago. We got engaged Sept 13. January 25 we were together 4 years.

I am glad we live together. When I am sick he takes such great care of me, he does all the cooking, i do all the cleaning, we split all the bills, the rent, everything. His only complaint is I hog all the covers.

When I had my car accident he rushed right to the scene, never left my side, called my parents to let them know what happened and that I was ok. He then called them and asked them to stay with me at home because he had to go to work. He must have called me 10 times that day checking up on me. He truely is my best friend and I wouldnt want to spend my life with anyone else but him.

(I know I am super cheesy and really in love )

Re: Living together?.....

We live together andn have for the past 2 years.