living together + getting married in Catholic church
Original post by Kara and Todd
I've heard it said many times on here that if you're living together, don't lie to the priest about it b/c it's no big deal.
Now, I'm not trying to advocate lying... but are you serious? The priests did not say anything?
I know for a fact (b/c it happened to people I know ) that if you say you are living together at the church where we'll be getting married, they will tell you you must live apart until the wedding or they will not marry you...
Are most priests not saying anything? No lecture or anything? I just fear a big, long discussion about it...
ETA - I'm just curious to hear other people's experiences. We don't feel that there's anything wrong with living together - obviously - and aren't going to change our living status. I'm just curious how others have dealt with this.
Kerrycec
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Re: living together + getting married in Catholic church
we were asked but at the time we weren't living together. They don't judge you at all though (my uncle is a Priest). I couldn't never lie to a Priest though...
natseven
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Re: living together + getting married in Catholic church
our priest knows we are living together and didn't say a word. I wouldn't worry about it too much. If they don't ask..don't bring it up.
rysie
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Re: living together + getting married in Catholic church
Posted by JXNOscar
We were living together. He didnt ask, and we didnt tell
I think this is the way we're going to go about it too
ali120206
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Re: living together + getting married in Catholic church
Posted by lollipop
2 sets of my friends had gotten some serious grief over that so I didn't lie, per se, but I didn't share that info either. I also gave my address as my parent's address since they live in the parish and we don't. I guess it's sort of like passive lying? LOL...I wouldn't tell them. Save yourself a headache.
That's what we did!
JenMike331
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Re: living together + getting married in Catholic church
Posted by lollipop
2 sets of my friends had gotten some serious grief over that so I didn't lie, per se, but I didn't share that info either. I also gave my address as my parent's address since they live in the parish and we don't. I guess it's sort of like passive lying? LOL...I wouldn't tell them. Save yourself a headache.
totally agree! thats the best way of handling it
rojerono
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Re: living together + getting married in Catholic church
I live with FH and have 2 children with him. Our priest actually keeps asking us when we are getting married and offering to marry us! We are a bit afraid to tell him we are not getting married in the church!!
sfmullen
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Re: living together + getting married in Catholic church
our priest knoqs and didnt say a word
portjeffbride
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Re: living together + getting married in Catholic church
our priest said nothing, and we were open and straight forward. I think while the church is very conservative, the individual priests have heard a lot, and it isn't a big deal to them....
maybe if your priest is elderly, they may say something? Ours didn't
ewickens
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Re: living together + getting married in Catholic church
We were nervous about that as well when we first met with the priest, but we told them the truth and our priest said nothing, and actually commented that it was nice that we were learning these learning situations early before the marriage.
deirdre730
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Re: living together + getting married in Catholic church
My fiance and I live together and are getting married in a catholic church, and did whe whole pre cana process and made it openly known to all parties involved, including the priest and deacon that we live together and we got no grief or comments whatsover! I think it depends on what catholic church you are dealing with.
camerakrazie
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Re: living together + getting married in Catholic church
nope..my priest didnt say anything about it....they asked the first time we were at the church and also when you took the foccus test you had to answer a whole set of questions if you and your FH were cohabitation...
don't worry!!!
gaccrrm
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Re: living together + getting married in Catholic church
FH and I were all set to go in there and lie if we had to, but then we decided that if they gave us a hard time about it we would just get married at the hall. All the way to the church we were sweating it. I have to tell you I was so nervous. After all that we were never even asked about it. I was all worked up over nothing.
PegaLega
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Re: living together + getting married in Catholic church
Ours didnt say anything about us living together and we blatantly told him. no lecture, no trying to scare us-nothing. He just ok, well than we know not to send both of you the information we can send it to both of you at once.
Audreygirl
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Re: living together + getting married in Catholic church
our priest asked our address and we told the truth. he didn't flinch. in fact, when we did the FOCCUS exam we completed the section for couples that are co-habitating based on his recommendation. it was very helpful.
i think it completely depends on the parish and how liberal it is. i have also heard things such as the type that you mentioned.
portjeffbride
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Re: living together + getting married in Catholic church
Posted by Soon2BMrsMunzGunz
FH and I were all set to go in there and lie if we had to, but then we decided that if they gave us a hard time about it we would just get married at the hall. All the way to the church we were sweating it. I have to tell you I was so nervous. After all that we were never even asked about it. I was all worked up over nothing.
us too! We were all worked up over nothing.... I think we were just intimidated becuase priests have such moral authority... In the whirlwind of stress, we forgot that they are quite friendly and supportive people!!!
Trishthedish
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Re: living together + getting married in Catholic church
When my deacon called from my Catholic church regarding pre-cana, I was kind of worried myself. I had heard the same too, that they would not marry you if you two live together, etc.
When he asked for my address, I gave it to him. Then when he asked for FH's address, I kind of hesitated and told him the truth, that we live together and he said not to worry.
I really don't think it is that much of a big deal anymore. At least that's what I though after the deacons reaction. Personally, I could not lie, I would have to tell the truth anyway.
Mooshyboo
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Re: living together + getting married in Catholic church
well at first i was alittle nervous about this topic also ~ actually my future grandmother in law is the one that ratted us out about living together and i was shocked she told him ~ but she said well why not tell the truth you don't want to start your marriage in a lie ~ well anyhow the priest said nothing to us at all about it! and it has not been an issue at all!
july06bride
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Re: living together + getting married in Catholic church
if it comes up tell him, if it doesnt, dont. I know that my priest knew we lived together...he didnt say anything... we never discussed it
eta-he knew because he knows my family since I was a child...
Princess92406
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Re: living together + getting married in Catholic church
i cannot even believe how many people think its 'ok' to lie, or to 'passively lie' to a priest.. my priest wasnt thrilled, he knew, i even have a son from another marriage to a Catholic..i was prepared to accept what he had to say, and learn from it.. it really isnt 'ok' to lie to the church...it would make me wonder if I lied to my priest just how 'official' my ceremony/mass wouldve been. im no holy roller, but i do believe that you shlould get married in a place that condones who you are, and a place that YOU condone...
priests these days like another poster said, are much more 'human'..theyve seen alot are are alittle more willing to listen to what you have to say..i bet theyd rather have you be honest with them, and handle it, then lie to them! sorry, im jumping off my high horse now lol..i just get really upset when i hear this.. didnt mean to offend anyone!!
Maybride519
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Re: living together + getting married in Catholic church
I decided to leave that part out. Just in case! I know it is HORRIBLE to have to lie about that to a preist no less.....but seriously, I didn't need to create any problems that could have easily been avioded.
