Living with FH?

How is it? I want to live with my FH soooo badd. But we are trying to do the traditional thing. Plus we are like mentors to the youth in our church so we are trying to lead by example.

But I have like plans A B and C

A) Wait till after we're married and move in together

B) I move out of my parents house and find an apartment and he moves in after we get married

C) We move in together either the end of next year or few months before we get married

How do u ladies feel?

Honestly if i was in your position I would move in maybe a month or two prior. I think its hard to move in right after being married because what to do live in seperate houses till you find something? i never go that. Its not like we are back in the 50's where the house was purchased prior to the wedding you move in that night... and you get to unpack things and setup house while hubby goes to work. Most women have a career now so between both of you going to work it will be hard to setup anything right after you get married.

I like plans B and C. I like plan B the best, because when you move out of your parent's house, it kinda gives you a feeling of independence. Then, FH can spend more time there with you, and when it's just the 2 of you, you can adjust to each other's routines a little easier. I hope this helps!!

Awww see ladies thats why I love talking to u guys u give the best advice!

Keep em coming!

I know what you mean about trying to DO THE RIGHT THING. We just moved in together in August right after we got enagaged and we are paying for the wedding ourselves so it is cost effective. We wanted to buy a home and doing this first was definitely more economical and will be more beneficial in the long run come tax time. Now we were torn of course: FI's father is a minister and my mother may she RIP was an Evangelist who raised me in the church. We are both Christian and we know we have to repent but in the long run we are trying to get married asap and make it right hence we pushed the date up from 09' to 08'.

So I say option B or C

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Posted by PoeticJustice

I know what you mean about trying to DO THE RIGHT THING. We just moved in together in August right after we got enagaged and we are paying for the wedding ourselves so it is cost effective. We wanted to buy a home and doing this first was definitely more economical and will be more beneficial in the long run come tax time. Now we were torn of course: FI's father is a minister and my mother may she RIP was an Evangelist who raised me in the church. We are both Christian and we know we have to repent but in the long run we are trying to get married asap and make it right hence we pushed the date up from 09' to 08'.

So I say option B or C

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See thats my situation my MOTHER is an Evangelist and I was raised in church and my momma feels as though when u live together of course ur sinning BUT she feels as though ur going to get pregnant after a while (she's southern). And she will ***** and moan the whole time.

On top of that my father passed last year and our house is paid for. But she will be here alllllll alone and I do not know how she is going to take that. We live in a two family house and I was hoping that her being afraid of living alone will make her offer us one of the apartments because she LOVES FH! But I dunno a part of me wants my own apartment even though its WAY Cheaper to live here with FH (she will not accept rent only payments in pocketbooks and shoes)

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Posted by MillerFord742008

(she will not accept rent only payments in pocketbooks and shoes)

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i like your mom!

for some strange reason over the summer FH felt the need to go to confession.... that's great for him, he wanted to clear the slate... when he told the priest that we live together, he was expecting him to tsk, and nay say but the priest told him (don't laugh), God wants us to have healthy relationships and if that means living and sleeping together while not being married than so be it. I don't know if that was the priest's way of giving him a high five or saying well ya do whatcha gotta do... but it helped FH feel better... who knows.... the way I look at it, I could be doing worse things than living with FH.... so if living with FH is the biggest sin I'm commiting right now, than I'm fine with that.

well of course i cant tell you what to do but i am NOT living with FH for a few reasons. I will tell you my reasons and then maybe they will help you!

1. i honestly believe i would not be engaged right now if i had agreed to move in with FH this past summer, me refusing to move in with him ( he just ASSUMED i would when i graduated) really got his behind in gear - and i dont want to go back on my word

2. no, i do NOT listen to everything my parents tell me BUT if i moved in they would be heartbroken - would they disown me? absolutely not - but it would break their hearts

3. Sometimes brides on here say that there was no real change after the wedding bc they lived together first, i have read this a lot on the newlywed board - i understand that can be a comforting and wonderful concept - a seamless transition into married life! However, i WANT my marriage to be a completely different, new and exciting experience! I want us to experience it together and go through all the possible hardships

(disclaimer: i dont really agree with girls when they say there is little or no change, obviously i am not speaking from experience but i think even if you ARE living together - marriage must add a whole new depth and dimension since you become a 'family')

4. We both live at home, and it saves so much money to do so - after the wedding we are planning on moving upstairs from my parents ( i am the baby, the last one leaving, so they dont mind holding on to me!) all of those plans would be the out the window if we moved in together

Okay that is all i can think of - I constantly have to defend myself on this topic since FH thinks I am silly to think this way! He thinks since we are not 'saving ourselves for marriage' there is no point in waiting to live together - BUT i disagree!

and i know what you mean about your mom thinking you are going to get pregnant - if i get the whole 'just bc u r engaged doesnt mean you are married' speech one more time i am going to flip!

You have to do what's best for you. My FH and I have been living together for about 3 1/2 years. We never talked about it, he just gradually moved himself in. He originally lived with his mom in the Bronx and I lived on my own in Queens. It really started when he got a job in Long Island and the commute from the Bronx would have been too long. I enjoy living together but then again we don't have any religious beliefs that would contradict our arrangement. If you both live at home I would do that as long as possible and save your money until you guys can buy a house. FH and I rent, so we're paying someone else's mortgage

I live with my FH, and I love it. We have become so close, and its a wonderful experience for both of us.

But I was also fortunate to live away from home, on my own for 2 years before I met my FH. I personally think living on your own is a wonderful experience, and if you get the chance, you should! I learned a lot about myself living on my own, away from my parents, and enjoyed being independent.

FH and I moved in together for financial reasons more than anything else (well, obviously we wanted to and were excited about it, but the financial reasons helped solidify it!). My lease was up, and so was his, and rather than spend DOUBLE the rent on two places, we decided to save money and move in together. It's been great. The first two months were REALLY difficult though...and I think a lot of people who don't move in togteher before marriage should be ready for it. You really DON'T realize all of the little things that will DRIVE you crazy (my FH left his dirty socks everywhere, hung his dirty boxers on our doorknob, put the toilet paper under the roll rather than over it, and left EVERY light on in the house!)!!!! Not to mention that I wasn't used to his schedule (when he ate dinner, when he slept, etc.)It drove us both nuts - our little idiosyncracies. That being said though, we grew a lot closer together.

I honestly can't say what it would be like to first move in together after the wedding - I obviously won't have that experience! I'm sure it's really exciting and new! And I understand the family constraints. For the first 6 months that I moved in with FH my mother prayed for my soul to be forgiven! But honestly, I think moving in together before marriage was one of the best things we could have done. I'm really happy we did it. It's a lot of fun.

So my advice? I'd say B or C. I think you should either live on your own for a bit or move in with your FH a few months before the wedding. Get out all of the bickering over the dirty socks, etc., before you get married if ya can.

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Posted by AMGBride2008

I say live at home for as long as you can so you can save $$, but I see nothing wrong with living together prior to marriage. FH and I have lived together for 2 years and I'm so glad we have gotten over the transition of living together for the first time. But to each their own.... you do whatever works best for you guys.

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ditto - FH and I have been living together since April but I would not have done it if I didn't see a ring in my future

You definately have to do what is best for you.

FH and I were both living at home with our parents when we first started dating. After less than a year of dating, he really wanted to get an apartment. We moved in, and lived in our apartment for 2 years. Then this past august we bought a home.
To me i feel having a house is more important than having a wedding. And for us we knew we were compatible because we lived in our apartment for 2 years. There will be no surprises, no issues with money since we have already figured that stuff out.

Thankfully we both come from amazing families who never once said a word about any of our choices. They have been unbelievably supportive. He was 22 and i was 23 when we moved out.

After the wedding in 2008, we will be living together for just about 4 years. I really dont know if there will be any adjusting or any surprises, but thats ok with me. I hate surprises and will be happy to have a smooth transition

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Posted by beachbum05
The first two months were REALLY difficult though...and I think a lot of people who don't move in togteher before marriage should be ready for it. You really DON'T realize all of the little things that will DRIVE you crazy (my FH left his dirty socks everywhere, hung his dirty boxers on our doorknob, put the toilet paper under the roll rather than over it, and left EVERY light on in the house!)!!!! Not to mention that I wasn't used to his schedule (when he ate dinner, when he slept, etc.)It drove us both nuts - our little idiosyncracies. That being said though, we grew a lot closer together.

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as someone NOT living with FH - but KNOWS all of his annoying habits - do they go away or do you just get used to them?!

seriously - FH walks out of the shower and doesnt even grab a towel NOTHING just drips on everything and 'air dries' leaving a lake of water behind him. . . like who does that?!

as someone NOT living with FH - but KNOWS all of his annoying habits - do they go away or do you just get used to them?!

seriously - FH walks out of the shower and doesnt even grab a towel NOTHING just drips on everything and 'air dries' leaving a lake of water behind him. . . like who does that?!

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yeah i dont live with fh but we have been together for 8 plus yrs so for all the girls that say living together is better before marriage....do u think it applies to my situation bc i dont see that