LONG - Am I being a baby?

A little background info...My FI's parents despite making a lot more money than mine (in the 7 figures!) are giving us $5,000 for the wedding - minus any wedding related expenses that they spend (nice gift huh?). So basically I see it as a max $5,000 budget for the RD. Thing is, EVERYONE is coming from OOT and we have large families. My FMIL only only wants to invite the bridal party. It doesn't make sense to me to invite my FI's cousin who is in the wedding, but not his aunt (who is also flying in) or his other cousins (same family - also OOT). It's just rude.

My parents want to throw an informal party either before or after the wedding for people we don't invite to the actual wedding - we're keeping our reception small because of the budget. My mom suggested that we just combine the RD with the informal party so we can invite OOT guests to the RD too.

I'm stubborn. I know my parents will throw an awesome party but I don't want his parents to share any credit for it. I know this is childish but they've done NOTHING to help. They're not even gifting us the $5000, they're reimbusing us. We have to give receipts first.

Should I just combine the two events? Or not have a RD?

Receipts???
I find this soo rude!
Atleast your getting 5K for the wedding.
We are not getting anything and his parents make more than mine do.

That is really rude for his parents to do to their son!! What does your FI think of all this? Is this their normal behavior with such things?? I don't think you're being a baby at all. I would combine the 2 parties so that everyone's invited and it's prob easier than having to help plan 2 different ones, plus the wedding itself. I cannot believe that your FMIL is requesting you to front the $$ when they make so much!! I'm sure you really need the 5K but I'd have half a mind to tell them to forget about it. Thanks, but no thanks!!

I don't think the RD and the informal party should be combined - that could be weird since everyone will be talking about your upcoming wedding and some of those people won't be invited.

I would just have the RD, spend the whole $5000 and then let your parents have a party for the non-invited people

First, $5,000, or whatever gift you get from them, is a nice gift.

Calling the informal party the RD sounds like the way to go if you don't want to contribute your own money to the RD to have it be what you want.

IMO, keep them seperated. You FMIL might not like that you're inviting family members other than bridal party, but she has to honor your wishes, particularly if her 'gift' requires reciepts-I think you guys are past the niceties....sorry.

ETA: No I don't think you are being a baby. You're right not to insult your family.

I would keep the events separate, it sounds too confusing already.

And if you aren't invitig some guests to the wedding, but to the RD, it sounds a little tacky.

Instead of giving the FILs receipts, just give them a copy of your catering hall contract.....surely that's over 5K, let them contribute to that. Just a little way you can screw with them....

I've actually budgeted the wedding so we don't use the $5K. Not having a RD is ok with me. My mom just think it looks funny that's why she offered.

About his FMIL - this is the logic. They have 5 boys. Each boy is getting $5k. Which would be fair BUT his brother got married in Hawaii. They had the same policies up front so his brother put everything on a credit card. THEN his parents paid the card off in full after the wedding. So basically they paid for everything. I'm certainly not banking on them doing the same for us...

I just don't think they like the fact that the wedding is in NY and not closer to them...As my FMIL explains, 'NY is really not our style.'

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Posted by agentangel

A little background info...My FI's parents despite making a lot more money than mine (in the 7 figures!) are giving us $5,000 for the wedding - minus any wedding related expenses that they spend (nice gift huh?). So basically I see it as a max $5,000 budget for the RD. Thing is, EVERYONE is coming from OOT and we have large families. My FMIL only only wants to invite the bridal party. It doesn't make sense to me to invite my FI's cousin who is in the wedding, but not his aunt (who is also flying in) or his other cousins (same family - also OOT). It's just rude.

My parents want to throw an informal party either before or after the wedding for people we don't invite to the actual wedding - we're keeping our reception small because of the budget. My mom suggested that we just combine the RD with the informal party so we can invite OOT guests to the RD too.

I'm stubborn. I know my parents will throw an awesome party but I don't want his parents to share any credit for it. I know this is childish but they've done NOTHING to help. They're not even gifting us the $5000, they're reimbusing us. We have to give receipts first.

Should I just combine the two events? Or not have a RD?

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I would make a speech at the RD to thank your parents for all the help they have given you with your wedding, and for giving you such a nice warm RD....then everyone will know it was your parents who threw the RD.

The way I see it is... I'd look for a place that can hold the bridal party and the out of town guests that will be attending my wedding and have the RD there and have your INLAWS pay for that.

After the wedding have the informal party that your parents want to throw and have their names on the invitation since they are throwing it. Here I invite the guest that were not invited to the reception.

Same thing with the wedding, your parents are paying for it right? so they and only they should appear on the invitation.

Thats how I would fix it. Id make sure I find a place that allows for all to come to the RD and that it doesnt go over the 5K so neither you or your family have to reach into your pocket.

RD are always or pretty much always informal anyway so dont fret if it isnt at a very elegant place.

PS someone gave you good advice above dont invite to the RD people who arent invited to the actual wedding or reception its ackward.

Oh an PS on the comment that 'NY is not really their style'.... well never mind,no comment.

receipts?? JEEEZ! are you kidding me??

IMO, keep the RD seperate from the other party.

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Posted by agentangel

I just don't think they like the fact that the wedding is in NY and not closer to them...As my FMIL explains, 'NY is really not our style.'

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I'm curious to know, what is FMIL style if its not NY? Where are they from? Do they have their nose too far up in the air to appreciate the fresh-smelling flowers below???

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Posted by Donna

I don't think the RD and the informal party should be combined - that could be weird since everyone will be talking about your upcoming wedding and some of those people won't be invited.

I would just have the RD, spend the whole $5000 and then let your parents have a party for the non-invited people

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I completely agree. What if your parents hosted a party/brunch the day after?