Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock) UPDATE: latest post
Xelindrya
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Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock) UPDATE: latest post
What a very strange night I had.
Apparently Jim’s mother and long time guy friend have been talking of getting married. He’s a nice guy and treats her well and frankly she deserves a good man. The family (Jim & siblings) like him so there’s no drama there.
Here’s where it gets strange. Last night Jim finally got the courage to talk to her about the Pre-Wedding dinner (Rehearsal if you want to call it that). My father wants to go to Chinatown and have a huge meal and enjoy it and so I thought it would be nice if we made it a 2-family thing. Just the Bridal party, per se.
We were concerned about asking because we didn’t want to burden her financially. Finally he asked last night and she was totally fine with it. She was sort of nonchalant about it. “What about $300-$500 for dinner? No problem” Uhm, ok…..
Then the bombshell… she tells Jim that she and her guy have an idea.. BOMBSHELL TIME.
She says (not quote but you get the idea) Since you and Veronica have already done all this planning how much was it? (Jim gives her a way low number $14k) Oh, that’s not bad.. how about XXX & I get married at your wedding too and we’ll just pay for the whole thing.
Ok.. now I was asleep when Jim comes back to the room to tell me about this conversation. “Hey honey, my mom and XXX want to get married at our wedding and in return they’ll pay for all the stuff” Groggy (cause I WAS asleep) I said “fine.. I’ll call the priest”. I admit.. it’s never a good idea to try to ask me stuff when I’m asleep. It started to sink in and he said he told her I wouldn’t go for it because it’s my day.
The more I thought about it the more I woke up.
My Options: Have my wedding, my day all to myself and I become poor doing it. Have my wedding, my way and share the ceremony (my whole theme is Asian anyway) and be able to start off with more resources for our life together. After all my family won’t care, I’m already married.
Man.. it took forever for me to get back to sleep!!!!
DRAMA!!
nrvbrd
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
HELL NO, HELL NO, HELL NO, HELL NO
Are you friggin kidding me, how selfish of these people.
X- this is YOUR DAY AND JIM'S.
You have done so much work and put too much creativity in this to share it with someone.
I would not do this!!!!!
THIS IS NOT FAIR
darly
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
That's so strange to think of an idea like that! I have heard it all...that's okay my FILs told us that b/c I was recovering from back surgery that I wasn't healthy enough to marry at this time and to think about postponing any plans and wouldn't give us any $$... Like I'm a used car!!
Things get crazy when you are planning a wedding...
Have you been to East on Rte. 110? We had Thanksgiving there one year - Love IT!
Xelindrya
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
So on the ride to work this morning.. I thought it over even more. I just keep thinking of me walking with my father down the aisle.. looking down and seeing Jim there.. then I imagine seeing Jim & XXX there, KNOWING he’s there to marry Jim’s mother. I thought about the priest giving the sermon for both. Ok so it would be kind of interesting “Your Grandma and Grandpa XXX got married when Mommy & Daddy did” but.. honestly.. I feel sort of ripped of. I got married in City Hall so that we could later have our moment with confidence and just as a celebration. So why am I so shook by someone else wanting to share in my joy by letting me share in her?
I don’t know but maybe I’m old fashioned. I just can’t see it. I guess I’ll just have to bite the bullet and say no. It’s not like I was expecting them to pay anyway. It sure is hard to know I could breathe easier if I allowed my pride to bend a little. It’s a shame I’m so prideful and arrogant that I want my day for me and Jim only but it’s who I am.
So tonight I tell Jim “our answer is no”
BUT!!!!
If you want, I can plan your wedding for you at a great price.
btrflygrl
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
Well....it does make sense....and in all honesty....I'd think about it...but I would want my day all to myself!! are they talking about doing a double ceremony or doing a civil ceremony before your ceremony and everyone celebrates together later????
It's a huge decision to share these memories with another couple. Good Luck....
ETS: the above 'I'd think about it' was what I would do....think about all aspects of it (as I was in shock) and then 99.9999% sure of saying Nah uh
Xelindrya
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
Nah.. they'd want the ceremony in front of family and friends.
Sad part is.. if we share.. I get more guests.. one issue I've been struggling with.. bad enough most people at my wedding wont really know me anyway.
I wondered how it would be if they got married at City hall and we just mention them at the Reception as newlyweds as well...
I dunno.. But I want that Aisle to myself.
NYCHICK
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
whoa! That is a shocker. I think you should defintely have YOUR DAY to YOURSELF. the money thing is st8 outta left field.
kel2004
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
Sorry if this is harsh, but I think that's the most absurd idea I've ever heard. You did all the research and planning for your special day, and now she wants to share the spotlight? And now she is willing to pay for it?? If it is so easy for her to drop that kind of money, why isn't she helping you guys out a little anyway? And how do you know she won't start dictating things and changing things that you already decided on, now that it would be her day too? That would make me so mad. I hope you get to enjoy your day the way you planned. JMO...
RedHead
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
eh i am just not feelin that... Call me selfish but i want my day for me and my FH...
Xelindrya
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
Posted by kel2004
Sorry if this is harsh, but I think that's the most absurd idea I've ever heard. You did all the research and planning for your special day, and now she wants to share the spotlight? And now she is willing to pay for it?? If it is so easy for her to drop that kind of money, why isn't she helping you guys out a little anyway? .
AAAHHHHH!!! THAT is the hidden easter egg in this story. I grew up poor and money is something I think of often. If $20k is a drop in the bucket why in GODS name am I paying RENT and we pay the TAXES on the house?????
Seems Mr. XXX is loaded. I mean L O A D E D!! Who knew?
Im not offended they aren't helping out. I don't mind that I wont 'owe' them anything, but it bothers me we pay rent and taxes. Like you NEED the money? Please!
More of a reason for me to have my own day and say.... help her plan hers for a charge?
tourist
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
Posted by Xelindrya
So tonight I tell Jim “our answer is no”
BUT!!!!
If you want, I can plan your wedding for you at a great price.
That's what I was going to suggest. It seesm like she just pulled tht out of thin air & didn't really think about it herself.
I think double weddings are weird, but if that what some people want ok, if you start off like hat, but to squeeze in on all your hard work is rude. I don't know her, so I don't want to judge, but it bothers me when people think that money will fix everything. ( even if its true most of the time. . .)
If she had the money to offer she should have done so in the first place (unless she knew she was saving for her own, I guess)
ETA: I type slowly. I just saw your post about Mr. XXX's $$$.
You are totally right--tell her since you are strapped for cash, you are doign wedign planning as a side business after your wedding,a dn would be happy to help for the going rate
lullabella
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
I am going to have to say NO WAY to this one.
Good Luck
Lorena
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
Posted by Xelindrya
I feel sort of ripped of. I got married in City Hall so that we could later have our moment with confidence and just as a celebration.
I think that this says it all. If you agee to this it will take away from the whole meaning of the day. JMO
PrincessRose
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
No.
No no, no no no, no no no no no no.
Don't do it. It is YOUR day. I don't want you to regret it.
1017Bride
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
OMG! I can't believe they asked you that. I can understand why you are upset! Sorry to hear this news! Let us know what happens with this.
FeliciaDA
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
Posted by PrincessRose
No.
No no, no no no, no no no no no no.
Don't do it. It is YOUR day. I don't want you to regret it.
Couldn't have said it better!
Veronica -- make your wedding day YOUR day.. you have put a lot of your personality and hard work into it ... be the 'star' of your own show, so to speak!!
Keep us posted!!
brideinapril
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
That would be a HUGE NO. Don't share your day. This is the your time to shine!
Jax430
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
Like you said, you have been expecting to spend this money anyhow...even though it's tempting to have it all paid for, it's YOUR day. You have spent so much time and energy personalizing this day for you and Jim, you should NOT have to share it with anyone!!
september2004
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
totally bizarre.
i guess if someone in my family approached me with this scenario it would depend on my relationship with them. i am all for 'the more the merrier' and have no problems sharing the spotlight as i hate to be in it to begin with.
it would totally depend on the people and their attitude. if their attitude was in line with mine, i would have no problem joint planning. if we have different styles and views, then maybe i would keep the celebrations separate.
Xelindrya
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
Thanks guys for letting me freak out and vent this out.
It's just one of those things your brain starts to hum 'What if' and it's bothersome.
My heart and conscience say no way.. but that little evil logical mind of mine says why not.
Thanks guys.
My answer will be no..
Now I have to figure out a way to explain that they are so well off, it would be nice if they helped and deal with the fact that they probably wont, but money isnt the point of this.. The union of Jim & I is all that really matters.
I could start a book on why marriage isn't about money, family or other materialist values to boost morals of any stressed out bride. Self help book hehe 'Remember the vows start with 'I' and not they' hehe
