Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock) UPDATE: latest post
Original post by Xelindrya
What a very strange night I had.
Apparently Jim’s mother and long time guy friend have been talking of getting married. He’s a nice guy and treats her well and frankly she deserves a good man. The family (Jim & siblings) like him so there’s no drama there.
Here’s where it gets strange. Last night Jim finally got the courage to talk to her about the Pre-Wedding dinner (Rehearsal if you want to call it that). My father wants to go to Chinatown and have a huge meal and enjoy it and so I thought it would be nice if we made it a 2-family thing. Just the Bridal party, per se.
We were concerned about asking because we didn’t want to burden her financially. Finally he asked last night and she was totally fine with it. She was sort of nonchalant about it. “What about $300-$500 for dinner? No problem” Uhm, ok…..
Then the bombshell… she tells Jim that she and her guy have an idea.. BOMBSHELL TIME.
She says (not quote but you get the idea) Since you and Veronica have already done all this planning how much was it? (Jim gives her a way low number $14k) Oh, that’s not bad.. how about XXX & I get married at your wedding too and we’ll just pay for the whole thing.
Ok.. now I was asleep when Jim comes back to the room to tell me about this conversation. “Hey honey, my mom and XXX want to get married at our wedding and in return they’ll pay for all the stuff” Groggy (cause I WAS asleep) I said “fine.. I’ll call the priest”. I admit.. it’s never a good idea to try to ask me stuff when I’m asleep. It started to sink in and he said he told her I wouldn’t go for it because it’s my day.
The more I thought about it the more I woke up.
My Options: Have my wedding, my day all to myself and I become poor doing it. Have my wedding, my way and share the ceremony (my whole theme is Asian anyway) and be able to start off with more resources for our life together. After all my family won’t care, I’m already married.
Man.. it took forever for me to get back to sleep!!!!
DRAMA!!
Xelindrya
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
Posted by september2004
it would totally depend on the people and their attitude. if their attitude was in line with mine, i would have no problem joint planning. if we have different styles and views, then maybe i would keep the celebrations separate.
Their ideas are inline with ours, No problem. we get along fine, No problem. She wouldnt even bother me and my planning, just right me a check, No problem.
My problem is: I am a Leo and a nasty tempered Texan to boot.
My day.. My light.. My wedding..
Im being totally selfish and saying 'MINE' I know this and for some reason its alright...
The girl scout inside me who says it's not a big deal go ahead and share has been beaten to death by the bridezilla within who says it's my show and my big day go find your own. heh
nferrandi
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
WOW!!! I have never heard of something so selfish. I understand that from a financial perspective it may be something to think about, but I do think it's apaling for his mother to even suggest it. Parents are NEVER supposed to try to steal, or even share, the limelight with their children. It is you and Jim's day and that's the way it should remain. My wedding gown is beautiful, but very simple and elegant. The salewoman, at the same store I boughty gown, was trying to get my mom a big poufy, beaded MOB gown. My mother said 'no way' She would never want to try, or have anyone think that she was trying to outstage me. She said she wanted her dress to compliment mine, not deminish its beauty. That's the way a mom is SUPPOSED to be.
september2004
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
Posted by Xelindrya
Posted by september2004
it would totally depend on the people and their attitude. if their attitude was in line with mine, i would have no problem joint planning. if we have different styles and views, then maybe i would keep the celebrations separate.
Their ideas are inline with ours, No problem. we get along fine, No problem. She wouldnt even bother me and my planning, just right me a check, No problem.
My problem is: I am a Leo and a nasty tempered Texan to boot.
My day.. My light.. My wedding..
Im being totally selfish and saying 'MINE' I know this and for some reason its alright...
The girl scout inside me who says it's not a big deal go ahead and share has been beaten to death by the bridezilla within who says it's my show and my big day go find your own. heh
LOL Go for it!
PrincessRose
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
LEOS ROCK!
butterfly20
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
noooo.....Veronic you deserve it to just you and jim
as my fh would probably say, you put all that time into the wedding planning, its a product of you, endless hours, its not fair for someone to tag along, and take away attention...
also on your wedding day do you really want fmil up at the alter standing in a white gown next to you?...it would be a bit weird....
no stress bride
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
That is your day u worked so hard for it!! Tell her to pick the day after u or something!!
ChristineC68
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
Tell her the wedding is going to run $25k and that you will take a check
JUST KIDDING!
I cannont believe she even suggested something like that and that Jim actually asked you about it instead of saying you won't believe what my mother just said.
You deserve your day! You waited for it, planned it and you should keep it.
good luck.
Xelindrya
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
To the defense of Jim & his mother.
Jim: He actually did tell her that .. 'Veronica probably won't go for this.. it's her big day, but I'll ask'
Gotta give him credit for that. He was shocked when I said 'sure' but like I said.. I was asleep .. give a girl a break!
His mother: You need to understand culturally (haha werent we just talking about this) this wedding of ours isn't that big of a deal, we got married already so whats the big to-do? She got married in Hong Kong then again here in the US years later (divorced later). Civil court here and I wont even venture how their marriage was in Hong Kong because she was pregnant and so young.
No they haven't been to Long Island weddings. She also knows Im not a typical New Yorker and my own cultures are very different in regards to marriage. She took a stab in the dark. I don't feel she meant it to be mean.
To her it's just logical. She's just thinking we'd both be doing eachother a favor... me the leg work, her the check book.
Just thought I'd clear that up. Still... No.. that's my final answer but I'll plan hers for her if she wants..... as I said, for a charge.
butterfly20
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
instead of outright charging her.. barter.. tell her youll help her plan, if you can skip a months rent or something...
bethsiar
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
WOW> LOL --for a charge.
Good for you standing your ground!!!
Bebalina
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no wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy no no nonononononononononono....the only way a yes is possible i think in this situation is if it was ur 2nd wedding...but its not soo nooononononononooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
shamma
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
all brides should have her own day to shine and not have to share it with anyone else
palebride
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wow is all i can say i am in shock over here
janwinterbridejoy
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you should have your own day to shine.
JimmysBride
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
Wow - I was shocked to read this!! I must applaud the fact that you took this really well and thought it through quite rationally. You aren't being a me-me-me bridezilla monster at all. You deserve to have your own day. You are doing the right thing by saying no, so long as you do it diplomatically which I can tell you will.
Please -- I don't even like the fact that there will be another bride at my reception site!
ThongLori
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!!!!!!!! Is she out of her freakin mind??? Your wedding is for YOU AND JIM and YOU AND JIM ONLY... why is she suddenly so eager to pay now that she will 'get something out of it?'
My FIL's thought about renewing their vows during our italy wedding trip and we told them HELL NO.
ETA-- OK i just read your second post! Even if there are cultural differences, it seems just plain rude to me to do to you, and her son! I hope it all works the way you want it to!
sun86moon
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
WOW, you are definitely making the right decision. It is yours and Jim's day and that is the way it should be. Considering you are paying for everything and did all of the planning that is a lot to proud of, now she wants to help and you have to share your day!! Thanks but no thanks. I agree with jimmysbride who said that she wasn't happy that there was another bride at her halll! I feel the same way!
Baldshrimp
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
I'm just gonna have to say NO. It's your day even if you got married already. Remember the reason why you are having the ceremony. It's to celebrate with your friends and family.
With all our support , you are doing the right thing by standing up for yourself and Jim, he's a good man to stand up for you. Parents are a tricky bag.
Best Wishes,
Thomas
kathleenmarie
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You have a great attitude about it. You dont sound angry, you understand that they figured it would be helping you both out. I really respect that, and Your FI for asking you first! Im glad you decided to keep your day yours. I wouldnt want to share even if they did pay for it.
Tammy5-03
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Re: Major Bombshell my FMIL just dropped (venting and in shock)
I honestly think she meant well but its a bad idea. If you weren't interested in your own wedding, you would have stopped with your City Hall ceremony. I understand what you mean about the money but just let it go. You expected to spend that money anyway and you already have planned within your budget. The money doesn't really change anything.
