Hello girls - it's been a while. I've been mostly apartment hunting. Lately I've had things like money and all other probs associated w/ marriage in mind - FH and I have dated for so many years - but to this day money is so difficult an issue to deal with. Did you and FHs have this problem? Not sure how much we're going to bring into the marriage and how much I should - I've been working for longer than him so have a lot of money saved up but FH makes double my salary so we should have the same amount - but I feel like he's not being totally transparent w/ me as I think he's setting some money aside for his family - which is fine - but I want the honesty. I'm not sure whether to confront FH about this or just let it go.
Sorry to get so personal - just not sure who else to talk to about this stuff other than the LIW girls.
MyLobster
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Re: Marriage and Money??
FH and I have had joint accounts for a year now. He gives me his paychecks and I pay the bills. We are completely honest with all of our spending and it keeps me in check with my spending. I used to go to Macys and drop $500 every few months on sh!t I really didn't need . Now that we pool our money, I don't want to carelessly spend anymore. He's the same way cause he knows I'd flip if he went out and bought a new set of golf clubs without discussing it first.
Money is a really sticky topic and I think it is SO important to know where ALL of your money is going. HOWEVER, that said...I do put some in a seperate account for myself and he has one as well. it's only smart to look out for yourself as well!
Espo22
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Re: Marriage and Money??
Posted by luvFH2008
My issue is that why would FH feel the need to hide from me - I've never been the kind of girl to be in anything for money and my parents will never need anything from me and with his parents - I wouldn't say don't help them when they do need help - I just feel like trust will come once we live together and he sees I'm not that kind of girl.
I have a ton of money set aside for grad school so that's my money b/c I don't want to take out loans but FH knows about that.
It's good to know I'm not having these issues alone - thank goodness for LIW
are you 100% sure that he is hiding money? I know you said you think he is but don't get mad yet until you know the truth.
No matter what though you shouldn't feel like your significant other is keeping anything from you. There is some lack of communication going on so dont feel bad to sit down with him and discuss all these things. Lay it all out on the table, how you feel you both should handle finances, how he feels and come to a compromise. Don't do it in a defensive and arguing way but just have a normal convo.
Every couple handles finances differently. What is right for one couple is not right for another. You just both need to come to an agreement and figure all of this out before you are married.
Cpt2007
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Re: Marriage and Money??
This was a MAJOR topic when we did our pre cana course at Church.
The night we discussed this in class, we started the evening by asking these two questions of both of us: Do you feel as though you have been open and honest with your finace(e) about your finances and your debt? Do you feel as though your fiance(e) has been open and honest with you about his/her finances and debt?
We then went through and did a worksheet that helped us lay out our income, our expenses, and our debt. We hadn't truly been specific about what each of us owed before, so it was a great exercise.
I don't know if you will be going through a marriage prep course or not, but I would really recommend and encourage you to sit down with your FH and talk about money and finances. Once you are married, you will need to know who will be responsible for what and that means knowing what each of you consider your financial obligations. A good marriage is based on open communication and honesty, and as MJ said above, it's a huge cause in this country for failed unions.
It's a hard conversation to have, but it has to be had. Good luck!
CMBove
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Re: Marriage and Money??
money discussions are hard. We have set up a joint account for the wedding saving, but have separate accounts otherwise. I have a lg school debt I am paying back, but have a good deal of savings. We have decided that once we are married, joint eveything, but I think its ok to keep what we had before separate...its good to hear your thought on this subject
Brendanzgirl
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Re: Marriage and Money??
We talked about it and we will have a joint account. He doesn't think its smart to have seperate accounts and one joint account... we'll see how it works
Autumn08
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Re: Marriage and Money??
Once you are married, the finance's merge. Whether you technically merge them into one account or not. You guys will need to be a team and both need to be honest about your spending habits and need to set financial goals.
As for money for family, I strongly suggest thinking about your financial goals as a couple and maybe even one day as a family your own. Decide from there how much you will give to family.
Bottom line.. money is not easy to talk about... but it has to be done. Like previously mentioned it's the #1 cause for divorce so you need to be on the same page.
LatinaVix
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Re: Marriage and Money??
FH & I live together, we have a joint bank accounts. He gets paid and literally gives me his whole check. I pay all of the bills and keep tabs on the money. We're not big on cash so I can track the spending online through our bank & credit card websites. We've never had a money issue. What's his is mine and what's mine is his. There should be no secrets.
luvFH2008
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Re: Marriage and Money??
Thank you girls for all your responses - so I talked to FH about money yesterday and how much we were both going to put in and if we were going to have any on the side - we both agreed and it was very smooth - we're not going to keep any accts on the side b/c it's our money and there isn't a need to - huge relief that we had the convo - thanks girls !
