'marriage-related' - so now that you're engaged, do you find it even more offensive when . . .

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Posted by CubanBride

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Posted by 12-3Princess

I'm not surprised, I'm appalled by it... When would it be 'forgiveable'?
That's a serious question, not trying to be a b_tch.

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I don't think that extensive relationships outside of the marraige are forgiveable. However, I think that one night stands may be forgiveable.

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I actually am thinking the opposite, if you are honestly in love with someone else and want to leave your spouse for that, that is one thing. If you just need a one night stand, IMO, you are just plain horny!

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Posted by suven

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Posted by 12-3Princess

I really want to say you can't bring a mistress to my wedding . . .. but I dunno if I can do it.

I'll probably just silently fume about it.

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If you addressed your invite to:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith

and, then do your inner:

John and (wife's name)

Wouldn't he get the hint?

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Just what I was going to say

I don't feel any worse or more appalled by it now that I am married. I felt it was awful before, and I still do, my feelings haven't changed.

I don't, however, get crazy about it or let it upset me anymore because SO MANY people I know or have known (mostly men) have cheated on their girlfriends, fiancees or wives. So as sad as this is to say, I am basically just numb to it now. Nothing surprises me.

I've always thought cheating on a spouse was a horrible thing even before I got engaged. I don't blame the person with whom the spouse cheated though (the other man or other woman) because they're not the one who made a promise and they're not the one who took vows.

I'm not sure what the percentages are, but even if they are high, I think it doesn't mean that it's right (one night stand or otherwise) and it doesn't mean that we should just accept it as 'normal.' Just because lots of people do something doesn't change the fact that it's morally reprehensible.

Like some of you have said, if FH ever cheated on me, he'd be out the door whether or not we have children. I know a lot of people say that you don't know what you'd do unti you're in that situation but I also feel like sometimes you know yourself well enough to know how you would behave. Also, I'm lucky enough that I'd never be 'trapped' in a relationship for economic reasons, which definitely provides more options than some women have.

ETA: I have found now that I'm engaged though that I relate more to that Sex & the City episode where Charlotte confronts Carrie about her cheating with Mr. BIg and says something like, 'He's married! How can you do that, Carrie? You're my MAID OF HONOR!'

Wow!!! Just finished reading this post. I do not take cheating more personal now that I'm engaged - so long as it's not my FH.

However, I have been cheated on once (not by FH). Being in that situation still did not make me change my opinion about other people cheating. Long story short but he said the lingerie I found in his bed was supposedly 'his sister's'. LOL I had only heard that in movies prior to that day. LOL

I have had engaged friends cheat (while in Jamaica attending another's friend's wedding) and I know of several married people (not close friends) that cheat. I do not condone it but I also stay out of it as much as possible.

One night stands are even worse to me since the committed person thinks so little of their relationship that they could cheat with a total stranger. Not that falling in love with another woman would be better but the one night stand would bother me more since it was so easy for a total stranger to seduce him.

As for having the mistress at your wedding, tell the guy you don't want her there. Either he comes alone or he brings his wife. No need for you to be upset over her attending in addition to having to pay for her to be there too.

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Posted by CubanBride

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Posted by 12-3Princess

I'm not surprised, I'm appalled by it... When would it be 'forgiveable'?
That's a serious question, not trying to be a b_tch.

---

I don't think that extensive relationships outside of the marraige are forgiveable. However, I think that one night stands may be forgiveable.

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You're a more 'forgiving' person than me !! Cheating is Cheating in MY book !! - However it annoys me when say the woman is married and cheating, and her 'boyfriend' is the one that gets the bad name......WHY ? HE's not the one married ! I will never understand that whole 'homewrecker' mentality......Not that it's morally right by any means to date a married man/woman........but HELLO ?! Isn't it the MARRIED person who should be seriously at fault ???

Yes, now that I am engaged I find it absolutely disgusting and really have no tolerance for it, even more so than ever. But I must say that I have ALWAYS thought of cheating as the most despicable offense. Even with my boyfriends when I was younger, I never cheated and always maintained a 'tell me first and you can do what you want' policy...I would much rather you tell me you're unhappy or attracted to someone else and be a little hurt by having to let you go, than be a lot hurt by finding out that you betrayed me, or worse get an STD due to your infidelity. I take cheating VERY seriously and believe that adults should discuss their feelings and figure out ways to make each other happy or how to deal with thier issues - cheating is not in my equation and yes, I would, without any hesitation, divorce my husband and/or father of my children due to infidelity.
And bringing a mistress to a wedding...not OK, I don't care if I know the person or not. Not all will agree with me, but these are things I feel strongly about and are probably as a result of my father's infidelity (see how screwed up our parents make us )...thankfully, my mom was strong and left him.


Wow, that was a long rant, huh?!

P.S.
On a funnier note, because of my views on cheating, I refuse to play or listen to Jennifer Lopez or Marc Anthony at my wedding (a big deal being that I'm spanish and March Anthony is a huge star! )...yeah, I'm silly!

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Posted by Marisa M

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Posted by CubanBride

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Posted by 12-3Princess

I'm not surprised, I'm appalled by it... When would it be 'forgiveable'?
That's a serious question, not trying to be a b_tch.

---

I don't think that extensive relationships outside of the marraige are forgiveable. However, I think that one night stands may be forgiveable.

---

You're a more 'forgiving' person than me !! Cheating is Cheating in MY book !! - However it annoys me when say the woman is married and cheating, and her 'boyfriend' is the one that gets the bad name......WHY ? HE's not the one married ! I will never understand that whole 'homewrecker' mentality......Not that it's morally right by any means to date a married man/woman........but HELLO ?! Isn't it the MARRIED person who should be seriously at fault ???

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Hmmm, I don't think I am forgiving more than the next person. I think it all depends on your thinking. I am a person who believe that sex doesn't always mean anything. And if someone was on, lets say a business trip, and the had sex with some random person, that doesn't necessarily mean anything. Sex can just be sex.

I also believe in second chances. I know people make mistakes and I know that sometimes they truly feel bad. If a cheater is repentant (sp?), then I feel that you can, if you chose, forgive that person. But most people are not able to forgive, or not willing to. But that's okay for them.

But I have not had anyone cheat on me, so who knows, I may completely change my tune in the future.

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Posted by CubanBride

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Posted by Marisa M

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Posted by CubanBride

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Posted by 12-3Princess

I'm not surprised, I'm appalled by it... When would it be 'forgiveable'?
That's a serious question, not trying to be a b_tch.

---

I don't think that extensive relationships outside of the marraige are forgiveable. However, I think that one night stands may be forgiveable.

---

You're a more 'forgiving' person than me !! Cheating is Cheating in MY book !! - However it annoys me when say the woman is married and cheating, and her 'boyfriend' is the one that gets the bad name......WHY ? HE's not the one married ! I will never understand that whole 'homewrecker' mentality......Not that it's morally right by any means to date a married man/woman........but HELLO ?! Isn't it the MARRIED person who should be seriously at fault ???

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Hmmm, I don't think I am forgiving more than the next person. I think it all depends on your thinking. I am a person who believe that sex doesn't always mean anything. And if someone was on, lets say a business trip, and the had sex with some random person, that doesn't necessarily mean anything. Sex can just be sex.

I also believe in second chances. I know people make mistakes and I know that sometimes they truly feel bad. If a cheater is repentant (sp?), then I feel that you can, if you chose, forgive that person. But most people are not able to forgive, or not willing to. But that's okay for them.

But I have not had anyone cheat on me, so who knows, I may completely change my tune in the future.

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Oh WHOOOOOOOOOA Hold on !! Sex is NEVER just Sex when you are married !!! - You want to do the 'just sex' thing when you're single have a grand old time !! But once you're made the commitment to MARRY someone and spend your life with them - it's not JUST SEX.....it's CHEATING. It's not just sex b/c it's not JUST about you anymore ! - I thnk that is an extremely selfish way to look at it ...........but that's JMO

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Posted by CubanBride

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Posted by Marisa M

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Posted by CubanBride

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Posted by 12-3Princess

I'm not surprised, I'm appalled by it... When would it be 'forgiveable'?
That's a serious question, not trying to be a b_tch.

---

I don't think that extensive relationships outside of the marraige are forgiveable. However, I think that one night stands may be forgiveable.

---

You're a more 'forgiving' person than me !! Cheating is Cheating in MY book !! - However it annoys me when say the woman is married and cheating, and her 'boyfriend' is the one that gets the bad name......WHY ? HE's not the one married ! I will never understand that whole 'homewrecker' mentality......Not that it's morally right by any means to date a married man/woman........but HELLO ?! Isn't it the MARRIED person who should be seriously at fault ???

---

Hmmm, I don't think I am forgiving more than the next person. I think it all depends on your thinking. I am a person who believe that sex doesn't always mean anything. And if someone was on, lets say a business trip, and the had sex with some random person, that doesn't necessarily mean anything. Sex can just be sex.

I also believe in second chances. I know people make mistakes and I know that sometimes they truly feel bad. If a cheater is repentant (sp?), then I feel that you can, if you chose, forgive that person. But most people are not able to forgive, or not willing to. But that's okay for them.

But I have not had anyone cheat on me, so who knows, I may completely change my tune in the future.

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Cuban, it's funny that you feel this way and it's probably because of your experiences as a young gal and views on cheating in general. But for someone like me, who can't think of cheating and who is very aware that yes, we are weak, but yes, we can control ourselves, I would never forgive. I mean, if I can stop myself, why can't he? I know flesh is weak, but no, drinking and socializing and whatever else happens on a business trip does not give anyone the right to have casual sex and then apologize...it's not that easy. There's a commitment, a respect, a person that expects your fidelity, I like to think that we're a little smarter than animals and can behave as such.

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Posted by Marisa M

Oh WHOOOOOOOOOA Hold on !! Sex is NEVER just Sex when you are married !!! - You want to do the 'just sex' thing when you're single have a grand old time !! But once you're made the commitment to MARRY someone and spend your life with them - it's not JUST SEX.....it's CHEATING. It's not just sex b/c it's not JUST about you anymore ! - I thnk that is an extremely selfish way to look at it ...........but that's JMO

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Hold on, I didn't say sex with someoen other than your spouse isn't cheating. It is, completely!

I am saying that the act of having sex, having nothing to do with beign married or not. Just the act of it, can just be that. Meaning that there is no emotional tie that goes with it. People can have sex just because they are horny, having nothing to do with love. That type of sex doesn't have any emotional attachment to it.

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Posted by SomethingBlu

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Posted by CubanBride
Hmmm, I don't think I am forgiving more than the next person. I think it all depends on your thinking. I am a person who believe that sex doesn't always mean anything. And if someone was on, lets say a business trip, and the had sex with some random person, that doesn't necessarily mean anything. Sex can just be sex.

I also believe in second chances. I know people make mistakes and I know that sometimes they truly feel bad. If a cheater is repentant (sp?), then I feel that you can, if you chose, forgive that person. But most people are not able to forgive, or not willing to. But that's okay for them.

But I have not had anyone cheat on me, so who knows, I may completely change my tune in the future.

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Cuban, it's funny that you feel this way and it's probably because of your experiences as a young gal and views on cheating in general. But for someone like me, who can't think of cheating and who is very aware that yes, we are weak, but yes, we can control ourselves, I would never forgive. I mean, if I can stop myself, why can't he? I know flesh is weak, but no, drinking and socializing and whatever else happens on a business trip does not give anyone the right to have casual sex and then apologize...it's not that easy. There's a commitment, a respect, a person that expects your fidelity, I like to think that we're a little smarter than animals and can behave as such.

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Yeah, you are like most women and that makes sense. I am just a little bit odd in my thinking. I don't think you are wrong at all. We are just different.

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Posted by SomethingBlu

Yes, but if you are married or in a commited relationship and have with someone other than your partner to release your 'horniness' and just for the act of sex - it is CHEATING. And it's not forgivable or acceptable, not IMO, not in the least traditional of senses, even if I was super liberal on this topic (like you seem to be) I would never not consider this cheating or forgive it.

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Again, Im not saying that it is not cheating. It Is Cheating. without a doubt!!!

But for some people, depending on the situation, it's a forgiveable offense. That's all I am really saying here.

And I am actually conservative, not liberal at all. Maybe I am too conservative.

Emotionless my A$$ !!! I don't care if you fell in love or you just went to the damn Bunny Ranch ! It's cheating ! It's decietful .........and not to mention you can bring home so nasty disease !!

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Posted by CubanBride

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Posted by SomethingBlu

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Posted by CubanBride
Hmmm, I don't think I am forgiving more than the next person. I think it all depends on your thinking. I am a person who believe that sex doesn't always mean anything. And if someone was on, lets say a business trip, and the had sex with some random person, that doesn't necessarily mean anything. Sex can just be sex.

I also believe in second chances. I know people make mistakes and I know that sometimes they truly feel bad. If a cheater is repentant (sp?), then I feel that you can, if you chose, forgive that person. But most people are not able to forgive, or not willing to. But that's okay for them.

But I have not had anyone cheat on me, so who knows, I may completely change my tune in the future.

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Cuban, it's funny that you feel this way and it's probably because of your experiences as a young gal and views on cheating in general. But for someone like me, who can't think of cheating and who is very aware that yes, we are weak, but yes, we can control ourselves, I would never forgive. I mean, if I can stop myself, why can't he? I know flesh is weak, but no, drinking and socializing and whatever else happens on a business trip does not give anyone the right to have casual sex and then apologize...it's not that easy. There's a commitment, a respect, a person that expects your fidelity, I like to think that we're a little smarter than animals and can behave as such.

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Yeah, you are like most women and that makes sense. I am just a little bit odd in my thinking. I don't think you are wrong at all. We are just different.

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You're not odd...you're just liberal (see above) and part of me wants to think that this is because you have never experienced the pain caused by cheating first hand...there is nothing worse than the hurt of betrayal...and I hope you never do (my mom has never remarried and it has been over 25 years). Plus, I also think that you feel this way as a way to shield your emotions...you seem like someone who would hold on to your love 'though hell or high water' no matter what...my sister also would forgive cheating for just sex (she's married with 3 kids) but she's been the 'other woman' in her young days also, I think that has A LOT to do with it.