'marriage-related' - so now that you're engaged, do you find it even more offensive when . . .

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Posted by SomethingBlu

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Posted by CubanBride

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Posted by SomethingBlu

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Posted by CubanBride
Hmmm, I don't think I am forgiving more than the next person. I think it all depends on your thinking. I am a person who believe that sex doesn't always mean anything. And if someone was on, lets say a business trip, and the had sex with some random person, that doesn't necessarily mean anything. Sex can just be sex.

I also believe in second chances. I know people make mistakes and I know that sometimes they truly feel bad. If a cheater is repentant (sp?), then I feel that you can, if you chose, forgive that person. But most people are not able to forgive, or not willing to. But that's okay for them.

But I have not had anyone cheat on me, so who knows, I may completely change my tune in the future.

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Cuban, it's funny that you feel this way and it's probably because of your experiences as a young gal and views on cheating in general. But for someone like me, who can't think of cheating and who is very aware that yes, we are weak, but yes, we can control ourselves, I would never forgive. I mean, if I can stop myself, why can't he? I know flesh is weak, but no, drinking and socializing and whatever else happens on a business trip does not give anyone the right to have casual sex and then apologize...it's not that easy. There's a commitment, a respect, a person that expects your fidelity, I like to think that we're a little smarter than animals and can behave as such.

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Yeah, you are like most women and that makes sense. I am just a little bit odd in my thinking. I don't think you are wrong at all. We are just different.

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You're not odd...you're just liberal (see above) and part of me wants to think that this is because you have never experienced the pain caused by cheating first hand...there is nothing worse than the hurt of betrayal...and I hope you never do (my mom has never remarried and it has been over 25 years). Plus, I also think that you feel this way as a way to shield your emotions...you seem like someone who would hold on to your love 'though hell or high water' no matter what...my sister also would forgive cheating for just sex (she's married with 3 kids) but she's been the 'other woman' in her young days also, I think that has A LOT to do with it.

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LOL! You sound like a therapist. NO, I have never had anyone cheat on me. And I do not know what I would really do if my FH did.

But I have certain things for me that would be an instant walk to the divorce lawyer. Things that others think are forgivable that I dont.

I know what I would do if it happened to me--WALK. Like Jenny said, I will never be in the position where I am so dependent on a man (economically, etc.) that I CANNOT leave.

That said, I know of wives that know of their husband's affairs and decide to put up with it--usually to maintain the lifestyle they know and enjoy (large house, lots of $$$, etc.). Leaving usually means less $, the stigma attached to getting divorced...

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Posted by nov04LIbride
That said, I know of wives that know of their husband's affairs and decide to put up with it--usually to maintain the lifestyle they know and enjoy (large house, lots of $$$, etc.). Leaving usually means less $, the stigma attached to getting divorced...

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That I don't understand. Why is ther a Stigma to being divorced?

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Posted by CubanBride

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Posted by nov04LIbride
That said, I know of wives that know of their husband's affairs and decide to put up with it--usually to maintain the lifestyle they know and enjoy (large house, lots of $$$, etc.). Leaving usually means less $, the stigma attached to getting divorced...

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That I don't understand. Why is ther a Stigma to being divorced?

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Why? Who knows, but from my parents being divorced, I know I have experienced it...From my IL's saying, 'Oh, I am so glad no one in OUR family was divorced...' and 'I would never marry anyone who was divorced already,' to people saying, 'Ohhh children who have divorced parents have a higher likelihood of getting divorced...'

ETA: From posts on the newlywed board, I think some people feel some divorcees just didn't 'try' hard enough, or take their vows 'seriously' enough. Perhaps that is what the stigma stems from.