I’M DEVASTATED…A FRIEND OF MINE FROM CHILDHOOD RECENTLY GOT ENGAGED IN FEBRUARY AND UP UNTIL TUESDAY HER WEDDING PLANS WERE UP IN THE AIR DUE TO FINANCES AND DIFFERENT WEDDING IDEAS BETWEEN HERSELF AND HER FH…MEANWHILE, I’VE BEEN ENGAGED SINCE 2009 AND STARTED PLANNING MY WEDDING AT THE END OF 2010…I COME TO FIND OUT YESTERDAY THROUGH TEXT MESSAGES THAT THIS FRIEND OF MINE IS NOW GETTING MARRIED IN OCTOBER OF THIS YEAR (FORMAL CEREMONY & SMALL PARTY IN A HALL/RESTAURANT) SO HER AND HER FH CAN START TRYING TO HAVE KIDS IN NOVEMBER…MEANWHILE, WHEN I ASKED HER TO BE IN THE BP, I TOTALLY MADE IT CLEAR THAT I DIDN’T WANT HER TO BE PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!...…I’M NOT SURE IF I’M MORE PISSED AT THE IDEA THAT NOW, IT MIGHT BE MORE ABOUT “OH LOOK AT SO & SO, SHE’S PREGNANT” BECAUSE IN OUR IMMEDIATE CIRCLE OF FRIENDS NO ONE IS MARRIED OR HAS KIDS YET…OR AM I MORE PISSED ABOUT FEELING HURT THAT SHE DIDN’T CONSIDER ME, MY FEELINGS & MY WEDDING PLANS BEFORE MOVING AHEAD WITH HERS…OR PISSED AT HER FOR TOTALLY DISREGARDING SOMETHING I HAD ASKED HER TO NOT DO OR TO SIMPLY PLAN AROUND TIMING WISE…..I NEED SOME HONEST FEEDBACK HERE…IF I’M TOTALLY OVERREACTING AND/OR BEING SELFISH PLEASE TELL ME, BECAUSE SO FAR NO ONE HAS….I NEED SOME UNBIASED OPINIONS TO POSSIBLY REALITY CHECK ME BACK INTO A NON-CRAZED-CLEAR HEADED-NOT A BRIDEZILLA STATE OF MIND!!!!!
Kara2323
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Re: MASSIVE VENT....
Sorry but I think you are being totally selfish. that is ridiculous..I don't think anyone should have to put their life on hold for someone elses wedding plans. My MOH wants to have a baby and I would never even consider telling her to wait on my account. I am happy for her!
JRT5412
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Re: MASSIVE VENT....
Don't get upset, but I feel like you are also acting very selfish. I would never ask anyone to put their life on hold b/c of my wedding. My MOH is planning on having Baby #2. And she chose to wait to start trying until after my wedding b/c she doesn't want to be prego at my wedding. But that was her choice. I mean even if she did get pregnant b/f my wedding, then I would still be happy for her but I would never ask her to not get pregnant b/c of my wedding.
I think you are more upset at the fact that she got engaged after you and now is getting married before you and isn't telling you her plans.
Rosalind_75
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Re: MASSIVE VENT....
woah
sorry to say but you are being a bigggggggggg bridezilla!!! just because you got engaged first doesnt mean anything. im mean you got engaged in 2009. is everyone supposed to stop what they want because youre getting married in 2012?
i would be pissed if a good friend of my 'told me' me not to get pregnant. im a grown up i dont need anyone telling when to start a family. i would never have told one of bm not to get pregnant!!
what are you worried about? pics?
wishingwell1230
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Re: MASSIVE VENT....
Posted by Kara2323
Sorry but I think you are being totally selfish. My fsil wanted me to wait to get married until after her and that is ridiculous..I don't think anyone should have to put their life on hold for someone elses wedding plans. My MOH wants to have a baby and I would never even consider telling her to wait on my account. I am happy for her!
I agree, I think you definitely are being selfish...my FSIL asked if I was okay with her being pregnant at our wedding since they are planning for their second, and I yelled at her for even asking. Who am I to dictate when someone else gets married or has babies just because of my life plan?
mara1017
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Re: MASSIVE VENT....
I will never understand when people tell their BM that they can not be pregnant for their wedding. It is so selfish. I have 3 of my bridesmaids that are pregnant (Yes I said 3) and I am estatic for all of them. You should be picking the people in your bridal party because they are your closest friends and family and should love them whether they are fat, thin, pregnant, not pregnant. Trust me no matter how pregnant a person is ,... all eyes will be on the girl in the big white dress.
You can not expect that the world will stop because you decide to get married in 2012. One of our close friends got engaged after us and they are getting married before us. No big deal! When you decide to have a long engagement that is going to happen. You can not expect that everyone is going to wait until you get married because you decided that you want to have a 3 year engagement.
Just my opinion.
kdm822
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Re: MASSIVE VENT....
yeah ur being alit selfish and we get your upset. I would be too. But i dont think you can tell someone you dont want them to be pregnant. Its their call when they do get preg or if it wasnt planned. **** happens. I am going to ask my cousin to be in mine and while she is losing her baby weight. It is possible she could be pregnant when i get married next yr. If yyou dont want her to be in it bc shes preg then tell her you dont want a preg bridal party. So tell her not to spend the $ if she plans too
Cataverri
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Re: MASSIVE VENT....
Crashing....
You asked for an honest...so here you go.
the statement you made is probably the most selfish I heard. How dare you ask someone not to get pregnant for your wedding? And seconf a wedding is not a competion of who gets marry first...if she decided is now her time, so let it be. I hate to come out so nasty, but your statement was extreme. Yes you are being a bridezilla and very mean.
FutureMrsGTL
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Re: MASSIVE VENT....
Sorry to say but I agree with the other girls.. its veryyy selfish what you're saying. You cant ask someone to put their life on hold for your wedding and you definitely can't ask someone to not get pregnant.
IMO - if this is one of your closest friends as you said then you should be very happy for her, and excited that shes starting a new part of her life... not mad.
FutureMrsCat050412
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Re: MASSIVE VENT....
That definately sucks. My sister has been married a year & I want her to have a baby asap. I told her not to worry about me or my wedding! Of course I want her in the bridal party as my maid of honor but if she decides to be very pregnant by my wedding I told her not to worry about it. She will be at my wedding no matter what, whether she's in the bridal party or not. This is just my opinion on the situation.....I understand you did mention it to her & she is over riding what you said. But you never know, she could always change her mind about kids, or not be able to get pregnant right away. nothing is definite. I think you should talk to her about it & let her know that you really wanted her there for your special day :( sorry you're so upset!
AlexandMike2012
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Re: MASSIVE VENT....
I understand what you're saying and could understand how your initial reaction is to be pissed off, but I have to agree with everyone else and say OK let it sink and and be pissed off for a day or 2 and then realize that she's a bride too and wants to be a Mom soon after, would you want anyone to tell you that you couldn't get pregnant when you wanted to? Always try and take a second to look at both sides and don't let this get in the way of the joy of planning your own wedding, it's one small detail
roblisa09
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Re: MASSIVE VENT....
Posted by AlexandMike2012
I understand what you're saying and could understand how your initial reaction is to be pissed off, but I have to agree with everyone else and say OK let it sink and and be pissed off for a day or 2 and then realize that she's a bride too and wants to be a Mom soon after, would you want anyone to tell you that you couldn't get pregnant when you wanted to? Always try and take a second to look at both sides and don't let this get in the way of the joy of planning your own wedding, it's one small detail
THIS!!!! Definitely try to take a step back and look at it from a different perspective....Hope you feel better!
PeaceLoveWedding
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Re: MASSIVE VENT....
Look at the happy side, she'll only be about 4 months pregnant at the time of your wedding if she gets pregnant in november, so she won't be super huge,
Did you get my FM btw?
AwaitingAugust
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Re: MASSIVE VENT....
crashing ...
i agree with the others .... you should be happy for your friend, not upset. getting pregnant is a decision she and her FH make alone, and you cannot and should tell her that she has to wait in order to be in your BP.
i'm surprised none of your other friends have told you this.
ps: two of the four girls in my BP were pregnant and it didn't affect anything!
Rivera2be
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Re: MASSIVE VENT....
To be totally honest, I feel you have no reason to be upset in the situation you described. Your friend did not plan her wedding for the same month as you, she was recently engaged and planned it for later this year, as starting a family is obviously important to her and FH at this time. I think sometimes us brides get caught up in the moment sometimes and in the stress of planning and blow things out of propotion. I think you need to take a step back and really look at the situation.
Your friend was recently engaged and is excited, her wedding is for 2011 and yours is for 2012. You should be happy for her and excited that you can both share in the planning together. You cannot expect people to put their lives on hold b/c you are planning a wedding, you wouldn't expect to put yours on hold if the roles were reversed.
If she is pregnant at the wedding, who cares? You are the bride and the attention will be on you. I don't care if my BM's were pregnant, gained 100 lbs, or dyed their hair purple for my wedding, I love them and just want them to be happy!
thefloreswedding
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Re: MASSIVE VENT....
yes i agree--i dont think you should be upset if she will be pregnant for your wedding.
i dont think it matters honestly....she will still be able to do pretty much everything except drink (which might be a good thing LOL). i dont know why she didnt tell you that she was getting married sooner though....maybe she was afraid to tell you b/c she knew you would be upset? i dont know.....but definitely dont be upset that she is pregnant....my friend had 3 pregnant BMs in her wedding and it was great!!! plus, i agree with the other girls, she is suppose to be someone you are close with and you guys are suppose to be friends.....there for eachother....no matter what....so please be happy for her....
Watermelon5
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Re: MASSIVE VENT....
First, I def don't think you're being selfish. Maybe a tad bridezilla, but other than that I can totally see that now she will be w/ all the attention on her and that is pretty annoying, not gonna lie. If you just feel this way I totally understand. If you VOICE these feelings to her then that may be awkward because you are friends and are supposed to be supportive. Just try and remember you will still be the bride in white w/ all eyes on YOU!
linda_art
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Re: MASSIVE VENT....
I LOVE vents. First I say, 'Get it OUT', yell and scream if need be. It wouldn't be right for me to judge you or anyone else. I definitely hear what you are saying and you have a right to your feelings. It seems like there's a lot going on here, more than her life plans getting in the way of yours.
I think Alex gave good advice, to try and take a step back and put things in perspective. It's your day, but it's her life. If this is upsetting you so much, maybe you don't really want her in your wedding and this was just the thing you're using to push it over the edge? I could prob name a ton of possible scenarios.
For me, nobody and nothing is worth so much anger. It becomes toxic for you. (Heard this, it's like setting yourself on fire and hoping the other person dies of smoke inhalation.) I hope you come to a solution that works best for you, despite the circumstances that are currently irritating the krap out of you. Also, it's always better to vent and get it out than to take it out on the other person. My advice would be to just try to be more gentle, with yourself and def with her.
courtneydemarco12
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Re: MASSIVE VENT....
I do understand what you are saying however i do not agree because it is her lfie and if she wants to get pregrant in november than that is what she is going to do. No one should tell their friends or family that they can't be preggo for someone else's wedding. My aunt is my MOH she lives in another country and has been trying to have a baby for years I could not tell her that she could not be preggo during my wedding because she is my aunt. That would not be right. i do know where you are coming from and agree some of the other girls that you are angry with the fact that you got engaged first and your friend is getting married before you. Trust me I would be too.
ndeokinanan
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Re: MASSIVE VENT....
she wants to start trying to get pregnant in november...even if this works out and she gets pregnant in november she won't be showing that much in march. are you worried about her showing in the dress or you just didn't want any of the girls to be pregnant?
