This is long, so please be patient. I don't know where to start. My fiance and I have had an on and off relationship for four years. We love each other and he is a wonderful person in so many ways. But the biggest underlying problems in our relationship have been my fears about his lack of motivation and inability to support a family, our inability to work problems out without a big blowout, and our different outlooks on money.
I fell in love with him for his love of life, his sense of humor, and his kind, loving nature. I also fell in love with him because from the first day we met he has offered me unconditional love. He has always made me feel so special and like I am such an important person in his life. He has always made it known that he wants to marry me and that he loves me deeply and will until the day he dies. He has never looked at another woman. He's always been attentive, affectionate, and loving. I have so much fun with him and he always makes me laugh. This is the kind of love that I have always dreamed of and want nothing less for myself. If it all stopped there, I wouldn't have a problem.
I've always been bothered by his lack of motivation and lack of interest in planning for the future. He is 28 years old and is a Catholic school teacher. He finally got this job (well, his mom really got it for him) after more than five years of subbing in the public schools. I have no problem with his being in the Catholic schools--this could be a bridge to getting into the public schools and making more money. But, I don't see him doing anything to make this happen just like I haven't seen him doing anything to make ANYTHING happen for his career for the past four years. If something good happens in his career, it's not because HE did anything to make it happen. He has no drive in this area of his life. He won't even bother to put in the effort to make a portfolio of his work--which is VERY important in interviewing for teaching jobs. I've offered to help him, but he seems so disinterested and even annoyed at the idea.
Sometimes I ask him if he even likes his job, and he says he does, but I don't believe him.
Right now I'm pursuing a master's degree in education and plan to be very aggressive about getting a job. I'm enthusiastic and highly motivated. I make things happen. The bottom line is, although I love him--and so many things about him--I'm afraid that he will become a led weight I'll have to drag along in life and that I'll resent him for it. I'm afraid that he will not do all he can to provide for me and a family, and that I'll resent him for that, too.
When I tell him about my fears he either gives me vague reassurances or becomes angry and defensive and says, 'Why is money so important to you? Why is it all about money?' as if I'm some sort of materialistic, shallow, money-hungry woman.
I just don't trust him (to do whatever it takes to provide for us financially). This is breaking my heart because it looks like I have to end this (we've already tried counseling several different times, which usually ends up making things worse somehow.) We just booked the hall on Friday, so I hope I can get my deposite back. PLEASE HELP! I'm sorry this is soooo long.
