Maybe I'm not saying this the right way, is your FH giving you $$$ problems?

Original post by curliegirl

Mar 10, 2005 11:48 AM

I am not an extravagant person, in fact I am a good bargain hunter, however, FH wants no part of the wedding planning, and only wants to know how much everything costs.

His mom and sister really gave it to him on Christmas Eve, when he brought me to tears over the spending. FH is really $$$ conscious and always feels like he's broke, even though he makes good money and saves a lot.

So, this is the THIRD time he has given me the $$$ lecture, and every time, I explain that I don't want to spend a ton of money either, and all I do is try to find the best deals. But it was ok to spend $6500 on a band, because he had to have a band instead of a free DJ (I work for a DJ).

To him, everything else is not important, and all he wants to know is how much it costs.

I have saved so much money by booking through the connections I have at work, and he still doesn't understand it.

I am so hurt right now that he tells me I am losing sight of what's important, while he doesn't care if we have carnations on the table and burgers and dogs at the reception, as long as he has the band.

Oh, and he has 190 uncuttable people on his list while I have 90!!!!!

Can someone tell me how to maybe explain myself in a different way so I don't have to keep repeating myself? I already know we don't see eye to eye on finances. He wants to sock it away and take it with him, and I like to be happy now, but we have to meet in the middle, and I think I have.

SomethingBlu Posted: Mar 10, 2005 02:25 PM

Re: Maybe I'm not saying this the right way, is your FH giving you $$$ problems?

Posted by wood2be

Posted by curliegirl

Oh, boy! He sounds worse than mine! What are we gonna do?

I don't know. Retail therapy is the only thing I know!!!

That's why my BF gt her CC taken away!

Katherine121 Posted: Mar 10, 2005 02:26 PM

Re: Maybe I'm not saying this the right way, is your FH giving you $$$ problems?

Posted by jesslangen

Why don't you try showing him comparisons..example

Photographer you wanted $5000
Photograpger you booked $2800

Then explain we are receiving the same package, same amount of proofs, same video and I still saved us $2200, what else would you llike me to do?!

And if that doesn't work explain that if he refuses to help how would he know if the prices are too expensive or reasonable? And explain if he did help you would be able to show him how you really are being frugal with the money!

I could not have said this better. Explain to him that if he 'doesn't want to be involved' then there is no way he can know that you are being frugal.

Sorry you're going through this.
I think it would help if you talk about and come to an understanding about your different views about money FIRST (which is what this is really about) and from there work on wedding expenses.

dpli Posted: Mar 10, 2005 02:37 PM

Re: Maybe I'm not saying this the right way, is your FH giving you $$$ problems?

I think Suze Orman is losing it, the last time I saw her show, she was calling all the guys 'big boy....'

Curliegirl, explain that the BAND is a huge expense and if he wants to cut $ he should start there - your band is costing almost as much as my reception for 100 people.

We each had things that were important to have at the wedding, and tried as best we could to compromise, but I think if he is saying that the band is non-negotiable, he needs to give in a little on the other things that might be non-negotiable for you. Good luck, I know this is tough!

curliegirl Posted: Mar 10, 2005 02:41 PM

Re: Maybe I'm not saying this the right way, is your FH giving you $$$ problems?

Thanks Ladies, I knew you would help, make me feel better, and laugh too!!

germai68 Posted: Mar 10, 2005 02:45 PM

Re: Maybe I'm not saying this the right way, is your FH giving you $$$ problems?

Posted by wood2be

Posted by lilacwine

What do you talk about each week?

I think, it's about which bills get paid for that week and what is left over. About half way through I tune him out and he continues to talk A LOT! It all sounds Greek to me. I hear the words 'Debt Management' 'Stop using the credit cards' and my favorite 'this week, Suzie Orman said' I really don't like that Suzie woman!

Personally, I think I could get hit by a bus tomorrow so why sock so much of it away! I guess I should be happy one of us is worried about our financial future.

I hate to say it, but this is me!!! I'm the one who makes all the $$$ decisions and yell at him for spending money

He is so good about it though, asks me before he spends a dime!!!

Ladybug63 Posted: Mar 10, 2005 02:55 PM

Re: Maybe I'm not saying this the right way, is your FH giving you $$$ problems?

I know how you feel. Our original budget was much lower that what it's gone up to and he originally freeked!!

I just go through everything with him. I get all the info and pricing and we go over and discuss what we want and don't want. FI has really come to appreciate all the work going into this and what it actually costs. The phone calls, the appointments, the research. It's a lot as we all know.
Once FI saw what would be compromised for a much lower price he caved.

Remember: Money is just paper if you don't spend it!

That sounds trite but seriously... What good is it if you don't enjoy it?
What good is anything if you don't enjoy it?There's no reason to deprive your self of something you can afford! This is a one time deal. Tell him if you do it right now and suck it up I wont be spiteful later towards you for limiting me because of your own personal feelings!