Men!
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his
Sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to Me,
'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, 'University of Oklahoma.'
And they say blondes are dumb...
-----------------------------------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the
happiest woman in the world'
The woman says, 'I'll miss you...'
-----------------------------------------------------------
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped
out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I
mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
-----------------------------------------------------------
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make love
to you really badly.
She said - Well, you succeeded.
-----------------------------------------------------------
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board
while I sit on the sofa and fart.
-----------------------------------------------------------
He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave
you?
She said -Turn sideways and look in the mirror
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
-----------------------------------------------------------
A man and his wife, now in their 60's were celebrating their 40th
wedding anniversary.
On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because
they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh!
Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
-----------------------------------------------------------
A PRAYER....
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive
him; And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and
the noose.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: one---he just holds it up there and waits for the world to
revolve around him.
OR Three -- one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag
about the screwing part.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath
and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because not one will stop and ask directions.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants
every woman to satisfy his one need.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manuals'
Sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to Me,
'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, 'University of Oklahoma.'
And they say blondes are dumb...
-----------------------------------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the
happiest woman in the world'
The woman says, 'I'll miss you...'
-----------------------------------------------------------
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped
out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I
mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
-----------------------------------------------------------
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make love
to you really badly.
She said - Well, you succeeded.
-----------------------------------------------------------
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board
while I sit on the sofa and fart.
-----------------------------------------------------------
He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave
you?
She said -Turn sideways and look in the mirror
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
-----------------------------------------------------------
A man and his wife, now in their 60's were celebrating their 40th
wedding anniversary.
On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because
they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh!
Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
-----------------------------------------------------------
A PRAYER....
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive
him; And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and
the noose.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: one---he just holds it up there and waits for the world to
revolve around him.
OR Three -- one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag
about the screwing part.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath
and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because not one will stop and ask directions.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants
every woman to satisfy his one need.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manuals'
