Brides Helping Brides ™ - Met with priest yesterday and didn't go that well

Mel329 Posted: Jul 11, 2007 09:26 AM

Met with priest yesterday and didn't go that well

We met with the priest to finalize everything yesterday. We didn't even have to have the meeting but I am crazy and just wanted to make sure the ceremony was all in order and he understood everything. Things are going well and we are about to leave and he says to us, you are both okay to kneel during the nuptial blessing and we were both like yes. So then FH of course has to say which knee should we kneel on (totally stupid and unecessary question) I said you are thinking of genuflecting (sp) we are talking about praying, both knees. So now the priest obviously knows we are not big church goers. so the priest says which one of you isn't catholic and we said neither. So he says well why aren't you doing a mass, didn't I ask you this before. And we said no and he said well usually if you are both catholic we make you have a mass, but I will let it go because I never said anything. Then he says, I just want you both to know that you need to be in a state of grace on your wedding day (meaning we have to go to confession beforehand). And he goes on and tells us about a special confession called general confession in which you can only get when you make a sacrament and we should call the church and make an appointment for it. So of course again FH has to say something (when will he learn to shut his mouth!) he asks well how long has confession before marriage been in effect. The priest said forever so FH says well do we have to show proof of this and he said no, that we are adults and he trusts to go and if we aren't in the state of grace that the church doesn't recognize our marriage until we are in the state of grace. Can you BELIEVE THIS!!! Has anyone else been told this? Now I feel like I have to go to confession, no way am I going to the general confession though. I tried to look that up online and I couldn't even find anything about it. So just thought I shared. Don't question anything that the priest says because look what happens!!!

Shorty McBride Posted: Jul 11, 2007 09:31 AM

Re: Met with priest yesterday and didn't go that well

I'm sorry - that is rough.

My church hasn't been all roses and daffodils to deal with either.

DrWho Posted: Jul 11, 2007 09:34 AM

Re: Met with priest yesterday and didn't go that well

Ah, 9 years of Catholic school is about to serve me well.......

Technically, you're always supposed to go to confession before mass. Otherwise, you're not in a state of grace when you recieve communion, which is the big no-no. When we were growing up, if we missed mass one week, we couldn't receive communion until we'd gone to confession. That's why most churches have confessions weekly, usually Saturday - on the theory that you can't do much damage between Saturday night and Sunday morning. This always struck me as strangely naive.

MJDoc12 Posted: Jul 11, 2007 09:35 AM

Re: Met with priest yesterday and didn't go that well

aww that stinks!

maybe you should contact a monsignor or another priest at your church to find info on the 'general confession'. if they are unsure about what he's talking about, maybe talk to the priest again.

i really hate when ppl get all judgemental and try and tell you what to do. kudos to you ladies who marry in a church.......cause i'm waaaaaaay too much of a biitch to handle that. that's why we married at RH! my hats off to you guys dealing with stuff like this.

Mel329 Posted: Jul 11, 2007 09:38 AM

Re: Met with priest yesterday and didn't go that well

I only am getting married in the church because of my mom.

The priest just made me feel like such a bad person and I'm not at all. He is probably worse than me.

I will go to confession, no problem with that, even though it has been many, many years, but I absolutely refuse to the general confession. If that was such a big deal, he should have told us that the first time we met and it should also be in those stupid handbooks they give you.

FH said it is all BS and he isn't going.

B22 Posted: Jul 11, 2007 09:40 AM

Re: Met with priest yesterday and didn't go that well

although it sux... that sounds like a pretty normal catholic church to me.

technically, you are not supposed to receive sacrament at mass if you havent gone to confession.

I'm a BAD catholic and never receive when I DO go to mass b/c of this...

I'm lucky enough to have a very easy going priest who is loving and accepting. I mean, i have a child out of WEDLOCK for G*ds sakes.. I'm supposed to be on a one way ticket to hell in the eyes of the catholic church.

DOnt let it stress you out, or make you feel as though you are not a good catholic. (Please, lets not get into the extra curricular activites of some catholic priests)

Youre a good enough catholic to want to get married in the eyes of 'the LORD', you know?

We do what we can... and I'm sure the big guy up there knows that you are at a state of *grace*

DrWho Posted: Jul 11, 2007 09:43 AM

Re: Met with priest yesterday and didn't go that well

My mom pushed for a church too. Catholic school, 9 years, I mentioned that, right? Ive been very careful to keep calling our handfasting 'Scottish' instead of 'pagan'.
People somehow think the UK was always Christian.

rkl1130 Posted: Jul 11, 2007 09:44 AM

Re: Met with priest yesterday and didn't go that well

I'm so sorry to hear that the church is giving you such a hard time!

The church can be so difficult sometimes! I know my priest mentioned it, but he hasn't hounded us about it. He loves FH, so that helps.

EGreene79 Posted: Jul 11, 2007 09:45 AM

Re: Met with priest yesterday and didn't go that well

I'm sorry you had to go through that. FH and I have been getting some lectures from our church, but mostly because we live together. It's a tough call because the church is against that, and if I don't like it I can go elsewhere, so I just sit quietly and take it.

However, I think what you went through was a little overboard. I understand them getting their point across, but he didn't need to harp and lecture on it.

By the way, your FH sounds hysterical! FH doesn't know when to shut his mouth either!

melisjoe Posted: Jul 11, 2007 09:47 AM

Re: Met with priest yesterday and didn't go that well

really hate when ppl get all judgemental and try and tell you what to do. kudos to you ladies who marry in a church.......cause i'm waaaaaaay too much of a biitch to handle that. that's why we married at RH! my hats off to you guys dealing with stuff like this.

Well stated - that's exactly why we arent getting married in the church either!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MrsQ-in2007 Posted: Jul 11, 2007 09:57 AM

Re: Met with priest yesterday and didn't go that well

Not to be contrary, but I don't think your priest was being judgemental at all! It is standard for you to go to confession prior to receiving any sacrament (marriage is a sacrament if you are married in a catholic church), so for him to ask you guys to go to confession and/or general confession is really not something to be upset or surprised about. Well, maybe surprised if you didn't know about it, but honestly you shouldn't really be upset.

I think there are people that marry in the catholic church just to have the pretty setting and priests want people to marry in the church because of what it means (not saying that's why you guys are marrying in the church, just mentioning others and why possibly your priest may have addressed this issue with you guys the way he did)... so he was probably just trying to get across to you that according to the church's beliefs, you must be in a state of grace before receiving your sacrament and having it acknowledged in God's eyes. Please don't be upset Your ceremony will be beautiful and I'm sure this will all seem like something not so big afterwards.

JACSANT Posted: Jul 11, 2007 10:01 AM

Re: Met with priest yesterday and didn't go that well

your fh is so funny!! you should tell him its all his fault and now he has to go to confession by himself, lol. i havent heard about going to confession first yet, but i still have tons of time so im sure our priest will tell us eventually! good luck!

Tobewed07 Posted: Jul 11, 2007 11:23 AM

Re: Met with priest yesterday and didn't go that well

Isn't the 'general confession' the confession where you sit, face to face, with the priest?

Pencils Posted: Jul 11, 2007 11:29 AM

Re: Met with priest yesterday and didn't go that well

Why are you getting married in the Catholic church if neither of you is Catholic and you don't accept their beliefs?

MrsQ-in2007 Posted: Jul 11, 2007 11:34 AM

Re: Met with priest yesterday and didn't go that well

Posted by Pencils

Why are you getting married in the Catholic church if neither of you is Catholic and you don't accept their beliefs?

I could be wrong, but I think they are both Catholic, but not practicing (she mentioned something about not going to church or confession often).

rkl1130 Posted: Jul 11, 2007 11:46 AM

Re: Met with priest yesterday and didn't go that well

Posted by Tobewed07

Isn't the 'general confession' the confession where you sit, face to face, with the priest?

That would make me uncomfortable.

Mel329 Posted: Jul 11, 2007 11:53 AM

Re: Met with priest yesterday and didn't go that well

We are both catholic, but just not practicing. My mom is very practicing to say the least and would be absolutely heartbroken if we didn't get married in the church.

I did know about how you should be in a state of grace before making any sacrament, but sort of forgot about it.

I was more surprised by the general confession comment and how if we are both catholic that it should have been a mass, because I know plenty of married couples who have had ceremonies and they were both catholic and never had a problem about that . (My mom was actually surprised about his comment about the mass.)

I just wish we would have said these things the first time we met him. Most girls do not even make the appointment like I did to see him one more time before the ceremony. Usually brides just have to hand in a piece of paper outlining their ceremony. If I had done that, I would not have known about any of these things.

MrsQ-in2007 Posted: Jul 11, 2007 11:57 AM

Re: Met with priest yesterday and didn't go that well

Posted by Mel329

We are both catholic, but just not practicing. My mom is very practicing to say the least and would be absolutely heartbroken if we didn't get married in the church.

I did know about how you should be in a state of grace before making any sacrament, but sort of forgot about it.

I was more surprised by the general confession comment and how if we are both catholic that it should have been a mass, because I know plenty of married couples who have had ceremonies and they were both catholic and never had a problem about that . (My mom was actually surprised about his comment about the mass.)

I just wish we would have said these things the first time we met him. Most girls do not even make the appointment like I did to see him one more time before the ceremony. Usually brides just have to hand in a piece of paper outlining their ceremony. If I had done that, I would not have known about any of these things.

From what I know, if both the bride and groom are Catholic, the wedding is supposed to be a Mass - if the couple requests it be just a ceremony for reasons such as time, or they won't have many Catholic guests and do not want to include communion, etc, then usually it's agreed upon with the priest beforehand.

Sounds to me like your priest didn't discuss things thoroughly with you when you first met.

And each situation is different - some people just meet once and then hand in a paper like you said, others meet more often, and there are some like me who have met with their priest multiple times and gone over each detail of the ceremony. So it's all on a case by case, church by church, even priest by priest basis.

JennysMOH Posted: Jul 11, 2007 12:05 PM

Re: Met with priest yesterday and didn't go that well

Posted by MrsQ-in2007

Not to be contrary, but I don't think your priest was being judgemental at all! It is standard for you to go to confession prior to receiving any sacrament (marriage is a sacrament if you are married in a catholic church), so for him to ask you guys to go to confession and/or general confession is really not something to be upset or surprised about. Well, maybe surprised if you didn't know about it, but honestly you shouldn't really be upset.

I think there are people that marry in the catholic church just to have the pretty setting and priests want people to marry in the church because of what it means (not saying that's why you guys are marrying in the church, just mentioning others and why possibly your priest may have addressed this issue with you guys the way he did)... so he was probably just trying to get across to you that according to the church's beliefs, you must be in a state of grace before receiving your sacrament and having it acknowledged in God's eyes. Please don't be upset Your ceremony will be beautiful and I'm sure this will all seem like something not so big afterwards.

MrsQ is 100% correct. With regards to receiving communion without confession is a bit off from what some other ladies have said. You don't have to go to confession prior to having communion each and every week. Unless you have committed a grave/deadly/mortal sin. But if you're confessing that you cursed, used the Lord's name in vain etc you're ok to have communion. That is what those few minutes while you are kneeling prior to going up to receive the Eucharist is for to ask for forgiveness for those sins. Like Mrs. Q has stated you have to realize how aggrevating it must be for a priest or any clergy that people have church weddings because they want a nice setting without thinking what the sacrament signifies or having people come to church just for that without going to Mass on a normal basis. For Catholic the Mass is important because it is when we are closest to Christ whether it be on Sunday, Holy Days or at a wedding. Please do not be upset with the priest he is doing what his calling in life tells him to do.

I've never heard about general confessions. I think you'll be fine if you go to confession. Confession is something private between you and the priest it should not be done as a group project. No one is to know what you confess. That is something very presonal and that is why you are absolved from it when the priest gives you the final blessig prior to leaving the confessional. Neither the priest or God remembers your sins once you go to confession.