'Missing' gifts from guests

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Posted by Kara and Todd

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Posted by denadewolf

I would have to ask all of them. Embarrass them. How are they going to come to a wedding and not leave a check. Give me a break. Weddings are freakin expensive. This was not a free meal ticket. What do they think this is the red cross food pantry!!! Would piss me off.

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I would definitely not ask them directly. Sorry, but that's downright rude. Gifts are discretionary! Yes, most people give gifts at weddings, but if you come out with 'where's my gift?' you sound like a spoiled brat. (even when your intention is just to make sure you didn't lose it) I also don't understand why people are advocating embarassing your guests for not giving you a gift.

I also think it's way too soon to ask people about gifts, anyway. You wedding was less than 2 weeks ago, wasn't it?

I might ask the one that did give a gift if she saw anyone with envelopes of heard anything in another couple weeks - with the explanation that you are just really afraid you may have lost them or something like that.

I wouldn't ask people directly. It's also very possible they are planning to mail their gift and haven't gotten around to it yet...

If they DID leave an envelope and it did get lost, they will ask you about it in another couple of weeks. (Most people wait about a month to ask)

ETA - I know the OP is genuinely concerned that gifts were lost... but I think to ask about it this early would be taken the wrong way. JMHO.

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I agree - I think embarassing your guests is in very poor taste. I don't feel you invite people to your wedding in order to recieve a gift from them - you invite them becuse you want them to be there.

Last year at my sister's wedding I was a BM - I totally forgot to bring the gift! We were at the hair salon at 6AM and kept going until 11PM - it wasn't until a month later that I realized I had forgotten to give it to her!!! This is my sister - my best friend! She never said a word and when I gave her my card she laughed and asked me why I felt so bad, I had given her a gift by being her BM.

I would talk to your friend and ask if she noticed anything, but I wouldn't approach the guest - if the card has been misplaced they will notice when the check doesn't clear and approach you.

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Posted by denadewolf

I can't imagine going to a wedding and leaving without paying. You can't dine and dash at a restaurrant and say I have a year to pay.

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WOW! You invited them as guests, nowhere on the invitation does it say dinner will cost you $XXX

FH and I are paying for our weding also and I would never get upset at a guest I inivted for not 'paying' for his/her seat! In my opinion, you should put on a wedding you can afford, don't expect your guests to pay for it.

Did any of you saying its rude not to expect a gift for your put on your invites No gifts please.
Highly doubt it Mother Theresa's
Be Real Every bride and grom expects the guest to think about how much it was per plate and at least give that!!! If you don't feel that way why don't you send an addendum to your own invites telling them not to bring anything. I understand forgetting to give a present but the whole table missing presents. Something is up ....You have to ask.

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Posted by Nina_m74

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Posted by denadewolf

I can't imagine going to a wedding and leaving without paying. You can't dine and dash at a restaurrant and say I have a year to pay.

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WOW! You invited them as guests, nowhere on the invitation does it say dinner will cost you $XXX

FH and I are paying for our weding also and I would never get upset at a guest I inivted for not 'paying' for his/her seat! In my opinion, you should put on a wedding you can afford, don't expect your guests to pay for it.

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I have to disagree with you, she is not asking them to pay for their 'seat' but where are the cards, they gave nothing, unless it was lost.

Any time you have an event, shower, christening, barmitvah YOU DO NOT GO EMPTY HANDED.
AND IF U CANT AFFORD TO GO RSVP NO!!!!!!!!

I would ask OR I wouldn't send them a thank you card and see if they say anything to me.
I mean even if they didn't give you a check. They should hav egiven you a card, wishing you well.

I have to disagree with you, she is not asking them to pay for their 'seat' but where are the cards, they gave nothing, unless it was lost.

Any time you have an event, shower, christening, barmitvah YOU DO NOT GO EMPTY HANDED.
AND IF U CANT AFFORD TO GO RSVP NO!!!!!!!!

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Thank you mama I needed some back up. I was beginning to think I am bridzilla because I want a card with money in it from my guests. After all I went to all and will go to all my guests weddings and lavish them with what I can afford. I think its the battle of the cheapos vs the considerates on this one!!!

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Posted by Nina_m74

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Posted by denadewolf

I can't imagine going to a wedding and leaving without paying. You can't dine and dash at a restaurrant and say I have a year to pay.

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WOW! You invited them as guests, nowhere on the invitation does it say dinner will cost you $XXX

FH and I are paying for our weding also and I would never get upset at a guest I inivted for not 'paying' for his/her seat! In my opinion, you should put on a wedding you can afford, don't expect your guests to pay for it.

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I completely agree with you on this, I am not having a wedding that my guests are paying for. We are doing what we can afford and if people want to come and celebrate without 'paying' we are fine with that. People are there to celebrate your love for each other whether they give you 5,000 dollars or nothing, you got married because of you and not just to recieve gifts. Sorry to offend anybody, but there are some people that I know I invited that I don't expect them to give a gift and I will be fine with that!!

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Posted by denadewolf


I have to disagree with you, she is not asking them to pay for their 'seat' but where are the cards, they gave nothing, unless it was lost.

Any time you have an event, shower, christening, barmitvah YOU DO NOT GO EMPTY HANDED.
AND IF U CANT AFFORD TO GO RSVP NO!!!!!!!!

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Thank you mama I needed some back up. I was beginning to think I am bridzilla because I want a card with money in it from my guests. After all I went to all and will go to all my guests weddings and lavish them with what I can afford. I think its the battle of the cheapos vs the considerates on this one!!!

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I wasn't going to reply, but why not! It's the end of the day, I'm bored.

Realize that not everyone thinks this way. I already know a number of people on my list that probably won't give me gifts, but I still want them there. I'm not looking at this as a gift/money making opportunity. To me, it's a big party where all my friends and family can come celebrate my marriage with me. I understand gifts are the norm, but I'm in no way expecting them.

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Posted by bride2b92006

I would definitely try and find out if cards are missng. My cousin was at a wedding once and saw one of the waiters take (steal) the cards off the table.

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See, that's what I am afraid of. We don't 'need' the money. I'm not looking to make money. That's not the point I meant to make.

But if they gave us gifts & we didn't' get them, I would want to know. I just know these people & I cannot imagine that they didn't think to give a card or anything (check or no check). These are thoughtful people.

Who knows... like someone said, it's only been 2 weeks. Maybe they all chipped in & are sending a physical gift...?

let me tell you what happened at my sisters wedding...

after the wedding, her husband was talknig with one of his friends and his friend was like 'oh did you see what i wrote in the card?' and my sisters husband is like 'no we never got anything from you.' it turned out that the waiters were going around telling people that they were collecting gifts for the bride and groom!!! so they stole like a whole table of gifts. and ironically, it was a table of all NYPD cops!!!

I guess im spoiled-I would ask.
Most of my guests that did not give a gift had already TOLD me that they were uncomfortable about coming and not giving a gift-to which I told them I didnt care I just wanted them there-but they gave us a card at least.
We also had alot of guests tell us that they had forgotten the card and mailed them.

Did it really matter? No-BUT in the grand scheme of things it is the thought-I know I am not comfortable going to any sort of celebration without a gift-but if I cant afford a gift and they insist I will at least spend the time to get a friggin $3 card!!! And later send a gift when I can.

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Posted by denadewolf

I would have to ask all of them. Embarrass them. How are they going to come to a wedding and not leave a check. Give me a break. Weddings are freakin expensive. This was not a free meal ticket. What do they think this is the red cross food pantry!!! Would piss me off.

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You are too funny! ! I would ask them too.

I would FIRST ask the person you are close to at the same table of the mysterious
'missing gifts'

I HAVE heard of this before- and NO!!!!!!!!! ladies! they did not forget

they were being CHEAP and thought you wouldn;t notice...
( sorry if its rude) happened to my sisters ( BOTH)
!!!

It's a difficult situation. OTOH, I don't think you should expect anything from your guests, as they're your guests, they're not paying for their dinners. However, if someone did give a gift and it was misplaced, it would be rude if they never got a thank you for it, and the person might get angry at not being thanked. The only thing you can do is ask around, as it's rude to ask the person if they gave a gift or not. A lot of people believe that you have a year to give a wedding gift, so it's always possible that some people are just being lazy or tardy. The fact that it was that many people at one table makes me wonder if they all went in on something together, especially if they're close friends. (We received one fabulous gift from a group of my friends.) It might be that the gift was backordered or they were waiting for you to return from the honeymoon.

The only thing you can do is ask a mutual friend or family member to investigate for you. Good luck!

HI,

When we discovered we were 'missing' gifts they were from friends of ours and we both approached them ourselves. One was a co-worker of mine and I went up to her and said 'Hey Amy, I am so glad that you were at my wedding! You being there was the ultimate gift. I don't mean to be tacky but my husband and I didn't see a card from you and I just want to make sure that you didn't leave one and it was lost of left somewhere.' Now before the question even left my mouth she said, 'I am so sorry, your gift is on order and as soon as it comes in I will bring it to you!'

Now most people will think this is tacky and terrible, for me it was just making sure that nothing was left somewhere. Does this question put some people on the spot? Yes but so what? It was very expensive for us to feed all those people. I think I have a right to double check if they left a gift or not. I would not have wanted us to overlook something.

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Posted by Kara and Todd


I would definitely not ask them directly. Sorry, but that's downright rude. Gifts are discretionary! Yes, most people give gifts at weddings, but if you come out with 'where's my gift?' you sound like a spoiled brat. (even when your intention is just to make sure you didn't lose it) I also don't understand why people are advocating embarassing your guests for not giving you a gift.

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I agree. I know you should give a gift , but honestly FH & I are very prepared to not get anything from certain people coming. He is from the caribbean and some of his family is traveling a long way and just do not have it. I'm not going to be insulted. He would rather them be there and not get a gift than vice versa. I feel like I just have to keep it in perspective, we're not getting married for gifts. I know this sounds outrageous and some of you will gasp at this but that's how we feel.




But as far as the OP, I would ask the friend that you are close with. She would have noticed if any of the couples had envelopes.