MOB Drama

Anybody else feel that their mother has become a total Momzilla? My mother is out of control!

I feel that I am super laid back (I kind of have to be - My Bridal Party and my mother are out of control). I am a go with the flow type of person, FH and I are paying for everything, we have gone on meetings booked all of our vendors. it has been pretty easy (aside from my bridal party and my mother). I wanted all of the girls in the same dress but some bridesmaids didn't want that so I just went with it. My mother wants a crazy amount of jewish traditions incorporated into the wedding where I just want the ones that mean something to me (It's an interfaith wedding). FMIL just asked that we try to balance out the ceremony and keep it even. I totally think that is fair.

Every week my mother drops something else on me that she wants. She wants this and that tradition now too. And certain traditions FH is totally against which is fine, I really don't care. He knows which ones I want and which ones mean something to me.

I totally regret not eloping! All of this money could have gone towards a down payment on a house.


Ughhh ! Sorry needed to vent.... 168 days....

MOB Drama

Sorry you have to deal with all that! Just try to remember it's your wedding, not theirs! If that's what they want, let them throw themselves a wedding ;)

MOB Drama

Try to put your foot down! And think about what you really want and just stick with it. We are all fighting some of these little battles!

MOB Drama

That's a tough situation, but I do agree with the other ladies that you have to put your foot down. Especially since you and FH are the ones footing the bill. It's your day and the ceremony is the most important part. It's where the actual marriage takes place. It should be symbolic of the two of you. Good luck! <3

MOB Drama

I'm sorry you're going through this! Stay strong and try to talk to your mom and let her know what's important to you both as a couple...I know sometimes easier said than done but with us it worked...my FH is Presbyterian and I'm Catholic but neither are overly religious...we were able to settle on a church wedding and no full mass after we talked it out...hopefully your mom will be receptive to your wishes!

MOB Drama

Thanks for all of your support! I have been putting my foot down which causes a lot of stress and tension. My mother is really good at giving a nice guilt trip. Just frustrating. :(

Re: MOB Drama

Sorry you're dealing with all that! It's hard when its your mother because you want to please her. At the same time, it is YOUR wedding, and you guys are paying for it, and I think she needs to be told to ease up a little bit. It's hard, but it'll just be one thing after another and it already seems like you're getting a bad taste in your mouth about the wedding (I'm sure it's just in the moment because of the stress) but that shouldn't be... sure there will be stressful times but you should be really excited about it! Don't let her or anyone in your BP take that from you!

MOB Drama

Thank you! I know what I need to do, but it is very hard when you see it is upsetting your mother. I was taught to always respect and listen to your parents, so it is hard to not give her what she wants and what she is asking for, but I know I need to set the precedence now because she is already talking about how I should raise my children.

Re: MOB Drama

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Posted by DebOst

Thank you! I know what I need to do, but it is very hard when you see it is upsetting your mother. I was taught to always respect and listen to your parents, so it is hard to not give her what she wants and what she is asking for, but I know I need to set the precedence now because she is already talking about how I should raise my children.

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Oh man, that's so hard! I'm so sorry you've having to deal with all this! Hopefully once you establish that you'll be doing what you and FH want, no matter what, she'll figure it out and back off a little. Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

MOB Drama

I think that you should just tell her that the ceremony is a personal thing between you and FH and that you are making choices that you want. Definitely consult your officiant who will be able to advise you on the traditions that are more necessary and the ones that you can choose. Then, you can tell your mom that you are working through these things with the officiant and that you don't need to talk to her about it. If you guys need help figuring it out, there's a great book that I've been reading for the wedding, 'The New Jewish Wedding'. It's got information for interfaith weddings (the author herself married someone who converted) and has a lot of information about why there is a tradition but ways you can change it a bit or not do it and why. It's only $10 on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000TKFJTI

Re: MOB Drama

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Posted by HesLIgirl

I think that you should just tell her that the ceremony is a personal thing between you and FH and that you are making choices that you want. Definitely consult your officiant who will be able to advise you on the traditions that are more necessary and the ones that you can choose. Then, you can tell your mom that you are working through these things with the officiant and that you don't need to talk to her about it. If you guys need help figuring it out, there's a great book that I've been reading for the wedding, 'The New Jewish Wedding'. It's got information for interfaith weddings (the author herself married someone who converted) and has a lot of information about why there is a tradition but ways you can change it a bit or not do it and why. It's only $10 on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000TKFJTI

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Thank you so much! I will definitely check this out!

MOB Drama

I was very stressed in the beginning of planning because I was trying to please my mother and FMIL, but I have since gotten tougher. I realized that they will be happy with our wedding, no matter who we use as vendors or our choices, because they both love their children. My FH has been very supportive also. Remember, it is about you and your FH, not the BM or your mother.

Good luck and try to enjoy this time!

MOB Drama

I feel your pain....I am jewish my FH is Christian. My mom wanted jewish traditions but I am putting my foot down, we are paying and I also feel a tad guilty so she just talked me into breaking the glass...I also let her pick the officiant(the officiant is jewish but not a rabbi)but that's it, that is as traditional as we get.she wanted us to cut the challaha(sp?) to and I said no.

MOB Drama

As a MOB I can tell you we think from the day you get engaged we should be in charge. I realized it wasnt 'my' wedding when I remembered how my mom brainwashed me with ideas at my wedding, and that didnt make me happy. I quickly stop pushing my ideas on my daughter. Expalin to your mom you want this to be 'your' day and ask her if maybe she remembers how she felt if her mom was pushing issues that she wasnt happy with. Maybe it will hit her that its not her wedding but yours.

Re: MOB Drama

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Posted by BridesMom2015

As a MOB I can tell you we think from the day you get engaged we should be in charge. I realized it wasnt 'my' wedding when I remembered how my mom brainwashed me with ideas at my wedding, and that didnt make me happy. I quickly stop pushing my ideas on my daughter. Expalin to your mom you want this to be 'your' day and ask her if maybe she remembers how she felt if her mom was pushing issues that she wasnt happy with. Maybe it will hit her that its not her wedding but yours.

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My mom did the same thing(and my ex MIL) for my first wedding,and I felt it was more about them then us so I am doing it a lot different this time around.

MOB Drama

Thanks all... I have tried going the logical route. My mother and I are not speaking currently, a lot more has happened.... and I am totally not excited about this wedding anymore and could care less about everything. If we did not put as much money down as we did already, wedding would be canceled and we would just go to town hall. I should have gone with my gut instinct when we got engaged and not plan a big wedding and just go to town hall.

Tomorrow will mark 5 months. I wish I was excited or happy, but I don't foresee any of that happening for me.

MOB Drama

So sorry to hear that. Try to just do something to get your mind off of it for the next week or so. Maybe that will help. Sending positive vibes your way! :)

MOB Drama

weddings can bring out the worst in people and damage relationships. i really hope you work things out with your mom. hopefully she will realize what shes missing out on

MOB Drama

Thank you :)