I have to vent- my wedding date is March 21 and my MOH has not been available to at all- she is suposed to be my best friend since 10 years old yet she is never around when I need her- I Love her to death but I made a mistake- I always assumed that when I got married she would be my MOH- but as Im getting closer to the wedding I have noticed that no matter how far in advance I ask her she is ALWAYS doing something- I have done everything with the other BM and I rotate so no one starts to feel obligated- another thing when I showed her my ring she didnt even really look at it- I dont know ladies- my FH told me to talk to her and tell her how I feel- what do you think- Oh yeah and she just informed me that she may not be able to come to my Eparty even though I told her when I was having it months ago- she was the 1st one I told im just so ****ed right now
jennbaby
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Re: MOH is upsetting me
Sounds to me she may either be jealous or feel shes losing her friend.
Tell her nicely how you feel.
Good Luck
Alvatorre74
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Re: MOH is upsetting me
I think shes Jealous...Is she married...Im having a similar problem with one of my bm/ she always tells me I have tocheckmy schedule..She didnt even want to come with me when I was checking out my Dj cause she had kickboxing class..But I still Love her...On the other hand my moh is great...with 2 kids and all she manages to do little things...So my guess is that ur moh is jealous..
Jen2704
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Re: MOH is upsetting me
Wow .....I would be p***ed also!! I am sorry that you are going through this. I would talk with her and be honest and ask her what is going on. At least you have other wonderful supportive bridesmaids!! I wish you the best of luck!!
Helene718
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Re: MOH is upsetting me
I'm sorry you are going through this. you really should talk to her and let her know how you feel. Has she ever been in a wedding party before? Maybe she doesn't know what is involved? Anyway, hugs to you!
ChristineC68
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Re: MOH is upsetting me
It sounds like she is having issues that she needs to work out. I agree with your Fh that you should talk to her and tell her how you feel about what she has and has not done since your engagement.
I went through something like this with one of my friends. She wasn't in the bridal party but basically uninterested or condescending about anything wedding related. Not that I spent hours upon hours discussing it with her. I actually chose not to discuss it with her since her indifference hurt my feelings a bit. She did not attend my bridal shower nor my bacheloretter party. She arrived at the wedding late (and a little stoned ).
My sister really believes its because SHE had a hard time adjusting to the fact that I was getting married and she wasn't. She always used to joke that we would end up sharing a house with lots of cats, ie be old maids together.
I think our relationship is a little more strained b/c of it.
I hope it works out for you
Bacardi527
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Re: MOH is upsetting me
She has been married for 12 years now you think she would take out a little more time - she has 3 kids and she is very family oriented- but so am I and I still manage to make time- like she wants me to drop her daughter off this weekend somewhere I know that I have to talk to her I just dont know how-but I know it has to be soon- and I am so glad to have my other girls- my FH told me to ask her to step down and just be a bridesmaid but I cant do that-
xjulietx
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Re: MOH is upsetting me
Since she is married and all, maybe she is wishing she could do it all again and because she can't, she pushes away. I am learning with bridesmaids that they will either be all over you and smothering you with advice and help or they are nowhere to be found. I hope you have a heart to heart with your friend. She may just need you to tell he you 'need' her. Make her feel wanted and needed rather than obligated. Good luck!
butterfly20
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Re: MOH is upsetting me
you should definately talk to her(the brides feelings come first).. maybe she is too overwelmed to be helping with the planning, maybe she needs to step down, or you make a 2nd MOH.. The MOH should definately be at the engagement party unless there is a last minute emergency..
aliciahelene
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Re: MOH is upsetting me
Im sorry you are going through that! The fact that she is married, gives her absoluetly no excuse to act like that. She should know better. This is your one and only wedding, get the help you deserve. I cut a bridesmaid from my wedding, she too, acted as if she could care less and ya know what, this should be an incredibly happy time for you..dont let the small things get ya down or slow your wedding plans down. I would talk to her and if it doesnt get resolved..go from there. But if she is hardly being a friend now, will she still be one in ten years? I wish you all the luck in the world with this one, but someone was right when they said that the brides feelings come first. I dont know your friend, and i hate to pass judgement, but it sounds like she has some issues if she wasnt even happy to see your engagement ring! Surround youself by people who are truly happy for you. You are starting a life with someone, maybe even a family. ThIS IS HUGE..you should be enjoying every step of the way! Ok..Im done lecturing. .sorry..good luck with yoru friend!
Bacardi527
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Re: MOH is upsetting me
I think that she puts too much on her plate- and she justs assumes that I will understand and I would if she did this every once in a while but lately she is doing it often- maybe she does want to do it all again- I am just not caring about her problems right now- I know we all have lives- but how many BEST FRIENDS do you know who live 5 minutes away but may see each other once a month- if that Should email her? or talk face to face?
aliciahelene
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Re: MOH is upsetting me
Most definately face to face! Things can be taken out of text in an email, because you cant hear the tone of ones voice and what you mayemean as nice and caring, she may detect as sarcastic, which could start only more problems. Tell her exactly what you are feeling, if she is a true friend, she may realize that you are absoluetly right. Is she happy in her marriage? That doesnt even matter...she is the MOH, she should act like it. If you dont tell her how you feel, it will eat away at you and then she will be in your wedding photos as your MOH for the rest of your life..talk to her, hopefully this can be resolved.
eternityawaits
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Re: MOH is upsetting me
Maybe she feels like she missed out on something when planning hers and is feeling a little jealous... if you two have always been so close, why not invite her to a nice lunch and talk to her?
jbella13
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Re: MOH is upsetting me
I've had a similar problem. My MOH hasn't helped at all. She was my best friend and I always thought she'd be the one for the job, but sadly she has disappointed me in countless ways. My wedding is in 2 DAYS and I haven't heard from her all week, she didn't come to my rehearsal! She said, ' I can't make the church but I can come after to dinner, Is there anything thats really important that I need to be there for?' let me tell you that I flipped put and said, 'Well you are the MOH besides signing my marriage liscense and just being there, No(sarcasticly) you don't need to be there. I should of told her she was out along time ago, but I just didn't want the conflict. But I should of. I'm going to give you some advice. You still have some time to tell her how you feel, if there is someone else that might be a better MOH to you maybe you should tell her and tell your MOH you feel that she's not helping you and that you feel she doesn;t want to do it and that someone else would be more helpful. She's going to be mad but IT'S YOUR WEDDING!!!! DOn't do what I did and not say anything,
Bacardi527
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Re: MOH is upsetting me
If I ever get the chance to talk to her- she is always busy and un-friggin-available- but I know its something that I have to do- face to face- I am truly worried about ruining our friendship- because I had a friendship end after 20 years because I told this person how I felt and she completely cut me off and I was the Godparent of her children- but I know that I cant let it linger- right now im waiting for her to email me and tell me that she made plans to for laborday weekend- All my bridesmaids have the potential to be MOH- then I would have to chose- Im just not feelin this at all
goldilocks
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Re: MOH is upsetting me
Is she happily married? There are definitely underlying issues with her since she seem so unsupportive of you at this time. I'm not trying to question your friendship with her, but those who are REAL friends still manage to be happy for you no matter how busy, chaotic, or difficult their lives are. Maybe you could sit with her (if she gives you the chance!) and ask her if she wants to be let out of the position since it seems that she doesn't have the time in her life right now. Be understanding (if you can) since you don't want to ruin the friendship, and put it in her hands. But if she flips out, at least you tried and most of all, you don't need another stressor ruining this experience for you. You don't need people who are not supportive of you bringing you down.
Jordan
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Re: MOH is upsetting me
No offense, but your wedding is 9 months away. Maybe you're expecting too much from her? You did say she has a family with 3 children. I guess I don't understand the whole 'have the BP do everything' mentality. Don't we ask these people to stand with us because we love them, not because we need gophers. JMO.
Bacardi527
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Re: MOH is upsetting me
No offense takin- but I most definitely a NOT asking too much of her- I cant even get her to committ to an appointment- I am always considerate of the fact that she has a family and other obligations-BUT i have a wedding to plan and asking for 2 hours of her time every other month is not asking too much -I do not consider her a gopher or any of my other BM but I do expect her to step up and help me out on the few times that I ask her- I planned a meeting for my bridesmaids for July 12- and she has something to do- how far in advance am I expected to communicate with my MOH and Best friend- I am an organized person and I have not been imposing on anyone- and my expectations I feel are lower then they should be- and this is not just with my wedding- its ALL the time- and the reason that I put her in that postition is because I love her- but as time goes on I realize that I NEED her for moral support - I Love her but Im definitely not expecting her to STAND in-
What-Now
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Re: MOH is upsetting me
yeah, you have plenty of time ahead not to be nervous that you MOH in not involved! I am sure she will come around when you need her the most, that is: closer to the wedding!
juju
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Re: MOH is upsetting me
I hear you!! I have the similar situation. My MOH lives in Tx (my homestate) I went to visit mom and dad and told her I was in Town. I called 3 x's and no freaking return call. My other brides maids mentioned....'I would of been there in a heart beat' I don't know what to think!! She called me in NY a week later. Gee Thanks. I wanted to run around with her in TX looking for wedding stuff. On top of that, my other best friend backed out saying it is too expensive for her!! I gave her nearly a year's notice!! Maybe she is upset b/c I didn't ask her to be my matron! I'm not going to bother with it. I have 6 brides maids who are happy to be part of our wedding.
