MOH Problem...Please help...Long

So my MOH is my closest and dearest friend that I grew up with.

The problem I have is that she is a traveler...she graduated college a year after me and has been traveling and doing small jobs to pay her way through her travels...she has been all over the world.

Well, she is now going to Australia (after being back in the states for a year) and doesnt need to be back in the states until sept/04 and my wedding is May/04. She assured me she will be here on my wedding day but cant fly back or be involved in anything else because of money reasons.

I am upset that she wont be here to share the exciting time leading up to the wedding but also....am worried about the dress issue. She wont have an address whereever she will be and I dont know if she understands she has to have the dress altered etc.

I am really upset about this...her not being around and not knowing what will happen with the dress.

I am thinking about giving her the option to not be my MOH...I am just not sure if this is too much for her now. FI thinks i am ridiculous....but I am already so stressed about this....I just dont know what to do.

well, when does she plan on coming back?

I believe she has enough time to get a dress if it's ordered NOW.. and she can take it with her? unless she plans on coming back like a month before your wedding and she can have it alered then?

I dunno babe.. I would feel the same as you..

Will her dress be different from your bridesmaids' dresses? If so, can you send her to Australia with a swatch and a digital camera? Maybe she can look for and find a dress there and send you a photo. Who knows, maybe the same designers we have here are available there, too. Is there a melbourneweddings.com site?

She's your nearest and dearest friend....that's more important than anything. Can she come back 2 weeks before your wedding? That's enough time to get any alterations she needs.

Or, let her buy something off the rack when she gets back.

I understand wanting to have everything perfect, but wouldn't you feel something missing if your closest friend wasn't standing next to you?

It sounds like she's not at a point in her life where getting married is near for her, so she may not be able to understand your excitement and stress. She may have a wedding on the beach in South America somewhere-maybe she can't imagine why you are stressing over a dress....

None of this matters too much though, compared to having her support the day of the wedding. My MOH lives in California, she couldn't come to any of my showers, etc etc. But, it'd feel very weird not to have her next to me on my wedding day.

Thanks Julybride...you really did just put the situation in perspective.

I do want everything to be perfect....but the day wouldnt be perfect without her standing next to me. You are so right...she doesnt really understand the hype and stress of the wedding...she doesnt want the same for herself.

I guess we will figure out the dress thing. I do want the girls in the same gown...but maybe she can come home a week in advance to have it altered.

Thanks EVERYONE for your advice!

my suggestionwould be maybe to have a second MOH.. someone who can help you through the planning part in the last few weeks, someone who will plan your shower... hope everything works out for you

Being a MOH is not a one day 'spot light' event. Being a MOH is about years of love, support, friendship and being someone you can count on throughout life, not just one special day. Do you consider her this person? Is she the friend that you can always count on? Should she get this honor or have it taken away?

Now, in regards to finances you need to determine if you can spend the money on her gown, flight, accomdations etcc. If you cannot afford to help get her home for the wedding that is an issue. I mean, does she expect to just show up for the wedding day, have a dress hanging in the closet for her and then leave after the reception? Or does she want to talk about the plans, listen to the b/s that is always a part of the wedding and do all the other stuff that you will need?