so one of my MOH's (i'm having two, as of right now) keeps telling me how she's using my wedding as, and i quote, a 'practice wedding' she'll see how mine goes and then change things accordingly to make sure hers is better than mine. please keep in mind she's only been dating the guy she's talking about marrying a little over two months. When i mention that i dont appreciate comments like that, she brushes it off and keeps going on about how great of a 'little run through' my wedding will be for her.
MrsHtobe
Posted:
Member since
Re: MOH trouble, what would you do?
Ahhh, I had a situation like that too. . . after I got engaged and booked my wedding at Milleridge Cottage, one of my BMs told me that she was mad because she had called 'dibs' on MC when we were teenagers. . beyond the fact that I didn't recall this, I was like who DOES that? She had a bf for about 4 or 5 months at the time and I just didn't get why me getting married there ruined her 'dreams' of getting married there anyway. Another friend told her not to worry, she could use my wedding as a dry run. I got mad at both of them LOL, and I happen to love both of them to death. . . I think it is because people get jealous when they see their friends at that point of planning a wedding, especially when they realize how far away they actually are from getting married themselves. They need some of the attention for themselves, its just the way it is. I think its pretty common for some friends to get like that during planning.
Anyway - I would talk to your friend and tell her how its making you feel - very bluntly. Some people don't pick up on hints. I would probably keep her as a BM, but I wouldn't want someone like that to be my MOH. . . .
Future Mulligan
Posted:
Member since
Re: MOH trouble, what would you do?
yikes.....
well at least you have time on your side to see how things play out - i would wait awhile before you officially ask her to be part of the wedding or your MOH
what she is saying i guess, is kind of honest, but its also really mean and rude..... ill give you an example of what i think she might be trying to say.....my FH's sister got married a few years ago and my FH and I both played close attention to her wedding (a side note - my FH has been to at least 500 weddings over the years - he has been working for a DJ company since he's a teenager, so he knows A LOT about weddings in general) so anyway its safe to say that we were both looking at her wedding in a different perspective - kind of like taking notes about what we liked and disliked for our own wedding - but see the difference is, we weren't doing it in a negative way like your obnoxious friend....my FSIL's wedding was very beautiful and we liked the RH so much that we are having our wedding there this year (but in a different room) - now here is where i can relate to the 'practice' statement your friend made - my FSIL took all of her pictures as well as family pictures during the CH - which meant that she missed the entire thing - she didnt even get to see the room set up or taste the food.....because of what happened to her we decided that it wasn't such a bad idea to take our pictures before the ceremony so we could go to our CH - we also decided we were not doing family pictures - we would only do our parents/sisters/grandparents and bridal party....FSIL was upset about it and we didnt want to run into a similair problem....we also want a different style of photo and video than almost everyone we know - but i think what your friend said was rude and mean the point im trying to make is that yes - you can def get an idea of what you want and dont want for your own wedding when you are involved in someone elses.....but that comment was dead wrong!
PeteysBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: MOH trouble, what would you do?
Posted by MrsK2008
weddings bring out the worst in single people and mothers of sons in my opinion.
you have made your statement, if she continues to be blatantly rude you should tell her so.
If she doesn;t understand that her words are hurtful you should tell her to take a hike!
Agreed. I had to nix my original MOH for the same reason-she has NO prospects of getting amrried because she was a high maintenance PITA but she would go on with the planning of MY wedding as if it was hers and went so far as to say my wedding would look like 'Ghetto Homes' because I was doing so many DIYs.....
After trying to talk to her a dozen times, I nixed her. Best thing I could ever have done.
Jayla127
Posted:
Member since
Re: MOH trouble, what would you do?
Your MOH is the one person who is suppose to be your moral support and shoulder to cry on if you feel things are not going right. With that being said, I have a problem with your MOH stating that she wants her wedding to be better than yours. Already, she is clearly making it seem that your wedding will be less than spectacular. I, for one couldn't be bother with someone who carry on with antics such as her.
sweetdoublenn
Posted:
Member since
Re: MOH trouble, what would you do?
I think if I was in your shoes I would of flipped! How dare she say things like that to you. A Practice wedding?? WTH??? What is that? Even after you told her to stop making remarks she is still doing it! This is your wedding! Not hers! The more this goes on the more stressful it is going to get. I would seriously talk to her and then decide what would want to do next. If it was me I don't put up with crap like that. I would of easliy made her a guest this way she can watch the wedding as everyone else does!
Let me know how you make out! I vote for the guest! But that is my Own opinion here!!!
Mici n KC
Posted:
Member since
Re: MOH trouble, what would you do?
For one I wouldn't ask her to be an MOH. She would try to outdo the other MOH. I would let everything she is saying slide because she's not getting married right now. If there are things she wants to do different when it's her wedding, fine. I'm sure you'll have people telling you, 'When I got married, we did it this way.' You just have to let it go in one ear and out the other. It's your wedding, you plan it how you want it to be.
jesca
Posted:
Member since
Re: MOH trouble, what would you do?
Posted by Mici n KC
For one I wouldn't ask her to be an MOH. She would try to outdo the other MOH. I would let everything she is saying slide because she's not getting married right now. If there are things she wants to do different when it's her wedding, fine. I'm sure you'll have people telling you, 'When I got married, we did it this way.' You just have to let it go in one ear and out the other. It's your wedding, you plan it how you want it to be.
she made it clear she was going to refer to herself as MOH # 1 or MOH * to show she was better.
UPDATE: as of today i havent really spoken to her, and she's not really getting the hint. i havent divulged anything regarding the venue or anything wedding for that matter because i dont want her to comment, and she's still just trying to get everything out of me. this is going to be a long two and a half years
dinadisanto
Posted:
Member since
Re: MOH trouble, what would you do?
I had the same problem with my MOH she was very jealous and just mean to me. She was even late to the engagement party, she wasn't feeling well (at the time we lived together) and she had nothing to wear (no planning). She obviously did not care and her comments made me finally stop speaking to her. I just couldn't take it anymore everytime I spoke to her I felt like I was doing something wrong. So she is not even on the guest list anymore she went from MOH to no invite at all, big drop. But as they said weddings bring out the worst in people and you see there true colors.
jesca
Posted:
Member since
Re: MOH trouble, what would you do?
HUGE UPDATE!!!!!!
i think she's seen the error of her ways. she went with FH, myself and friends of ours to marconi and the gatsby this past week, and was great. she even made a comment about being a little too much in the beginning, but she's really trying to just be there for me. even when one of the vendors asked if she was getting married, instead of lying, she just said she was here for me as someone in my bridal party. she didnt even say MOH, so we'll see how things progress, but it seems things are looking up.
cammolax23
Posted:
Member since
Re: MOH trouble, what would you do?
Posted by jesca
HUGE UPDATE!!!!!!
i think she's seen the error of her ways. she went with FH, myself and friends of ours to marconi and the gatsby this past week, and was great. she even made a comment about being a little too much in the beginning, but she's really trying to just be there for me. even when one of the vendors asked if she was getting married, instead of lying, she just said she was here for me as someone in my bridal party. she didnt even say MOH, so we'll see how things progress, but it seems things are looking up.
just take things one day at a time, I think overwhelming her with anger and guilt might grigger her off but if she is coming around now this is a good ting!
MayWeddingGrl
Posted:
Member since
Re: MOH trouble, what would you do?
your MOH sounds jealous and competitive. I can't believe she would say repeatedly that they would use you as a guide to make their wedding better. Its also kind of upsetting that she would assume that shes your MOH. If you haven't formally asked her, she shouldn't be thinking that she it. It feels like shes trying to make your wedding about her and thats not right.
Try having a serious conversation with her, let her know that her actions are upsetting to you... if you are less confrontational, maybe have one of your other BMs hint to her that her behavior has been upsetting you.
MayWeddingGrl
Posted:
Member since
Re: MOH trouble, what would you do?
glad to read that there has been a change. yay!
MrsS4
Posted:
Member since
Re: MOH trouble, what would you do?
Posted by jesca
HUGE UPDATE!!!!!!
i think she's seen the error of her ways. she went with FH, myself and friends of ours to marconi and the gatsby this past week, and was great. she even made a comment about being a little too much in the beginning, but she's really trying to just be there for me. even when one of the vendors asked if she was getting married, instead of lying, she just said she was here for me as someone in my bridal party. she didnt even say MOH, so we'll see how things progress, but it seems things are looking up.
yayyyyy
angl2001
Posted:
Member since
Re: MOH trouble, what would you do?
thats so un cool! i would demote her or tell her to shove it! i think its rude!!
failurebydsign
Posted:
Member since
Re: MOH trouble, what would you do?
so i guess im not your MOH
lol..kidding..ill settle for FSIL instead
see you in 2 weeks
madseason
Posted:
Member since
Re: MOH trouble, what would you do?
Posted by jesca
HUGE UPDATE!!!!!!
i think she's seen the error of her ways. she went with FH, myself and friends of ours to marconi and the gatsby this past week, and was great. she even made a comment about being a little too much in the beginning, but she's really trying to just be there for me. even when one of the vendors asked if she was getting married, instead of lying, she just said she was here for me as someone in my bridal party. she didnt even say MOH, so we'll see how things progress, but it seems things are looking up.
i hope so!! friends shouldnt be competitive, they should be supportive....
The comments would rub me the wrong way and i would take a step back from the friendship and look elsewhere for involvement, maybe more so with my mom. I have reccomended my vendors, hall, my dress, designers, colorschemes, things ive bought to all my friends who are getting married bc im happy with the service so why not share...but no reason to be competitive and try to top always..maybe she just got wedding fever....my sister did for a while and was looking at rings and stuff....she stopped eventually
im glad that she realized she was being a little immature.
JackieV
Posted:
Member since
Re: MOH trouble, what would you do?
i'm so happy for u!!!! see things work out.. u have time. I'm glad she saw how she was acting... its about time right?? lol Listen i totally understand what you r going threw. I have someone like that in my life. And when they would come around i wasnt able to talk about my wedding bc she would just be like oh when i get married blah blah blah or when she did get engaged she would steal what i'm doing. I was so upset that #1 she was doing this to me and #2 i wasnt able to talk about my wedding anymore when she was around (which was often) Finally FH told me not to care what she says or does... i cant stop her. I need to enhoy my wedding and not worry what others think or say. So now i say whatever i want and i let her ramble on. You have to realize NO ONE should be trying to ruin ur day. DONT LET THEM!!!! good luck with everything. Keep me posted xoxo
