Mothers of the Groom

---

Posted by MayBride06

---

Posted by lanabean

I can honestly say that I went out of my to include my MIL in the wedding--from the venue, to the flowers, to the menu--I wanted her to be part of it and we have a nice relationship.

---

I am also doing this! I think she may be more excited than my own mom! We are going dress shopping tomorrow!!

---

I'm doing this, too! I think she is also more excited than my own mom. She has been included in every single aspect of the planning... We have always had a close relationship, but this has enhanced it even further.

This is a great post!
FH and I are getting married 10/28/06 and I have vowed to include FMIL and FFIL in the plans. I ask her what she thinks, made time to take her to the reception hall all of that and she has been great. She knows what questions to ask and not to overstep her boundries and we have found a happy medium.

Good luck to all the mother's out there that are in a less than desireable situation!

---

Posted by LImom

Good luck on your dress shopping. I still get a warm feeling in my heart recalling how my first daughter-in-law asked me to go with her to order her gown. Her mom had an important appt. that day, and I was touched beyond words. I took her to a china shop after that and on the spur of the moment, I bought her a set of Mikasa china for her everyday set. Her mom was shocked that we paid that much for every day dishes, and they all thought this was going to be her shower gift. I said 'No...I want us to remember today'. It's been 9 years now, and I've long forgotten what I paid for them but the joy I get when I see them at her house each time I go hasn't faded.

---

This is a very beautiful and touching story!

It reminded me of the day my MIL and I went to shop for her dress. I knew that her favorite color was yellow and I made sure that that was the color she 'had to wear'. We bought this beautiful pale yellow dress and she looked really elegant in it!

My MIL passed away 4 months after our wedding but I will always rememeber that day and the special time we had together!

---

Posted by WhatNow?


This is a very beautiful and touching story!

It reminded me of the day my MIL and I went to shop for her dress. I knew that her favorite color was yellow and I made sure that that was the color she 'had to wear'. We bought this beautiful pale yellow dress and she looked really elegant in it!

My MIL passed away 4 months after our wedding but I will always rememeber that day and the special time we had together!

---

Thank you WhatNow.

I am sure your MIL carried the memory of that day you shopped together as well as the day you married her son in her heart til the day she passes away. I'm so sorry to hear that you lost her so early.

Where at Milleridge Inn was your wedding? Isn't it a great place? I had my daughter's bridal shower in the Carriage House and it was wonderful.

MY FMIL has shown little enthusiasm. Unfortunately, due to the distribution of financial contributions, she will have to enjoy herself as a guest just like everyone else. I know that if she were planning a wedding for one of her daughters, she would not accept input from in-laws unless they were sharing equally in the costs. I will NOT be made to feel bad over this.

I do wish things were different though. I wish we could have a different relationship.

ETA:
Change of feelings

Goldie,

If your FMIL gave $$$ than she would be more than a guest at your wedding?

Money means more to you than making the mother of your FH happy.


Am I not reading this right.

My FMIL went with us dress shopping too and was there when I ordered it.

Its nice to know it may have meant more to her then I know.

---

Posted by Marie0157

Goldie,

If your FMIL gave $$$ than she would be more than a guest at your wedding?

Money means more to you than making the mother of your FH happy.


Am I not reading this right.

---

I think she means that because her family is paying for the wedding, there is little room for opinion to be taken into consideration so therefore her FMIL will have to make do with just being a guest

I know how she ment it and it's not very nice.
Glad she is not my FDIL.


As the mother of 4 sons(yes 4)I thought I'd never do the daughter/mom wedding things but I have to say both DILs and FDIL have included me in everything. I couldn't love them more. All 3 are wonderful. I would have been very hurt if treated as just a guest.
Parents are more than just guests, money should never come into this.

---

Posted by Marie0157

I know how she ment it and it's not very nice.
Glad she is not my FDIL.


As the mother of 4 sons(yes 4)I thought I'd never do the daughter/mom wedding things but I have to say both DILs and FDIL have included me in everything. I couldn't love them more. All 3 are wonderful. I would have been very hurt if treated as just a guest.
Parents are more than just guests, money should never come into this.

---

---

Posted by Marie0157

Goldie,

If your FMIL gave $$$ than she would be more than a guest at your wedding?

Money means more to you than making the mother of your FH happy.


Am I not reading this right.

---

Actually you read it WRONG and you do not know what I meant. You do not know the nature of the relationship FH has with his mother or my relationship with her either. You do not know the family dynamic. You do not know the intricacies and the family history. You do not know how she treats him and you do not know how she treats me. Until and unless you do, perhaps judgement should be reserved. I am not the only bride on these boards who feels this way and if you think I am going to be a horrible daughter in law then ya know what? It goes both ways. A person can only do so much. I applaud your DILS and FDILS for including you and making you feel comfortable and welcome. You are truly blessed with those experiences. Not all of us are blessed and welcomed. Congratulations, may your relationships continue to be so full of love and acceptance.

---

Posted by Marie0157

I know how she ment it and it's not very nice.
Glad she is not my FDIL.


As the mother of 4 sons(yes 4)I thought I'd never do the daughter/mom wedding things but I have to say both DILs and FDIL have included me in everything. I couldn't love them more. All 3 are wonderful. I would have been very hurt if treated as just a guest.
Parents are more than just guests, money should never come into this.

---

I agree.. i understand parents are parents, but that doesnt give any parent the right to treat someone poorly because they are someones mother! I know that sounds terrible, I dont like the way things are with my FMIL, but since day one she has been disrespecful rude, inconsiderate, VERY intrusive, and actually said things to me and others about my family that were OUT OF LINE just to boost her ego (even FH agrees, w/o my ever pointing it out)! after yrs of keeping my mouth shut out of respect for FH and the fact that she is his mother i BLEW UP (and FH congratulated me)!!! it is no more about who she is or who i am but it is about how one person treats another! I came to the conclusion that I wouldnt take that from a stranger and she had no right disrespecting me FH or my family! and YES after how good, attentive, patient and respectful i have been to his family i DID not diserve what i got and it is as disrespecful and hurtful to FH as it is to me! I have nightmares of her ruining our wedding!

I told FH i do not want $ from her because it comes with strings attached and he MORE than agrees! My parents are paying a lot and have NOT once pulled 'well, I WANT' it is about the BRIDE and GROOM and what they want! it is one thing to be involved in the planning and to help, but some times what one thinks is helping is actually interfering, intrusive and controlling!!! My mom is involved because she HELPS, not plans... when I show her stuff she gives me the good and bad about it and she says 'It's what YOU want!' His mom 'I WANT' and she manipulates to get it! If she were more open minded i would LOVE for her to be more involved, that's how it was when we first started dating, we were more like buddies, but I slowly got to know her! She is great to hang out but when it comes to what she wants LOOK OUT! She doesnt compromise it all... her way or she will degrade your way behind your back and pout... i know it sounds mean but it's the truth

Sorry to offend any mom's but in reality not everyone has a GREAT relationship with the IL's and we need to respect that...

Marie0157:
Your DIL/FDIL's are lucky to have a MIL/FMIL like you, but please remember not all mom's are like you! And I agree parents are more than guests as will FH mom be, but if keeping our sanity means limiting my planning time with her than so be it... sorry but she brought it upon her self.. FH spoke with her numerous times and she can't control herself... she has played too many guilt trips (so many you can see it coming from MILES away, you can even predict what she will say word for word.. i am SERIOUS) and she has selfishly put much stress on FH and my relationship, i have never asked FH to choose between me and his family, I have actually pushed him to his family and i my self was SO attentive to his family to the point of ignoring mine cause i didnt like hearing her give him a hard time and his family does put him in a position to choose on a constant basis! You must know an adult or two that has not grown out of the selfish age of 5?!?!

again, sorry if i offend anyone, but some people just dont get along and that is just reality... i dont think it is right to say someone is mean w/o knowing what they have been through! It always seems to be the one who has put up with someones cr@p or who has been mistreated that is missjudged and considered 'bad' for finally not taking the mistreatment anymore... that is my opinion... and yes, i am very bitter towards FMIL for her inability to stop with her antics, actions, and inability to atleast admit her poor behavior and to work on it.. but i will always respect her relationship with FH, ALWAYS! More than i can say for her and her respect of our relationship from day 1!
If it were so important to her to have a good relationship with me, well all i have to say is 'treat others how you want to be treated' the more i did that the more i was cr@pped on! well thats that in a nutshell.. or should i say a novel

Well the weekend after we got engaged we went out to dinner w/ both sets of parents (they get along very well). Ray & I basically said to all of them respectfully that this is OUR wedding, we are paying for it entirely and basically we're going to do it the way that we want.

FIL's were actually there when we signed our contract w/ our catering hall & I've showed her pictures of my top dress choices & my ideas for the girls' dresses. Yet she has not gone to the store w/ me, I kind of regret it b/c FH is an only child & I know it would mean a lot to her. I'll definitely take her when my dress comes in & when we go for the girls' dresses.

My mom just tends to give her opinion, but she is supportive of what I (we) like and she is not overbearing....when I was looking at dresses I was a bit hesitant of negative feedback or unwanted comments....