My BM didn't give me a wedding gift

I've read so many brides vent/complain about not receiving gifts or receiving cheap gifts and had always thought it was a bit rude to expect a gift.

Then one of my BMs didn't give me a gift and I felt really bad. At first I thought I had misplaced the gift or card since the wedding was hectic. Then I thought she may have been busy the day of the wedding and would send a gift later, which several guests did.

Now it's several months later and she was the only guest at my entire wedding that didn't give us a gift.

I can't help but feel really bad about it. The more I try to not think about, the more it bothers me. What bothers me most is that she probably makes the most money of ALL my friends.

Anyone else have their feelings hurt by not receiving a gift from a very close friend/relative? (VERY different from someone who may not have the means to give a gift)

i had something with the same idea happen to us at our e-party. one of my best friends RSVPed that her and her boyfriend were coming. the day of, only she showed up, and didn't bring a gift. she told us she forgot it at home. now really.. we just were glad to see her... except she never mentioned her boyfriend and never acknowledged that he wasn't there. so of course.. weeks and months go by.. and we see her all the time.. and no gift. so.. we got screwed cause we paid for the two of them.. only she showed up.. and she didnt bring a gift. whatever.. then she goes in for a boob job months later. its just funny how people are sometimes. and she wants to be a bridesmaid.. yeah okay. (and im not shallow or anything.. i just feel like its not wrong to expect more from our best friends.. especially a BM!!!)

i'd be really upset if i were you. but it's like.. is it even worth saying anything?

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Posted by Bridex100

I've read so many brides vent/complain about not receiving gifts or receiving cheap gifts and had always thought it was a bit rude to expect a gift.

Then one of my BMs didn't give me a gift and I felt really bad. At first I thought I had misplaced the gift or card since the wedding was hectic. Then I thought she may have been busy the day of the wedding and would send a gift later, which several guests did.

Now it's several months later and she was the only guest at my entire wedding that didn't give us a gift.

I can't help but feel really bad about it. The more I try to not think about, the more it bothers me. What bothers me most is that she probably makes the most money of ALL my friends.

Anyone else have their feelings hurt by not receiving a gift from a very close friend/relative? (VERY different from someone who may not have the means to give a gift)

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Maybe she is still planning on giving you a gift. Maybe she left it at home. Maybe she had a hectic week and/or day.

I know how you feel. Both my aunt and my uncle (my mom's 2 siblings) and their ENTIRE families (that's all my adult cousins and they all brought a guest), so that's about 20 people and NOT ONE OF THEM gave a gift at all... not even a card... NOTHING!!! I was really surprised and hurt by this because I've known these people my whole life & they were some of my closest relatives, I've gone to all of their events and always give a generous gift & write out a thoughtful card... so it really hurt a lot that they'd skip my ceremony first of all, come to the reception and party their behinds off and then not even so much as acknowledge us with a congratulations card or anything. I'd understand if they couldn't afford it, but these people are wealthy (doctors, lawyers, engineers, etc.) so that was certainly not the case.

So yeah I understand how you feel. I think you just have to accept that it happened and move on. There's nothing you can really do about it unfortunately.

did she contribute a lot to your wedding

Like did she buy her own dress? pay to have her own hair and make-up done?

she may have thoguth she didnt need to give a gift - being that she was part of your day and had expenses that went with doing so.

Im sure my BMs will give me a gift - but i wont expect it or be hurt if they dont - i cant afford to pay for their dress hair and makeup so them paying for all that (on top of shower and bachlorette party) it adds - to me thats a big enough gift!

so dont feel so hurt!

Just to play devil's advocate...maybe she thought 'Well me being a BM is the gift. I spent $X on the dress, $X onthe shoes, $X on makeup and hair, $X on other things.'

I think it's wrong that she didn't give at least some kind of gift but maybe this is what she thought.

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Posted by Mikeysgirl

FH's parent's didn't give us a gift. They didn't help pay for the wedding or anything. I'm still very upset about this. It makes me feel like they don't approve of this marriage!

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His PARENTS did not give a gift???? WOW. That is strange. Maybe they are going to give you something later? My sisterhusband's parents didn't help with the wedding and wound up giving him a bunch of money they had been saving for him for years ... any chance this could happen?

I paid for their dresses. I also did not make them buy new shoes, just wear white/silver shoes they had.

She did help chip in for the bridal shower and paid her share of the bachelorette party. All my other friends (BMs and not) also did the same and all gave wedding gifts.

It just bothers me more bc she makes the most and was the ONLY guest to not give a gift and she is supposed to be one of my best friends. If many guests did not give gifts, it probably would not have bothered me so much. It also wouldn't bother me if I knew she was struggling financially.

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Posted by Bridex100

I paid for their dresses. I also did not make them buy new shoes, just wear white/silver shoes they had.

She did help chip in for the bridal shower and paid her share of the bachelorette party. All my other friends (BMs and not) also did the same and all gave wedding gifts.

It just bothers me more bc she makes the most and was the ONLY guest to not give a gift and she is supposed to be one of my best friends. If many guests did not give gifts, it probably would not have bothered me so much. It also wouldn't bother me if I knew she was struggling financially.

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oh ok - well all i can say is to sit down and talk to her.. she may still think that by contributing in other ways or just being in a BP she doesnt need to give a gift - she may just not know the etiquette for this.

Honestly, you're upset, and I completely understand. However, I do not think it's appropriate to bring this issue up at all with her. You just never know how people feel about things, or what situation they may be in. Even though you 'think' she makes the most of all the girls, you don't have access to her personal bank-account.

I'd chalk it up to poor etiquette and not base your friendship on it.

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Posted by ChrissynRicky

Honestly, you're upset, and I completely understand. However, I do not think it's appropriate to bring this issue up at all with her. You just never know how people feel about things, or what situation they may be in. Even though you 'think' she makes the most of all the girls, you don't have access to her personal bank-account.

I'd chalk it up to poor etiquette and not base your friendship on it.

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I definitely don't plan on bringing it up.

The day after the wedding I ALMOST said something bc I thought I had lost her gift. Then I realized I didn't lose it. So then I thought she'd give a gift later, which never came. Now it's been months and I've seen her a few times already. I never brought it up nor has she.

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Posted by Bridex100

I paid for their dresses. I also did not make them buy new shoes, just wear white/silver shoes they had.

She did help chip in for the bridal shower and paid her share of the bachelorette party. All my other friends (BMs and not) also did the same and all gave wedding gifts.

It just bothers me more bc she makes the most and was the ONLY guest to not give a gift and she is supposed to be one of my best friends. If many guests did not give gifts, it probably would not have bothered me so much. It also wouldn't bother me if I knew she was struggling financially.

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Ohhhh you paid for the dresses. Then yeah I would be bothered too by the fact she didn't give me anything.

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Posted by jboothin2008

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Posted by Mikeysgirl

FH's parent's didn't give us a gift. They didn't help pay for the wedding or anything. I'm still very upset about this. It makes me feel like they don't approve of this marriage!

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His PARENTS did not give a gift???? WOW. That is strange. Maybe they are going to give you something later? My sisterhusband's parents didn't help with the wedding and wound up giving him a bunch of money they had been saving for him for years ... any chance this could happen?

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FH parents didnt give us an E-party gift, and my parents paid for the whole thing. Also about 75% of the guest list was there family and friends. They have yet to offer to help pay for anything for the wedding.. GRRR Its very frustrating.

I was on the other end.. I was in a bridal party - of course I gave a gift- and My friend called me and said you know.. I was writing out my thank yous and I didnt have you on the list of gifts received..
I felt horrible- but I knew that I gave a gift I cried - just for the simple fact that she had to think that I didnt give her a gift.... well needless to say she called the hall and they did have 2 envelopes there- not knowing whos party they were for.. she went and picked it up..

anyway what Im trying to say is ASK the person.. you never know- and then you'll get your answer
ask with out accusing..

I know some of my friends are really on a tight budgets so the ones that I am really truly close with I had told them politely that I don't expect an expensive gift and that whatever they want to get me and FH is fine. I also told them that if they come to the bridal shower, I don't expect them to get me a shower gift and a wedding gift. One of my friends recently lost her job and I don't expect her to get me anything extravagant.

Some people compete for gifts and yes I do expect gifts out of some people and if they don't give me the gift I will be mad. Your right it doesn't cost that much to get a little something.

After I had told one of my BM's about how I feel about the gifts (and she's on a tight budget) she understood but still wanted to get me and FH something. So she came up with an awesome idea- she's an avid photographer and FH and I don't have alot of photos together so she's putting together a 2 day pre-wedding photo shoot all done by her. I think that will be the best gift I get!