I've read so many brides vent/complain about not receiving gifts or receiving cheap gifts and had always thought it was a bit rude to expect a gift.
Then one of my BMs didn't give me a gift and I felt really bad. At first I thought I had misplaced the gift or card since the wedding was hectic. Then I thought she may have been busy the day of the wedding and would send a gift later, which several guests did.
Now it's several months later and she was the only guest at my entire wedding that didn't give us a gift.
I can't help but feel really bad about it. The more I try to not think about, the more it bothers me. What bothers me most is that she probably makes the most money of ALL my friends.
Anyone else have their feelings hurt by not receiving a gift from a very close friend/relative? (VERY different from someone who may not have the means to give a gift)
Cpt2007
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Re: My BM didn't give me a wedding gift
Posted by ChrissynRicky
Honestly, you're upset, and I completely understand. However, I do not think it's appropriate to bring this issue up at all with her. You just never know how people feel about things, or what situation they may be in. Even though you 'think' she makes the most of all the girls, you don't have access to her personal bank-account.
I'd chalk it up to poor etiquette and not base your friendship on it.
I agree. It would be poor form to say something to her. Also, etiquette says that someone has up to a year after the wedding to give a gift. So there is still time.
ksl268
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Re: My BM didn't give me a wedding gift
I think it was poor taste on her part but you never know could have been going on with her at the time. Personally, I think it would be equally as tacky to ask her why she didn't give you a gift.
Mikeysgirl
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Re: My BM didn't give me a wedding gift
Posted by KiTTeN0819
Posted by jboothin2008
Posted by Mikeysgirl
FH's parent's didn't give us a gift. They didn't help pay for the wedding or anything. I'm still very upset about this. It makes me feel like they don't approve of this marriage!
His PARENTS did not give a gift???? WOW. That is strange. Maybe they are going to give you something later? My sisterhusband's parents didn't help with the wedding and wound up giving him a bunch of money they had been saving for him for years ... any chance this could happen?
FH parents didnt give us an E-party gift, and my parents paid for the whole thing. Also about 75% of the guest list was there family and friends. They have yet to offer to help pay for anything for the wedding.. GRRR Its very frustrating.
There is no way that they're going to give us a penny. FH asked his parents about them not giving a gift and they said it was not a mistake. There is no gift for us. They said the Christmas gift they gave to FH was our wedding gift. Our wedding was in April and they never mentioned this when they gave my FH his gift. My name was not on the card either. The christmas gift was a very little money.
chapel06
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Re: My BM didn't give me a wedding gift
only my best friend/maid of honor gave us a wedding gift and she spent the most on the wedding. The rest were all DH's family and I dont hold a grudge, but I will never forget that,
gettinghizitched
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Re: My BM didn't give me a wedding gift
OMG!! I would if that happened to me. Sorry that had to happen to you. Makes you think like was she thinking that you wouldn't notice or maybe she thought that she spent enough money.
the future mrs m
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Re: My BM didn't give me a wedding gift
This just happened to my best friend, too. I was in her wedding and she had another friend read a poem during the ceremony. When my friend was going through her gifts she was so hurt that she didnt recieve a gift from 'D'. So after a month she called 'D' and said, 'Oh, we recieved 4 gifts with no name attached and have been trying to figure out who gave them so we can send a proper thank you. Were any of these your gifts?' So the 'D' responds that she was having something sent to them and she thought it arrived already but she followed up w/ the company and realized that it hadn't been sent yet. So that solved her problem. No feelings were hurt in the end. I say you should try this.
gettinghizitched
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Re: My BM didn't give me a wedding gift
Posted by the future mrs m
This just happened to my best friend, too. I was in her wedding and she had another friend read a poem during the ceremony. When my friend was going through her gifts she was so hurt that she didnt recieve a gift from 'D'. So after a month she called 'D' and said, 'Oh, we recieved 4 gifts with no name attached and have been trying to figure out who gave them so we can send a proper thank you. Were any of these your gifts?' So the 'D' responds that she was having something sent to them and she thought it arrived already but she followed up w/ the company and realized that it hadn't been sent yet. So that solved her problem. No feelings were hurt in the end. I say you should try this.
I think I will use that one if that happens to me. Hopefully it doesn't. But thanks.
B22
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Re: My BM didn't give me a wedding gift
Posted by the future mrs m
This just happened to my best friend, too. I was in her wedding and she had another friend read a poem during the ceremony. When my friend was going through her gifts she was so hurt that she didnt recieve a gift from 'D'. So after a month she called 'D' and said, 'Oh, we recieved 4 gifts with no name attached and have been trying to figure out who gave them so we can send a proper thank you. Were any of these your gifts?' So the 'D' responds that she was having something sent to them and she thought it arrived already but she followed up w/ the company and realized that it hadn't been sent yet. So that solved her problem. No feelings were hurt in the end. I say you should try this.
I echo this... Its a tough situation and awkward if handled incorrectly.
katt711
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Re: My BM didn't give me a wedding gift
I understand your feeling about not recieiving a give from your BM. I also understand that all of us have asked our friends and family to be part our our wedding parties for various reasons. Those who have accepted also now have to lay out money for their dresses, shoes, accessories. Many will want or we will want their hair and make up done for OUR DAY.....most of us don't or can't offer to assist them with that lay out. Usually they also contribute to our bridal showers both the cost of the showers and maybe to a gift. Oh yeah, maybe they will be taking their bride out for a Bachelorette Party. That is alot before the wedding day even happens.
Maybe we shouldn't look at it as she didn't give you a gift....maybe she gave all she could.
EJSD2006
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Re: My BM didn't give me a wedding gift
i can top that....
my BM didnt have a card and ran to the dollar store down the block from my parents house the day of the wedding and then put in a check that bounced!!!!
i didnt bring it up cause she obviously knows it bounced and if she was having money problems i didnt want to make it awkward. DH was pizzed though cause we got hit with bank fees.
in your instance, are you sure she didnt give you a gift and it got left at the hall or something? being that she contributed to the shower and bach party it would seem odd not to give you a wedding gift. what did you write in the thank you card?
soon2BMrsDee
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Re: My BM didn't give me a wedding gift
Posted by poisonivy918
I would say something. it might be rude but that's rude to not give someone a gift for their wedding. I know some people don't have a lot of money maybe but come on. it wouldn't cost that much to buy you a little something.
I agree... but make it nonchalant - just say something like: 'Hey we're getting through our thank yous and we only have a few left - and I noticed that I must have misplaced your card...'
soon2BMrsDee
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Re: My BM didn't give me a wedding gift
I had the same thing happen to me for my Bridal Shower (that was paid for by my mom) - one of the girls didn't give a gift - so I said something along those lines... she was extremely apologetic and stuff - but in the end... still no gift... it didn't make me feel great that she didn't give anything - when everything has been paid for by my mom or me (her dress for ex.)... it just seems to get it out of your mind if you say something to the person - to know that you did what you needed to do, and say what you needed to say... I feel your pain - and frustration... HTH
Maybride519
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Re: My BM didn't give me a wedding gift
I would hold off on saying something. She may have other financial obligations. One of my BMs (dh's sister) did not give us a gift but we weren't upset about it. She spent a lot on her dress, shower gift and bachelorette party. She is a single mom and it was tight at the time. Two months before our 1st Anniversary, she gave us a gift! I thought it was really sweet of her to do that and she really didn't have to. We were very appreciative. There still is a possibilty that she has all intentions of giving you a gift!
danniegirl
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Re: My BM didn't give me a wedding gift
How can people not give a gift? If they are tight on money at least give a card to acknowledge the wedding.
That is just rude and I agree, it is very offensive!!
karabara
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Re: My BM didn't give me a wedding gift
I don't know......I have mixed emotions about it. If they spent a lot just being in my bridal party. Between the outfit, and if they helped pay for a bridal shower, bachelorette party, and possibly even an engagement gift to boot.....it can get expensive. It can also depend on the history of your relationship too. If they have a history of being kind of witholding and cheap, it definitely would hit a sore spot.
kflan75
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Re: My BM didn't give me a wedding gift
Posted by ChrissynRicky
Honestly, you're upset, and I completely understand. However, I do not think it's appropriate to bring this issue up at all with her. You just never know how people feel about things, or what situation they may be in. Even though you 'think' she makes the most of all the girls, you don't have access to her personal bank-account.
I'd chalk it up to poor etiquette and not base your friendship on it.
well said Christine!!
I had a few too-- but as mad as I was about it.. it really does not dictate my attitude about the day--- in retrospect it means nothing.... you have a wedding for your friends and family to share in your jopy & union-- not to collect.
bemyyoko
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Re: My BM didn't give me a wedding gift
I'd hate to assume anything... so I'll just say how i would personally feel..
I would not be upset about the lack of a gift. I would be upset about the lack of acknowledgment. Yes, I know that if she was in the BP she obviously acknowledged that the wedding happened... but even a simple card that said best wishes would be fine from any of my guests, I don't think it's wrong to expect that much from your bridal party. You can get a wedding card for less than $0.99
Trust me..I don't see the wedding as a time to 'collect', heck, most of the items on my registry are under $20...
Summer07Bride
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Re: My BM didn't give me a wedding gift
Same thing happened here, except it was one of the GMs. And I do understand your point that it is rude to expect a gift, but since these people are your closest friends, you do expect a card at the very least.
LBride
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Re: My BM didn't give me a wedding gift
I told my bridesmaids not to give me a gift. They paid for so much already (my bach. party, dress, hair, makeup). For methat was gift enough
jenn122397
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Re: My BM didn't give me a wedding gift
what if the card truly got lost? Like maybe you could have said something like in case you gave us a check and need to cancel it, your card was missing.
But i definitely know how you feel. FH's mother came to our e-party never offered to help my parents or us with ANYTHING (not even setting up) and then not only did she not give us a gift - she never even said congratulations - no card, nothing!
