my cousin's bachelorett party, ugh...need advice

How close are you to your cousin? I guess the question is how would you feel if people didn't come to your bachelorette party cause it was a bit inconvienient. I know I would be hurt. No offense of course. If you feel you wouldn't mind then by all means don't go. I feel she made an effort to make it easy for everyone to go...so you should respect that. :) just an opinion...playing devils advocate.

I am in my good friends bridal party and we are going AC and everyone is complaining about price and stuff...but i feel the bachelorette party is the one time the bride gets to go out with all her friends and have a great time and I think people should be supportive no matter if its inconvinient. I guess I just want people to be supportive of what I want to do....

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Posted by zoe282

How close are you to your cousin? I guess the question is how would you feel if people didn't come to your bachelorette party cause it was a bit inconvienient. I know I would be hurt. No offense of course. If you feel you wouldn't mind then by all means don't go. I feel she made an effort to make it easy for everyone to go...so you should respect that. :) just an opinion...playing devils advocate.

I am in my good friends bridal party and we are going AC and everyone is complaining about price and stuff...but i feel the bachelorette party is the one time the bride gets to go out with all her friends and have a great time and I think people should be supportive no matter if its inconvinient. I guess I just want people to be supportive of what I want to do....

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yeah, i agree. she seems really great about the price, etc. i would go.

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Posted by zoe282

How close are you to your cousin? I guess the question is how would you feel if people didn't come to your bachelorette party cause it was a bit inconvienient. I know I would be hurt. No offense of course. If you feel you wouldn't mind then by all means don't go. I feel she made an effort to make it easy for everyone to go...so you should respect that. :) just an opinion...playing devils advocate.

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I agree with the above post!

are you close to this cousin, then i would go...You said she lives in NJ, but shes doing her bachelorette party in manhattan, you said shes not thinking about those who dont live nearby but where else would she have it? Seems like she picked the middle point. I mean if she would do it in LI then that would be far from her.

Personally i would go, i am sorry but these are once in a lifetime events for our loved ones and sometimes we have to sacrifice and honestly its really not that big of a sacrifice. She isn't going away and you even said it yourself, she doesnt want ppl to spend alot of money so she is being considerate. I would go out and make the most of it

and also would you get mad if she didn't come to yours?

also if someone im close to didnt come out for the reasons you are stating then i would be mad...you just dont seem to want to be associated with these ppl, i just re-read your post and saw the ending. You said you dont want to hang out with ppl that are already trashed and about hanging out 2 hours in a bar. It might not be your thing but remember its not your bachelorette party

Hmm.. Not sure about this.

Part of me says suck it up and make an appearance.. but Most of me says not to go.
11pm is VERY late for you to start your partying, and you have to work in the morning.
I think it would be very selfish of her to NOT understand that.
For you to catch a train at 1:30 am, get home and in bed.. it will be time to get up..LOL

All for just 2 hours of hanging in a bar? What if they are late? Even less time. And really.. how much 'socializing' will the 2 of you do in a bar at that amount of time.. its basically you taking the time to just show face.
There are a lot of other ways for you to support your cousin on her day..

The more I think about it, I wouldnt go. It will take you longer to get there and home then the actual meet up.


How many people WILL be with her?

This is the thing - not every bachelorette party will be EVERYONE's idea of fun. They're meant to be something that the bride will enjoy and as a means for the bride to celebrate with her girlfriends. It seems, like stated above, that she is taking into account costs for everyone and chose a sort of middle ground for everyone. You say they might be trashed by the time they arrive at Porky's, but she's being considerate by having drinks at home beforehand since drinking at a bar is way more expensive. 10:30pm or 11pm for a bachelorette party really isn't that late. Sure it would be better to meet up earlier, but if this is what she wants to do, then I think everyone should respect that (not saying that you don't). If you love her and want to celebrate with her, go. It's a small sacrifice to head out to the city and hang out for 2 hours. Two hours is better than nothing.

If you really just don't want to go and you're not that close anyway, then don't go - but you will have to understand if the bride is not happy about it. No reason for her to get MAD, but she may feel slighted. For my bach party, I wanted to go to Vegas. I made it VERY clear that whoever could make it was welcome, but that if people couldn't make it, that was totally fine. In fact, two of my 3 bridesmaids did NOT go and I totally understood. I actually only had 2 friends total come with me and we had a great time.

But we're also having a NYC bachelorette party for all my other girlfriends since they couldn't make it to Vegas and I chose the cheapest activity (going to a $25 male revue) even though I also had other ideas, but those were way more $ and didn't want people to spend. So the thing is, I know that if someone didn't have a good reason for coming to my NYC bach party, I would feel a bit slighted. I told everyone the date of the NYC bachelorette months ago so they would know in advance and chose something that is way cheaper than other bachelorette parties. I know not everyone can make it and that's fine, but really if they came with silly excuses I would still not be thrilled. Just giving you another bride's point of view so you can take that into account.

Good luck with your decision.

i think you should suck it up and go - who knows, if you loosen up about it, you might actually have a good time.....

and its the point that counts - id be hurt if i invited my cousin and she didnt show up because she had work the next day - seriously its one day of work that you'll be tired for - you'll get over it.....

she's family.....

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Posted by Future Mulligan

i think you should suck it up and go - who knows, if you loosen up about it, you might actually have a good time.....

and its the point that counts - id be hurt if i invited my cousin and she didnt show up because she had work the next day - seriously its one day of work that you'll be tired for - you'll get over it.....

she's family.....

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thats how i feel about the work the next day thing...there are times we sacrifice and its one day of work we'll be tired for but this is a special event in her life.

okay i know i'm going to get screamed at for this but at least I'm posting with that knowledge already.

My take on the whole bachelorette party is this:

I would love for everyone to be able to come to mine HOWEVER at the same time if someone can't make it because they have work the next day or they can't afford it I COMPLETELY understand that. I know a lot of girls have been saying that they would be offended if people couldn't come to their bachelorette party - we just had my sister's last weekend, and out of 10 people invited it ended up being me, my sister and two other girls. I invited both of my cousins and one didn't come because she just didn't have the extra money and the other had other obligations. Me AND my sister completely understood and weren't bothered by it. It would have been great for them to be they couldn't - no big deal. We still went out and had a BLAST.

I know I'm in the minority but I just feel like the bachelorette party isn't REALLY a 'necessity.' I know some girls go all out and do trips or overnights and stuff like that adds up and gets $$$ and IMO I think if you're throwing another big expense at your family and friends then you can and should expect some people not to come and accept it without being insulted.

Same thing for people who have other obligations. . .(i.e. work) If I had to be at work the next day at 7am I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be going out to the bar. Pre-game, sure! Taking the train home at 1:30 to go to work the next day, probably not.

okay you can all scream at me now.

p.s. - advice for the original poster - tell them you can go to the pre-game but you need to be at work early the next day and you're sorry but you won't be following them into the city. Be honest.

LOL lori idk i dont think that was SO bad he he

honestly, i really wouldnt be all that upset if someone couldnt make it to my BP

of course i would love to have everyone there but i am sure they are taking time out to come to my shower and wedding so the BP isnt that big of a deal to me - besides the fact that i dont like them but thats another post LOL

anyway, i would explain the situation - try to go to whatever you feel comfortable and try not to worry about it!!

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Posted by ant n tilde
of course i would love to have everyone there but i am sure they are taking time out to come to my shower and wedding so the BP isnt that big of a deal to me

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this is exactly how i feel!

and i guess I'm just anticipating people jumping down my throat. lol

if a bridesmaid or family member didnt come to something low key - like going to a bar - i would be upset.....how hard is it to come to a bar and have a drink with somebody? BUT if it was a co-worker type person, or not a close friend that didnt make it - i could care less......i just think its a big no-no for family and and close friends to not show up.....unless they have a legitimate reason of course - afraid of being tired the next day - give me a break......ive gone to quite a few parties and weddings on a sunday night and I went to work the next day -----> like a grouchy biatch!!!!

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Posted by irishsweetheart

okay i know i'm going to get screamed at for this but at least I'm posting with that knowledge already.

My take on the whole bachelorette party is this:

I would love for everyone to be able to come to mine HOWEVER at the same time if someone can't make it because they have work the next day or they can't afford it I COMPLETELY understand that. I know a lot of girls have been saying that they would be offended if people couldn't come to their bachelorette party - we just had my sister's last weekend, and out of 10 people invited it ended up being me, my sister and two other girls. I invited both of my cousins and one didn't come because she just didn't have the extra money and the other had other obligations. Me AND my sister completely understood and weren't bothered by it. It would have been great for them to be they couldn't - no big deal. We still went out and had a BLAST.

I know I'm in the minority but I just feel like the bachelorette party isn't REALLY a 'necessity.' I know some girls go all out and do trips or overnights and stuff like that adds up and gets $$$ and IMO I think if you're throwing another big expense at your family and friends then you can and should expect some people not to come and accept it without being insulted.

Same thing for people who have other obligations. . .(i.e. work) If I had to be at work the next day at 7am I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be going out to the bar. Pre-game, sure! Taking the train home at 1:30 to go to work the next day, probably not.

okay you can all scream at me now.

p.s. - advice for the original poster - tell them you can go to the pre-game but you need to be at work early the next day and you're sorry but you won't be following them into the city. Be honest.

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very well put, i concur.

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Posted by Future Mulligan

if a bridesmaid or family member didnt come to something low key - like going to a bar - i would be upset.....how hard is it to come to a bar and have a drink with somebody? BUT if it was a co-worker type person, or not a close friend that didnt make it - i could care less......i just think its a big no-no for family and and close friends to not show up.....unless they have a legitimate reason of course - afraid of being tired the next day - give me a break......ive gone to quite a few parties and weddings on a sunday night and I went to work the next day -----> like a grouchy biatch!!!!

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see i totally wouldnt be able to do that. . . i am not like that at all - meaning - that if i have work the next day i am NOT going out the night before. But then again, I work M-F only so really it shouldnt be an issue.

dont get me wrong - i have been to all family member's BP and if i am a BM i will be there (within reason)

i am just saying as the bride - i wouldnt mind so much

i guess. . . i just think that other things are more important like teh wedding, the shower, the planning, the chatting etc. that i would let the actual BP slide

Lori-why would ppl scream at you for that lol

I understand what you are saying and I do agree that if its a burden or someone doesnt have the money then that is fine. BUT this is a bride who is thinking about the cost of things, she suggested they pre-game to save money and they're going to a bar, i forgot if porky's has a cover or not but alot of bars in the city dont even have a cover so honestly you dont have to spend alot...I dont know maybe i look at things different bc i can go out without really spending money, FH and i disagree about this too bc its always like Oh cant go out now bc he needs to spend alot...I dont drink much and if i have to i can go out without drinking anything. This bride also didnt suggest dinner or other activities to make sure to keep costs down, so honestly when this bride is sitting there trying to make things easier for everyone else, when she doesnt have to shows alot and i think if someone is already doing this and someone turned around and said i dont have money i would just think its excuse.

The whole work the next day thing i mean if you have an important presentation to give or something like that then thats different.

I wouldnt immediately get mad at somebody for not coming, but this situation and no offense to the OP dont take it the wrong way but it sounds to me like she just doesnt want to go. I mean the bride lives in NJ so it really shouldnt be a surprise that she has to take the train somewhere and LI to manhattan is not that big of a deal. I mean we cant expect a party to be planned closest to our location.

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Posted by Future Mulligan

if a bridesmaid or family member didnt come to something low key - like going to a bar - i would be upset.....how hard is it to come to a bar and have a drink with somebody? BUT if it was a co-worker type person, or not a close friend that didnt make it - i could care less......i just think its a big no-no for family and and close friends to not show up.....unless they have a legitimate reason of course - afraid of being tired the next day - give me a break......ive gone to quite a few parties and weddings on a sunday night and I went to work the next day -----> like a grouchy biatch!!!!

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very true, i mean this year alone i had 3 evening weddings on sundays to go to and they ended late...yeah i had 4 hours of sleep but guess what i got over it and it wasnt that bad, youre a little tired but its fine.

Personally i wouldnt be able to miss a close friend of family members bachelorette party, i would feel bad and hate that i wouldnt be there, i want to be there for big things in their life.