my cousin's bachelorett party, ugh...need advice

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Posted by Future Mulligan

if a bridesmaid or family member didnt come to something low key - like going to a bar - i would be upset.....how hard is it to come to a bar and have a drink with somebody? BUT if it was a co-worker type person, or not a close friend that didnt make it - i could care less......i just think its a big no-no for family and and close friends to not show up.....unless they have a legitimate reason of course - afraid of being tired the next day - give me a break......ive gone to quite a few parties and weddings on a sunday night and I went to work the next day -----> like a grouchy biatch!!!!

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No one said I was afraid of being tired the next day!! IAnd going to a bar, like Porky's, is not low-key... Unfortunately, I can't go to the pre-game b/c I have pre-cana. Why would I drive all the way to NJ, just to go to the city 2 hours later anyway?!? And I agree with whoever said they may be late getting in and then it's less time that we would be there with her. i still don't know

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by Future Mulligan

if a bridesmaid or family member didnt come to something low key - like going to a bar - i would be upset.....how hard is it to come to a bar and have a drink with somebody? BUT if it was a co-worker type person, or not a close friend that didnt make it - i could care less......i just think its a big no-no for family and and close friends to not show up.....unless they have a legitimate reason of course - afraid of being tired the next day - give me a break......ive gone to quite a few parties and weddings on a sunday night and I went to work the next day -----> like a grouchy biatch!!!!

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see i totally wouldnt be able to do that. . . i am not like that at all - meaning - that if i have work the next day i am NOT going out the night before. But then again, I work M-F only so really it shouldnt be an issue.

dont get me wrong - i have been to all family member's BP and if i am a BM i will be there (within reason)

i am just saying as the bride - i wouldnt mind so much

i guess. . . i just think that other things are more important like teh wedding, the shower, the planning, the chatting etc. that i would let the actual BP slide

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what if you have a wedding on a sunday?

see for me its no big deal bc i go to bed late on weekdays, ill even go to bed at 2am alot of times and wake up at 6am.

I think it depends on the situation, for this situation i think its wrong not to go. If i heard different reasons like oh theyre going to an expensive place to eat dinner, then doing a show then going out to a club that has pricey drinks and we have to pitch in for a limo then that is different to turn around and say i have no money at the moment for all of that and its understandable.

See for me the Bachelorette will be important bc for ALL the other things such as wedding, shower and whatever else we dont give them our undivided attention and were running all around, this is time with the girls to say thank you for being there for me and just making it about the girls

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Posted by kellygirl

No one said I was afraid of being tired the next day!! IAnd going to a bar, like Porky's, is not low-key... Unfortunately, I can't go to the pre-game b/c I have pre-cana. Why would I drive all the way to NJ, just to go to the city 2 hours later anyway?!? And I agree with whoever said they may be late getting in and then it's less time that we would be there with her. i still don't know

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do yourself a favor. . .don't go.

i know that sounds mean, but if you've been there for this girl for everything else then she should understand

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by Future Mulligan

if a bridesmaid or family member didnt come to something low key - like going to a bar - i would be upset.....how hard is it to come to a bar and have a drink with somebody? BUT if it was a co-worker type person, or not a close friend that didnt make it - i could care less......i just think its a big no-no for family and and close friends to not show up.....unless they have a legitimate reason of course - afraid of being tired the next day - give me a break......ive gone to quite a few parties and weddings on a sunday night and I went to work the next day -----> like a grouchy biatch!!!!

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see i totally wouldnt be able to do that. . . i am not like that at all - meaning - that if i have work the next day i am NOT going out the night before. But then again, I work M-F only so really it shouldnt be an issue.

dont get me wrong - i have been to all family member's BP and if i am a BM i will be there (within reason)

i am just saying as the bride - i wouldnt mind so much

i guess. . . i just think that other things are more important like teh wedding, the shower, the planning, the chatting etc. that i would let the actual BP slide

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what if you have a wedding on a sunday?

see for me its no big deal bc i go to bed late on weekdays, ill even go to bed at 2am alot of times and wake up at 6am.

I think it depends on the situation, for this situation i think its wrong not to go. If i heard different reasons like oh theyre going to an expensive place to eat dinner, then doing a show then going out to a club that has pricey drinks and we have to pitch in for a limo then that is different to turn around and say i have no money at the moment for all of that and its understandable.

See for me the Bachelorette will be important bc for ALL the other things such as wedding, shower and whatever else we dont give them our undivided attention and were running all around, this is time with the girls to say thank you for being there for me and just making it about the girls

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you're making it 'all about the girls' but they are the ones paying and re-arranging their schedules to come and do something/go somewhere you chose?

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by Future Mulligan

if a bridesmaid or family member didnt come to something low key - like going to a bar - i would be upset.....how hard is it to come to a bar and have a drink with somebody? BUT if it was a co-worker type person, or not a close friend that didnt make it - i could care less......i just think its a big no-no for family and and close friends to not show up.....unless they have a legitimate reason of course - afraid of being tired the next day - give me a break......ive gone to quite a few parties and weddings on a sunday night and I went to work the next day -----> like a grouchy biatch!!!!

---

see i totally wouldnt be able to do that. . . i am not like that at all - meaning - that if i have work the next day i am NOT going out the night before. But then again, I work M-F only so really it shouldnt be an issue.

dont get me wrong - i have been to all family member's BP and if i am a BM i will be there (within reason)

i am just saying as the bride - i wouldnt mind so much

i guess. . . i just think that other things are more important like teh wedding, the shower, the planning, the chatting etc. that i would let the actual BP slide

---

what if you have a wedding on a sunday?

see for me its no big deal bc i go to bed late on weekdays, ill even go to bed at 2am alot of times and wake up at 6am.

I think it depends on the situation, for this situation i think its wrong not to go. If i heard different reasons like oh theyre going to an expensive place to eat dinner, then doing a show then going out to a club that has pricey drinks and we have to pitch in for a limo then that is different to turn around and say i have no money at the moment for all of that and its understandable.

See for me the Bachelorette will be important bc for ALL the other things such as wedding, shower and whatever else we dont give them our undivided attention and were running all around, this is time with the girls to say thank you for being there for me and just making it about the girls

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if i have a wedding on a sunday i leave early. . . actually FH and I went to a wedding on a Saturdady and he had work at 6AM so we left early anyway - if it were for a family member or something I would take off the next day but for a friend or something I would just leave at a reasonable time

and we definitely have different views on the 'wedding related events' for me everything else is so much more important. Honestly, I didn't really WANT a BP - i feel like hte planning just adds stress and i feel terrible making people spend MORE money on me. . . but i know that my MOH and BMs would be disappointed in me if i didnt have one. . . so that is why my view is a bit different

anyway, back to the OP

i think if you explain to your cousin your side of the story she SHOULD understand. . .no worries!

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by Future Mulligan

if a bridesmaid or family member didnt come to something low key - like going to a bar - i would be upset.....how hard is it to come to a bar and have a drink with somebody? BUT if it was a co-worker type person, or not a close friend that didnt make it - i could care less......i just think its a big no-no for family and and close friends to not show up.....unless they have a legitimate reason of course - afraid of being tired the next day - give me a break......ive gone to quite a few parties and weddings on a sunday night and I went to work the next day -----> like a grouchy biatch!!!!

---

see i totally wouldnt be able to do that. . . i am not like that at all - meaning - that if i have work the next day i am NOT going out the night before. But then again, I work M-F only so really it shouldnt be an issue.

dont get me wrong - i have been to all family member's BP and if i am a BM i will be there (within reason)

i am just saying as the bride - i wouldnt mind so much

i guess. . . i just think that other things are more important like teh wedding, the shower, the planning, the chatting etc. that i would let the actual BP slide

---

what if you have a wedding on a sunday?

see for me its no big deal bc i go to bed late on weekdays, ill even go to bed at 2am alot of times and wake up at 6am.

I think it depends on the situation, for this situation i think its wrong not to go. If i heard different reasons like oh theyre going to an expensive place to eat dinner, then doing a show then going out to a club that has pricey drinks and we have to pitch in for a limo then that is different to turn around and say i have no money at the moment for all of that and its understandable.

See for me the Bachelorette will be important bc for ALL the other things such as wedding, shower and whatever else we dont give them our undivided attention and were running all around, this is time with the girls to say thank you for being there for me and just making it about the girls

---

if i have a wedding on a sunday i leave early. . . actually FH and I went to a wedding on a Saturdady and he had work at 6AM so we left early anyway - if it were for a family member or something I would take off the next day but for a friend or something I would just leave at a reasonable time

and we definitely have different views on the 'wedding related events' for me everything else is so much more important. Honestly, I didn't really WANT a BP - i feel like hte planning just adds stress and i feel terrible making people spend MORE money on me. . . but i know that my MOH and BMs would be disappointed in me if i didnt have one. . . so that is why my view is a bit different

anyway, back to the OP

i think if you explain to your cousin your side of the story she SHOULD understand. . .no worries!

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my view is very similiary to this if not the same

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Posted by irishsweetheart

girls

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you're making it 'all about the girls' but they are the ones paying and re-arranging their schedules to come and do something/go somewhere you chose?

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yeah and you know what i do it for them all the time. For my friends birthday recently me and another friend surprised her with a trip to atlantic city and paid for the whole thing. I havent seen FH for a week and he comes back this friday but i wont even see him bc im gonna go out for a friends birthday. And for my friends bachelorette party we all talked about getting a suite and of course were paying for her and you know what that would be my priority, we have enough notice...so i would make sure to save up money from ahead of time and nothing else would be more important that night so that would be my priority.

and actually i dont chose anything, they will pick it so it will be a day and time that is convenient for all of them, i mean arent bachelorette parties surprises, i know not everyone does that but i will do that. AND i am not comfortable with ppl paying for me, im even the type of person to turn around to a friend if she says she has no money to say ill pay for her...I have 2 younger cousins in college and they dont have alot of money at the moment so i would offer to pay for them. I was even thinking recently about paying for a suite myself, id give my MOH the money and just say here i dont know exactly whats planned but ill pay for this.

AND like i said if its for good reasons then i understand, i said that above, i said if were eating at a restaurant and then going out and if we get a limo that is alot of money so i understand, but to go to porkys is not alot of money...You can do a party package and get open bar while youre there for like $30-40. If someone had something important to do then yes again its fine...i said it a few times in this thread i wouldnt automatically get mad.

a little off topic

i never heard of a surprise bachelorette party until LIW - is that common?

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by Future Mulligan

if a bridesmaid or family member didnt come to something low key - like going to a bar - i would be upset.....how hard is it to come to a bar and have a drink with somebody? BUT if it was a co-worker type person, or not a close friend that didnt make it - i could care less......i just think its a big no-no for family and and close friends to not show up.....unless they have a legitimate reason of course - afraid of being tired the next day - give me a break......ive gone to quite a few parties and weddings on a sunday night and I went to work the next day -----> like a grouchy biatch!!!!

---

see i totally wouldnt be able to do that. . . i am not like that at all - meaning - that if i have work the next day i am NOT going out the night before. But then again, I work M-F only so really it shouldnt be an issue.

dont get me wrong - i have been to all family member's BP and if i am a BM i will be there (within reason)

i am just saying as the bride - i wouldnt mind so much

i guess. . . i just think that other things are more important like teh wedding, the shower, the planning, the chatting etc. that i would let the actual BP slide

---

what if you have a wedding on a sunday?

see for me its no big deal bc i go to bed late on weekdays, ill even go to bed at 2am alot of times and wake up at 6am.

I think it depends on the situation, for this situation i think its wrong not to go. If i heard different reasons like oh theyre going to an expensive place to eat dinner, then doing a show then going out to a club that has pricey drinks and we have to pitch in for a limo then that is different to turn around and say i have no money at the moment for all of that and its understandable.

See for me the Bachelorette will be important bc for ALL the other things such as wedding, shower and whatever else we dont give them our undivided attention and were running all around, this is time with the girls to say thank you for being there for me and just making it about the girls

---

if i have a wedding on a sunday i leave early. . . actually FH and I went to a wedding on a Saturdady and he had work at 6AM so we left early anyway - if it were for a family member or something I would take off the next day but for a friend or something I would just leave at a reasonable time

and we definitely have different views on the 'wedding related events' for me everything else is so much more important. Honestly, I didn't really WANT a BP - i feel like hte planning just adds stress and i feel terrible making people spend MORE money on me. . . but i know that my MOH and BMs would be disappointed in me if i didnt have one. . . so that is why my view is a bit different

anyway, back to the OP

i think if you explain to your cousin your side of the story she SHOULD understand. . .no worries!

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i understand everyone feels differently. And again im not talking about anyone being invited to the bachelorette party id get mad if they didnt come, but a very close friend or family that is different

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Posted by ant n tilde

a little off topic

i never heard of a surprise bachelorette party until LIW - is that common?

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actually that is how its supposed to be

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by irishsweetheart

girls

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you're making it 'all about the girls' but they are the ones paying and re-arranging their schedules to come and do something/go somewhere you chose?

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yeah and you know what i do it for them all the time. For my friends birthday recently me and another friend surprised her with a trip to atlantic city and paid for the whole thing. I havent seen FH for a week and he comes back this friday but i wont even see him bc im gonna go out for a friends birthday. And for my friends bachelorette party we all talked about getting a suite and of course were paying for her and you know what that would be my priority, we have enough notice...so i would make sure to save up money from ahead of time and nothing else would be more important that night so that would be my priority.

and actually i dont chose anything, they will pick it so it will be a day and time that is convenient for all of them, i mean arent bachelorette parties surprises, i know not everyone does that but i will do that. AND i am not comfortable with ppl paying for me, im even the type of person to turn around to a friend if she says she has no money to say ill pay for her...I have 2 younger cousins in college and they dont have alot of money at the moment so i would offer to pay for them. I was even thinking recently about paying for a suite myself, id give my MOH the money and just say here i dont know exactly whats planned but ill pay for this.

AND like i said if its for good reasons then i understand, i said that above, i said if were eating at a restaurant and then going out and if we get a limo that is alot of money so i understand, but to go to porkys is not alot of money...You can do a party package and get open bar while youre there for like $30-40. If someone had something important to do then yes again its fine...i said it a few times in this thread i wouldnt automatically get mad.

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sorry one point i wanted to add to this...You mentioned money but remember that the bride in this particular situation is trying to make it as cheap as possible for the girls...She is pre-gaming at her apt and going to porky's

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by ant n tilde

a little off topic

i never heard of a surprise bachelorette party until LIW - is that common?

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actually that is how its supposed to be

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hmm interesting
i have been in six BPs and in all of them the bride kind of told us what she wanted - some of the BMs planned it out and took care of everything but let the bride know along the way

i already planned out my whole bachelorette party and my MOH booked everything for me - she is actually getting annoyed now bc i am totally micromanaging LOL

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by ant n tilde

a little off topic

i never heard of a surprise bachelorette party until LIW - is that common?

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actually that is how its supposed to be

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actually I've never heard of it until LIW either

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Posted by irishsweetheart

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by ant n tilde

a little off topic

i never heard of a surprise bachelorette party until LIW - is that common?

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actually that is how its supposed to be

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actually I've never heard of it until LIW either

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yeah thats how the tradition is, i never heard of a bride planning it herself until i came on LIW.

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by ant n tilde

a little off topic

i never heard of a surprise bachelorette party until LIW - is that common?

---

actually that is how its supposed to be

---

hmm interesting
i have been in six BPs and in all of them the bride kind of told us what she wanted - some of the BMs planned it out and took care of everything but let the bride know along the way

i already planned out my whole bachelorette party and my MOH booked everything for me - she is actually getting annoyed now bc i am totally micromanaging LOL

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hahaha yeah im staying out of it completely, im gonna offer money to help and infact say that i want to pay my own share, i dont want ppl to pitch in to pay for me.

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Posted by irishsweetheart

even if I DIDN'T plan out my entire BP - the girls who are planning it would specifically plan to do something that I would like to do...

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i hope so, that would be wrong if they did things you didn't like.