Let me start off by saying that I am under another screen name because some family members know my real screen name and I don't want them to know about this!
Here's the background - we dated for 7 years and I was sure we would get married. One day he tells me he can't marry me because he is not sure if there is anyone else out there for him. We decided to 'take a break'. I thought we would get back together eventually and he found someone right away (I think she was waiting in the wings for awhile).
A year after we broke up he calls me asking to see me. Like a fool I agree thinking maybe there is some chance we could patch things up. No. He just wanted me to spend the night. Hurt, and still in love with him, I did.
He called me every few months to 'get together'. One day, I get an idea to plug his name into a registry and sure enough I find out he is getting married! He never told me! I confronted him with this and he admitted it but tells me nothing has to change. We can secretly meet 'forever'.
In the meantime, I met my FH but was still getting called by the EX. I told that him I was with someone and that he is crazy and I would never be unfaithful to anyone the way that he is to his wife! He continued to call - even the night before his wedding! Even after his wife was pregnant! Even after his baby girl was born! Still asking me to meet him!
I know I should tell him off but I just tell him no and wish him the best b/c I think there is something really wrong with him!
My FH knows all of this and of course he wants to call his wife and then call his mother to tell her what kind of a son she raised. I can't let him do this b/c despite everything I don't wish him a bit of harm.
I had to vent to you girls. It is a sensitive topic and there is not many people I can tell. The whole thing drives me crazy! I fear that he will never be out of my life and will continue to think that one day I will crack - but I would never!
Thanks for listening. It feels good getting it all out!
ckgmwedding
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Re: My ex called OMG - long
You poor baby! He obviously has some sort of psychological problems! I would stay out of it and not get involved with the situation any further. Just ignore him for your own safety.
blushingbridetobe
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Re: My ex called OMG - long
So what did he want.. a get together? Honestly, I think you should tell him the next time he calls you... you will call his WIFE!
Something tells me you still have a 'thing' for him...... just a hunch
akaMrsT
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Re: My ex called OMG - long
I've had a similar situation (but not a married ex). Tell him 'hell no' you do not want to hook up with him and to stop calling you or you will consider it harrasment and alert the police. This assumes you really do think he's nuts.
Otherwise, just have FI answer the phone next time he calls and tell him in front of your FI that you are sick of him trying to hook up with you. Letting him know that you told your FI about his crap will likely make him stop.
For God's sake he's married with a daughter and he should be a better role model to her.
christy
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Re: My ex called OMG - long
I think it is time to take a stronger approach. Next time he calls tell him you are never speaking to him again and that you have no desire to have him in your life. When he calls after that I would hang up immediately on him, or pass the phone to your fh. Time to take action, you dont want to be married and still get calls from him!
crazyex
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Re: My ex called OMG - long
NOOOOOO!!!!!! I do not have a thing for him still! 7 years is a LONG time! I was very close to his family. His father died suddenly when we were still together and I think he hasn't gotten over that and it causes him some problems. I guess that is why I feel badly for him and wouldn't want to ruin his life by telling his new wife!
AlliNMatt06
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Re: My ex called OMG - long
Why are you even answering his calls? Where is he calling you? If its on your cell phone, don't answer it, or change your number. I agree with the other post, tell him you will call his wife next time he calls you. How does your FH not get mad!!!!!
kath
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Re: My ex called OMG - long
Someone like this needs to be told to Go Away...or he never will. This will do NO good for you or your relationship. We are all human and what happens if down the line you are fighting with your husband and you feel tempted to 'meet' your ex because of you current situation with your husband. You should get rid of him asap. That is like a cancer to your relationship. And if I were your FH I would be furious at this guy and want you to tell him off. Good Luck to you.
dm24angel
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Re: My ex called OMG - long
he called recently?
I had a similair thing with an EX...found out he had gotten married and never told me( long story) but he hid it WELL...then his wife got PG, had a baby, he still came over in the middle of the day( I used to avoid answering the door) but he'd see my car outside and WAIT...HE called me constantly and still hung around even when he knew I was with FH and in love and I refused to cheat on FH EVER...He knew I would never do anything. I eventually moved and did not tell him and it was the best thing I ever did.
I feel bad for you, Its very hard to let go, but you have to. You really have to end it once and for all, do not answer his calls ever...he will need to move on, and only a LOT of time is going to make this go away for good.
ETA- I never told the wife either, even after she emailed me after finding emails on his PC to me, and my # of his phone. I wasnt at that point 'Doing anything' and I didnt want to hurt her, I wanetd them to stay together, and she had kinda 'taken' him from me, so I didnt owe her anything.
akaMrsT
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Re: My ex called OMG - long
Posted by crazyex
NOOOOOO!!!!!! I do not have a thing for him still! 7 years is a LONG time! I was very close to his family. His father died suddenly when we were still together and I think he hasn't gotten over that and it causes him some problems. I guess that is why I feel badly for him and wouldn't want to ruin his life by telling his new wife!
No need to tell his wife. If he's hooking up with you while married (or even trying) you can best believe he is hooking up with someone once you tell him no way.
My ex does that once in a while - calls to tell me about deaths in his family. Most recently his dog - a very sweet collie. He claimed he called since I liked the dog so much and they had to put him to sleep - but that was crap since I barely liked the dog. Memory gets distorted after all these years. We broke up in November 1997 and he still calls!!?!?!?!
I realize I'm fabulous and he lost the best catch he ever had but geesh.
JPC1125
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Re: My ex called OMG - long
you have to lay it all out to him...he is married with a kid and you are committed....i dont care what anyone says it is near impossible to be just friends with an ex so if you think your are just being friendly with him, you are putting your relationship on the edge and leading him on by talking to him when he calls
tell him to get over it...any problems he has is for his WIFE to help him through
NYtherapist
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Re: My ex called OMG - long
I think you really need to put things in perspective. Try reversing the roles. How would you react if your FI's ex was calling regularly and trying to 'get together' with him? How would you feel if he continued to speak with this woman? Maintaining friendships with those of the opposite sex is fine. Maintaining one with someone who has no interest in a platonic friendship is not.
Perhaps it's the attention that you like. Whatever it is, something, beyond genuine concern, is keeping you connected to this man. A close friend recently ended a long-standing friendship because the man was pursuing her. She explained that she was engaged and that if he couldn't respect that, she couldn't speak with him any longer.
I don't necessarily think that you should get involved with telling the wife, but you do need to find a way out of the situation.
This man is a cheater, plain and simple. There is no doubt in my mind that he has affairs. I don't believe for one moment that you are the only woman receiving this type of attention from him.
When his motive is obvious, why would you continue to speak with him?
If you truly 'fear that he will never be out of [your] life,' cut off communication. Change your phone number(s) and end it once and for all.
I'd never tolerate this if my FI were in your situation.
Dooodles
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Re: My ex called OMG - long
Posted by AlliNMatt06
Why are you even answering his calls? Where is he calling you? If its on your cell phone, don't answer it, or change your number. I agree with the other post, tell him you will call his wife next time he calls you. How does your FH not get mad!!!!!
I agree. There has to be a reason you still answer his calls. Change your number. There is no need to still have him in your life. If it were your FI - how would you feel?
My FI was continuously getting calls from his ex-wife (he ignored the cell calls and couldn't avoid the work calls). No matter what he said to tell her to stop contacting him did not work. He changed his cell number but I got involved and put and end to it!!!
GettingMarried0402
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Re: My ex called OMG - long
Why haven't changed your number??
Your FI may begin to think that maybe you like receiving calls from your EX.
I changed my phone number once because my EX wouldn't stop calling. I did it out of respect to my FI. An EX is an EX for a reasons. There is no reason why you should continue to talk to him and/or feel sorry for him. He has issues. JMO.
Jen2999
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Re: My ex called OMG - long
ughh.. I hope he gets a clue!
akaMrsT
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Re: My ex called OMG - long
Posted by Dooodles
Posted by AlliNMatt06
Why are you even answering his calls? Where is he calling you? If its on your cell phone, don't answer it, or change your number. I agree with the other post, tell him you will call his wife next time he calls you. How does your FH not get mad!!!!!
I agree. There has to be a reason you still answer his calls. Change your number. There is no need to still have him in your life. If it were your FI - how would you feel?
My FI was continuously getting calls from his ex-wife (he ignored the cell calls and couldn't avoid the work calls). No matter what he said to tell her to stop contacting him did not work. He changed his cell number but I got involved and put and end to it!!!
I have never changed my number but some EX's just don't get it so you may have to change your number.
FI gets calls from a lot of ex's but he handles it well. There is still one (from 2001) that called around Christmas and he simply told her he was in Va with his FI - and she said she just called to wish 'us' a Merry Christmas.
I've never met this woman and do not care to meet her though. All I know is she made some NOT FUNNY 'joke' about attending our wedding and objecting to it at that moment in the ceremony. FI told her my BM's and family would murder her on video so she should reconsider crashing.
We did have to threaten one woman with police action (not even an ex just a wanna be girlfriend) and she went away after that.
Ok, I'm taking this thread personal.
Tell the cheating creep to bug off.
LuckyMe
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Re: My ex called OMG - long
I know people like him. It's sad for the other girl(his wife). I would change my phone number. If he didn't have a baby I would call his wife but a baby complicates it all. I wish I could tell you a sure thing to do but I can't. I know that just by being friends with people like him causes problems. I've actually been acused of being the one they were cheating with(oh don't think so), believe me somehow his wife has a clue but might not want to give up on him because of the baby. Good Luck and I hope it all works out for you!
allure
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Re: My ex called OMG - long
Stay strong and keep the faith in you & your marriage
Butterflybride
Posted:
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Re: My ex called OMG - long
I still have an ex that pops by to 'see how I'm doing' every once and a while. We broke up more than 5 years ago. He never got over me despite the fact that he dated other people. Now that he knows I'm engaged and I've clearly moved on (I moved on LONG ago, but he refused to see it) he visits less, but he still comes by every once and a while to catch up. I'm too nice to tell him to '**ck off.' I don't mind sitting and having a conversation every once and a while, but god forbid, if he ever tried anything, his visits would come to an end.
frosty
Posted:
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Re: My ex called OMG - long
I had a somewhat similar situation with one of my exs, although I would never 'get together' with him after we broke up. He would constantly call (even after he got engaged). Whenever he would run into a mutual friend, he would grill them for information on me. I finally stopped answering the phone when he called. He would leave all kinds of messages, but I would never return his calls. I eventually moved and the calls stopped.
As long as he 'thinks' there may be interest on your part (even talking his call may make him think you are interested), he will continue to call. You have the power to end it.
