My friend is getting married a month before me and keeps stealing my ideas - help!
ETurner
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My friend is getting married a month before me and keeps stealing my ideas - help!
Hey everyone!
So the story starts like this..... my friend has been engaged for 10 years. She finally set a date right before i got engaged - knowing i was getting engaged so its a little fishy from the start. Everything was fine - i am in her wedding party and she is in mine, and her finace is in ours and my fiance is in theirs - a couples thing i guess. You would think this would be a fun time - so did i, until she started stealing all our ideas.
First it started with they were going to have a DJ - then they found out we were having a band with a horns section. The following week - they booked a band with a horns section. Whatever, not a big deal.
Then the church. They were getting married at their reception hall, they found out this beautiful church we were looking at - the next week, they booked that church. That got under my skin a little more.
Next - brides maids colors. i told her we were having a deep red, she picked a rusty red. But we have since changed our colors so thats good.
Then what really got me heated was she found out the bridal shop i got my dress - went there and ASKED TO SEE MY DRESS! I wasnt even there!!! Thank god the bridal shop said no, they had a strict policy on that.
I ****** it up and just started to deal with it and my finace and i stopped telling them details. But then yesterday, i emailed the moms and all my bridesmaids just to give a quick introduction of who everyone is. Of course she was included in the email because shes a bridesmaid. That evening, i get a email from her donig the same thing for her bridesmaids - and get this, she used the SAME copy i put in my email!!! I told my girls thank you so much and it means the world to me they are all going to be a part of my wedding and we are going to have a fun year. She used the same words - same everything - even same subject line!!
Needless to say i lost it. I can not deal with her anymore and i do not want to spend my wedding year planning and getting ready with her stealing my every move. My finace and i should be having fun - not getting stressed out because we have to watch what we are saying around her.
HELP! What do i do? Do i tell her its just not going to work out and we shouldnt be in eachothers weddings? Im so confused and want to get this solved fast so we can move on and continue planning.
Thank you for taking the time to read my long post - venting can take a while ;)
soon2bmrsconnolly
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Re: My friend is getting married a month before me and keeps stealing my ideas - help!
I would just stop telling her anything at all. Don't even include her in the email. just tell gher when and where to show up and that's it.
Future Mulligan
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Re: My friend is getting married a month before me and keeps stealing my ideas - help!
i have no advice for you....that really *****!! of course since you are friends you might have similair taste and you might get a similair dress or like the same flowers - but this seems a little extreme! im sorry you are going through this - does this person have a history of acting this way?
Celest
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Re: My friend is getting married a month before me and keeps stealing my ideas - help!
Are you one of our regular posting under an assumed name or a newbie? IF new welcome to the boards.
Now onto the delima. It ***** when anyone take your ideas as their own (bridal or not). HOnesty is the best policy & if you have not said anything up to this point she has felt she could continue.
Say you cherish your ideas & want to put a spin onthings that are uniquely you, but you have clearly noticed how she is doing similar items after you plan yours. Down to the email. Tell her you would be happy to help her in her planning but as anyone would not like... you do not want your ideas taken.
Tell her that the dress thing was unacceptable as well.
This is not a competition & she should not feel the need to one up you. Her wedding should identify with her not you. She may feel intimidated by you & wants to have the same things first before you. That is not how a friend acts like. Shoot that is what you see from the bad competitor at the talent show that steals someone elses routine & goes up first. .. don't you just want to kick that person..lol
So if FH & you both realize this it has got to be obvious to you both & bothers you. just come out & say it, if she is a true friend she should realize what she is doing & back off. UNless you stop it people will keep on taking until you put an end to it
Good luck though. I can imagine how annoying that is
deb08
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Re: My friend is getting married a month before me and keeps stealing my ideas - help!
SO sorry to hear- Just don't say anything about your wedding just let her know what she only needs to know. If it keeps going you may have to cut her loose.
SparkyandAng
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Re: My friend is getting married a month before me and keeps stealing my ideas - help!
If you are ready to completely not be friends with her and her FH and you really don't want her in your wedding than you should tell her. I personally wouldn't be able to do that but I would Definitely not give her details of what I was planning.
ETurner
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Re: My friend is getting married a month before me and keeps stealing my ideas - help!
We did stop telling her information all together - i just never though it would go so far that i would have to leave her out of everything!
See the tricky thing is - we are only friends because my finace and her finace were friends from waaay back. So when i started dating my man, i met her. So it was almost like a forced friendship.
Shes not typically someone i would hang out with otherwise because she is what i like to call a 'One Upper'. Always topping what you say or do - it drives me NUTS and i can't stand people like that.
Shes having a smaller wedding - which it totally cool - but we are having a little larger wedding and when we were talking about bands back in the beginning she said 'We WE'RE not having 200+ people at OUR wedding' my jaw hit the floor - i could not believe she said that! What is so wrong with having a big wedding!?
UGH - she is just getting on my very last nerve
Mrs.C 102608
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Re: My friend is getting married a month before me and keeps stealing my ideas - help!
Are you close enough with her to talk about it? I would either talk to her about it or just not share anymore of you ideas with her. That really ***** that you have to deal with that kind of aggravation. Just don't sweat it, I'm sure you will add those special touches to your wedding and it will be different anyway.
mRm2008
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Re: My friend is getting married a month before me and keeps stealing my ideas - help!
OOOHHHH that is crappy IMO I would not divulge any further info. Just for your own sanity. Offer advice if she asks but don't go into details of what you have planned for your own special day
Celest
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Re: My friend is getting married a month before me and keeps stealing my ideas - help!
Guez you aren't even true friends. Too bad she is in the wedding party! So just call her out... tell her that no one sees your dress unless you give permission & that you wouldn't want anyone to do that to her. & continue to keep stuff to yourself, nobody needs to know all your details anyway. Just keep your closest in the loop. It is easier that way anyway!
Mrs.C 102608
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Re: My friend is getting married a month before me and keeps stealing my ideas - help!
Posted by ETurner
We did stop telling her information all together - i just never though it would go so far that i would have to leave her out of everything!
See the tricky thing is - we are only friends because my finace and her finace were friends from waaay back. So when i started dating my man, i met her. So it was almost like a forced friendship.
Shes not typically someone i would hang out with otherwise because she is what i like to call a 'One Upper'. Always topping what you say or do - it drives me NUTS and i can't stand people like that.
Shes having a smaller wedding - which it totally cool - but we are having a little larger wedding and when we were talking about bands back in the beginning she said 'We WE'RE not having 200+ people at OUR wedding' my jaw hit the floor - i could not believe she said that! What is so wrong with having a big wedding!?
UGH - she is just getting on my very last nerve
I hate 'one upper's' and I understand your frustration. I knew someone once, not neccessarily my friend that would do this to me all the time and it gets so aggravating you want to sceam. When I brought the situation up to her she pretended like she had no idea she was copying my ideas and that it was just a coincidence.
jeanyus27
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Re: My friend is getting married a month before me and keeps stealing my ideas - help!
Jeez, thats a little 'single white female-ish', if you've ever seen that movie. Maybe change some of the things that she's already copied. Like change the horn section to something else even better (sorry i have no ideas for that!) Sorry that she is doing this to you
MayWeddingGrl
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Re: My friend is getting married a month before me and keeps stealing my ideas - help!
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It is rough to have all these great ideas and then have someone use them as their own. I would be pretty P-Oed too if someone started to take all my ideas and use them. I think when it comes down to it, she's probably an insecure person and is jealous of you and FH. Otherwise, why would be make it a point to try to top you.
Asking her to not be apart of the wedding party can be tough though since your FH and her FH are friends... it might end up affecting your relationship after both of you have gotten married. I would just let the other BMs know the deal and keep on doing what you are doing. Don't let her ruin your day!
NapaValleyGirl
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Re: My friend is getting married a month before me and keeps stealing my ideas - help!
I had a similar situation and I just stopped telling this person my ideas. She bought my wedding dress before I bought it. That was the last straw. Then she had the nerve to tell me that she thought that 'any dress under 4k was made poorly.' I said to her 'my friend got a dress at david's bridal and she looks beautiful. How dare you make a stupid comment like that.'
Stop telling her things OR tell her the opposite and see what she does. heee heee heeee
minibride08
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Re: My friend is getting married a month before me and keeps stealing my ideas - help!
WOW! That's a tough one... I've heard from friends that they were in similar situations... I know she's in your BP, but maybe not share too much with her? And, maybe have a talk with her. In person or on the phone- not via email. Maybe she is clueless that this bothers you... you know they say immitation is a form of flattery (although this would piss me off too!!) Good Luck
Butterfly123
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Re: My friend is getting married a month before me and keeps stealing my ideas - help!
Dont tell her ANYTHING anymore. That is just ridiculous! I cant believe she booked the same church. Thats insane!
mariaobride
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Re: My friend is getting married a month before me and keeps stealing my ideas - help!
although it is nice to share ideas it sounds like 'your friend' is competitive with this planning and it truly should be a happy moment- people really get caught up in things for the wrong reasons I would just stop conversing with her about the whole thing and confront her and tell her your true feelings
madseason
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Re: My friend is getting married a month before me and keeps stealing my ideas - help!
Hey hun - May I be completely honest with you -
Think about it for a minute - you are friends right? And friends usually like the same things and compliment eachother.
When it comes to a wedding - you have to remember that as a bride - just because you do something, doesnt mean that she cant.
Yes, it stinks. It really does. But what can you do about it. Seriously - I dont mean to come down as harsh - but you need to think realisticly about this. Your weddings are NOT going to be the same. Same vendors or venues yea maybe - but i promise you they will be completely different!!
Friends need to support eachother - and there is alot to lose here. I regret losing friends throughout this process....and its not worth it. Not in the least. Theres a lot more to a wedding then vendors and churches and halls...and I really think you need to be mature about this and move past it. She is going to do whatever she wants - as she should she is getting married an is entitled to everything the rest of us have. Just as You are too!!!
Theres alot of stress and things coming at you from all directions right now. Take a step back, a deepbreath, and resume planning your biggest day and stop worrying about hers!
CHalk it up to good taste and flattery - but you cant stop someone from doing things, as much as it may stink. But really just relax - and let this blow over. THere are going to be many more things that as the day approaches that are going to rightfully stress you out - and need your attention. Just focus on the day you dreamed of.
hannahshim
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Re: My friend is getting married a month before me and keeps stealing my ideas - help!
omg I am soo speechless right now.. that is just ridiculous... you shouldnt even consider her your friend! if your not THAT close with her then kick her out of the bridal party and dont tell her anything else!! everything she's done seems alittle fishy starting from the beginning.. why would you wait for 10 years to set a date??
Mici n KC
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Re: My friend is getting married a month before me and keeps stealing my ideas - help!
Wow that would get to me too. Just stop telling her anything period. There is nothing else you can do. Oh I would reply to that email saying, 'Nice copy and paste!'
