My Godparent question (continued)

I didn't feel right getting onto the subject in depth and taking away from Claud2001's baby's day but I wanted to discuss the godparenting issue:


I had to delete what I originally typed - I felt like I was ranting too much. I have some issues with my brother and I feel like it would be just for appearances to have him as godfather, yet I don't want to be hurtful either because I think it would be expected.

Re: My Godparent question (continued) - LONG

Elizabeth,

Now I see your story a little more clearly. Now I would go with your gut instinct of Godparents (you said DH's brother for GF right ?). I agree with you on not respecting his lifestyle (for lack of a better word) or style of doing things. If he hasnt even paid for his own son to come visit him, or rarely sees his own son, and that doesnt phase him, then I really would not choose him as GF, and this does seem like a 'politically correct' decision, that you would be making to pick him.. (I vote for not picking him now) his role as father to his son, should me a major factor in painting a picture of the type of GF he will be.

Yikes on the making you pay for food ! WOW, we call my brother 'cheap' but even he would never do that ! WOW, thats bad ! I've known people that had to chip in on the rent money when living at home, or have had to pay for anything in the fridge they wanted, i just cant understand that mindset. I would never ! I also hate when people cry poverty and then are always buying things. makes me sick.

My brother said to my sis and I, 'I hope you guys know, we're not picking any of you (us siblings) as GParents when our time comes, because we figure youre already family, we want to make our FRIENDS part of the family. andhe said this to us about 10 minutes BEFORE my sis asked his wife to be GM !! can you imagine ?? made no sense to me because A) they dont have many close friends that I can see them picking, most of them are HER friends, not his, so I figured that was him speaking as a puppet, his wifes ideas (how do men get so manipulated??) also, for their wedding, they picked
only family as the bridal party, and her reason was 'you dont know if your friends are going to be there all your life, but your family is your family' now doesnt that COMPLETELY contradict the last statement ?? dont worry we all have things that dont make sense in the family.... as they say, to each his own, whatever !!

So my child will be the 4th cousin (my sis has 3), and my SIL said to my sis 'you know your brother is really offended that he hasnt been picked as GF still and this is 4 children ! and I think my sis mentioned what he had said to us, and she just said 'really ? he said that ?' again...whatever.....
when I told them all I was prego, back in Feb, that same day he goes 'so anna, whos gonna be the cumba,huhhhh ??' and he points to himself... andeveryone knows darn well that my twin and her DH are getting this one.... how rude can people be????

I just wanted to share so you dont think youre the only one with these silly predicaments and mentalities !!!

Pick the GParents from the bottom of your heart, and life will go on, I promise !

Re: My Godparent question (continued) - LONG

Elizabeth,

When I had Brandon, we did what was expected traditionally and had my sister and my EX's brother as godparents a decision I GREATLY regret.

When Steve and I are blessed with another child I will do things much differently. I will pick who in our heart would be the best choice, whether it be friend or family.

Go with your heart and who in your and Derek's eyes would be the best choice for you and your baby.

Best wishes and God Bless

Re: My Godparent question (continued) - LONG

You're both so right about not doing something just because it's expected, but instead do it from the heart. If you follow your heart, it's not like you're trying to be hurtful but just true to yourself and your beliefs. I especially dislike the idea of having a child and teaching them the not so fine art of doing something just for appearances.

Re: My Godparent question (continued)

Hi Elizabeth... Picking Godparents is a tough decision. It depends on how close you are with your brother also. We picked my sister as GM and Hubby's brother as GF. My sister lives in SC (we are in NY) so she couldn't take our son to church and BIL hasn't seen the inseide of a church since our wedding. However, our decision wasn't even thought about. DH and I just automatically knew they were it. They each have the biggest hearts and are there for us in a sec whenever we need something or someone for any reason -even to talk. We couldn't have choosen more decent , caring loving and LOYAL people. We knew their influence on our son would be the same. They will always be a BIG part of our lives and this was what made it so easy to be that confident. Hope this helped a little good luck . Let us know what you decide.

Took this off claudes Baptism page

Re: My Godparent question (continued)

My Priest told us the best thing (I wish I would of thought more clearly) He said to TRULLY think about who you decide because once you do you can't change it. I chose one of my Brothers & we had one of his sisters. BIG mistake! His sister is a A**. I liked her the first time I met her but now I can't stand her! (Mind you she lives in Ireland) But she NEVER calls! he does send the occasional card for Holidays & signs it 'GodMother Mary' I wish I could change the decision!!

Re: My Godparent question (continued)

Tracy, I had to laugh at the 'Godmother Mary', that was funny, just sounds weird. About the Godparent bringing the GChild to church, lets face it, thats just something written in books, dont worry so much about that.

Im glad everyone agrees that you have to pick the person from the heart. Picking our best friend, was the BEST decision my sis could have made. I felt like when others were picked in the past (with her other child), their responses were 'AWE, thanks' well her response, my friend this time, was a TEAR JERKER scream of surprise, shock, she was shaking, crying, it was SOOO moving just to see her reaction. It was sooo well worth my driving to queens and staying so late that day ! If my sister would have picked any of her SIL's shed be really annoyed with her decision. I even know people who have picked their MOH because of 'politically correct' reasons, can you imagine???
Family is about how you value and respect eachother. I have BLOOD relatives that I barely know, and that I barely communicate with, mostly for reasons that THEY dont put in their part of the 'family relationship' and then I have close friends and distant cousins that we treat like FAMILY and that treat us like FAMILY.

Elizabeth, so what are you deciding ? Of course we dont want you to ruin your relationship with your brother, but we want your precious baby to have a Godfather that will VALUE, and HONOR that role.

Re: My Godparent question (continued)

I would go with who is in your heart now. A person who has been there for you and a person who you know will be there for your child. My oldest is four and I wanted my bil & sil to be godparents but my husband at the time wanted his sister. He said it has to be the moh and bm. I disagree. So needless to say I did it his way and it was his sister and brother. My younger one has my other sil and brotehr. Do whats in your heart. You'll never regrett it.

Re: My Godparent question (continued)

This has always been an issue in my family-- I have 3 brothers- my oldest brother had 3 daughters and I am not the GM for any(I am the only sister on both sides) My second and third brothers did it the 'right'way- oldest brother and sister down the row--
But one funny thing about wishing you could change the godparents afterwards-- My cousin(who is like a sister to me) wanted to pick me as GM for her second son--but couldnt because they did one from each side--so they picked her husbands sister-- well joe is now 6-- has no relationship with his GM although they see each other(Long story) but last year my cousin decided that I would be Joe's godmother-- so it is funny (in a way) but now he refers to both of us as his GM and now it is the way it was supposed to be--Regardless of my official/unofficial title I will always have a special relationship with him---
And to top it off my oldest brother who never asked my to be GM --expected to be GF to one of my newest twin nieces(but they asked me and my husband) and my brother was hurt-- AS IF-- For the past 9years I have dealt with him and his wife's decision-- and he has said that he 'expects' to be GF to our first--- NOT
OK I will stop rambling but like many of you this is an issue that sometimes causes more problems than it is worth
Laura
POINT:I completely agree that you should go with your GUT--versus what is right