Okay, I got yelled at by my mom that the guest list was too long, and that I needed to get rid of some.
So, begrudingly, I did. I went from 63 guests to 40. Not a huge chunck, but i really don't see how I can remove anyone else.
But now, my parents, and Kev's parents keep adding more guests so our list is now above what it was before I trimmed.
Ugh!
what kills me is i'm being told to remove people that I know for random family members and friends of the family that kevin and i either
barely know or don't know at all.
I know it's 'etiquette' and all but it's just really frustrating...
Current list total: 217... and we still don't have entire lists from my mom or his mom.
I was hoping to invite no more than 185 so that about 150 would show... But it seems the only ones who have to cut their lists is me and Kev..
At this point i'll know about 15 people at my wedding
dm24angel
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Re: My guest list is OUT OF CONTROL!
you went from 67 to 217? Did I read that wrong???
I feel your pain, We wanted 125 max, we have 85 yes's and more then half the rsvp's still out there, a possibility of over 200 people, but we think the no's are holding out till the end, and we might be able to wing it.
Trust me, when I say, CUT the list, you dont want the stress, I freak everyday at the yes's, wondering why I didnt just cut some people, who I didnt know.
DebsNY
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Re: My guest list is OUT OF CONTROL!
Posted by dm24angel
you went from 67 to 217? Did I read that wrong???
I feel your pain, We wanted 125 max, we have 85 yes's and more then half the rsvp's still out there, a possibility of over 200 people, but we think the no's are holding out till the end, and we might be able to wing it.
Trust me, when I say, CUT the list, you dont want the stress, I freak everyday at the yes's, wondering why I didnt just cut some people, who I didnt know.
Sorry I didn't clarify... My list of friends went from 63 to 41...
That was when the total list was about 210, which brought it down to about 190... Which was perfect... 150 was what we were hoping for, but going up to around 165/170 was fine...
Our parents keep adding guests though... which has brought today's total up to 217... And I still am missing a list from FMIL, and my mom.
It's just bugging me that I keep on being told to remove guests, when there are people on their lists that neither me nor FH know, or have seen for years.
I know it's eitiquette, and I know our parents are paying for most of the wedding, but it's just frustrating.
ETA: we have part of FMIL's list, and part of my moms... but not the full list since there are friends/family who we don't know so we couldn't put them on the original list...
angelbear217
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Re: My guest list is OUT OF CONTROL!
I am so sorry to hear about you list issues. It always happens that way. Fh and I decided not to invite as many co-workers as we had intended. Then I ask my mom to revise her list and she cuts like one person and adds another. We're paying for this ourselves and cannot afford to go over 150. I feel your pain!
chachou22
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Re: My guest list is OUT OF CONTROL!
I went from 100 to 170
LadyPrincess
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Re: My guest list is OUT OF CONTROL!
sorry u having the guestt list drawm DebNY... i found too as i take out. others get added net result..... same amount
just keep plugging at it..hopefully it will work to number u can live with
MrsA814
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Re: My guest list is OUT OF CONTROL!
I can understand were you are coming from i can't get my list to end at all
marc_rai
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Re: My guest list is OUT OF CONTROL!
Who's paying for it? You or your parents?? Maybe you can remind your parents how much it is per plate??
I'm still waiting on the guestlist from my parents. I already have only 30 friends on my list (I have a lot of family so I don't mind) but then my mom at one point was talking about inviting my one of my sister's close friends to the wedding. I was like 'EXCUSE ME!!???' If we're going to invite extra people at least let it be one of MY friends.. Sometimes parents are crazy...but ya gotta love them
DebsNY
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Re: My guest list is OUT OF CONTROL!
My parents are paying for most of it, but I did cut my list quite a bit. The thing that's getting me is that as they keep adding more people that i don't know (I have at least 10 people on their list that I've never met, or have met once briefly) I'm being told that i have to cut more of my friends...
And they like to hold the fact that they're paying over my head every chance they get 'Do this or we're not paying for your wedding. I don't care, we're paying for your wedding.'
I swear - it's blackmail!
Don't get me wrong, I know I'm lucky that they're paying, and I really appreciate it, but I'm so glad that this is the last thing they will ever pay for for me so they can't hold anything else over me
simbacat
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Re: My guest list is OUT OF CONTROL!
This is why my FH and I purposely booked a small room (85 people, max). We want to look out into the crowd and KNOW everyone who is looking at us, not people we hardly know. Having a wedding is very expensive and we want to enjoy it as much as possible. We are so grateful that our families are very understanding.
Marisa M
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Re: My guest list is OUT OF CONTROL!
Can you try to talk to your parents about it ? - Parents sometimes use their child's wedding as a way to 'show off' to THEIR friends and the family...forgetting that it's about YOU and FH.......i think it's pretty unfair of your parents and FILs to be inviting people YOU and FH have never met before in place of YOUR friends...........
JBKempf
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Re: My guest list is OUT OF CONTROL!
OMG I know the feeling. Our list was originally going to be around 200 so 175 would show...but we are already over 230 and missing people!!! AHHHH
halfpintny
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Re: My guest list is OUT OF CONTROL!
It's amazing how reality changes things...when I first got engaged my mom said the guest list was only going to be 110 people. Ha Ha Ha...when she actually sat down and started her list it toppeled 100 and that wasn't including FH's side...our goal is 130 but I don't know how that's possible since that would me FH only gets to invite 30-40 (20 people with a guest). I'll keep you posted on the war that will ensue because Mom's attitude is: Well THEY'RE not paying for a thing so they shouldn't even get to invite ANYONE.
I think this is why FH has not given me the 'rough draft list'...so my STDs have been sitting on the table not addressed!!!!
micmar
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Re: My guest list is OUT OF CONTROL!
I know I always think the list will be short, but it definitely has potential to keep growing the more I do one of those 'oh I forgot so & so'
azoodie
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Re: My guest list is OUT OF CONTROL!
BE RUTHLESS DEBS!!!!!!!
just cut cut cut cut until you're happy and can't cut anymore!!!! I'm sure you're can squeeze a few more out?!
We cut our list from 170 to 155 today!!! You can doooooooooooooo it!
Dooodles
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Re: My guest list is OUT OF CONTROL!
Debs, I'm so sorry you are going through this. Have you tried explaining to your Mom how you feel? I know your parents keep throwing at you that they are paying, but you could always tell her if it doesn't calm down, you are going to cancel the wedding and elope!
LuvMyMichael
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Re: My guest list is OUT OF CONTROL!
Posted by azoodie
BE RUTHLESS DEBS!!!!!!!
just cut cut cut cut until you're happy and can't cut anymore!!!! I'm sure you're can squeeze a few more out?!
We cut our list from 170 to 155 today!!! You can doooooooooooooo it!
HELP me do that!!!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeease!!!!!!!!!! Our list is getting outta control, and me & Michael are paying for this ourselves. I can't take it!
useralison
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Re: My guest list is OUT OF CONTROL!
Help help help! My list has gotten to 291! Yep.. 291!!!! And most of the list is my parent's list (yes my father is one of 16 but ... aghhh!) How in the world will we handle this???????????? BTW: What is the % of no's????????
GettingMarried0402
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Re: My guest list is OUT OF CONTROL!
I know what you mean DebsNY. My guest list is out of control too. My original list was not supposed to go over 150 and were now pushing 185. This is very frustrating!!!!!
azoodie
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Re: My guest list is OUT OF CONTROL!
Posted by useralison
Help help help! My list has gotten to 291! Yep.. 291!!!! And most of the list is my parent's list (yes my father is one of 16 but ... aghhh!) How in the world will we handle this???????????? BTW: What is the % of no's????????
okay, you ladies need to CALM DOWN!!!!!!! first of all to answer your question 15-20% is the percentage....BUT, if you don't have a problem as far as your minimum, i wouldn't be concerned with that number# I feel like, if they're invited, I'm responsible for paying for their plate-period....having said that.....
This is how we cut it down:
1. We eliminated guests! I know it was hard, but anyone not in a SERIOUS relationship was cut...tough noughies....
2. We eliminated kids of family friends (i'm not just talking children, I'm talking people my age). That eliminated 6 people right there! We ourselves are not close to these people...they won't be inviting US to the wedding...they're C-U-T CUTTTTTTTT!
3. Eliminate the unnecessary...the, yeah but if we invite him we HAVE to invite her...blah blah blah...if you don't see yourselves conversating with these people, forget it....if you don't even see yourselves sending them a xmas card in a year or two--CUT THEM OUT!!!
4. No children! We are having no children at the wedding. That was easy for us because we don't have any in the family and the only two invited are our two ringbearers. Not many of the people invited have kids to bring anyhow.
so that's the story...Ray and I are paying for the reception so we want as little as possible. This wedding started out as a small romantic affair and we plan on keeping it this way. Even if we had the money to do have 300 we wouldn't. So as far as we're concerned, there are no strangers coming, no one we feel obligated to come only people we love.
Paige-you need to toughen up!!! Start telling people no!!! I know this will be hard especially with the FMIL, but there are ways to work this out.
