Brides Helping Brides ™ - My MOH has no common sense!!! What are your thoughts?

rbjugdarro Posted: Mar 24, 2009 05:17 PM

My MOH has no common sense!!! What are your thoughts?

I just found out that my MOH who is throwing my Bridal shower sent out the invitations with my mother and FH as the ones hosting!!!! My mom didnt want to tell me but felt so upset and worried that she had to tell me. MOH felt shy and bad that it would state her name as the hostess so decided on her own to print up the invitations with my mothers name and FH name. When she showed a sample to my mom, she was very upset and told MOH that she would have to change them being that my MOH was the one throwing the party not her, my mom said at least she could of put her name with my mom but not my FH's name!!!! My mom was even more upset that my MOH didnt even ask her if she would mind using her name instead of hers. When MOH showed the sample to my FH, he also got upset and told her that his name shouldnt be on it since he is not the one throwing the party, told her to fix it. Well my mom called her several times to see if she had them changed but never responded her calls. After my mom tells me the whole story and I flip, mom calls MOH to make sure she didnt send those invites out yet, and guess what? She had already sent them out!!! My MOH felt it was no big deal and assured my mom that I would understand. My mom, in turn, reassured her that NO I WOULD NOT UNDERSTAND, That in fact I would be furious and hurt because it looks like I have no MOH or friends to throw me a party or that my mom couldnt throw a party by herself so she got my FH involved. How could she think that it would be fine to put two peoples names instead of hers when she the one throwing the party!!!!! I cant believe it. She hasnt called me yet and doesnt know that i know all of this. In her mind she thought that since no one knew who she was and that maybe my BM's might be jealous, that she should put my mom and FH's name instead of hers!!!!! How can she fix this when the invites have already been sent? Am I being silly for being upset?

meg922 Posted: Mar 24, 2009 05:23 PM

Re: My MOH has no common sense!!! What are your thoughts?

Whose contact info was used for the RSVP?

I can't really think of anything you can do at this point, but I wouldn't really stress about it. I don't think people will read too much into the 'hosted by' info. Anything you do after the fact will likely only call more attention to it.

rbjugdarro Posted: Mar 24, 2009 05:24 PM

Re: My MOH has no common sense!!! What are your thoughts?

MOH gave my mothers phone number.

KerriJohnS Posted: Mar 24, 2009 05:25 PM

Re: My MOH has no common sense!!! What are your thoughts?

IMHO... Yes I think you re overreacting. If MOH doesn't mind not taking credit for throwing the shower then so be it. She seems like she had good intentions to begin with. I agree it's a bit odd that she put FH name on it... but again, not that big of a deal. Also, there are plenty of showers that are given by the MOB or the families and not the friends. That's normal so i don't think anyone will think you have no friends. It will be obvious to them all that you have plenty of friends... all of whom will be in attendance at the shower.
Not to mention there are plenty of showers that are coed these days. I am even contemplating having guys at my shower. I just want to drink and have fun. If I received an invitation like that I wouldn't think twice about it. And I surely wouldn't pass judgement on someone who sent the invitation.
Also, the purpose of the shower isn't who is throwing it or to show off how many friends you have or family that cares about you. I'm not saying that you feel that way, as I would never imply that without really knowing someone.
I think it's just small potatos if you ask me. JMHO.

MrsDrinkh20 Posted: Mar 24, 2009 05:29 PM

Re: My MOH has no common sense!!! What are your thoughts?

Posted by KerriJohnS

IMHO... Yes I think you re overreacting. If MOH doesn't mind not taking credit for throwing the shower then so be it. She seems like she had good intentions to begin with. I agree it's a bit odd that she put FH name on it... but again, not that big of a deal. Also, there are plenty of showers that are given by the MOB or the families and not the friends. That's normal so i don't think anyone will think you have no friends. It will be obvious to them all that you have plenty of friends... all of whom will be in attendance at the shower.
Not to mention there are plenty of showers that are coed these days. I am even contemplating having guys at my shower. I just want to drink and have fun. If I received an invitation like that I wouldn't think twice about it. And I surely wouldn't pass judgement on someone who sent the invitation.
Also, the purpose of the shower isn't who is throwing it or to show off how many friends you have or family that cares about you. I'm not saying that you feel that way, as I would never imply that without really knowing someone.
I think it's just small potatos if you ask me. JMHO.

I have to agree...the fact that your mom and FHs names are on the invitation does not indicate that you have no MOH or friends. If it does than I guess I have no friends too because as far as I know my MOHs name isnt on there! hehe I think your MOH had the best of intentions and wanted your mom to take credit for the shower and you might want to step back a little bit and rethink how angry you are at her jmo

eta: each bridal shower has a different set of circumstances. For instance, my bridal party isnt really throwing it for me. My mom and sister are doing the majority but regardless i dont think it matter who throws it, ya know?

KerriJohnS Posted: Mar 24, 2009 05:29 PM

Re: My MOH has no common sense!!! What are your thoughts?

I would also like to add that I think it's nice of your MOH to throw the shower for you by herself. Usually it's a little group of people that contribute... so if MOH is going out on a limb to plan this for you... I would cut her some slack.

MrsCastanedain09 Posted: Mar 24, 2009 05:36 PM

Re: My MOH has no common sense!!! What are your thoughts?

I feel bad for your MOH. I feel it's so sweet of her to organize and pay for things...and she's probably shy about people knowing that she has the ability to do this.

Instead, she wants your Mom to be listed as Hostess. That's pretty selfless. You don't hear of that too often.

I think you're over reacting. She didn't mean anything bad by it and no one every reads into these things. Don't get caught up and ruin this for yourself.

rbjugdarro Posted: Mar 24, 2009 05:40 PM

Re: My MOH has no common sense!!! What are your thoughts?

The reason Im upset is because my BM's offer to help her and have contacted her via email, text and calls and my MOH never returns their calls, which is an ongoing problem I have with her since this whole wedding thing started. Instead of calling my BM;s which she all knows, she has her sister and sister in law helping her. The reason she put my mom is not to give her credit, she didnt want to put her own name due to her being shy, which is a stupid reason to me. BM's and even myself can not rely on her for much, even to meet up with her to get the addresses for the invites and the registry cards took a whole month and I had to be after her, and the shower is only days away. She does everything last minute and never returns my moms calls. Lately she has been unreliable and this last thing just pissed me off more.

EsquireBride Posted: Mar 24, 2009 05:41 PM

Re: My MOH has no common sense!!! What are your thoughts?

It is not a big deal.

My mom threw my shower, she invited everyone and planned everything. No one was offended. DH and a close friend helped supply her with the names and addresses of people and DH even did a bit of planning for her since she lives out of town.

FutureMrsG Posted: Mar 24, 2009 05:57 PM

Re: My MOH has no common sense!!! What are your thoughts?

Posted by MrsDrinkh20

Posted by KerriJohnS

IMHO... Yes I think you re overreacting. If MOH doesn't mind not taking credit for throwing the shower then so be it. She seems like she had good intentions to begin with. I agree it's a bit odd that she put FH name on it... but again, not that big of a deal. Also, there are plenty of showers that are given by the MOB or the families and not the friends. That's normal so i don't think anyone will think you have no friends. It will be obvious to them all that you have plenty of friends... all of whom will be in attendance at the shower.
Not to mention there are plenty of showers that are coed these days. I am even contemplating having guys at my shower. I just want to drink and have fun. If I received an invitation like that I wouldn't think twice about it. And I surely wouldn't pass judgement on someone who sent the invitation.
Also, the purpose of the shower isn't who is throwing it or to show off how many friends you have or family that cares about you. I'm not saying that you feel that way, as I would never imply that without really knowing someone.
I think it's just small potatos if you ask me. JMHO.

I have to agree...the fact that your mom and FHs names are on the invitation does not indicate that you have no MOH or friends. If it does than I guess I have no friends too because as far as I know my MOHs name isnt on there! hehe I think your MOH had the best of intentions and wanted your mom to take credit for the shower and you might want to step back a little bit and rethink how angry you are at her jmo

eta: each bridal shower has a different set of circumstances. For instance, my bridal party isnt really throwing it for me. My mom and sister are doing the majority but regardless i dont think it matter who throws it, ya know?

I agree- I think you should let it go.

Mrs. Bernabe Posted: Mar 24, 2009 06:27 PM

Re: My MOH has no common sense!!! What are your thoughts?

Posted by MrsDrinkh20

Posted by KerriJohnS

IMHO... Yes I think you re overreacting. If MOH doesn't mind not taking credit for throwing the shower then so be it. She seems like she had good intentions to begin with. I agree it's a bit odd that she put FH name on it... but again, not that big of a deal. Also, there are plenty of showers that are given by the MOB or the families and not the friends. That's normal so i don't think anyone will think you have no friends. It will be obvious to them all that you have plenty of friends... all of whom will be in attendance at the shower.
Not to mention there are plenty of showers that are coed these days. I am even contemplating having guys at my shower. I just want to drink and have fun. If I received an invitation like that I wouldn't think twice about it. And I surely wouldn't pass judgement on someone who sent the invitation.
Also, the purpose of the shower isn't who is throwing it or to show off how many friends you have or family that cares about you. I'm not saying that you feel that way, as I would never imply that without really knowing someone.
I think it's just small potatos if you ask me. JMHO.

I have to agree...the fact that your mom and FHs names are on the invitation does not indicate that you have no MOH or friends. If it does than I guess I have no friends too because as far as I know my MOHs name isnt on there! hehe I think your MOH had the best of intentions and wanted your mom to take credit for the shower and you might want to step back a little bit and rethink how angry you are at her jmo

eta: each bridal shower has a different set of circumstances. For instance, my bridal party isnt really throwing it for me. My mom and sister are doing the majority but regardless i dont think it matter who throws it, ya know?

ITA...I would just appreciate the fact that she cares and is doing something special for you.

Celeste617 Posted: Mar 24, 2009 06:34 PM

Re: My MOH has no common sense!!! What are your thoughts?

Don't stress over it - I honestly doubt anyone would even notice. Can't say I ever really paid attention to that kind of stuff - only the when and where. And with regards to FH's name being on it, not a big deal - I'm having a co-ed bridal shower, it's fairly common nowadays.

allegracristina Posted: Mar 24, 2009 06:44 PM

Re: My MOH has no common sense!!! What are your thoughts?

I understand how you feel. My mom would be super pissed about this, because she has strong opinions on MOB hosting showers and she would not want her name listed as host. Especially that the RSVPs are now coming to your mom's phone number?? That's just not right. I also think it's just plain weird that she would put your FH's name as a host. It's really nice and great that your MOH is throwing your shower, but it's not right that she sent invites out with your mom and FH's names as hosts. There' s nothing you can really do at this point though. Just let it go....That's what I would do.

xosweetiexo Posted: Mar 24, 2009 06:54 PM

Re: My MOH has no common sense!!! What are your thoughts?

Okay, so after reading everything I have a question for you- if you feel that she is not good at getting back to people and waits until the last minute to do things... then why did you ask her to be MOH? I would have put her as a bridesmaid so that she wouldnt have that much responsibility... Well, there is nothing you can do about it now- and getting mad about it, isnt going to get you anywhere.

I wouldnt just 'let it go' if it bothers you... I would ask her in a nice manner as to why she did this. To me, it really has nothing to do with her being shy and I feel like that is a cop out so I agree with you. It was almost like by her putting you mother's name and number on the RSVP, now YOUR MOTHER has to deal with all of this and its not her responsibility. I would let MOH know that its not fair for her to dump everything on your mom and that you really do appreciate what she has been doing for you- but, that you just dont understand why she did it.

coldasice217 Posted: Mar 24, 2009 07:34 PM

Re: My MOH has no common sense!!! What are your thoughts?

Posted by xosweetiexo

Okay, so after reading everything I have a question for you- if you feel that she is not good at getting back to people and waits until the last minute to do things... then why did you ask her to be MOH? I would have put her as a bridesmaid so that she wouldnt have that much responsibility... Well, there is nothing you can do about it now- and getting mad about it, isnt going to get you anywhere.

I wouldnt just 'let it go' if it bothers you... I would ask her in a nice manner as to why she did this. To me, it really has nothing to do with her being shy and I feel like that is a cop out so I agree with you. It was almost like by her putting you mother's name and number on the RSVP, now YOUR MOTHER has to deal with all of this and its not her responsibility. I would let MOH know that its not fair for her to dump everything on your mom and that you really do appreciate what she has been doing for you- but, that you just dont understand why she did it.

I have to agree here...I do not think that you're overreacting, especially because it shifted a burden to your mother without her consent. Not saying that you're a burden to your mother at all...but I'm sure there would be no issue right now if she had expressed her desire to do this in the first place before just doing it.

kbond06 Posted: Mar 24, 2009 07:59 PM

Re: My MOH has no common sense!!! What are your thoughts?

agreeing with many above

If I were in her shoes, I would have done that as more of a gesture, not as an insult...

My mom's hosting, and I doubt one single guest would think in their heads about my bridal party not 'caring' to host the party...I feel they are all doing a part to make it special

I think she used their names more to honor that they are important women in the wedding and shower

FutureMrsM Posted: Mar 24, 2009 08:17 PM

Re: My MOH has no common sense!!! What are your thoughts?

Honestly, I've never even paid attention to who was hosting the shower...I always just assume its the bridal party and the MOB. In any case, like some of the other posters mentioned, her listing your Mom and FH as the hosts does not indicate in anyway that you have no friends, my Mom and My sister (MOH) are throwing my shower and the rest of the bm's are helping so I wouldn't worry about that. She wanted to plan your shower but was shy about putting her name on the invite, I would leave it alone. IMHO

Sweeteey51 Posted: Mar 24, 2009 08:28 PM

Re: My MOH has no common sense!!! What are your thoughts?

Um maybe its just me but whats the big deal? I dont understand the frustration so what there name is on it, who cares. If i got the invite with your mothers name and fh name on it i wouldnt think you had no moh. your making something thats little a big deal. IMO

MaggieLuvsJoe Posted: Mar 24, 2009 09:21 PM

Re: My MOH has no common sense!!! What are your thoughts?

I'm sorry but I don't get what the big deal is. I just had my shower and it was given by my mother, not because I have no friends but because I am the only daughter and my mother wanted to throw my shower.

To be totally honest with you, I have never heard of the BP or MOH hosting a shower for the bride, I have heard of them giving her extra gifts and doing cute poems or baskets but the Showers I have always been to were hosted by the bride's mother. Then again maybe it's an Italian thing, my family is very italian and wouldn't impose on others that much.

I know many girls on LIW have their showers hosted by their bridal party but that is not always they case, the mother does host it also.

btw...i hope this doesnt offend you in anyway I was just giving you my opinion.

Espo22 Posted: Mar 24, 2009 09:31 PM

Re: My MOH has no common sense!!! What are your thoughts?

Sorry, I also dont see the problem. My mom paid for my shower so it was her name that went on the invite as the host. I feel it is only right if she is paying it should've been like that. Also, i really don't think you should feel like bc its your moms name on the invite that ppl will think you have no friends. I NEVER thought that when i received a shower invite that had a mothers name on it, or sister, etc and not a friends name. I would never think 'oh she has no friends' i would just think her mother wanted to throw her a shower. Nowadays, mothers are throwing showers for their daughters a lot more often, and not necessarily the bridal party. Bridal showers have gotten a lot bigger, theyre not usually held in a house like they used to be and cost sometimes can be too much for bm's, so i see nothing wrong with it. Maybe your fh's name shouldn't have gone on the invite, i will admit that.