My MOH has no common sense!!! What are your thoughts?

Traditionally your mom is not supposed to throw your shower, its considered asking for gifts, and used to be considered inproper etiquette. That was one of the responsibilities of being in the bridal party, and really it still is. But that has long gone out of the window, today a lot of mom's throw the showers and no one really cares (though BPs shouldn't expect that, particularly if the bride's parents are paying for the wedding). I think the bigger issue is having FH's name on it, I don't think that is appropriate. The biggest issue is that she didn't respect your mom's wishes. I don't blame you or your mom for being upset.

But I don't think you can do anything about it now and I don't think you should start a fight over it at this point.

I dont think that its fair that your MOH did that esp if you has your mom taking the RSVP.. sounds like she doesnt really want to do any of the little details involved with the shower but at the same time having your mom's name on the invite doesnt mean you dont have friends

My sis (MOH) and my mom are both throwing me the shower - without the help of my other BMs .. other BMS are all chippng in for a gift for me and anyway, I threw my sis's shower and so its like she is throwing it back for me so I dont think other people will think that my BMs didnt want to

I gotta agree with the ladies that dont see what the big deal is? It sounds to me like you have some form of regret in making her your MOH so now your just looking for reasons to justify that belief. You have some form of resentment there brewing so every lil thing she does will send you off in a fit if isnt the way YOU would do it. BUT you have to remember you made her your MOH for a reason right? Shes your BF? You love her? You trusted her with this responsiblity? Dont forget that. I mean clearly shes your MOH because she is someone special to you. I wouldnt think for one second that you dont have friends because your mom's name is on the invite as a hostess. Maybe thats a complex you have but she isnt implying that with the invitation. And no one is sitting there going OMG CAN YOU BELIEVE HER MOTHER IS HOSTING THE BRIDAL SHOWER?! THAT POOR GIRL MUST HAVE NO FRIENDS!

Im not trying to be offensive to you or belittle your feelings but I think there is something more to it and its not this that is sending you over the edge, its other things and this is just an excuse to flip on her. AND honestly, if you flip on her for this your not going to come out sounding right.

The only error in judgement on her side that I can see is having your mom be the RSVP to reply to and she didnt ask your mom if that was ok. To me THATS rude.

but maybe you should think about whats really bothering you about her and just TALK to her calmly about it. Remember shes your friend you love her.
THere is going to be SOOO mcuh more to stress about dont let this get to you.

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Posted by KerriJohnS

IMHO... Yes I think you re overreacting. If MOH doesn't mind not taking credit for throwing the shower then so be it. She seems like she had good intentions to begin with. I agree it's a bit odd that she put FH name on it... but again, not that big of a deal. Also, there are plenty of showers that are given by the MOB or the families and not the friends. That's normal so i don't think anyone will think you have no friends. It will be obvious to them all that you have plenty of friends... all of whom will be in attendance at the shower.

Also, the purpose of the shower isn't who is throwing it or to show off how many friends you have or family that cares about you. I'm not saying that you feel that way, as I would never imply that without really knowing someone.
I think it's just small potatos if you ask me. JMHO.

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I totally agree...Hi Kerri

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Posted by FutureMrsG

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Posted by MrsDrinkh20

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Posted by KerriJohnS

IMHO... Yes I think you re overreacting. If MOH doesn't mind not taking credit for throwing the shower then so be it. She seems like she had good intentions to begin with. I agree it's a bit odd that she put FH name on it... but again, not that big of a deal. Also, there are plenty of showers that are given by the MOB or the families and not the friends. That's normal so i don't think anyone will think you have no friends. It will be obvious to them all that you have plenty of friends... all of whom will be in attendance at the shower.
Not to mention there are plenty of showers that are coed these days. I am even contemplating having guys at my shower. I just want to drink and have fun. If I received an invitation like that I wouldn't think twice about it. And I surely wouldn't pass judgement on someone who sent the invitation.
Also, the purpose of the shower isn't who is throwing it or to show off how many friends you have or family that cares about you. I'm not saying that you feel that way, as I would never imply that without really knowing someone.
I think it's just small potatos if you ask me. JMHO.

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I have to agree...the fact that your mom and FHs names are on the invitation does not indicate that you have no MOH or friends. If it does than I guess I have no friends too because as far as I know my MOHs name isnt on there! hehe I think your MOH had the best of intentions and wanted your mom to take credit for the shower and you might want to step back a little bit and rethink how angry you are at her jmo

eta: each bridal shower has a different set of circumstances. For instance, my bridal party isnt really throwing it for me. My mom and sister are doing the majority but regardless i dont think it matter who throws it, ya know?

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I agree- I think you should let it go.

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ita too! i really think you are overreacting to this. if she's shy, she's shy. it's not easy trying to plan things like this and if she's bad a communicating, that does complicate things, but if you make a big deal, you could hurt her and others and then the occasion itself would be ruined, and that would be much much worse! jmo

eta: and since she put your mom's name/#, if/when people call, to shift the burden back, can't your mom just give them your MOH's number? i know it stinks that your mom has to receive RSVPs now, but honestly, my mom is helping plan mine so maybe it won't be that bad. your MOH is still planning it. i kinda feel bad for her, maybe she's just really bad at planning things and made a couple of blunders?

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Posted by rbjugdarro

The reason Im upset is because my BM's offer to help her and have contacted her via email, text and calls and my MOH never returns their calls, which is an ongoing problem I have with her since this whole wedding thing started. Instead of calling my BM;s which she all knows, she has her sister and sister in law helping her. The reason she put my mom is not to give her credit, she didnt want to put her own name due to her being shy, which is a stupid reason to me. BM's and even myself can not rely on her for much, even to meet up with her to get the addresses for the invites and the registry cards took a whole month and I had to be after her, and the shower is only days away. She does everything last minute and never returns my moms calls. Lately she has been unreliable and this last thing just pissed me off more.

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being shy isnt a stupid reason... if she is shy then she is shy...i agree with everyone else, this isnt a big deal.

you should be happy that she is planning anything for you.

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Posted by meg922

Whose contact info was used for the RSVP?

I can't really think of anything you can do at this point, but I wouldn't really stress about it. I don't think people will read too much into the 'hosted by' info. Anything you do after the fact will likely only call more attention to it.

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ITA. I have had a few showers in the past year and to think of it, I can't tell you who hosted them.

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Posted by lizzie217

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Posted by KerriJohnS

IMHO... Yes I think you re overreacting. If MOH doesn't mind not taking credit for throwing the shower then so be it. She seems like she had good intentions to begin with. I agree it's a bit odd that she put FH name on it... but again, not that big of a deal. Also, there are plenty of showers that are given by the MOB or the families and not the friends. That's normal so i don't think anyone will think you have no friends. It will be obvious to them all that you have plenty of friends... all of whom will be in attendance at the shower.

Also, the purpose of the shower isn't who is throwing it or to show off how many friends you have or family that cares about you. I'm not saying that you feel that way, as I would never imply that without really knowing someone.
I think it's just small potatos if you ask me. JMHO.

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I totally agree...Hi Kerri

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Aww Hi!

This just all seems odd. If she is throwing the shower her name should be on the invite as the RSVP contact period. What the hell does being shy have to do with taking RSVP's?

1)She should have at least checked with your mom before putting her name and contact info on the invite and def before she printed and MAILED them... Your mom would have started getting calls randomly without a heads up.

2) FH's name? WHAT IN THE HELL????? I am sorry but that makes no sense. I assume this isn't a couples shower, and even it it was, the couple themselves don't typically host their own shower. Showers are traditionally an all female event. At best she could have put your moms name AFTER talking to her about it first.


Contrary to some, I agree with you, this lacked common sense and forethought IMO

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Posted by 9509Bride


Contrary to some, I agree with you, this lacked common sense and forethought IMO

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Well, I agree that it lacks common sense and forethought ... but I don't think I would be quite as upset. I think it's something that would make me but I don't think I would be either.

(Love these emoticons ... )

I have two words for you:

MOMZILLA & BRIDEZILLA!

Ok, sorry to be harsh, but you are really overreacting! She is being nice enough to throw you a party. You all should respect her wishes, not care more about 'what people are going to think'.
Seriously, at least you are gettting a party. Some brides here arent even getting a party from their MOH!

Sorry again for being harsh .. Tough Love

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Posted by FutureMrsM

Honestly, I've never even paid attention to who was hosting the shower...I always just assume its the bridal party and the MOB. In any case, like some of the other posters mentioned, her listing your Mom and FH as the hosts does not indicate in anyway that you have no friends, my Mom and My sister (MOH) are throwing my shower and the rest of the bm's are helping so I wouldn't worry about that. She wanted to plan your shower but was shy about putting her name on the invite, I would leave it alone. IMHO

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ita

Funny how nothing is a big deal when it happens to someone else......I am a self proclaimed Showerzilla and proud of it. IMO She is not ungrateful because she took exception with how her invites were handled. Yes, I agree there are bigger things to worry about but clearly this is something that upset her and she choice to voice her opinion on the matter.

A simple phone call could have cleared this issue up. When you agree to be a MOH no you are not the brides slave BUT you do have certain duties, did she not know this? It kills me when people act like you are WRONG for wanting YOUR day and the associated events to be a certain way. This is exactly why I planned my own shower. I am a firm believer in the adage...'if you want something done right, do it yourself.'

I have to say, I feel compelled to step in here to play devil's advocate and defend the OP.

I don't think this is a matter of being ungrateful, or a bridezilla, or anything like this. I think it's simply a matter that she is upset because her mother is clearly upset about the way that the situation was handled, and I would agree with those sentiments. I don't think that she thought herself that it would imply she has no friends, but more that she is upset that her mother thought that. Correct me if I am wrong, but this is the way that I interpreted it.

It's easy to start piling, and that's not completely fair either. If you really wouldn't care, that's awesome, but if someone does care, sometimes it's better to just say, aww, I'm sorry you're going through this, than to say you're an overreacting bridezilla.

Just my two cents here. Sorry if nobody agrees.

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Posted by MaggieLuvsJoe


To be totally honest with you, I have never heard of the BP or MOH hosting a shower for the bride, I have heard of them giving her extra gifts and doing cute poems or baskets but the Showers I have always been to were hosted by the bride's mother. Then again maybe it's an Italian thing, my family is very italian and wouldn't impose on others that much.

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I'm not Italian, but I am in the same camp. Where I live (in Queens) I have never heard of the MOH or BP paying for the shower- it's ALWAYS the MOB that pays/hosts and the BP buys a lot of gifts and extras that aren't from the registry- as well as being in charge of games and stuff.

I am defninitely aware that the BP paying/hosting is a tradition that's out there- but use the fact that it goes either way to YOUR sdvantage, you know? It's so funny b/c if I got a shower invite that WASN'T from the MOB it would stick out to me as odd- and it's not like we are from different countries haha or even different states.

So, the mom part don't sweat- the FH part though I have to admit is kind of odd. I might feel like it would make people think my family couldn't or wouldn't pay for it. On the other hand maybe I would think aww her FH helped! How sweet! IDK, but I can see ur point about the FH part- it's def. a little striking.

Also, it's weird that she showed your mom a sample but already mailed them- like what was the point then? Not to start more trouble but I would guess that she hadn't mailed them yet when she showed your mom but mailed them anyway even though she knew how upset your mom was...

Take a deep breath and just chill out. The shower is totally and completely out of your hands, so there's really no point in stressing about it. Plus, the invites are already out. Personally, I would thank my MOH for all that she's doing. I think it's really nice of her to go out of her way to plan your shower.

It's not worth getting caught up in these little details. Just enjoy the big picture and be thankful that anyone wants to throw a shower for you.

I'd also add that I have no idea who threw any of my friend's showers that I've been to. Nobody really pays attention to that.

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Posted by 9509Bride

Funny how nothing is a big deal when it happens to someone else......I am a self proclaimed Showerzilla and proud of it. IMO She is not ungrateful because she took exception with how her invites were handled. Yes, I agree there are bigger things to worry about but clearly this is something that upset her and she choice to voice her opinion on the matter.

A simple phone call could have cleared this issue up. When you agree to be a MOH no you are not the brides slave BUT you do have certain duties, did she not know this? It kills me when people act like you are WRONG for wanting YOUR day and the associated events to be a certain way. This is exactly why I planned my own shower. I am a firm believer in the adage...'if you want something done right, do it yourself.'

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wow

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Posted by gina409

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Posted by 9509Bride

Funny how nothing is a big deal when it happens to someone else......I am a self proclaimed Showerzilla and proud of it. IMO She is not ungrateful because she took exception with how her invites were handled. Yes, I agree there are bigger things to worry about but clearly this is something that upset her and she choice to voice her opinion on the matter.

A simple phone call could have cleared this issue up. When you agree to be a MOH no you are not the brides slave BUT you do have certain duties, did she not know this? It kills me when people act like you are WRONG for wanting YOUR day and the associated events to be a certain way. This is exactly why I planned my own shower. I am a firm believer in the adage...'if you want something done right, do it yourself.'

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wow

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double wow